We're back together!!! Need "special" date advice, how to woo her!!!

[situationsmend]

If you've seen my posts before, you've seen the twists and turns of emotions i've had

to deal with, regarding my ex girl breaking up with me then coming back, then leaving again then coming back.

I really love her, I was totally good to her and cherished her but she left both times because she

was confused and had to try living on her own for a while, find herself.

 

WELL, she's back and were going to make a fresh start and make things NEW and FRESH.

We're back together as of this week and I want to take her out on a formal date, somehing nice,

something fun, so we can re-evaluate and talk about things in a fun, loving, comfortable setting.

 

I'd like to take her out to dinner and something fun and I'm a pretty romantice guy with ideas,

but was wondering if any of you out there (guys/gals) have any pointers or advice for me on how to make this date

super super super special.

 

 

Any advice would help, thanks so much.

[white_angelbreath]

just curious. how did both of you reconciled? did she return and talk to you about "getting a fresh start" or did she gave you hints that she's interested in you again and you made the move to court her again?

[wishfullthinker2004]

I'm also curious on the steps you took to get her back...please share.

 

Wishful

 

ps, I'm happy to see there is a happy ending

[jmargel]

I don't know the story of your situation, but for the advice you wanted. Perhaps going back to a favorite spot you both shared earlier might be nice.

 

If she's leaving and coming back so often, that's going to make you start walking on eggshells, and the relationship is already in a power struggle. You shouldn't have to feel the need to 'woo' her. You shouldn't have to feel the need to buy her expensive gifts or treat her differently than you had in the past. She should be giving EQUAL amount of love, trust, etc.. as you are giving to her.

 

Trust me, you need and should expect this. Otherwise your emotional side of you will be a wreck. You'll have the world on your shoulders just wondering when she's going to leave again.

[bittersweet]

Don't try too hard- try your hardest to keep a mystery going about how you feel. If you are starting over FRESH, you want the feelings to be the same. I don't know your whole situation but regardless, you need to hold back certain emotions from exploding. Don't let her feel like you're too desperate and hopefully she won't do the same. Take things as slow as possible- allow for each other to have good, simple things to think back on during the first few weeks. Whatever kept breaking you two up needs to be discovered and worked on. Don't bring that up right away because you might just find that out on your own! Good Luck!

[situationsmend]

Wow guys, You're all making me THINK over here.

 

 

Well, we were together for 5 good years we're both 24( lots of love, lots of fun, mutually), but eventually she grew distant and I asked her and she broke up with me because she was having feelings of wanting to live on her own and be on her own after having been with me so long. She was having confused feelings about her life, so we broke up and she moved out. Then a month later, she moved back in wanting to make it NEW. After three months, she grew distant again, Hanging out with friends til all hours sometimes. So we broke up again, for the same reasons. I have been really hurting over it.

 

So moved out and got her own place, but we've stayed in touch for 3 months, hanging out every once in a while.

The problem was never that she didnt love me or didn't find me attractive, she knows how good I am to her, what i

would do for her, how awesome we get along and are good for each other.....but she just felt she hadn't lived her own life yet, because we met when she was 19. So i supported her decision with a broken heart. Since this last break up, i would periodcially ask where she was at with "us" and she would always say, "I'm sorry, i don't know, i know i'm hurting you, but i'm still confused, i'm so so so sorry", just know I love you.

 

NOW, she's coming back stronger. Last weekend she came over, we had dinner, we talked, we got snuggly then we got intimate for the first time in a long time, had sex three times in one night, the next night she came over again, we had sex a bunch of times again, telling each other we missed each other and that we loved each other. then the next day we had a "talk" she admitted she was wrong, this seperation is all wrong, she loves me, she always did, she feels so stupid for leaving, horrible for hurting me etc. She doesn't feel like she deserves me but begged me to forgive her and take her back. She says i'm so incredible and the best person for her and she really really wants to be with me and us to have a fresh start again.

 

A lot of the people she was hanging out with from her job and friends, around the time of our first 2 break-ups, have sort of ditched her, because she's been so miserable the past 7/8 months. I wonder if she is just coming to me because she's lonely or

if she really realizes her reasons for leaving and having fun with friends that really werent there for her, was stupid.

