Shyguy92 Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 I am currently talking to a girl and we are okay friends, and she really likes talking to me (so she says) I do not have great esteem for my self, and she has like really bad self-esteem for herself. She says im cute sometimes but i think im ugly. anyway I am always complimenting her on her looks and how she is a 10/10 to me (she really is) even though people say she is ugly/fat and she feels this way about herself, but to me she seems like the most beautiful girl in our school. Also we talk online alot more than we talk in class, and we say some cute things to each other... How can I compliment her in a way that won't have her thinking I am lying or something, because she does not seem to take compliments well, besides blushing and smiling. Link to post Share on other sites
810 Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 hold her hands, looks straight into you her eyes lovingly, and say what you feel in your heart. or you could print out what you wrote here and hand it to her Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shyguy92 Posted January 6, 2011 Author Share Posted January 6, 2011 awww thanks lol if only it were that easy.. we are always surrounded by people in class so it would be wayyy to embarassing for her and me too if it made her mad I just need some ways I can compliment her without necessarily being face to face, since she is usually webcamming me anyway She is a great artist, her mom died when she was little and she was incredibly brave about it, she survived cancer, she is usually nice to everyone.... she is beautiful, funny, and she talks to me! What are some more suggestions of things that I could say to her, that would make her feel good about herself.. I really like her haha Although I will definitely use that hand holding/ eye suggestion that you gave me, but at some later point, if we even form a better relationship Link to post Share on other sites
liverpool fc Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 awww thanks lol if only it were that easy.. we are always surrounded by people in class so it would be wayyy to embarassing for her and me too if it made her mad I just need some ways I can compliment her without necessarily being face to face, since she is usually webcamming me anyway She is a great artist, her mom died when she was little and she was incredibly brave about it, she survived cancer, she is usually nice to everyone.... she is beautiful, funny, and she talks to me! What are some more suggestions of things that I could say to her, that would make her feel good about herself.. I really like her haha Although I will definitely use that hand holding/ eye suggestion that you gave me, but at some later point, if we even form a better relationship if she says to you she is ugly/fat and puts herself down then say to her in your opinion she isnt Link to post Share on other sites
JaneDoe35 Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 Maybe compliment her on specific parts of her appearance/personality. I like compliments that are a little bit unusual. A man told me the other day that I had lovely small ears. I love stuff like that. Way better than 'You are so hot'. You could compliment her on a particular piece of artwork too. Or on how you admire her strength of character - she has dealt with the death of her mum well. Link to post Share on other sites
shayan Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 this is a heart warming post. Tell her how you feel. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 How can I compliment her in a way that won't have her thinking I am lying or something, because she does not seem to take compliments well, besides blushing and smiling. 'I feel wonderful when I'm with you and look forward to it every day' Or, here's one I used recently and it was completely heartfelt: 'When I looked into your eyes it was like where we were ceased to exist and it was only you and I'. Seriously, most people comment/compliment on the externals but it's the internals and the sharing of feelings which IME have the longest-lasting effects *if* there is compatibility and mutual attraction. With the wrong woman, showing this side of oneself can be a disaster. I've experienced that plenty. Any time you dare to care about another human, you take a risk. You'll keep doing that until you're dead and, then, you'll wish you had one more second to do it again. Don't waste it. Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
Ms. Joolie Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 What a sweet question, shyguy! I know something about having low self-esteem. For 15 years I had an eating disorder and was completely dissatisfied with my body and with who I was. That's an esteem killer. lol. Even now learning to love myself is a process. Learning to accept love from others is another process. So coming from that, I would like to add the following suggestions on how to compliment a girl with low self-esteem: 1) Hold hands with her. This is a non-verbal and reassuring communication. It's safe and she'll get that you accept her and want her near. You can put your arm around her too. 2) Be genuine in your compliments and compliment often. Even if she refuses to believe you, she hears you. She needs to hear you. And that's it. Simple, right? Good luck! And what a wonderful, wonderful guy you are for caring for her like this. Link to post Share on other sites
Ross PK Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 Sounds like you may already be complimenting her too much, you don't want to come across as too much of a nice guy putting her on a pedestal. She may not think you're lying, I guess there could be some other reason for why she doesn't take compliments well. Link to post Share on other sites
LuLu65 Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 I've had times in my life where my self esteem hit rock bottom......I would shy away, blush and not know what to say when I was given a compliment. But I still liked them and wanted to hear more. So even though she may disagree with you she may still like hearing your compliments. I think the other posters suggesting that you show her how you feel at school or in public is good......shows her you're not afraid to let others know that you think she is a beautiful, wonderful person. Link to post Share on other sites
810 Posted January 7, 2011 Share Posted January 7, 2011 (edited) awww thanks lol if only it were that easy.. we are always surrounded by people in class so it would be wayyy to embarassing for her and me too if it made her mad I just need some ways I can compliment her without necessarily being face to face, since she is usually webcamming me anyway She is a great artist, her mom died when she was little and she was incredibly brave about it, she survived cancer, she is usually nice to everyone.... she is beautiful, funny, and she talks to me! What are some more suggestions of things that I could say to her, that would make her feel good about herself.. I really like her haha Although I will definitely use that hand holding/ eye suggestion that you gave me, but at some later point, if we even form a better relationship ok, so here are the things the guys said which melted my heart in public which didn't directly comment but did give a kick to esteem give the lovingly sincere soft you're-the-only-one-i-see look and said: - when will i see you again? - please don't leave. - may i call you later? - did you do ____ to your ____? because you look lovely in it. - you look happy/sad. How's your day? the best one always when i caught them give me the same look and when i asked them "wha?" they just smile warmly but didn't reply. (this melts my heart every time. lolz) you can say those things when you guys web-caming also.like you two can listen to a song together while web-caming like "Yellow" by coldplay or some songs that indicate a girl is beautiful like "You're beautiful" by james blunt. something like that. lolz sometimes, the best compliment is not being said or not being direct...it's non-verbal or subtle. Edited January 7, 2011 by 810 Link to post Share on other sites
Obie Posted January 7, 2011 Share Posted January 7, 2011 Whenever I'm feeling depressed hearing people compliment me really means a lot, even though I usually turn them down and reinforce that I either think they're wrong/don't agree. She probably really appreciates it when you say stuff like that so I wouldn't be too worried personally about turning her away with compliments. Just keep them genuine and truthful, don't cliche it etc. Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted January 9, 2011 Share Posted January 9, 2011 (edited) I also have the same problem as your friend so I know how it feels. I still feel guys are just saying things because they have ulterior motives rather than because they mean them. I still don't have any idea whether they genuinely find me attractive or are just saying so for possible short-term gain. I fear I may have dismissed some guys and brushed off genuine compliments because I thought they were just running through a script for 'chatting me up' rather than meaning what they said. Sounds like you are doing a great job already though. I'm sure she appreciates it, even if she isn't convinced because of her low self-esteem. She is probably wondering if you do mean it or are just saying it because you're a guy and that's what guys have been told they have to do to get a girl into bed. Next time you compliment her, add something like "You know, I do mean it. I'm not just saying it to flatter you or because that's what guys are supposed to do." She may still not believe you, but your actions will show whether you mean it or not. Attentiveness and caring show a lot more. As the saying goes, "fine words butter no parsnips". It's your general behaviour towards her and clear desire to stick around rather than be just a 'sprinter' that will show her whether you mean it or not. Edited January 9, 2011 by spiderowl Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shyguy92 Posted January 10, 2011 Author Share Posted January 10, 2011 Thank you everyone for your responses.... They are all so helpful Link to post Share on other sites
shayan Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 I still find this the most heartwarming post written so far, thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
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