donnamaybe Posted January 7, 2011 Posted January 7, 2011 Did, didn't, did, didn't. Um, okay. OG, you really should just go out with the guy and see what happens. You might really hit it off. At least he actually wants to TALK to you before jumping your bones.
carhill Posted January 7, 2011 Posted January 7, 2011 From a man's perspective, he upped the afternoon date to a more serious 6pm date on a weekend, indicating his willingness and availability, and she had left herself little more flexibility to allow it, declining. Friends-first, talks on the phone, serious weekend date, plus being hot. Overwhelming. I certainly wouldn't want to date a woman who showed me this kind of interest. There must be something wrong with her Well, at least now I know how I appear to women, except for the 'hot' part. Scary
EasyHeart Posted January 7, 2011 Posted January 7, 2011 This guy gives off really weird vibes and am not sure what to think of him. Firstly, he insisted on talking on the phone before we meet. Usually guys don't care for that and are happy enough to set up a date via text. Since we talked on the phone few days ago, he has been calling every day since (even though we have already set up the date). He wants to chat about what he had for breakfast and lunch and other pointless c... I don't like talking on the phone at all so this is a bit much. Today he kind of flaked and wanted to move our date from 3pm to 6pm tomorrow. I wasn't free so we re-scheduled for Sunday. He is already showing signs of inconsistency. My expectations are non-existent. He keeps saying that he wants to see if we click in person. I am happy to be platonic friends before we date but I am not happy to have sex within the first few dates. We will see.All of his behavior that you describe seems quite normal and not at all "weird". He is trying to get to know you; that's what dating is for. You would go out with someone who set up a date via text? Really? Ewww. THAT, to me, is weird. And disrespectful. It sounds to me like you have already sabotaged this potential relationship and you haven't even met the poor guy yet.
donnamaybe Posted January 7, 2011 Posted January 7, 2011 From a man's perspective, he upped the afternoon date to a more serious 6pm date on a weekend, indicating his willingness and availability, and she had left herself little more flexibility to allow it, declining. Friends-first, talks on the phone, serious weekend date, plus being hot. Overwhelming. I certainly wouldn't want to date a woman who showed me this kind of interest. There must be something wrong with her See, now I was wondering that myself. The date was for 3:00, but she's already unavailable at 6? So there was a rather rigid time limit put on it to begin with, it seems.
carhill Posted January 7, 2011 Posted January 7, 2011 Oh, for clarity, I was reversing genders, not reflecting upon the OP in any way with this comment: I certainly wouldn't want to date a woman who showed me this kind of interest. There must be something wrong with herIOW, ascribing aspects of this man and his behavior to a theoretical woman who had approached me for dating.
BackUpOrGetStung Posted January 7, 2011 Posted January 7, 2011 Did, didn't, did, didn't. Um, okay. You're twisting it to sound that way. If you'd read and quoted what I said in it's entirety, not just the parts you like, everything is entirely consistent.
donnamaybe Posted January 7, 2011 Posted January 7, 2011 Oh, for clarity, I was reversing genders, not reflecting upon the OP in any way with this comment: IOW, ascribing aspects of this man and his behavior to a theoretical woman who had approached me for dating.So you're not interested in a woman who wants to have some conversations AND take you out for a date that isn't limited to 3 hours?
Stockalone Posted January 7, 2011 Posted January 7, 2011 OMG, I cannot BELIEVE people find this "weird" or anything else of the sort! Better if he were looking to get RIGHT into someone's pants like MOST guys are? Seems to me one would be happy to have the pressure OFF about all that crap and be allowed time to actually get to know a person's brain before intimately knowing their junk. Sorry. It wasn't obvious to me, really. I just don't get why someone can't conceive of the idea that a guy wants to get in a girl's head before he gets in her pants. Are we really that jaded? Has everyone known only neanderthals to date? For me, sex is the last step in the getting-to-know-you process. But friends first isn't what I would call it. There is dating, and there is making friends. And they are certainly not the same. But the key word here is "first." Friends "first." Of course you don't date to be JUST friends, but being friends "first" indicates there would be more to follow and that being friends is a higher priority than just getting laid. Here is the thing I don't understand about friends first. How is dating the same as making a new friend? I don't date a woman because I am looking for a new friend, I date because I want a relationship. When I ask a woman out, it's because I find her attractive. Then, on those dates, I try to determine if I like her personality. Do we have common interests, shared values, how smart is she, what kind of person is she. Basically, am I impressed by her? Do I like spending time with her, how well do we get along? Those kind of things. Now, when I don't get along with her, I don't keep dating her. Why would I remain friends with her if I don't get along with the woman? And when I do like spending time with her, and we get along well, I want a relationship with her. If she feels the same, we become a couple. Friendship and trust are part of being a couple. But the friendship is tied to the relationship for me. When the relationship ends, so does the friendship. Granted, I do miss the friendship, but it's all or nothing for me. Therefore, if a woman I date determines that I am not the right guy for her to have a relationship with, why should I remain her friend?
donnamaybe Posted January 7, 2011 Posted January 7, 2011 Um, I don't think his profile said, "I want to be your friend in case we don't hit it off romantically."
donnamaybe Posted January 7, 2011 Posted January 7, 2011 OP, do what you want. No matter what, it's bound to go to you-know-where in a handbasket anyway.
