BS harassing me

[blizzard]

Long story short. I got involved with an old friend that was supposingly divorcing. He pursued me. Made a ton of promises to me. He encouraged me to have faith in our relationship. We were involved emotionally and physically for nearly 2yrs. I was seperated...with no reconcillation in my marriage. Someone sent an anonymous letter to BS...probably my stbx. So, BS goes on to his fb account and posts horrible things about me which in turn shows on my page. Nasty comments. Dday was occurring. She hits me with an email asking me to call her. I did not. Her emails/fb behavior led me to feel it wasn't the right time. A NC letter was emailed by MM and his wife. They were "rebuilding" their marriage. I called him a few days later for closure. He told me that he had minimized our affair to her. That he did not tell her that we exchanged "I love you's" or felt any love.That we merely had a few lunch dates and im'ed. He said it was to protect me because she was threatening to ruin my life. He was staying because she was going to rehab for binge drinking...and he owed it to her. That he made vows to her and loved her first. BLAH BLAH BLAH. You know the story.

 

Now, 8 months later and successful NC...I am moving on. Good days and bad days, but I am stronger. And she hits me again on a social network. Very nasty comments. Claiming that I was the one that pursued her man. Using profanity and calling me names.

 

What should I do? I honestly think that maybe our talk is long overdue. I respected NC...what more? What is she going to pull next? Should I call him and tell him to call her off and to just be honest with her?

 

Does she really think that I pursued him so viciously? If I did, why would I put 8 months distance between us? He hurt me too. Lied to me. But I respected their request... cried my eyes out...and tried to pick up the pieces of my life. I didn't contact her in the beginning because I didn't want to confuse her with his lies and my honesty. She wouldn't believe me. And she seemed hostile, angry.

 

I can't block his network page (she has deactivates his acct) but pops up and reactivates it to stalk my page I guess.

 

Oddly enough, I prayed about this two days ago. Whether I should come to light with all of this...tell her the truth. And out of blue here she is...

 

Is it time to come clean to her about her husband?

Edited January 7, 2011 by blizzard

[desertIslandCactus]

Long story short. I got involved with an old friend that was supposingly divorcing. He pursued me. Made a ton of promises to me. He encouraged me to have faith in our relationship. We were involved emotionally and physically for nearly 2yrs. I was seperated...with no reconcillation in my marriage. Someone sent an anonymous letter to BS...probably my stbx. So, BS goes on to his fb account and posts horrible things about me which in turn shows on my page. Nasty comments. Dday was occurring. She hits me with an email asking me to call her. I did not. Her emails/fb behavior led me to feel it wasn't the right time. A NC letter was emailed by MM and his wife. They were "rebuilding" their marriage. I called him a few days later for closure. He told me that he had minimized our affair to her. That he did not tell her that we exchanged "I love you's" or felt any love.That we merely had a few lunch dates and im'ed. He said it was to protect me because she was threatening to ruin my life. He was staying because she was going to rehab for binge drinking...and he owed it to her. That he made vows to her and loved her first. BLAH BLAH BLAH. You know the story.

 

Now, 8 months later and successful NC...I am moving on. Good days and bad days, but I am stronger. And she hits me again on a social network. Very nasty comments. Claiming that I was the one that pursued her man. Using profanity and calling me names.

 

What should I do? I honestly think that maybe our talk is long overdue. I respected NC...what more? What is she going to pull next? Should I call him and tell him to call her off and to just be honest with her?

 

Does she really think that I pursued him so viciously? If I did, why would I put 8months distance between us? I can't block him (she has deactivates his acct) but pops up and reactivates it to stalk my page I guess.

 

Oddly enough, I prayed about this two days ago. Whether I should come to light with all of this...tell her the truth. And out of blue here she is...

 

It's a hard decision. Obviously he doesn't have the influence to "call her off". And he has probably lied to both of you - so why talk to him.

 

On the other hand, it appears she hasn't earned anyone's respect if she continues to taunt you.

 

Naturally she deserves the truth, but she hasn't asked for the discussion in the right manner yet.

[blizzard]

She emailed me one last time after dday asking "how long have you been iming my husband." I never responded. I felt like the finger was pointed at me...like her poor husband was my victim. so I felt our talk would go nowhere. I let it go.

I hate myself now for it.

[whichwayisup]

He threw you under the bus, and chose his wife, that's the bottom line.

