I have to wonder about men who bitch on these boards

[Star Gazer]

Which is why making a statement like he did is insane.

 

NS is a female.

[TheBigQuestion]

Which is why making a statement like he did is insane.

 

Calling it a fact is a bit hasty but not necessarily insane. I've read various surveys/studies which had different conclusions on this question. It's possible she's only aware of the ones that have concluded that men cheat more.

[TheBigQuestion]

To be honest, I can't even quantify cheating among people I've known personally over the years. I've known plenty of men AND women who slut around. One of my roommates who moved across the country for school cheats on his girlfriend (who didn't follow him to the east coast) left and right. I suppose the point is, if it can't be properly quantified anyway, does it matter at all who cheats more? In pretty much all cases, it's a crappy thing to do.

[Engadget]

NS is a female.

 

Don't care too much either way. I don't look at profiles for the gender prior to responding.

[catgotyourtongue]

Interesting point:

 

Wow this struck a chord with me, being someone who IS offended too easily. You gave me good food for thought about people's payoff for being offended. Although I have seen a glimpse of this in me at times, I usually think I am "offended" for good reason, but at times I do realize it for self righeous reasons, seeing it written out - wow. Hmmm...this is the first item from LS dating thread I am copying and pasting and putting in a word doc, it really is an interesting though. Thanks for sharing it, it sure is making me think!

 

... I've always found that people who get offended by lots of things are simply looking for ways to be offended in order to hear themselves speak self-righteously.

 

.

[zengirl]

Strictly speaking, like you, I'll say that people don't need to be happy. Strictly speaking it's true. I've been disabled for 6 years with major depression. The people in my therapy group and I are all working out how to live with unhappiness. You're right there are lots of techniques and good ideas that help.

 

Check it out, there's more than one type of monk. Many of them purposely eschew happiness. So do people with other goals, like aid workers and other care givers. They are disregarding their own happiness because they think something else is more important.

 

Given all that we certainly don't need sex, Smartphones, or even friends.

 

I'll concur that people don't need to be happy, and -- its worth noting -- when I mentioned the "need" for oxytocin in those posts with Woggle, it was speaking about what women need to be happy in relationships (which coincides with their happiness in general) on a chemical level and how it affects grass is greener syndrome. As I said in the last post, we wandered a bit off topic, but he brought up something I found interesting, a phenomenon that happens.

 

So, basically, what's that got to do with whether or not people need sex. I'm saying they don't even need it chemically (on a biological level) to be happy. When you get into psychology, you get all kinds of needs that are subjective to the individual, but these aren't really needs at all since they're either socialized into you or self-selected.

 

Aid workers, care givers, and monks I've encountered do not eschew happiness. They just eschew what we would consider happiness. They eschew material happiness. I would say that if there is a monastary that eschews happiness, it's certainly rare. I'd be interested to read about it, but I never have. Now, many paths of monks go "through" suffering (purposefully) but the result is supposed to be spiritual happiness, englightment, and a better way of living, not constant misery. That'd be silly.

[sally4sara]

Some of the guys who come on here lamenting the lack of success they have with women I do have sympathy for their situation. It sucks to be lonely. And if social grace didn't come naturally to you, it can be hard to develop as it isn't something you can really learn from someone else near so well as a period of trial and error. Even if you are getting some tips from another person, you're still going to have to do the trial and error route to practice what they tell you.

So I get why they feel frustrated. I really do.

 

But to become hateful? No. That was within them all along. Anyone who has ever had to deal with being in an area where they were the outsider or the minority can identify with the frustration of having to prove yourself to others just to be seen the way the insiders or majority enjoy seemingly for free. But it takes a hateful nature to begin with to hate entire groups of people you don't know over it.

 

Getting physically hassled by a group of black girls and caught in the middle of a race riot where black people began to assault white people seeming out of nowhere didn't turn me racist. I have logic and I am not lazy enough to neglect using it and turning to hate. So getting rejected by X amount of women shouldn't have someone turning to hate for ALL. That was in them all along well before they began posting inflammatory threads on LS.

 

For those guys - I have ZERO sympathy and a pretty good idea of why, if not all along, they now can't find anyone willing to give them a chance.

 

Besides those guy don't post to be convinced wrong. They post to to feel assured they are righteous to continue being hateful. Looking within yourself and making a change is HARD. So much easier to wallow in the hate. Why should afford them sympathy when they're only looking for reasons to stay lazy in their hate? Nothing short of tossing them some pity pussy will appease them and I just don't care enough.

[zengirl]

Some of the guys who come on here lamenting the lack of success they have with women I do have sympathy for their situation. It sucks to be lonely. And if social grace didn't come naturally to you, it can be hard to develop as it isn't something you can really learn from someone else near so well as a period of trial and error. Even if you are getting some tips from another person, you're still going to have to do the trial and error route to practice what they tell you.

So I get why they feel frustrated. I really do.

 

But to become hateful? No. That was within them all along. Anyone who has ever had to deal with being in an area where they were the outsider or the minority can identify with the frustration of having to prove yourself to others just to be seen the way the insiders or majority enjoy seemingly for free. But it takes a hateful nature to begin with to hate entire groups of people you don't know over it.

 

So very true. And these two groups should be separated.

 

I do feel bad for many of the men who consistently strike out and post about it on here. I don't feel bad for the jerks that do it and become hateful. And this is true with women, too.

[catgotyourtongue]

Agreed with these:

 

good points!

 

I have a heartful of empathy, more than I should, for anyone struggling that is trying, men or women, and have a good heart. I have less empathy for people who refuse to look at themselves, assess their situations and themselves, and come here and hate without changing up something in their behaviors, processes, outlook.

 

So very true. And these two groups should be separated.

 

I do feel bad for many of the men who consistently strike out and post about it on here. I don't feel bad for the jerks that do it and become hateful. And this is true with women, too.

[hydorclops]

Zengirl:...So, basically, what's that got to do with whether or not people need sex.

It started, in my mind, with the idea that you don't have sympathy for men that can't get sex because they don't need sex. I guess I've been arguing for you to be sympathetic for people that can't get sex.

 

If some guy wrote: "I can't get no gash cause them hoes is all bitches", and I thought he really felt that way, I'd feel a variety of things. Some concern for any women near him, and pity for his absurd misery. That's a type of sympathy. If anyone else chose to see him as a worthless ass, I'm sympathize with them.

 

If a person says they need books in their life to be happy, I sympathize. If a woman said she needed more sex from her husband, I'd sympathize.

 

Yes your sympathy is yours to give or not. And I was writing this to you openly here to get ideas out on the forum as much as I was trying to get you to sympathize.

 

Lastly, and this is all I've got, I do think of you as a very interesting, kind, and sympathetic poster here at LS.

[zengirl]

It started, in my mind, with the idea that you don't have sympathy for men that can't get sex because they don't need sex. I guess I've been arguing for you to be sympathetic for people that can't get sex.

 

I'm sympathetic for people who cannot connect with other people, be it for romance or friendship. But if they make it about sex, my sympathy goes out the window. Making relationships about sex, or wanting NSA sex as though it's a 'requirement' to me, is shallow. No sympathy.

 

If some guy wrote: "I can't get no gash cause them hoes is all bitches", and I thought he really felt that way, I'd feel a variety of things. Some concern for any women near him, and pity for his absurd misery. That's a type of sympathy. If anyone else chose to see him as a worthless ass, I'm sympathize with them.

 

I'd feel pity, sure, but pity isn't sympathy. I've no desire to validate feelings like that, and sympathy is pity that validates.

 

Lastly, and this is all I've got, I do think of you as a very interesting, kind, and sympathetic poster here at LS.

 

Thanks, and, in general I am sympathetic. I try to understand people. But if someone sees women as objects (and that's what over-sexualizing the issue feels like to me if it's in general like this), I cannot sympathize. But why would they want an object's sympathy anyway? So, I'm sure it works out.

[Woggle]

I don't post just to be hateful because I don't want to be. I love to be proven wrong which is why I love reading threads about good relationships but then I read another thread and I just get angry again.

 

I don't think anybody here would blame a woman who was abused in every possible way by her father who tried to make her feel like crap just because she was born female if she hated men so why do I catch such flack? Why is it not understandable when I get in my hateful moods?

