northern_sky Posted January 7, 2011 Share Posted January 7, 2011 No worries! Cat got me up at 5am this morning... I'm putting on the OP's bra and toting my sarcasm sachel. The hot man who wants to be friends-first, calls daily, wants to go out on Saturday evening, bla, bla.... IOW, I'd be on this date like stink on shyte, seriously. It's just not normal behavior for a guy, imo. Calling daily is good, but it's a bit weird before even meeting when a date hadn't even been set. I could see if they were long distance, but they're not. Link to post Share on other sites
zengirl Posted January 7, 2011 Share Posted January 7, 2011 God forbid a man do something that exceeds expectations! Last I heard, OG couldn't stand it when guys weren't contacting her frequently. Now, she doesn't like it when guys call her daily. I honestly don't understand what she wants, and she gives us way more information than any new date has, I imagine. Does anyone stand a chance? Link to post Share on other sites
northern_sky Posted January 7, 2011 Share Posted January 7, 2011 I really don't think the fault likes with OG in her dating quest. I've seen the profiles of many of the guys she's dated. I've also skimmed through some of the prospects where she lives on OKC, the site she uses. The pickings are incredibly slim where she lives. The site is apparently less popular in Australia, so that's part of the problem. In NY, she'd have a much easier time finding interesting men on a dating site. Doing a similar search in NY, I found plenty of guys who looked interesting. But I seriously found like one or two dudes in her area who seemed like bf material. She and I look for pretty similar traits: attractive, very intelligent, fun, loyal, not weird. She's making an effort, but she just doesn't have much to work with here. I've been honestly surprised by some of the guys she has even considered. Link to post Share on other sites
northern_sky Posted January 7, 2011 Share Posted January 7, 2011 God forbid a man do something that exceeds expectations! Last I heard, OG couldn't stand it when guys weren't contacting her frequently. Now, she doesn't like it when guys call her daily. I honestly don't understand what she wants, and she gives us way more information than any new date has, I imagine. Does anyone stand a chance? See my post above. You should seriously see the profiles of some of these guys she's given chances to. I'm sure they are people you'd never consider. Link to post Share on other sites
zengirl Posted January 7, 2011 Share Posted January 7, 2011 (edited) I'm not talking about the 'pickings.' OKC isn't as good everywhere, surely. But I remember many posts by her before when she said it was a bad sign if guys didn't text her/chat with her plentifully. Now it's a bad sign if they do. I'm so confused. And her description of this guy's profile sounds good enough. But if it isn't good enough, why go out with him? I don't get it. But also . . . I don't know, the site isn't popular in Seoul or Tokyo really, and most people there don't even speak English, and I did okay with it. Still found some cool people off of it. It wasn't the only method I used to date though. Though I do think dating sites in general aren't great outside of metro areas, and I'm not sure where in Australia OG lives. Edited January 7, 2011 by zengirl Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted January 7, 2011 Share Posted January 7, 2011 This guy gives off really weird vibes and am not sure what to think of him. Firstly, he insisted on talking on the phone before we meet. Usually guys don't care for that and are happy enough to set up a date via text. Since we talked on the phone few days ago, he has been calling every day since (even though we have already set up the date). He wants to chat about what he had for breakfast and lunch and other pointless c... I don't like talking on the phone at all so this is a bit much. Today he kind of flaked and wanted to move our date from 3pm to 6pm tomorrow. I wasn't free so we re-scheduled for Sunday. He is already showing signs of inconsistency. My expectations are non-existent. He keeps saying that he wants to see if we click in person. I am happy to be platonic friends before we date but I am not happy to have sex within the first few dates. We will see. OG, you want clear signs of "high interest" before any type of relationship has been established. I had a lot of online dating experience before meeting S that way. Talking on the phone was an important facet of developing any level of interest. I don't like to talk on the phone either, and back then I especially disliked it since I was on the phone a lot for work much of the day. I write better than I talk. BUT, the sound of a person's voice ... how conversation develops and flows, or not ... what brings a laugh ... those things are all meaningful. I was interested in guys from their profile or messaging who I decided not to even meet after phone conversations. Just my perspective. Link to post Share on other sites