BackUpOrGetStung Posted January 7, 2011 Posted January 7, 2011 Wow, we agree on something donnamaybe.
carhill Posted January 7, 2011 Posted January 7, 2011 So you're not interested in a woman who wants to have some conversations AND take you out for a date that isn't limited to 3 hours? on the original post = sarcasm From me, usually indicates a sarcastic riddle precedes or follows. It's old internet-speak. Sorry about any confusion. I've never had a woman ask me on a date so have no experience to draw from, but I can theorize.
donnamaybe Posted January 7, 2011 Posted January 7, 2011 on the original post = sarcasm From me, usually indicates a sarcastic riddle precedes or follows. It's old internet-speak. Sorry about any confusion. I've never had a woman ask me on a date so have no experience to draw from, but I can theorize.Maybe it's just too early, but I'm not following. Are you saying the guy wanting phone convo and a date longer than 3 hours is a bad thing? Sorry.
carhill Posted January 7, 2011 Posted January 7, 2011 No worries! Cat got me up at 5am this morning... I'm putting on the OP's bra and toting my sarcasm sachel. I certainly wouldn't want to date a <man> who showed me this kind of interest. There must be something wrong with <him>The hot man who wants to be friends-first, calls daily, wants to go out on Saturday evening, bla, bla.... IOW, I'd be on this date like stink on shyte, seriously.
donnamaybe Posted January 7, 2011 Posted January 7, 2011 No worries! Cat got me up at 5am this morning... I'm putting on the OP's bra and toting my sarcasm sachel. The hot man who wants to be friends-first, calls daily, wants to go out on Saturday evening, bla, bla.... IOW, I'd be on this date like stink on shyte, seriously. LMAO! Thanks for the roadmap, Carhill!
SmileFace Posted January 7, 2011 Posted January 7, 2011 His dating process sounds great. Some people have all the luck.
Author OceanGirl Posted January 7, 2011 Author Posted January 7, 2011 His dating process sounds great. Some people have all the luck. I am not so sure. I don't like that he is already rescheduling without giving me the firm reason. He just said "I have a big day on Saturday so it would suit me better to meet at 6pm or later"....
donnamaybe Posted January 7, 2011 Posted January 7, 2011 I am not so sure. I don't like that he is already rescheduling without giving me the firm reason. He just said "I have a big day on Saturday so it would suit me better to meet at 6pm or later"....And what he said isn't reason enough? You seriously need him to go into all the details of WHY his Saturday is a big day? It would seem to me that he's wanting to ensure he isn't running late for your date. Man, you sure pick things apart...
SmileFace Posted January 7, 2011 Posted January 7, 2011 I am not so sure. I don't like that he is already rescheduling without giving me the firm reason. He just said "I have a big day on Saturday so it would suit me better to meet at 6pm or later".... You know life doesn't actually revolve around you? I mean that in the nicest way. He had the decency and only rescheduled for 3 hours later. I really don't see the big deal. Firm reason? You don't deserve a reason . You don't need a reason. He doesn't have to give a reason. Stop thinking so much. It is only a first date. Please just live and stop the whole over-thinking process. I know personally it is hard but it is on going to be make dating more daunting for you.
zengirl Posted January 7, 2011 Posted January 7, 2011 And what he said isn't reason enough? You seriously need him to go into all the details of WHY his Saturday is a big day? It would seem to me that he's wanting to ensure he isn't running late for your date. Man, you sure pick things apart... Seconded. I mean, ideally, a person wouldn't have to reschedule a first date, but he only tried to change it by 3 hours initially (OG had plans, so it got moved back farther). That's not a big deal, really. Why not just allow things to happen sometimes, OG?
donnamaybe Posted January 7, 2011 Posted January 7, 2011 Seconded. I mean, ideally, a person wouldn't have to reschedule a first date, but he only tried to change it by 3 hours initially (OG had plans, so it got moved back farther). That's not a big deal, really. Why not just allow things to happen sometimes, OG?And if I were the guy and found out that three hours later she was busy I'd be thinking, "Man, so we make a date and she planned on bailing on me within 3 hours?" But he's not. He's willing to make further adjustments so they can get together.
zengirl Posted January 7, 2011 Posted January 7, 2011 And if I were the guy and found out that three hours later she was busy I'd be thinking, "Man, so we make a date and she planned on bailing on me within 3 hours?" But he's not. He's willing to make further adjustments so they can get together. I thought that too at first, that it was odd she had plans. But then I remembered where she met him, and for a first date/meet off the internet that was originally going to take place in the afternoon, I think having plans at night is fine. I never make too big a deal off of first internet dates, because you don't know what you're going to get---I usually just grab coffee or tea or something.
Stockalone Posted January 7, 2011 Posted January 7, 2011 Um, I don't think his profile said, "I want to be your friend in case we don't hit it off romantically." But what's the point of this friends first thing? I still don't get it.
donnamaybe Posted January 7, 2011 Posted January 7, 2011 But what's the point of this friends first thing? I still don't get it.You've never heard that before? It's just another way of saying he'd like to get to know her before jumping in the sack as most people expect to do these days.
northern_sky Posted January 7, 2011 Posted January 7, 2011 This guy gives off really weird vibes and am not sure what to think of him. Firstly, he insisted on talking on the phone before we meet. Usually guys don't care for that and are happy enough to set up a date via text. Since we talked on the phone few days ago, he has been calling every day since (even though we have already set up the date). He wants to chat about what he had for breakfast and lunch and other pointless c... I don't like talking on the phone at all so this is a bit much. Today he kind of flaked and wanted to move our date from 3pm to 6pm tomorrow. I wasn't free so we re-scheduled for Sunday. He is already showing signs of inconsistency. My expectations are non-existent. He keeps saying that he wants to see if we click in person. I am happy to be platonic friends before we date but I am not happy to have sex within the first few dates. We will see. doesn't sound good.
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