Vesna Posted January 7, 2011 Share Posted January 7, 2011 I have decided to put my preoccupation with my weight gain to use, by losing it. I have a morbidly obese friend who has a very giving nature in that she brings stuff for my pantry and for us to eat together. In the last couple of months she has brought food that I do not want to include in my diet and anything she has cooked has a high fat/carb/salt content. I get a bit skittish about this as I know her kitchen is also pretty gross. I have noticed she gets annoyed, and I suspect insulted if people don't want her food. This has been apparent by the way my ill neighbour refuses to come over when she insists that I invite him and when she gives him vitamin supplements he also refuses. I can see the hurt and I understand the food/love association to which so many people subscribe. She insists that I eat with her, when really I think the worms in my compost would do better and often she tells me that she was like me twenty years ago (I am 45, she is 63) and if I don't watch out I will end up like her. She complains constantly about her ailments and uses them to her advantage, even suggesting I buy a bigger chair for her to fit in. My choice of chair-size is related to my vigilance re my weight if you know what I mean. Has anyone experienced this with well-meaning friends? How did you handle it? Is there really more to the expression of love through food going on here or am I just paranoid? Link to post Share on other sites
Faded_x Posted January 7, 2011 Share Posted January 7, 2011 When you've been trying to "reject" her food, what is it you've said/done? I would just say something like "I've really been trying to lose weight/watch what I eat lately. The kinds of foods you bring over really aren't helping with that!" Keep it light hearted and jokingly-serious (if you get what I mean). If she takes offense to this, then she is just too sensitive. I know you said you also have a problem with it due to her dirty kitchen; but I would definitely just keep it about your health. She really can't complain about that. If it gets to it, you'll just have to be firm. "No, this is my house; and I will eat what I want to eat in it. You're welcome to eat it here, but I'll be having something else". No one can make you eat something you don't want to! You're a grown woman, not a child. As for suggesting things like buying a bigger chair... Well, next time she mentions it, I would just say something like "You're welcome to bring one over to have here for when you're here, if you'd like". You shouldn't have to go around catering to someone elses needs, just because they don't like the size of your furniture. It's ridiculous! Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted January 7, 2011 Share Posted January 7, 2011 Every one has some silly things things about their personalities.. quirks, or even some bad qualities, such as being selfish, or being meladramatic.... But asking you to you to buy a bigger chair, instead of losing her excessweight = an obese and lazy person unwilling to better themselves. NOTE: I realize NOT ALL OBESE PEOPLE ARE LAZY. Sorry, but she needs to sort out her health, and as her friend, it is your job to try to just tell her what the truth; get gelp, lose some weight, educate yourself on getting healtthy and as a result, u will stop getting oever one else to accept food just to make yourself feel okay about your unacceptable phsysicaly state. Or, tell her to " maintain your obese state, and continue to annoy people by getting them to accept your food and go on making stupid and socially inept statements regarding your weight problem, such as friends buying larger chairs to accommodate your large butt. I KNOW some people are genetically predisposed to gaining weight very easily, not to mention other medical problems that cause weight gain.. howeever, your friend, and people like your friend, should at least learn to be healthy and thick, rather than unhealthy and big. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Vesna Posted January 8, 2011 Author Share Posted January 8, 2011 Thanks to both of you for your replies. I admit I have a weakness for saying nothing at all if I am annoyed by someone's sabotaging behaviour, even to the point of being passive-aggressive. For example, I will putting my rather large office chair (the one she sits/fits on) away and replacing it with a stool before she next arrives and she won't have a choice but to sit on a stool and balance herself. If she asks for the chair, I will tell her that I don't want to be too comfortable and need to retrain my posture and practice some self-discipline. I know she will hate it. I am sick of enabling this woman. My instincts tell me that she feels lousy enough about her own situation to try and make mine just as bad, and it insults me that she doesn't see me as stronger. I'm aware that there are many people who feel confronted when a friend is being successful in whatever ventures and I myself have put this confrontation to use over my lifetime by seeing it as an example. She is just like my mother, who I have kept a healthy distance from for nearly five years, due to her toxic, angry behaviour. That said, my mother's behaviour is more aggressive as far as passivity goes, that is she used to sabotage my food right in front of me. Come on older ladies, maybe if you stop envying and started championing our causes we wouldn't be a threat to you. Envy is a killer. Link to post Share on other sites
jose987 Posted January 14, 2011 Share Posted January 14, 2011 Learn to say NO man if you want to a good health. Seriously, your body has been absorbing all the junk for many years now and its high time you put an end to it. Instead of wining, just tell your friend to stop influencing you because I think you are concerned about health. Bad food leads to a lot of problems in the future. Take care and all the best. Link to post Share on other sites
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