ConfusedAsUsual Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 Sounds like he is looking for a casual hook up. I say this because of my own experience with online dating. I went on dates with a few guys that put "looking for friends and see where it goes" in their profiles. Than it became clear they weren't looking for something serious at all. I was looking for something serious. Link to post Share on other sites
donnamaybe Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 Why because I have a difference of opinion? Are you one of those combative posters? Just trying to be welcoming to a relatively new poster. Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedAsUsual Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 Just trying to be welcoming to a relatively new poster. I'm not new but thanks, I guess.... Link to post Share on other sites
BackUpOrGetStung Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 See donnamaybe, dating sites are crawling with guys like me. We're just warning her, based on our experience. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 These are guys who don't know how to get dates. Link to post Share on other sites
BackUpOrGetStung Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 These are guys who don't know how to get dates. False. I have no problem getting dates, and haven't for a few years now. Online dating for me started as a way to pass time at work and maybe I'd get lucky and find a girl I really like. Your claim is baseless. Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedAsUsual Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 These are guys who don't know how to get dates. I'm not a guy and I have a boyfriend. Link to post Share on other sites
donnamaybe Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 Backup, if you are seriously looking for a relationship, why are you taking adavantage of pathetic women who measure their worth by how many men they screw? I started out looking for a relationship, but it degraded into the charade that I described for a couple of reasons. Sadly, the most influential reason was my options and the fact that so many women were initiating with me. For the most part, they weren't pathetic women measuring their worth by how many men they screw. They were generally nice, professional women and they gave me the benefit of the doubt. I showered them with attention, led them to believe I wanted and LTR(without flat out lying), and then I'd manufacture a flaw or exacerbate a small one of theirs and cut them loose when the next girl I had on the hook was ready to meet up. One of the reasons it went on for as long as it did, is that sex with someone who has an emotional attachment is much better than drunk sex with a bar slut, and it's also also a lot more challenging(****ed up, I know). Once I came out of denial and realized how much I was hurting good people and the fact that I was treating good women like trash, I stopped. So then you were NOT looking for a LTR really. You lied your way in between women's legs. So, when I said Maybe for a douchebag, yeah. I was right on the money. I have to reiterate that just because YOU were acting like a douchebag doesn't mean THIS guy is. Anyone OG's age SHOULD be smart enough to discern the difference. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 These are guys who don't know how to get dates. False. I have no problem getting dates, and haven't for a few years now. Online dating for me started as a way to pass time at work and maybe I'd get lucky and find a girl I really like. Your claim is baseless. Yeah but you are a known player. Link to post Share on other sites
donnamaybe Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 See donnamaybe, dating sites are crawling with guys like me. We're just warning her, based on our experience. Gee. Why warn her? She could be the next victim of one of you jackasses. Link to post Share on other sites
BackUpOrGetStung Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 So then you were NOT looking for a LTR really. You lied your way in between women's legs. Wrong, I never said I wanted an LTR and certainly never said I wanted one with any of them. I gave vague, evasive answers; they accepted them and filled in the cloudy spots with what they wanted, I suppose. As I said, I did mislead them with my actions and how attentive I was, but I never said anything that wasn't true. Link to post Share on other sites
BackUpOrGetStung Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 Sorceress Rhiannon, best answer yet. The real question is, are these low expectations being set for himself or the women he's pursuing? Link to post Share on other sites
EasyHeart Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 This thread is becoming a good example of "Never take advice from the internet." Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 Hmmmm.... Link to post Share on other sites
musemaj11 Posted January 7, 2011 Share Posted January 7, 2011 Damn, women are just so negative. Link to post Share on other sites
sweet sugar Posted January 7, 2011 Share Posted January 7, 2011 (edited) I wouldn't beat yourself up because quality women don't jump right into bed with guys on the first few dates, and if they fell for your antics, they weren't the sharpest tools in the shed, anyway (don't know if that's a quality you desire so that might not matter). It is perfectly OK for a guy not to call after the first few dates as a way to show noninterest. It is also perfectly OK for a woman to not return calls/texts as a way to show noninterest. There is no commitment or expectations. If a guy says "I'll call" we don't have to necessarily hold that to truth. It's like asking "How are you?" to someone at work just as something to say when you pass in the hall. There is nothing wrong with the not calling. If a guy hasn't called after a date or two, you can take that as the same thing as if he DID call and told you outright "Hi, I'm not interested in you, sorry." This still holds true even if she had sex with a guy on the first or second, or third, date because she should know the chance she is taking by doing that. Those of you who are saying the guys who are putting "Friends first" on