 

She is bothering you and a few days ago you wished for this opportunity. Now it's presented itself. What does your gut say? Ignore her and continue to go on with your life? Or do you feel giving her your side of things, answering her questions would help you and her let go and heal? Don't be concerned about their marriage or what you might say will affect him and her. That damage has been done and she isn't stupid, she knows there's more to the story and is looking for answers. Remember too, you only know what he has told you and I'm sure even though he told you he minimized the affair, you really have no idea exactly word for word what he told her.

 

Whatever you decide, stick to it. If you tell, be honest and answer everything she needs to know. Or, ignore her and go on with your life. Whatever you do, do NOT call him and give him a heads up. You owe him nothing.

[desertIslandCactus]

She emailed me one last time after dday asking "how long have you been iming my husband." I never responded. I felt like the finger was pointed at me...like her poor husband was my victim. so I felt our talk would go nowhere. I let it go.

I hate myself now for it.

 

I would want to disclose to her too.

 

But it doesn't seem right to do so because or when she is publically blasting you.. I would think she should come back to decency first. Perhaps she will at another time.

[whichwayisup]

She emailed me one last time after dday asking "how long have you been iming my husband." I never responded. I felt like the finger was pointed at me...like her poor husband was my victim. so I felt our talk would go nowhere. I let it go.

I hate myself now for it.

 

Sounds like he layed out the cards a certain way and now she isn't really believing him and is questioning his sincerity.

 

If you do talk to her, let her know you will answer questions but she has to be calmer and not freak out at you.

[2themoon&back]

Long story short. I got involved with an old friend that was supposingly divorcing. He pursued me. Made a ton of promises to me. He encouraged me to have faith in our relationship. We were involved emotionally and physically for nearly 2yrs. I was seperated...with no reconcillation in my marriage. Someone sent an anonymous letter to BS...probably my stbx. So, BS goes on to his fb account and posts horrible things about me which in turn shows on my page. Nasty comments. Dday was occurring. She hits me with an email asking me to call her. I did not. Her emails/fb behavior led me to feel it wasn't the right time. A NC letter was emailed by MM and his wife. They were "rebuilding" their marriage. I called him a few days later for closure. He told me that he had minimized our affair to her. That he did not tell her that we exchanged "I love you's" or felt any love.That we merely had a few lunch dates and im'ed. He said it was to protect me because she was threatening to ruin my life. He was staying because she was going to rehab for binge drinking...and he owed it to her. That he made vows to her and loved her first. BLAH BLAH BLAH. You know the story.

 

Now, 8 months later and successful NC...I am moving on. Good days and bad days, but I am stronger. And she hits me again on a social network. Very nasty comments. Claiming that I was the one that pursued her man. Using profanity and calling me names.

 

What should I do? I honestly think that maybe our talk is long overdue. I respected NC...what more? What is she going to pull next? Should I call him and tell him to call her off and to just be honest with her?

 

Does she really think that I pursued him so viciously? If I did, why would I put 8 months distance between us? He hurt me too. Lied to me. But I respected their request... cried my eyes out...and tried to pick up the pieces of my life. I didn't contact her in the beginning because I didn't want to confuse her with his lies and my honesty. She wouldn't believe me. And she seemed hostile, angry.

 

I can't block his network page (she has deactivates his acct) but pops up and reactivates it to stalk my page I guess.

 

Oddly enough, I prayed about this two days ago. Whether I should come to light with all of this...tell her the truth. And out of blue here she is...

 

Is it time to come clean to her about her husband?

 

Tread lightly here, xMM's BS did ruin my life and how.

 

She did know all the truth and she wanted to make me suffer in a big way and I have and still do and she is still telling lies about me to people that know me, but I have chosen to keep records and may file a complaint with the Police to have on record in case she contacts me again.

 

I closed my fb account so she could not check me out there or have her friends try to befriend me there. I have always been honest with her and respected her request but she will always blame me and she has a right to, but if I cannot get all bunny boiling neither can she, there is a point when ok enough is enough and after 8 months NC should give you some creditability IMO and she cannot bang you up emotionally at her whim.

 

Think this out looking at all angles before you act please.... him telling you he minimized it for the reasons he gave you may be the one honest thing he told you.

 

Good Luck and be safe :bunny:

[whichwayisup]

I can't block his network page (she has deactivates his acct) but pops up and reactivates it to stalk my page I guess.

 

The best thing you can do is, close that account and set up a new one, invite friends and set your privacy settings to noone can search for you, or only friends of friends can find you.

