My girlfriend kissed another guy (or he kissed her I guess..) and other complications

[camrond]

OK , so I NEEDED to say something here right now. I am feeling the best about this whoooooleee thing than I've ever felt before. ****, dare I say I feel better now than when I was with her.

 

Somehow, I am seriously feeling OVER it and I need to log this attitude on this board in the hopes of maintaining it because its true.

 

In a sense, me letting go of the whole thing is the greatest success. It may be even more of a success than gettting her back or us working it out. I belive this is actually the BEST thing that could have happened.

 

Her screwing that dude-who-she-kissed-on-new-year's best friend somehow seems to just close the book on it. I dont know...something just...broke lol...

 

I suddenly don't give a **** about her. I'd spend this time explaining what i think is wrong with her and how she's being immature and making poor decisions in the process of growing up and becoming an independent, mature adult but the thing is -- who cares about her failures as a woman?? I just don't anymore...

 

Since she told me shes sleeping with that dudes best friend; let me remind you I took this girls virginity three years ago, IE she had only been with me up till now...since learning that I'm actually feeling BETTER not WORSE..isnt that weird????

 

I was just blinded by love...because I actually cared about her...but honestly she isnt that girl who wants to learn from her first relationship of three years and improve herself before beginning to sleep with other dudes....no....she's a girl who is always going to want a new guy and the only interesting thing in her life is WHO SHES DATING.....she's one of those girls who just always needs a boyfriend and right now ANYONE will do for her...thats really how she is as hard as it is for me to believe....and you think you know someone hahaha...truth is I don't know her...I did...but I really don't anymore...and from what I can tell I don't want who she is now...

 

And you know what?.....Im starting to feel like it just doesnt ****ing matter to me how she is anyway...

 

I just feel less emotional and jealous about "my girl" getting screwed by someone else...I've been so possessive about her...yes I was her first and she said she'd always be mine but so what...shes just some girl...and it turns out that she's kind of a flakey one anyway....

 

I'm starting to see this break up as sorta heaven sent...I'm starting to see the OTHER side of this issue....let me be honest...I wasnt ALWAYS sure about her....she had a fair share of flaws...lazy, depressed, low self-esteem, low IQ, no ambition, VERY NAIVE (that was the worst one)

 

****...in some ways I've been TIED DOWN for three years of my college life to this girl who -- on top of everything else -- turns out not to REALLY give a **** about me anyway....

 

Im starting to look into the future and I dont just see a blank slate and want to start drinking lol....I'm starting to see open doors...doors that were open when I was with her and actually some NEW doors too...

 

I don't know..I just needed to say this and if anyone who has or is going through something similar reads this let it be known that its possible to actually feel good about this **** -- even something as ****ty as the way this ended...

 

Isn't that crazy...my ex of three years starts (first love) starts sleeping around and I actually feel BETTER haha??

[camrond]

I also wanted to add that I see this as a chance to work on myself. I have PLENTY of things in my life to occupy my time...thesis for starters, physical shape, living situation, what graduate school I will transfer to, reconnecting with old friends...etc...

 

I DO NOT want to be in a relationship right now lol...it is beyond me how she can do it, but again...that just doesn't matter anymore....for me, I'm going to take my time FOR SURE....

 

Past three years ive had to think of somebody else and plan around them...it is time for me to BREATHE...

 

No one to call, no one to wait for, no one's calendar to check. No more long distance drives to see her, no more arguments.....yeah...considering who she is...GOOD DEAL

 

I don't know why it was so hard to get to this point until now, I think its a possesive thing about the sex honestly.... but now that its over.... I am very much ready to be single... and indeed WHEN READY to mingle

[Calif_hope]

Question, have you started dating or seeing anyone yet. I think you should, you know fun relationships (keep it light).

 

Suggest the next time she calls you and says "maybe us in the future" tell her that you don't see her in your dreams of the future anymore, not the person to build a life with, not the mother of your children, not the person to grow old with. Tell her she was in your dreams of the future but that now the women in your dreams is unknown and that you are leaving your heart open to meet this person. Wish her luck in finding the same and end the conversation.

 

AND THEN GET ON WITH YOUR LIFE!!!!

[camrond]

Haven't really started dating yet. I've gone to the bars with friends a couple times just flirting and dancing...I took one girl from my class out to dinner not really into her...

 

Honestly though I really am not looking for a girl right now at all...after this last girl I just do not even have the patience...there is plenty of **** I need to get done by myself and until all of it is in order I don't think I'm really going to desire dating...

 

Personally I don't understand how some people can go straight from a relationship years long to just casual dating...it just seems kind of tireless to me.

 

I'm going to take my time and let it happen, I've got plenty of patience right now lol, I REALLY can use some single time.

 

Indeed, I had some energy to try and work it out with her because were each other's first love and I thought it was worth it but now that that one is done I'm going to need some time for myself for sure...