northern_sky Posted January 7, 2011 Share Posted January 7, 2011 I'm not talking about the 'pickings.' OKC isn't as good everywhere, surely. But I remember many posts by her before when she said it was a bad sign if guys didn't text her/chat with her plentifully. Now it's a bad sign if they do. I'm so confused. I suspect this has more to do with her overall enthusiasm for the guy than anything. If she's not that into him already, she's going to find fault in his behavior. And honestly this guy's behavior would set off a few yellow flags for me too. I don't understand this business about wanting to be friends first. Seems like an out for taking the coward's route if he's not interested. He also demonstrates insecurity, rigidity and control issues -- wanting to have daily communication before even arranging a date, asking her how many guys she's met off the site, setting "rules" like he did with the friend thing. Behavior even in the very early stages reveals a lot, and I think people are often too forgiving about this kind of stuff when they could avoid some disappointing experiences. OG is already getting burnt out from all the dating, and she could stand to be more selective about who is worth her time. Link to post Share on other sites
Stockalone Posted January 7, 2011 Share Posted January 7, 2011 You've never heard that before? It's just another way of saying he'd like to get to know her before jumping in the sack as most people expect to do these days. I got what it meant, but I don't understand why it is called "let's be friends first". This could very well be a language problem on my end, though. Is it (friends first) just a figure of speech? Link to post Share on other sites
northern_sky Posted January 7, 2011 Share Posted January 7, 2011 But also . . . I don't know, the site isn't popular in Seoul or Tokyo really, and most people there don't even speak English, and I did okay with it. Still found some cool people off of it. It wasn't the only method I used to date though. Though I do think dating sites in general aren't great outside of metro areas, and I'm not sure where in Australia OG lives. Even if they aren't as many to select from in those areas, maybe the selection is better for whatever reason. Also, I think it's easier to find desirable single young guys. OG is looking in the 30+ range. Link to post Share on other sites
northern_sky Posted January 7, 2011 Share Posted January 7, 2011 I would say the disparity in desire for oral communication and the narrow parameter applied to the time allowance for the date are probably red flags here, exclusive of the 'friend's first' thing. OP, I must say, with a lifetime of women under my belt, you are definitely one of the few who doesn't like to talk on the phone. Of course, most women do prefer to talk about *themselves* so that might be one component of the dynamic. It's something I watch for carefully when sizing up a potential. While YMMV, I found a point last year where I didn't really feel positive about dating and was finding nit-picky negative things to focus on, so I just discontinued. Retrospectively, for myself, that was a healthy choice. You seem to be considering something similar so I offer this in support of following how you feel. If you try discontinuing and it doesn't work out, you can always go back. Good luck I hate talking on the phone as well. Link to post Share on other sites
SmileFace Posted January 7, 2011 Share Posted January 7, 2011 I refuse to believe her trouble in finding a LTR is because of the "pickings" in her area... Link to post Share on other sites
donnamaybe Posted January 7, 2011 Share Posted January 7, 2011 So now asking to get to know a person before having sex with them is "setting rules?" No wonder. Link to post Share on other sites
northern_sky Posted January 7, 2011 Share Posted January 7, 2011 Yeah, and you "never know" because they just disappear without telling you anything, which is my point. I hate it when people do that... Link to post Share on other sites
northern_sky Posted January 7, 2011 Share Posted January 7, 2011 I refuse to believe her trouble in finding a LTR is because of the "pickings" in her area... maybe you should take a peek at the pickings where she lives before forming a judgment. Link to post Share on other sites
northern_sky Posted January 7, 2011 Share Posted January 7, 2011 So now asking to get to know a person before having sex with them is "setting rules?" No wonder. no, it's just the odd way he phrased it. like what exactly does that mean when you're on a dating site? in accordance with the calling ever day before arranging a meet and asking how many guys she's met, it suggests a certain level of rigidity. Link to post Share on other sites
SmileFace Posted January 7, 2011 Share Posted January 7, 2011 maybe you should take a peek at the pickings where she lives before forming a judgment. I live in NY and my pickings are small enough . So , eh -- I am not judging on that aspect. Believe me. Link to post Share on other sites
donnamaybe Posted January 7, 2011 Share Posted January 7, 2011 no, it's just the odd way he phrased it.I've heard it put that way MANY times. It's a catchphrase often used to let people know someone isnn't some kind of pussy hunter. I s'pose it would've been better had his profile stated "I'd like to get to know you before I fk you." You and she have had such wonderful success. You just keep cheering each other on. I'm sure y'all will do just great this year. Link to post Share on other sites
northern_sky Posted January 7, 2011 Share Posted January 7, 2011 I You and she have had such wonderful success. You just keep cheering each other on. I'm sure y'all will do just great this year. That's really a low blow, Donna. Link to post Share on other sites