[thissecretgirl]

Tread lightly here, xMM's BS did ruin my life and how.

 

 

 

This. It was the same in my case

 

Please be careful. I agree she does have a right to know the truth, but you dont know who you are dealing with here and if she is already acting in this way now it could aggrevate the situation and her reactions.

 

I know how you feel, I felt the same way too. I wanted the truth out there, not just his lies. But ask yourself what you can achieve. If the motive is just get to the truth heard, the chances are she wont buy what you tell her anyway. She has made her choice to try and forgive him and he has made his to stay. If you tell it as it is, I think he will simply try to appease her and tell her you are lying etc.

Unfortunately I dont think you will achieve anything apart from the risk of antagonising her.

 

I also think you have done tremendously well with the 8 months NC. You should really give yourself apat on the back for that. Why spoil it now.

 

Take the moral high ground. You have moved on and at the end of the day you know and he knows what happened and the extent of your relationship.

 

I would close your current fb account and do as others have recommended and open another private/friends only one.

 

You have a great future to look forward to. A fresh start.

 

Personally I'd leave all that behind now where it belongs, in the past.

[always_waitings]

if you feel as thought you can't close your facebook page you can go to the privacy/block settings and if you know what his email is, i believe that you can just type it in and than she would be blocked everytime the account is reactivated....i am not 100% positive but i do believe it would work....

[Tsm]

Personally i would not respond. You coming clean? Im not sure about that. Its been 8 months youve come a long way, i dont think you should revisit that chapter in your life, like you said just move on. Forget about them, she wont believe you anyway.

[TigerCub]

Long story short. I got involved with an old friend that was supposingly divorcing. He pursued me. Made a ton of promises to me. He encouraged me to have faith in our relationship. We were involved emotionally and physically for nearly 2yrs. I was seperated...with no reconcillation in my marriage. Someone sent an anonymous letter to BS...probably my stbx. So, BS goes on to his fb account and posts horrible things about me which in turn shows on my page. Nasty comments. Dday was occurring. She hits me with an email asking me to call her. I did not. Her emails/fb behavior led me to feel it wasn't the right time. A NC letter was emailed by MM and his wife. They were "rebuilding" their marriage. I called him a few days later for closure. He told me that he had minimized our affair to her. That he did not tell her that we exchanged "I love you's" or felt any love.That we merely had a few lunch dates and im'ed. He said it was to protect me because she was threatening to ruin my life. He was staying because she was going to rehab for binge drinking...and he owed it to her. That he made vows to her and loved her first. BLAH BLAH BLAH. You know the story.

 

Now, 8 months later and successful NC...I am moving on. Good days and bad days, but I am stronger. And she hits me again on a social network. Very nasty comments. Claiming that I was the one that pursued her man. Using profanity and calling me names.

 

What should I do? I honestly think that maybe our talk is long overdue. I respected NC...what more? What is she going to pull next? Should I call him and tell him to call her off and to just be honest with her?

 

Does she really think that I pursued him so viciously? If I did, why would I put 8 months distance between us? He hurt me too. Lied to me. But I respected their request... cried my eyes out...and tried to pick up the pieces of my life. I didn't contact her in the beginning because I didn't want to confuse her with his lies and my honesty. She wouldn't believe me. And she seemed hostile, angry.

 

I can't block his network page (she has deactivates his acct) but pops up and reactivates it to stalk my page I guess.

 

Oddly enough, I prayed about this two days ago. Whether I should come to light with all of this...tell her the truth. And out of blue here she is...

 

Is it time to come clean to her about her husband?

 

Blizzard, I don't think you should reply either. You've been NC for so long, and you've tried so hard to get your life back in order, wouldn't getting in the middle of their mess bring all those emotions right back, and drag you through all that darkness again?

 

As far as this crazy BS is concerned, I don't think she's entitled to your truth or your version of the story, mainly because :

1. She took him back, she already made that choice - so whatever happens with them, is based on her choices.

2. She's approaching you in the worst way possible, she's blasting you on facebook???! really? she's immature and childish and therefore doesn't deserve the respect of you telling her what your side of the story is. Because, guess what?, chances are she wont believe you anyways!

She chose to "repair" the marriage, that's her choice, she can deal with it - maybe she shouldn't have been so quick to make that decision before getting the whole story with you (and asking for it in the right way) - but she's going about it all wrong, and therefore, I don't think you owe her anything.