their profile are, in your experience, not looking for a serious relationship, just weren't into you at all when they met you. I mean if you haven't met in person, then meet, he doesn't call or whatever, then you say "this guy wasn't looking for a serious relationship" it really just means that once he met you in person, you didn't do it for him. This is so obvious. It's not a big deal - it's not like every guy is going to be attracted to you. that is just life. It's nothing personal. Backup, if you are seriously looking for a relationship, why are you taking adavantage of pathetic women who measure their worth by how many men they screw? I started out looking for a relationship, but it degraded into the charade that I described for a couple of reasons. Sadly, the most influential reason was my options and the fact that so many women were initiating with me. For the most part, they weren't pathetic women measuring their worth by how many men they screw. They were generally nice, professional women and they gave me the benefit of the doubt. I showered them with attention, led them to believe I wanted and LTR(without flat out lying), and then I'd manufacture a flaw or exacerbate a small one of theirs and cut them loose when the next girl I had on the hook was ready to meet up. One of the reasons it went on for as long as it did, is that sex with someone who has an emotional attachment is much better than drunk sex with a bar slut, and it's also also a lot more challenging(****ed up, I know). Once I came out of denial and realized how much I was hurting good people and the fact that I was treating good women like trash, I stopped. Edited January 7, 2011 by sweet sugar Link to post Share on other sites
Allisha Posted January 7, 2011 Share Posted January 7, 2011 Off topic... OceanGirl, what happened to the break from dating? You've said yourself you should take a break...and yet here you are, about to go on another date. Are you really that desperate? Link to post Share on other sites
Author OceanGirl Posted January 7, 2011 Author Share Posted January 7, 2011 Off topic... OceanGirl, what happened to the break from dating? You've said yourself you should take a break...and yet here you are, about to go on another date. Are you really that desperate? :rolleyes::rolleyes: I will take a break when I am ready to take a break. Link to post Share on other sites
Author OceanGirl Posted January 7, 2011 Author Share Posted January 7, 2011 This guy gives off really weird vibes and am not sure what to think of him. Firstly, he insisted on talking on the phone before we meet. Usually guys don't care for that and are happy enough to set up a date via text. Since we talked on the phone few days ago, he has been calling every day since (even though we have already set up the date). He wants to chat about what he had for breakfast and lunch and other pointless c... I don't like talking on the phone at all so this is a bit much. Today he kind of flaked and wanted to move our date from 3pm to 6pm tomorrow. I wasn't free so we re-scheduled for Sunday. He is already showing signs of inconsistency. My expectations are non-existent. He keeps saying that he wants to see if we click in person. I am happy to be platonic friends before we date but I am not happy to have sex within the first few dates. We will see. Link to post Share on other sites
donnamaybe Posted January 7, 2011 Share Posted January 7, 2011 I started out looking for a relationship, A little excerpt from post #45 of this thread. Link to post Share on other sites
donnamaybe Posted January 7, 2011 Share Posted January 7, 2011 Damn, women are just so negative.Actually, the only thing I've been negative about is the fact that so many people are ready to label this guy negatively before they even know anything about him. Oh, and also about the users who predate upon unsuspecting women. There's that as well. I think it's refreshing, myself, that a guy would want to get to know a gal before trying to get her in the sack. Link to post Share on other sites
BackUpOrGetStung Posted January 7, 2011 Share Posted January 7, 2011 After a few weeks I decided it was unrealistic to set a relationship as my expectation, so I changed what I'm looking for on my profile. As I said in the post you quoted, I did start out looking for a relationship, but decided that wasn't plausible as an expectation but would be nice if was able to find someone I really did like along the way. I don't understand the point of you posting that quote. Link to post Share on other sites
donnamaybe Posted January 7, 2011 Share Posted January 7, 2011 Wrong, I never said I wanted an LTR This is why. Saying you are looking for a relationship at all is indicative of a person who is looking for a REAL connection with someone. Not a hump and dump. First you say you were looking for a R, then you say you weren't. Just pointing out the inconsistencies. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 7, 2011 Share Posted January 7, 2011 I would say the disparity in desire for oral communication and the narrow parameter applied to the time allowance for the date are probably red flags here, exclusive of the 'friend's first' thing. OP, I must say, with a lifetime of women under my belt, you are definitely one of the few who doesn't like to talk on the phone. Of course, most women do prefer to talk about *themselves* so that might be one component of the dynamic. It's something I watch for carefully when sizing up a potential. While YMMV, I found a point last year where I didn't really feel positive about dating and was finding nit-picky negative things to focus on, so I just discontinued. Retrospectively, for myself, that was a healthy choice. You seem to be considering something similar so I offer this in support of following how you feel. If you try discontinuing and it doesn't work out, you can always go back. Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
BackUpOrGetStung Posted January 7, 2011 Share Posted January 7, 2011 Not an inconsistency, a misunderstanding. I never said to any of the women I went out with that I wanted an LTR. I did start off looking for an LTR. Link to post Share on other sites
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