TigerCub Posted January 26, 2011 Share Posted January 26, 2011 You gotta do what you gotta do to keep yourself sane, but lets not pretend that dumping her over something in her past like anal is about "standards" its about insecurity. Thank you!! You took the words right outta my mouth. Link to post Share on other sites
TigerCub Posted January 26, 2011 Share Posted January 26, 2011 So you do think less of her, not just that you are incompatible. From the posts its clear that if she had AT LEAST regretted and was ashamed that she did it, then that's easier to get past, but the fact that she liked the act and didn't show any shame or remorse - well then, she's a lower class of people than him Link to post Share on other sites
zengirl Posted January 27, 2011 Share Posted January 27, 2011 She's not pressuring me and has not even broached it with me/us. But in speaking about it she let me know that it was something to be considered and enjoyable - that is what I mean by her current view. Do you ever say you're not into it to her? Or just nod when she talks about it? What do you say? I'm just curious at this point. I understand fully that you (and others) are not saying I need to change it and I appreciate that. A comparison might be something like littering, for example. (I know, I know, someone will now say, "What? How can you compare something bad for the environment with a loving, natural act of pleasure???? " - although I suspect that the smell might be similar). I don't litter, don't like it and have a dislike for those who litter. Littering infringes on the rights of others, so making it illegal makes sense. So, yeah, I don't get the comparison. I guess I could change that view, somehow and for some reason, but I don't think at this stage of life I am going to re-train my brain-patterns/beliefs, etc. I am who I am and like my values. Weird. You never change? You don't evolve? Even if it were to infringe upon your happiness, you'd stay exactly the same? I guess that goes against MY values. But, to each their own. And, as I said, I think you can break up with anyone for any reason, but the good reasons are --- it will further your own happiness more (in the long run) to do so. That should be the goal, I think. Glad you feel good about your decision. Link to post Share on other sites
TigerCub Posted January 27, 2011 Share Posted January 27, 2011 Second, Tigerclub just get off. Clearly you are on a mission to make the op change his mind and all of sudden be ok with this. What do you think that you will win here? I certainly don't want him to change his mind about her. I said it in an earlier post that it probably is best if they're not together because they're not compatible sexually and she'd get bored with his vanilla style sex. So why don't you learn to read before you make your stupid assumptions about the motivations behind my replies. This guy is pissed that she enjoyed the act and that she wasn't ashamed and because of that he implies that dumping her shows that he has standards?!! that's just so narrow minded. Link to post Share on other sites
Distant78 Posted January 27, 2011 Share Posted January 27, 2011 You gotta do what you gotta do to keep yourself sane, but lets not pretend that dumping her over something in her past like anal is about "standards" its about insecurity. It's not about insecurity, it's about standards. People break up with folks over a lot of different things. At least he broke it off before they started getting into bad arguments about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Distant78 Posted January 27, 2011 Share Posted January 27, 2011 she'd get bored with his vanilla style sex. So pussy-****ing is vanilla style sex? Wow, that's new. At least it's better than having doo-doo on my dick. Link to post Share on other sites
Distant78 Posted January 27, 2011 Share Posted January 27, 2011 Holy crap all the people making a big deal about this are crazy. First off the person that said we can choose what we will allow to bother us is full of s***. Second, Tigerclub just get off. Clearly you are on a mission to make the op change his mind and all of sudden be ok with this. What do you think that you will win here? Also, this is not about insecurity, I know a few douche bags and a few girls want to believe that but its not. You guys want to believe it because you probably are not bothered by it and you do want to believe that someone maybe bothered by your choice of sexual activities. Trying to convince someone that their standards are insecurities is a sign of being insecure. Some people really are turned off by this. One of my good buddies gets turned off by girls that have kissed other girls, its just his thing Really good points here. Link to post Share on other sites
