Cheated on once, going to prom with another?

[savant]

I need help. My girlfriend and I have been dating 7 months now; and we have a really really strong communication, able to talk to each other; able to understand and relate as well. She's a little naive at times, in she doesn't know how to say no to people because she doesn't like to hurt them; but she doesn't like to hurt me either-more importantly. We've talked about all of this, but it's a recurring issue.

 

about 2 months and a half ago, her parents were trying to pressure the thought of her experimenting with other guys and not entering a serious relationship...she didn't want to and we worked through that; however, she was getting close to this kid and closing off to me; cause she saw traits in him that reminded her of me - told him and he fed off of it. he made her a bet in which she lost that the deal was she would have to kiss him. I said "okay" in respect that, I was pissed, but it would be an experience for her and possibly help her appreciate what we have more. well...she did and it went a little farther, in him feeling her up and trying to get her to go down on him (which she said started to give him a handjob, but said she couldnt' do it and stopped). She held it from me cause she didn't think I wanted to know "because I didnt' ask." We discussed that situation and learned from it.

 

She keeps saying it won't happen again, and that it's a learning experience. Our relationship is based off of unconditional love and trust. However, that trust was damaged, yet I chose to trust again. and a couple weeks ago, she was hanging out with an old friend , who asked her to prom. She said yes without asking my opinions and including me on our decision...and it seemed like she was closing up to me, therefore I started going into "defense mode." She sensed that and went into defense mode herself...I associated her closing up with me to the previous time (with the other guy) where she closed up to me and opened up to him...again, we talked about this and came to an understanding, we're both learning at the same time. So she asked me the other day, with nothing set in stone; and i said "yea." Then she mentioned how they have cedar point after...grant it she's a junior going as this kids friend: this kid, however, likes her and is having sex with another girl/talking to her all the time. Why doesn't he take her? Because he "wants to have a good time, because his ex will be there.." okay, fine. However, as of late, it seems as though he's trying to impose himself and put himself in my position to be with her, by calling all the time, avoiding the topic of prom and trying to get her to go out all the time and spend more time with him.

 

I have faith in her and wont' leave her because of her faults. I have faults myself. However, as of late, it seems as though jealousy is raging inside of me. How do I give up the past, give up the feelings of jealousy, and just overcome my objections? We've talked about this inside and out, and I know that I need to keep talking about it, but it seems like redundant, because we come to solutions and compromise, but it's still there..

 

also, she doesn't have attractions to this kid, but she made mention that in order for her to change things of herself, she should start by stopping talking to him; because of possibilities of her liking him for the traits that remind her of me...

 

gah..i'm so lost at this moment...I just want to release the negative feelings, the feelings that switch from positive to negative to being positive. How do I go about doing that? we've talked and talked..and we comfort each other; Maybe it's the lack of sleep that's making me edgy? I dont' know. She's really a straight foward, kind person. But how do I help her in not being so naive...she does want to change, and I can't be controlling, even if I tried. How can she learn to just say 'NO' to people, in anything? She's easily persuaded; which she admits to. I need guidance. We both want to take the steps necessary to develop a healthy/open/intimate relationship, and i'm willing to forgive, but I need help in turning it completely positive and not dwelling on negativity. also I need help wth the prom issue. People ask "why is she going with someone else?", others say "Prom is fine, but not cedar point," etc. My prom only had a dance and nothing else, so I don't know what anythings like.

[Papillon]

Teach her to say "no" to YOU, and support it actively. That way, you will show her that it's OK to have boundaries that others have to respect. If she can learn that in the safety of your relationship, then you guys will be fine.