 

Anyway..................that's the story in a short version. If you guys think i'm stupid for trying to reconcile and take her out on a nice

date....then tell me. I'm not going to fall all over myself for her, i know things need to be 50/50 and i've told her that.

 

 

boy, You guys made me THINK, that maybe this is wrong. now i'm bummed.

[Troubled15]

I was wandering if there was anything that you did to get your girl back?!

[situationsmend]

i've just been myself & stayed true to my feelings.

The same guy she fell in love with. We never had any "real" problems. I was never mean to her, never cheated,

never disrespected her, always told her how much I loved her and how much I cherished her and I always, always, always realized what I had with her and never took her for granted. I told her the whole time she was gone that, I was respecting her decision and cared about her too much to force her to stay and that I loved her, but I went ahead

and started focussing on my own life, doing my own thing. I think maybe she saw that I was moving on and got

scared maybe?

 

Then, now that i'd adjusted to life without her, Took a job that's going to take me out of town next week for

(3) weeks, She starts coming around again. I love her so much, i'd love to work things out, But you guys are giving

me some stuff to THINK about.

[Care2]

I think it's wonderful that you are starting over. I disagree with other posters that you shouldn't "woo" her. Women love that stuff and it makes us feel appreciated and loved. It is the excitement of a "new" fresh relationship.

 

Good luck to you both! The past is in the past. Today is today. Enjoy the "newness" as long as you can...it's wonderful.

c

[jmargel]

Like I said before you have NO reason to WOO her. She knows what you are about. She knows that you are made of substance and not trying to win over her heart with over affectionate behavior. Remember she did this to you.

 

If you are unsure about the real reason why she came back there is no harm in asking her. You actually deserve to know. Ask her why her friends ditched her, etc.. This is called communication. Remember she left you before and came back. What makes this time any different?

 

I'm not trying to bum you out, i'm trying to make you look into the future and deal with the issues at hand so this doesn't happen again in a few months. She needs to realize that this is serious and that she can't go back to you everytime she feels like it. You also can't keep saying 'One more time, but this is it'. Because all that does is put your life on hold.

 

You also need a sense of security in a relationship. If you don't have that you'll be a bundle of nerves. You won't be able to enjoy the time with her because you'll be thinking 'when is she going to leave next?'. These are the things you MUST talk to her about.

 

Make her answer these questions honestly. Just don't let her get away with the 'I love you and missed you' answer. Couple's counciling would also be a good start. If she's willing to go to that then that is a very positive sign.

 

You put your life on hold for three months already, while she had the time of her life. Was she with any other men during this time? You have EVERY right to know.

 

I'm not saying you two are doomed. In fact approaching this the right way will solve these potential problems and you could then live a life with her KNOWING there is a very long future between you two.

[Care2]

No offense jmargel...but I know the heaviness of your suggestions would make me run away again.

 

The past is in the past. The way I see it, the only chance is to start anew and "learn" from past ... don't bring it with you if you are looking for new beginnings.

 

Men are so quick to dismiss romance. Don't ever under estimate it.

c

[Martin Guerrini]

Incredible story. I can see the amount of pain you have been through though with all these come-backs and setbacks. Your faithful and strong heart made it possible. NOW GO OUT WITH HER AND CELEBRATE IT!!! CONGRATULATIONS AND BE HAPPY EVER AFTER!

 

Now, could you explain a little bit in detail what did you do during the break-up. Did you guys speak to each other? My girlfriend left me 3 weeks ago.... she told me that "she cannot pursue the relationship any longer but that she loves me". I have been practically begging on my knee for one week but given her "we will talk about it but now I am busy", "I don't have time to assess the situation". I had to stop it. Now it has been 2 weeks without talking to each other and it is breaking my heart over and over again. I miss her so much but I don't want to pushing her anymore since she seems not to be ready for the "talk". How did you survive your 2 break-up periods. Thanks.

[mandrews1119]

You teel 'em, Care2!!

 

Situations,

You have been fortunate enough to be able to reconnect with an ex. It is obviously a combination of many things, but you go WOO her, take her anywhere you and she desire and celebrate your love. There is time enough for introspection and analysis - but the emphasis should be on how the two of you are going to make it work better this time! If you overdo the serious side of it (especially right now) you will ruin the magic and the reasons for the reuniting. she knows all of the serious reasons for the two of you or she wouldn't be back! Best of luck, Keep posting and let us know how you are doing.