[cboy90]

I will say I'm at the same point as you! I think I'm at 136 days of NC. Not too long ago I hit a point where I just didn't give a $hit anymore. I started going to the gym, just graduated from my engineering, got an awesome job and it feels great! When you start feeling better about yourself, everyone around you starts to notice and it just keeps getting better and better.

[camrond]

ah yes, im here again, now to bitch about myself...

 

I ****ing failed my first graduate course. SWEET.

 

I ****ing let this **** **** me in the ass all on my own.

 

I ****ing hate that this happened.

 

I am ****ed.

 

I am a moron.

 

**** me.

 

A WORD TO ANYONE IN ANY SITUATION REMOTELY RELATED TO LOSING A GIRLFRIEND ---- STOP GIVING A **** ABOUT IT AND START GIVING A **** ABOUT YOURSELF BECAUSE YOUR LIFE CAN DEFINTELY GET WORSE

[camrond]

ehem....to clarify....by the time i started giving a **** about myself...it was too late...now i need to see my advisor and hope for a ****ing grain of sympathy that this doesn't actually get me kicked out and truly ****ED in the ASS

 

 

I HATE MY REACTION TO THIS WHOLE THING I HAVE A TREMENDOUS AMOUNT OF ANGER AT MYSELF FOR MY HANDLING OF THIS BULL****.

 

Oh and good news...well at least I no longer give a flying **** about her...

[camrond]

Definitely not in a rush to find any other for now lol. Ive gotta fix this **** first at least.

 

 

Second, yeah she is going to be someone else's problem. I spoke to a mutual friend recently...my ex is kinda turning into a slut...

 

She was a virgin when we met, really innocent and classy girl...

 

Now she's been drinking alcohol at her parents house and smoking pot with random people...she's slept with two guys in the past 2 weeks and is caught up in her drama...also she is messy and sleeping all day and ****...

 

It is ****ing disgusting to hear this...she completely doesn't give a **** suddenly...it's amazing...

 

This is what is was all about and I knew it...it wasn't about me and us and all that bull****...it was this...she wanted to do this ****...she wants to go through this ****ing highschool phase she never went through....

 

I thought she was innocent b/c she wanted to be...I thought she wanted to be classy...now I found out its only because she never figured out how to be a typical little slutty 20-year old like the rest...

 

Now she figured out "Oh, if I just show my cleavage and have a few drinks I'll get SO much attention"....

 

It's ****ing disgusting...she has changed SO MUCH in the past 1 month for the worst...

 

But she was right to leave...she was going to do this with or without me...she basically said she wants to be fair to me and not cheat on me in this phase..

 

She was right...if she wants to be a typical little bitch then she shouldn't have a real boyfriend...I'm glad this didn't escalate with me involved...****ing idiot of a girl...

[camrond]

Yeah, little by little Im starting to move on...I've identified the problem between us...a problem I wasn't willing to admit before but now clearly allows me to forget about her...

 

 

She....is...shallow.....

 

That's it.

 

She was shallow when we met. She was shallow with her feelings. She was shallow with how she felt about me and the promises she made..

 

She's still shallow...

 

http://counsellingresource.com/ask-the-psychologist/2008/02/25/ex-moves-on-quickly/

 

This website explains it PERFECTLY.

 

Easy in....easy out...just like the cocks that will enter her for the next year I'm sure...

 

She needs a good dosage of reality..I passed the party-sex-drugs-repeat phase a long time ago...all I have to show for it now is regrets and addictions...

 

We are different people at different stages in our lives....

 

From where I stand that means - I have **** to do and she doesn't, she never has and maybe never will...that was always the problem and it still is...luckily its not MY problem anymore.

[camrond]

she texted me today......"hi :)"

 

I want to ****ing die. I ignored her because how much her text bothers me shows me that talking to her will CLEARLY make me feel SIGNIFICANTLY worse.

 

Pretty sure ignoring her is not going to get her to see the reality of things...so I think that's that. Probably she won't ever contact me again now that she knows I truly ignored her for the first time.

 

Yeah, that's that.

[camrond]

I should add, the reason I keep posting about this and haven't completely gotten it out of mind :

 

I've made out with two chicks since the break and found that I just don't desire them...

 

For ****s sake I have some sort of primal addiction to this girl...

 

It is like really sexual...I am just like...her body is like a drug or something..its some sort of instinctual thing that I just want her as my mate...

 

I don't know how to explain it but it is making this REALLY ****ing hard to get over...I should just sack up and bone a new girl maybe I'll feel that way about her in time too...maybe i just get attached but in some ways I just want to like...impregnate my ex or something I don't know how to explain it I just want her...badly...its really horrible....guess it makes sense why there's 6 billion people on this forsaken rock...

[Memphis Raines]

she texted me today......"hi :)"

 

what is she a child? sounds like she is playing with you. She is cruel and evil

 

Block her. make sure there isn't one way she can contact you aside from knocking on your door.

 

Its clear she wants to get a rise out of you. Don't let her. Let yourself be a mystery to her. It will eat her up knowing you aren't trying to contact her and she cant get your goat.