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50% who receive communication from an Ex will restart their affair within a year.

Mrlonelyone

By Mrlonelyone,
in Second Chances

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Xero8780

Xero8780

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I have a question: if your relationship is one of the ones that ended without a good reason (just vague grass is greener stuff) and you didn't fight or anything is NC the wise thing to do especially if about two months later they are reaching out to you again?

 

In other words, if you miss your ex, had a great relationship, and they ended it without a good reason other than freaking out about how long we had been dating isn't NC not useful.

 

I understand the power of it if the relationship was a mess, fought all of the time, had a terrible break up...however what if was a great relationship and you don't know if I want to get over it?

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durkadurka

durkadurka

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Gosh sometimes I wish HomeBrew would just shut the f*ck up and stop running around like a god damned know it all.

 

Everyone is entitled to their own opinions.

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Mrlonelyone

Mrlonelyone

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I have a question: if your relationship is one of the ones that ended without a good reason (just vague grass is greener stuff) and you didn't fight or anything is NC the wise thing to do especially if about two months later they are reaching out to you again?

 

In other words, if you miss your ex, had a great relationship, and they ended it without a good reason other than freaking out about how long we had been dating isn't NC not useful.

 

I understand the power of it if the relationship was a mess, fought all of the time, had a terrible break up...however what if was a great relationship and you don't know if I want to get over it?

Yes, NC or LC are what you need to do. "Absence makes the heart grow fonder. " Provided they know how to reach you limiting or denying access is the best way to increase interest in you.

 

Remember gold is valuable because it is rare. Make yourself scarce and you make yourself valuable.

 

If they reach out to you, still don't be too available.

 

@ Homebrew

 

I'm sorry that happened to you. I really Just wanted to point out something I thought would be of interest.

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Trovador

Trovador

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If you use NC as a trick to get back your ex, you are for a big burn, bigger than the break up itself...

 

You have a better chance remaining friends...

 

So, for those with a thicker cranium than the rest of us, NC is for healing and moving on, it's for YOU not for your ex... it's not a game, a strategy or whatever to get back together with your ex, in those rare cases that (apparently) NC has been useful to regain an ex, she or he would have got back anyway...

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andrew-bkk

andrew-bkk

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According to the best psychometric testing available I am supposedly "gifted" with an IQ in the top 2.2%. Supposedly people like me think differently from 98.8% of the rest of humanity.

 

So 2.2 plus 98.8 adds up to 100, does it?

 

I wish I were as gifted as you.

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Mrlonelyone

Mrlonelyone

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If you use NC as a trick to get back your ex, you are for a big burn, bigger than the break up itself...

 

You have a better chance remaining friends...

 

 

Who said anything about not being friends? You can have NC or LC and part on friendly terms. The whole idea is to avoid what's called the "friend zone". Unless you think I just invented that term myself.

 

You all know what the friend zone is.

 

A man will put a woman there and use her for sex and comfort.

 

A woman will put a man there, more than likely no sex, but still a shoulder to cry on.

 

Is that what's supposed to make people get back togther? I don't think that works. The only way to avoid it is to say sure we can be friends... go NC... and refuse to be used.

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selena_cat

selena_cat

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Considering your NAME and your situation with your EX(below)... YOUR WAY SUCKS AND DOES NOT WORK!

 

1. She dumped you 3 years ago.

2. Since then, you have not been contacted by her.

2. She has a boyfriend.

3. She has no free will and her family makes all her decisions for her.

4. Her and her family (who has total control over her) will not let you see your own son or her for that matter.

5. She has rejected your attempts to contact her on Facebook.

6. You sent and email and received a reply from her boyfriend.

 

Get a CLUE!

 

G'dayam! tell us how you really feel. I'll make sure i wont get on your raw nerves. May be blunt but the truth can hurt sometimes,but no one situation is perfect. We are all here to learn to do whaTS BEST for us in terms of an ambivalent ex.