SmileFace Posted January 7, 2011 Share Posted January 7, 2011 I've heard it put that way MANY times. It's a catchphrase often used to let people know someone isnn't some kind of pussy hunter. I s'pose it would've been better had his profile stated "I'd like to get to know you before I fk you." You and she have had such wonderful success. You just keep cheering each other on. I'm sure y'all will do just great this year. I am going to put this in my profile. Or " Want to know your last name before you stick it " That may work Link to post Share on other sites
northern_sky Posted January 7, 2011 Share Posted January 7, 2011 I've encouraged OG to try to meet guys irl, because I think she'll have an easier time meeting interesting men there. I think that's mostly where she errs. She keeps hoping this online thing will pan out, but it keeps sending more duds her way. But I can understand why she does it because it is a hell of a lot easier than putting yourself out there irl, having to flirt and possibly facing a lot more rejection. Link to post Share on other sites
donnamaybe Posted January 7, 2011 Share Posted January 7, 2011 That's really a low blow, Donna. I'm sorry, but both of you make these threads, continue on in the same old vein with your overthinking things and assumptions regarding dating, make the same mistakes over and over, and then when everything goes to hell, you just can't understand why. There's really no point in looking for differing viewpoints if you never consider using a different technique or making some attempt to change anything. You don't listen to anyone on this forum. It's sad, really, because you both seem like such nice gals, but I tell ya I'd like to grab one by the left ear, one by the right ear, and smack your heads together sometimes just to try to knock in some sense. And that's even worse because you are NOT dumb! Not by a long shot! Link to post Share on other sites
Mad Max Posted January 7, 2011 Share Posted January 7, 2011 I'm sorry, but both of you make these threads, continue on in the same old vein with your overthinking things and assumptions regarding dating, make the same mistakes over and over, and then when everything goes to hell, you just can't understand why. There's really no point in looking for differing viewpoints if you never consider using a different technique or making some attempt to change anything. You don't listen to anyone on this forum. It's sad, really, because you both seem like such nice gals, but I tell ya I'd like to grab one by the left ear, one by the right ear, and smack your heads together sometimes just to try to knock in some sense. And that's even worse because you are NOT dumb! Not by a long shot! I have to agree. The threads are almost repetitive and match each other almost to a T. I believe it was Star Gazer that said that with both of them, they are just looking for a reason to claim why a failed relationship/fling didn't work. But you are right, they're not dumb at all. Far from it actually. I read their threads and it makes me want to pound my head on the table. Link to post Share on other sites
northern_sky Posted January 7, 2011 Share Posted January 7, 2011 I'm sorry, but both of you make these threads, continue on in the same old vein with your overthinking things and assumptions regarding dating, make the same mistakes over and over, and then when everything goes to hell, you just can't understand why. There's really no point in looking for differing viewpoints if you never consider using a different technique or making some attempt to change anything. You don't listen to anyone on this forum. It's sad, really, because you both seem like such nice gals, but I tell ya I'd like to grab one by the left ear, one by the right ear, and smack your heads together sometimes just to try to knock in some sense. And that's even worse because you are NOT dumb! Not by a long shot! I don't think either of us suffers from being too picky. If anything it's the opposite -- over-investing in people who are incompatible or not relationship material themselves. Link to post Share on other sites
Mad Max Posted January 7, 2011 Share Posted January 7, 2011 I don't think either of us suffers from being too picky. If anything it's the opposite -- over-investing in people who are incompatible or not relationship material themselves. It's not an issue of being picky/not picky. You invest in the wrong people and when it comes to decent people, you look for every reason to blame them for something. Link to post Share on other sites
donnamaybe Posted January 7, 2011 Share Posted January 7, 2011 I've encouraged OG to try to meet guys irl, because I think she'll have an easier time meeting interesting men there. I think that's mostly where she errs. She keeps hoping this online thing will pan out, but it keeps sending more duds her way. But I can understand why she does it because it is a hell of a lot easier than putting yourself out there irl, having to flirt and possibly facing a lot more rejection. It is a better idea, IMO, to meet people IRL. Not that there aren't nice guys online, but I agree that real life meetups are a better starting point. As for this "having to flirt" business, no. She doesn't "have to flirt." She should just be out there having a good time. She's pretty and smart, and she WILL catch a guy's eye just by being herself. But she has to lighten up. Just LET things happen. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts