! I Miss Him!

[SweetSweetStrawberry]

Almost four months ago I made the biggest mistake of my life. I was checking up on my current boyfriend at the time who is now my ex on a dating profile he had. It showed me that it was active within 2 weeks and this made me upset because I thought maybe he wanted to see other people. So knowing that he had work the next day I foolishly called him up and said "We need to talk NOW" he wanted to wait but I insisted. So about a half hour later he came and looked all worried. I got in the car and we started driving. I asked him about the site and he explained to me how even by checking an email from the website he was considered to be "active". We talked for a while and he decided it was best that we break up. That night a part of me died. I told him that my heart was his and always would be and that I was "different" from other girls. He "pushed me away"(figuratively) and so a few days later I made a profile on a dating website and eventually started talking with this one guy. So we agreed to meet a week later. We went to this festival which was taking place in front of the apartments where my ex lived. So we walked around and I didn't see my ex anywhere. But then while we were going down the hill back to the car, we ran into my ex who was coming up the hill to go home. I cannot describe the feeling that came over me when that happened. And it turns out they knew each other in some way. We remained casual about it but I sent him a text later and the next day he sent me a rather long and brutally honest email. When we communicated prior to that incident he never wrote anything like that to me. So I started dating the other guy and while we were driving around a few times I saw my ex driving, twice. Now I know that where I live it's a pretty big city and it was just strange that twice while driving with this guy, I saw my ex. My mouth dropped both times, I started shaking, and I kept saying "Oh my God, Oh my God". Now that it's a new year and a new start I am finally realizing that this guy is not the one for me and never was. And that I still miss my ex. Is it possible to fix this mess somehow? Please advise me if there is anything that could be done, I would do anything to be with him again. Thank You!

[Rose T]

Almost four months ago I made the biggest mistake of my life. I was checking up on my current boyfriend at the time who is now my ex on a dating profile he had. It showed me that it was active within 2 weeks and this made me upset because I thought maybe he wanted to see other people.

 

Ok. So you saw that your guy was active on a dating website? That wasn't very cool of him. You were perfectly within your rights to call him out on that as his girlfriend.

 

So knowing that he had work the next day I foolishly called him up and said "We need to talk NOW" he wanted to wait but I insisted. So about a half hour later he came and looked all worried. I got in the car and we started driving. I asked him about the site and he explained to me how even by checking an email from the website he was considered to be "active". We talked for a while and he decided it was best that we break up.

 

Honey, it looks like he didn't like being caught out and called out on the dating website thing. But you were totally right to tell him that you weren't happy with him keeping his options open in this way. Unfortunately, this perhaps made him realise that he couldn't 'get away' with behaving like that in your relationship any more (because you are smart, and don't accept certain behaviours) so he cried off the relationship. He didn't try to mend things, didn't try to make you feel better, or cancel his dating membership... he flaked out. That says a lot about his character.

 

....Now that it's a new year and a new start I am finally realizing that this guy is not the one for me and never was. And that I still miss my ex. Is it possible to fix this mess somehow? Please advise me if there is anything that could be done, I would do anything to be with him again. Thank You!

 

It's understandable that you were angry and upset with your ex and wanted to hurt him with the new guy... but you were never really interested in the new guy, right? You wanted to try and get a reaction out of your ex. You did make your ex angry, I guess, but you didn't 'damage' your chances with your ex because he'd already wimped out of your relationship. I'd break it off with the new guy (cos it's not really fair on him, and you don't like him anyway) and just concentrate on yourself for a bit. It's probably not worth spending any more time, energy or heartache on your ex. No contact is the way forward for now, it really is - to heal and get your dignity back as far as your ex is concerned.