However, i did like Mr.Lone's comment how Gold is rare and make yourself valuable.

Edited by selena_cat
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Mrlonelyone

Mrlonelyone

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G'dayam! tell us how you really feel. I'll make sure i wont get on your raw nerves. May be blunt but the truth can hurt sometimes,but no one situation is perfect. We are all here to learn to do whaTS BEST for us in terms of an ambivalent ex.

However, i did like Mr.Lone's comment how Gold is rare and make yourself valuable.

What HB said would be the truth if he wasn't dead wrong about 1, 2, 5 and simply culturally ignorant about 3 and 4, and situationally unaware about 6.

 

Oh the woman... has created a second FB page, under her same name* of all things, which she uses to keep a tab on me. Mixed signal?

 

*I never said she was big on common sense.

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aerogurl87

aerogurl87

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Good Grief!

 

Mrlonelyone... I look forward to the day that the the following statements make sense to you:

 

If an EX that dumped you wants a second chance... It's not YOUR JOB to get them to want you. It's THEIR JOB to get you to want them.

 

You only want to be with someone who wants to be with you.

 

If they are not 100% sure they want to be with you... You do not / are not going to be with them.

 

If someone does not know who they are or want they want... You do not pursue them, date them, want to enter into a relationship with them, marry them.

 

You do not pursue EXes who dumped you.

 

The bolded part is true, but you also don't just fall off the face of the Earth if you want someone back. I believe if you want a second chance you should make your intentions known to your ex after going a certain amount of time either NC or LC. People can't read minds and if you don't let them know what you want, they won't know that you would like a second chance. Yes there are a few times where exes will come back begging without you hinting at something, but after a certain amount of time (and I'm talking months or years) if you say absolutely nothing, people will assume you've moved on. I know if it were me, I would.

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andrew-bkk

andrew-bkk

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Oh the woman... has created a second FB page, under her same name* of all things, which she uses to keep a tab on me. Mixed signal?

 

Hey dude -- you are the craziest guy on this forum but I always enjoy reading your stuff.

 

If you're SURE she uses the new account to keep tabs on you then it's not a mixed signal. In fact, it's a very definite signal. All you need to do now is interpret this signal. It could be a signal that she's mildly curious; it could be a signal that she's madly in love.

 

But how do you know she's keeping tabs on you? And have you contacted her yet via this new account?

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Mrlonelyone

Mrlonelyone

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@Aerogurl87

 

So true. In my case it had been three years with basically no contact at all. My ex had no idea where I was and I hand't even thought to look for her until last November. I don't see how NC could have helped my situation.

 

Check this out. Homebrew was a fraud http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=3182690#post3182690

He apparently has been copy-pasting his advice from other message boards and presenting it as his own. lol

 

@andrew

 

I have not contacted her via this account. I know that she keeps tabs on me because It's not blocked, I can see it, and it's friends with a friend of mine therefore through it she can see everything she could see before this mess.

 

I think it's a signal that I need to keep my mind open about possibly hearing from her in the future months. My not backing down to her BF's intimidation tactics must have made a good impression.

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Trovador

Trovador

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Ok, man, explain this to me:

 

How can I be in NC and being friends with my ex?

 

*head explodes*

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Mrlonelyone

Mrlonelyone

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Ok, man, explain this to me:

 

How can I be in NC and being friends with my ex?

 

*head explodes*

i.e. Myself and the woman I have been here about lately.

 

We have been on and off and on and off for 12 years. We never stopped being friends. (Something which has always made me think that we were somehow meant to be.)

 

Even though we are NC right now... If I saw her around we would stop and say hi and chat and laugh then walk away. Such is why I could even dream of contacting her after so many years of not saying anything.

 

Being friends does not have to mean your all up in each others faces and business.

 

Now what we have done is managed to be friends yet stay out of each others dreaded " (totally platonic) friend zone".

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