[Woggle]

Men cheat more than women. Fact.

 

It's roughly the same.

[Mad Max]

I don't think anybody here would blame a woman who was abused in every possible way by her father who tried to make her feel like crap just because she was born female if she hated men so why do I catch such flack? Why is it not understandable when I get in my hateful moods?

 

 

Because it's not manly. Women are coddled in such situations where as men are told to suck it up.

[donnamaybe]

Because it's not manly. Women are coddled in such situations where as men are told to suck it up.

That's not why. It's because it has been going on ad nauseum for WAY too long a time. The victim mentality gets old, no matter who is wearing it out.

[Mad Max]

That's not why. It's because it has been going on ad nauseum for WAY too long a time. The victim mentality gets old, no matter who is wearing it out.

 

 

I've seen it on this very site. Take a look at OG or Northern_Sky. Whenever one of them makes a thread, they are always coddled. They get some criticism, but for the most part they are coddled. I have never seen a male poster here that is coddled in such a way.

[Jannah]

I've seen it on this very site. Take a look at OG or Northern_Sky. Whenever one of them makes a thread, they are always coddled. They get some criticism, but for the most part they are coddled. I have never seen a male poster here that is coddled in such a way.

 

So, why would you care? Their life (on here and off) should not effect you personally. If it truly bothers you, start posting threads of a similar nature, and we'll coddle you.

[donnamaybe]

I've seen it on this very site. Take a look at OG or Northern_Sky. Whenever one of them makes a thread, they are always coddled. They get some criticism, but for the most part they are coddled. I have never seen a male poster here that is coddled in such a way.

I don't coddle 'em, as you have noticed. And are they making blanket statements like "Men will always cheat on you and be the first to walk out on their wife" or "When men get together all you ever hear is them spewing venom about their husbands."

 

I haven't seen either of them make inflammatory posts about men like that.

[carhill]

Jannah has a point; care less and you'll succeed more. Use the same skills you use to survive in the brutal outside world. Prior, home and hearth and your woman were your safe haven. A place to take off your armor. To expose your soft belly. No more. It's a brave new world. Embrace it.

[donnamaybe]

Jannah has a point; care less and you'll succeed more. Use the same skills you use to survive in the brutal outside world. Prior, home and hearth and your woman were your safe haven. A place to take off your armor. To expose your soft belly. No more. It's a brave new world. Embrace it.

IDK. Home, hearth, and my man are my safe haven.

[Mad Max]

I don't coddle 'em, as you have noticed. And are they making blanket statements like "Men will always cheat on you and be the first to walk out on their wife" or "When men get together all you ever hear is them spewing venom about their husbands."

 

I haven't seen either of them make inflammatory posts about men like that.

 

 

Northern_Sky's thread the other day was a personal attack and it was tolerated because it got a lot of hits. The thread title alone was an attack and clearly confrontational.

[donnamaybe]

Northern_Sky's thread the other day was a personal attack and it was tolerated because it got a lot of hits. The thread title alone was an attack and clearly confrontational.

Which thread was that? Isn't it this one?

[Mad Max]

Which thread was that? Isn't it this one?

 

 

Exactly my point. It still exists because it has a lot of hits.

[donnamaybe]

Exactly my point. It still exists because it has a lot of hits.

And you are adding to 'em.

 

She IS right about the whiny guys blaming everyone but themselves for their lack of success.

[zengirl]

I don't post just to be hateful because I don't want to be. I love to be proven wrong which is why I love reading threads about good relationships but then I read another thread and I just get angry again.

 

I don't think anybody here would blame a woman who was abused in every possible way by her father who tried to make her feel like crap just because she was born female if she hated men so why do I catch such flack? Why is it not understandable when I get in my hateful moods?

 

You're more nuanced, Woggle. So, if you're referring to my post . . . well, I'd never throw you in that particular pile.

 

Don't get me wrong, I do take issue with plenty that you say, and some of it is hateful, and I never condone being hateful. But you demonstrate a reflective ability that does make you nuanced enough to sympathize with, I think. You may not have your issues all sorted out all the time, but at least you recognize them.