zengirl Posted January 27, 2011 Share Posted January 27, 2011 Holy crap all the people making a big deal about this are crazy. First off the person that said we can choose what we will allow to bother us is full of s***. Well, I think people who choose to take such little control of their own lives that they consistently LET things bother them that they don't choose to let bother them and have no ownership in choosing their own values are full of ****. Which is not to say I think his breaking up with her was wrong. Just his acting like this is a value that was arbitrarily thrust upon him, rather than something he owns and chooses to keep. It's not about insecurity, it's about standards. People break up with folks over a lot of different things. At least he broke it off before they started getting into bad arguments about it. I think standards only relate to things that have a clear good/bad. This is just a difference. Link to post Share on other sites
TigerCub Posted January 27, 2011 Share Posted January 27, 2011 So pussy-****ing is vanilla style sex? Wow, that's new. At least it's better than having doo-doo on my dick. Its certainly not, but if someone is condemning another for being adventurous and not feeling shame about their sexual expression, then I'd highly doubt that they would be open to sexual exploration or trying anything new and exciting - so yeah in that case it would be just boring missionary in the dark kinda sex... Not everyone wants doo-doo on their dick (hence the use of condoms ), and I'm not saying that everyone should want it, but rejecting someone merely for the fact that they enjoyed an experience like that seems quite prudish and judgmental. Link to post Share on other sites
Distant78 Posted January 27, 2011 Share Posted January 27, 2011 While I totally agree with this. Anal is pretty darn commonplace these days. So you do come off a bit extreme. Just some words of wisdom, as you age if you follow the path that most do you'll experiment to keep it fun and fresh, and anal is a whole new realm of fun. Once you get past the OMG poop was here, it's all uphill. Forgot to respond to this. I'm not coming off extreme. It's something I would never do and it's unhealthy. You're sexual preferences are different than mine, that's all. Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted January 27, 2011 Share Posted January 27, 2011 I think if you care about or respect her at all you should tell her that you no longer want a future with her because she had anal sex. Just be honest. Be yourself. I think you will find she will be able to move on much more easily having been told the truth about the break up. Link to post Share on other sites
Distant78 Posted January 27, 2011 Share Posted January 27, 2011 Its certainly not, but if someone is condemning another for being adventurous and not feeling shame about their sexual expression, then I'd highly doubt that they would be open to sexual exploration or trying anything new and exciting - so yeah in that case it would be just boring missionary in the dark kinda sex... I love missionary and other sexual activities but just no anal. He has different sexual preferences than other folks. I don't think others are boring if the only sex they do is BJs and missionary. Nothing wrong with "playing it safe.":) Not everyone wants doo-doo on their dick (hence the use of condoms ) I hate rubbers. Can't feel anything with those gloves. and I'm not saying that everyone should want it, but rejecting someone merely for the fact that they enjoyed an experience like that seems quite prudish and judgmental. I don't see it that way. Just seeing it as someone who wants someone on his level. At least he's tried to accept it but it's understandable if he can't take it. Link to post Share on other sites
TigerCub Posted January 27, 2011 Share Posted January 27, 2011 I hate rubbers. Can't feel anything with those gloves. haha- yeah you and every other man condoms certainly aren't the same as the real thing - but its all about being safe sometimes I don't see it that way. Just seeing it as someone who wants someone on his level. At least he's tried to accept it but it's understandable if he can't take it. I agree that if they're not compatible sexually then it really is best not to be together. If that's what you mean by "someone on his level", then I completely agree. I think that my problem with the way he posted is that he made it seem like she's not "on his level" in the sense that she's beneath him, that because she did something not totally in the norm sexually and god forbid, she actually enjoyed it, that she's dirty and is a tramp and that dumping her meant that he "has standards" and that she doesn't. I just found that extremely harsh and narrow minded. That's pretty much it... At the end of the day - different strokes for different folks Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted January 27, 2011 Share Posted January 27, 2011 So pussy-****ing is vanilla style sex? Wow, that's new. If vag sex isn't vanilla, what is? Nothing wrong with vanilla. Vanilla is super delicious. Others like to enjoy other flavors now and then. Link to post Share on other sites
