Just the Way You Are Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 So, though a long series of events, I discovered from a reliable source that my now ex-boyfriend has a emotionally and physically abusive past that involved a restraining order (and violation of said restraining order). This made me think back on my relationship and realize that there were signs of emotional abuse beginning to form. So I obviously broke up with him in order to prevent any abuse towards me. However, it won't be the last I see of him. Anyways, I feel so empty and hollow now...there were a lot of good times. He improved my cruddy self-esteem and self-image to something amazing. (Which is weird, abusers don't wan to empower their victims). However, he didn't attack me in that manner; he accused me of being liar among other things, blamed me for a lot of problems and would go through these intolerable moods and I seriously think he got a thrill out of me cheering him up time after time after time. And now that I think about it, I think he changed me in negative ways. Sure, my self-esteem went up because my personalities traits that involved any assertiveness such as having a fiery, argumentative and hard-headed personality needed to be fixed (according to him) because they weren't "normal". Not only that, he needed to spend every waking minute with me. He even had the audacity to continuously text me during a birthday party with the stupidest things in order to get me to reply. He even got in a "mood" when I didn't communicate with him for a few days because I was busy! He thought I was being evasive. How can I feel so empty after breaking away from an abuser? I can finally go back and regain some of my old personality traits that I enjoyed and I finally have time to myself, but it's like if I don't have someone caring about me, I feel empty! What can I do to feel complete again? Link to post Share on other sites
SincereOnlineGuy Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 Awwwwwwwwwwww, c'mon, YOU motivated yourself for the better, while merely inspired BY him. That is a lot different than crediting HIM-him for the effort. The void you feel now is no longer having that inspiration (like a carrot dangling in front of a horse's eyes as it tries to run toward the carrot) to better yourself. But this time you know how much you can DO for yourself when you set your mind to it. Perhaps, from a point of greater self esteem, you will now be willing to pursue men who are more solid emotionally and who would make for much better partners for you. Now you know you can do it... Link to post Share on other sites
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