Taking the new relationship 1 step at a time

[Donutman]

Hey everyone,

I am so excited to be posting this thread

 

Some of you may remember me from a previous thread where my wife and I used to have an open relationship and it was amazing and great and then she had second thoughts about it and decided that wasn't right for her but after a few years she has decided she'd like to try it again.

 

This is our story and I'm hoping people out there find this as interesting as I do,so if you are curious to see if this kind of relationship can work keep checking back here as I'll be posting updates as it happens,also if you are in this kind of relationship and have advice or thoughts please feel free to share.

I'm also open to people who disagree with us but please be respectful and no name calling,okay?

 

here's our story,we've been married for 19 years,I'm 40 and she's in her mid 30s

contrary to what some thought from my previous post,we've always had a great sex life in our marriage,in fact way better than most I believe...we are both very open minded and adventurous

my wife is extremely sexual and had many partners previous to our marriage and is also bisexual and had 2 girlfriends during our marriage (which I am TOTALLY supportive and thrilled about)

we decided about 7 years or so ago to have an open relationship,starting out with her being able to see other girls and having a 3-way with her then girlfriend,unfortunately the girl my wife was seeing had a very jealous and possessive boyfriend who demanded they stop seeing each other

and my wife took the ending of that relationship very hard and decided to stop the open relationship all together without even asking my thoughts

 

in addition to seeing other girls,a guy she worked with one day asked her if we were swingers,up to this point we only were looking for other girls and had never opened it up further,but she told this guy 'yeah,we're swingers' they flirted a lot and we both almost got together with him and his wife,but both his wife and I felt weird about the fact they worked together and would see each other every day so that never happened...BUT it did open our lives to us looking for other people to be with sexually,the key was we were always honest

 

fast forward...after she decided we would no longer be in an open relationship,our sex life suffered,this has only been for the past 5 years or so as before that everything was AWESOME,after having the thrill of looking for new partners together,and seeing my wife with other women etc it was very very difficult to get thrilled and excited going back to a vanilla sex life (but in every other way our marriage was and is perfect,we are soul mates best friends and extremely honest) well anyways,I wrote here asking advice,was told I was horrible for even missing the old life and so I agreed to drop it...

my wife a few days ago said she'd like to get back in the open relationship and she said there was a guy she was very interested in,she had me go with her while she dressed up for him,flirted and set up a get together for this saturday,since then she's gotten back on the pill and our sex life is AWESOME again because we have something new to look forward to...the plan is every saturday is play night,the other 6 nights a week are just for her and me...and the only rules are we must always talk to each other before approaching anyone and we each have the right to say no if we feel uncomfortable...so far it's going great,we feel like teenagers again and the spark is definitely back...

she asked me if there are any girls I'm interested in being with,I told her there is a girl I used to work with that I would love to be with and she said that was great (since we don't work together anymore)

and we'll try to make that happen soon (I'll keep you posted)

 

my wife and this guy are going out for dinner saturday night...she picked out what she's going to wear,she is going to look amazing

 

we're both very nervous as this is the first time she'll be with another guy since she's been married and we're not sure how either one of us will feel but we have promised to be honest with each other and take it one step at a time,because as much as we're nervous,we're also very excited as to where this could take us,and we'd never know if it would work if we didn't try...what we DON'T want is to live all our lives always wondering if we could have enjoyed life even more together,if we could have had the safety and companionship of marriage but the thrill of new sexual experiences and best of all experiencing everything together

 

I do want to be very crystal clear,my wife brought this up the first time over 12 years ago,how she was bisexual and wanted to be with other women (and I was SO happy and thrilled) she also brought up being swingers and being with other couples (which I was nervous about but grew to love) and she was also the one to bring it up again a few days ago that she'd like to try it again and she had someone in mind...she was always very sexually active even before we met,where as I did not have many previous experiences at all so I was just as happy as a kid in a candy store...all this being said,some people were implying that I bullied my wife into this which is absolutely not the case,she suggested it every time,all I said during the period we were monogamous was that I missed the way it used to be but I loved her and would never want her to do anything that made her uncomfortable...even when our sex lives weren't great we were still having sex a few times a month and when we did it was great,and we were always close and had a perfect relationship in every other way even during the rough times

 

if you are curious to see what happens next...keep checking back,I'll post updates

if you have no interest in this,than thanks for taking the time to read it and have an awesome day

 

take care,

The Donutman:bunny:

[pyroguy]

Well, good luck to you. I hope you know what you're doing? It's a dangerous game you play.

 

I'll ask what I always ask of guy's like you and other swingers. Does it bother you that she is so excited..and about one particular guy? she's most likely not that excited to be with you. Why is she so excited? i don't know how you can't take it that personally.

 

What if the sex knocks her out? swingers always dismiss this. Well, actually, they never give me a straight answer, just one filled with the usual swinger buzz words that seem to come right out of swinger 101 class. Maybe I'm a guy and I think logically and literally, but if he's better, younger, better looking better endowed, , whatever, how does that make your sex life better? how does she go back to the sex that isn't as good? and despite what swingers say, there IS a better than or not. It's not always "just different" that's bull****!

 

Why have sex at all anymore? how does it not affect the intimacy? Knowing she may be thinking of someone else? how is that a boost to the ego and one's confidence,despite being previously confident.

 

Hey, you'll probably have a more exciting life than me, but I hope you're not going to become some sort of cuckold, which men are becoming so fond of these days. And, I hope you're not back here in a year with a sad ending.

 

Like I said, her interest in this guy, coupled with her sudden interest to start being open again, would bother me. Also, her night out is a date. thats's pretty intimate. Sure you want to go there?

 

Good luck my friend.

[Toodamnpragmatic]

Well, good luck to you. I hope you know what you're doing? It's a dangerous game you play.

 

I'll ask what I always ask of guy's like you and other swingers. Does it bother you that she is so excited..and about one particular guy? she's most likely not that excited to be with you. Why is she so excited? i don't know how you can't take it that personally.

 

What if the sex knocks her out? swingers always dismiss this. Well, actually, they never give me a straight answer, just one filled with the usual swinger buzz words that seem to come right out of swinger 101 class. Maybe I'm a guy and I think logically and literally, but if he's better, younger, better looking better endowed, , whatever, how does that make your sex life better? how does she go back to the sex that isn't as good? and despite what swingers say, there IS a better than or not. It's not always "just different" that's bull****!

 

Why have sex at all anymore? how does it not affect the intimacy? Knowing she may be thinking of someone else? how is that a boost to the ego and one's confidence,despite being previously confident.

 

Hey, you'll probably have a more exciting life than me, but I hope you're not going to become some sort of cuckold, which men are becoming so fond of these days. And, I hope you're not back here in a year with a sad ending.

 

Like I said, her interest in this guy, coupled with her sudden interest to start being open again, would bother me. Also, her night out is a date. thats's pretty intimate. Sure you want to go there?

 

Good luck my friend.

 

and if the sex is worse, why bother??? or is it then on to the next searching for better???

 

Then comes home life.... Aren't you petrified that every fight/disagreement pushes her to someone else (i.e. "I don't need to put up with this crap")?

 

BTW add to that I see it as a cuckold relationship. His wife is going on a date Saturday night and screwing another guy. What is he doing? Watching the NFL playoffs? Doing laundry and cleaning house?

 

Donutman, no need to answer, we know where you stand....

 

BTW, I keep losing track.... Donutman and his spouse have been together 19 years, she's mid 30's. Thus Donutman met her she was a teenager, and she already had a history with men. Sounds off to me.

Edited January 7, 2011 by Toodamnpragmatic