Distant78 Posted January 27, 2011 Share Posted January 27, 2011 If vag sex isn't vanilla, what is? Nothing wrong with vanilla. Vanilla is super delicious. Others like to enjoy other flavors now and then. What about strawberry flavor? Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted January 27, 2011 Share Posted January 27, 2011 What about strawberry flavor? No strawberry. It's degrading Link to post Share on other sites
Author GolightlyD Posted January 28, 2011 Author Share Posted January 28, 2011 Well, I think people who choose to take such little control of their own lives that they consistently LET things bother them that they don't choose to let bother them and have no ownership in choosing their own values are full of ****. I think standards only relate to things that have a clear good/bad. This is just a difference. Years ago, the consideration of anal sex came into my thinking. At that time (whenever that was), it struck me as unappealing, distasteful and not something I wanted to ever explore. I thought about it somewhat (but not in depth) since then and even watched a little porn (in an effort to be open minded about it) and none of that swayed my sentiment. I never had to seriously consider engaging in it because every female I have dated has apparently been into vanilla so it just never arose as a topic. This analyses occurred well before it bothered me with this woman. So now, yes, I could (I guess) say, "Well, I am not going to let this bother me, I am going to change the thing that I realized years ago was distasteful," but to me that makes no sense to undo something that I have thought about - almost in a sense brain-wash myself into another way of thinking. I am sure we will never really agree, Zengirl so I don't know what else to say. I don't think it's a thought that is thrust on me - any more than my lack of desire to have homosexual sex. It's just not part of my life or who I am and that is the choice I made recently. When it came up with the woman in question in this thread, the topic came up - not as between us, but with regard to another friend of hers talking about it. And her comments followed along the lines of how she too had participated in it and liked it. She never asked how I felt about it then or any time that we were intimate. Some day she may have asked, or may not have. I will never know and don't care too. I did not dump her just because of that and it did not make me angry that she had it or that she enjoyed it, anger was not at all the emotion that it evoked. I did not think she was a dirty tramp at all. Just different view from my own on a topic that was of significance to me in a very personal part of my psyche. BillyBoy can opine all he wants about insecurity but that is just plain wrong (your disagreement is noted). I disliked it well before I ever met her; the relationship with her brought those thoughts to the forefront. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 Agreed, but her tone and expression spoke volumes. She was into it and she was taking kind of a "don't knock it till you try it" tone when we talked about it. I was so broadsided at the time - never spoke with a female who was into that - that I just didn't know how to respond or what to say and she has never asked my opinion. I think she's sensed since then that I am more conservative in that way (not to say I am a prude, either) and I think that she would be interested in doing it with me if I suggested it. The point being that if she mentioned it with some sort of tone or regret, it surely would have a different impact on me. But she kind of just volunteered the information, I guess thinking that all guys would want to hear that....but yikes. You're too sexually conservative for her (nothing wrong with that). That will lead to problems. Just break up with her. No need to say why, may make her feel bad for doing something that's no big deal. i agree you two are mismatched. unless you can open your mind and eliminate your meaning you have assigned to anal sex- you will only be short changing her by not engaging in sex the way she enjoys it. that isn't enough if she enjoys it the way you say she does. kind of like if you LOVED getting a BJ - and it repulsed her to the point that she would NEVER consider giving you what you enjoy. just tell her honestly that you can't see her anymore because you two are mismatched and you have her best interest in mind... OR open your mind so it includes anything being possible. let go of that that assigned meaning that tends to ruin anything fun. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 So pussy-****ing is vanilla style sex? Wow, that's new. At least it's better than having doo-doo on my dick. when done right... and you are educated about how this works - there is no doo-doo on your dick. you might try educating yourself before you speak of an area you aren't well versed in. either way... it's extremely sanitary when a person is aware of how/when their body functions. never should it be ideal before a bm... IF someone is "regular" like each morning... then ideally the anal sex is the cleanest about an hour after that bm. no need to worry about what might get on your pecker if your gal knows her own body. educate yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Distant78 Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 when done right... and you are educated about how this works - there is no doo-doo on your dick. you might try educating yourself before you speak of an area you aren't well versed in. either way... it's extremely sanitary when a person is aware of how/when their body functions. never should it be ideal before a bm... IF someone is "regular" like each morning... then ideally the anal sex is the cleanest about an hour after that bm. no need to worry about what might get on your pecker if your gal knows her own body. educate yourself. The ******* is one of the most nastiest parts of the body so me sticking it in there I'm already getting my dick infected. You can try to "schedule" ass sex all you want but humans need to take a dump at least once a day and that'd be even stupid to even try an hour after they sat their bums on the toilet. Maybe you're the one that needs health class again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author GolightlyD Posted January 28, 2011 Author Share Posted January 28, 2011 (edited) then ideally the anal sex is the cleanest... You mean "least fowl." ...unless you can open your mind and eliminate your meaning you have assigned to anal sex open your mind so it includes anything being possible. let go of that that assigned meaning that tends to ruin anything fun. Okay, so let's follow your logic: I should open my mind, engage in and like anal sex. Why not also homosexual sex, bukkake, orgies, bestiality, domination scenarios, necrophilia, etc.? Should I try any or all of these? What if I do and then regret it? What do I do then, tell myself that I just have a closed mind and try something else? At what point in that list will it be okay, according to you, for me to draw a line w/out running the risk of having a closed mind (by your definition)? And what if I stop where you decide and someone else comes along and says that I should open my mind and try the next thing? Perhaps you should try to understand that some things are just not a person's preference. I think it's far healthier to respect that and the fact that a person is in touch with his inner thoughts and feelings and boundaries. Many people live in an experimental way and then deal with the regret and rebuilding of their psyches. (And I don't just mean sexually.) I knew a girl in college who had an "open mind" to being the object of a gang-bang. Years of therapy later, she came to terms with it but it was painful for her. Poor closed minded girl, that's all. Edited January 28, 2011 by GolightlyD Link to post Share on other sites
Author GolightlyD Posted January 29, 2011 Author Share Posted January 29, 2011 (edited) This was a repeat post so I deleted it. Edited January 29, 2011 by GolightlyD Repeat post Link to post Share on other sites
Author GolightlyD Posted January 29, 2011 Author Share Posted January 29, 2011 You mean "least fowl." I meant "foul." Whoops Link to post Share on other sites
lkjh Posted January 29, 2011 Share Posted January 29, 2011 I certainly don't want him to change his mind about her. I said it in an earlier post that it probably is best if they're not together because they're not compatible sexually and she'd get bored with his vanilla style sex. So why don't you learn to read before you make your stupid assumptions about the motivations behind my replies. This guy is pissed that she enjoyed the act and that she wasn't ashamed and because of that he implies that dumping her shows that he has standards?!! that's just so narrow minded. Ya ok. Sure you don't want to change his mind and become more accepting of your lifestyle. Thats why you have posted 7 pages worth on this forum trying to convince him that he is narrow minded and your way of life is the right and only way. Im actually ok with anal, but at least I can see that some of you are on a mission. and yes its called standards, some people won't date a person who smokes which is a standard, some people won't date a person who gambles which is a standard, some people won't date a person who sleeps around which is a standard, and some people won't date a person who enjoys anal which is a standard. so get off your high horse and realize that everyone is entilted to their own standards Link to post Share on other sites
lkjh Posted January 29, 2011 Share Posted January 29, 2011 Its perfectly ok to not want to be with someone who is not into the same sexual activities as yourself. Don't let other peoples need to rationalize their own behavior influence you Link to post Share on other sites
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