 

Some other posters suggested that you either get a new facebook account, or block his email account, and those are really good suggestions that you should look into.

 

But as for revisiting all the A drama - only do it, if you feel that you would regret NOT doing it when you look back on all this.

Don't do it because the BS "deserves" to know - whatever, she already took him back, so I don't think you owe her anything.

[QueenVictoria]

Long story short. I got involved with an old friend that was supposingly divorcing. He pursued me. Made a ton of promises to me. He encouraged me to have faith in our relationship. We were involved emotionally and physically for nearly 2yrs. I was seperated...with no reconcillation in my marriage. Someone sent an anonymous letter to BS...probably my stbx. So, BS goes on to his fb account and posts horrible things about me which in turn shows on my page. Nasty comments. Dday was occurring. She hits me with an email asking me to call her. I did not. Her emails/fb behavior led me to feel it wasn't the right time. A NC letter was emailed by MM and his wife. They were "rebuilding" their marriage. I called him a few days later for closure. He told me that he had minimized our affair to her. That he did not tell her that we exchanged "I love you's" or felt any love.That we merely had a few lunch dates and im'ed. He said it was to protect me because she was threatening to ruin my life. He was staying because she was going to rehab for binge drinking...and he owed it to her. That he made vows to her and loved her first. BLAH BLAH BLAH. You know the story.

 

Now, 8 months later and successful NC...I am moving on. Good days and bad days, but I am stronger. And she hits me again on a social network. Very nasty comments. Claiming that I was the one that pursued her man. Using profanity and calling me names.

 

What should I do? I honestly think that maybe our talk is long overdue. I respected NC...what more? What is she going to pull next? Should I call him and tell him to call her off and to just be honest with her?

 

Does she really think that I pursued him so viciously? If I did, why would I put 8 months distance between us? He hurt me too. Lied to me. But I respected their request... cried my eyes out...and tried to pick up the pieces of my life. I didn't contact her in the beginning because I didn't want to confuse her with his lies and my honesty. She wouldn't believe me. And she seemed hostile, angry.

 

I can't block his network page (she has deactivates his acct) but pops up and reactivates it to stalk my page I guess.

 

Oddly enough, I prayed about this two days ago. Whether I should come to light with all of this...tell her the truth. And out of blue here she is...

 

Is it time to come clean to her about her husband?

 

hi Blizzard: don't respond at all. she already knows the truth. let their relationship run its course.

[dreamingoftigers]

As a BS I can tell you that her emotions are bouncing from here to India and back.

 

She does need to know the truth. She also needs to back off.

 

You tell her this: I will sit down with you and answer any and all questions you have, I will also tell my side of the story. I have been told that despite everything to try and protect you. I don't think that this is fair and if you are still having trouble with what happened after 8 months, and finding out everything would help you to heal or move on, I will do that.

 

However, that comes with the condition that you will no longer publicly embarass me or privately contact me. We have nothing else to do with each other after we discuss what happened. I have also put 8 months between me and those events and wish to move as far away from them as possible.

 

It leaves the choice up to her: she can stop bothering you and talk to you outright, or she can just leave it alone and stop using your social network as a sounding board for your anger.

 

Ignoring it is just leaving that door open. Protect yourself emotionally of course, but you will probably feel better in the long run by coming clean and not enabling xMM to cover up his own responsibility.

[scatterd]

I think she knows their is more to it and you refused to talk to her made her more angry.As far as him saying that he did not say it all to protect you is BS you have not been protected have you?Its kind of cruel to let her believe you did all the pursuing and such,I would agree to talk to her but make it understood that their is no more harassing after that maybe she will put her attention where it needs to be with her marriage.I don't see how it could set her off more she has been lied to and she knows it.Good Luck

[greengoddess]

Blizzard, I don't think you should reply either. You've been NC for so long, and you've tried so hard to get your life back in order, wouldn't getting in the middle of their mess bring all those emotions right back, and drag you through all that darkness again?

 

As far as this crazy BS is concerned, I don't think she's entitled to your truth or your version of the story, mainly because :

1. She took him back, she already made that choice - so whatever happens with them, is based on her choices.

2. She's approaching you in the worst way possible, she's blasting you on facebook???! really? she's immature and childish and therefore doesn't deserve the respect of you telling her what your side of the story is. Because, guess what?, chances are she wont believe you anyways!

She chose to "repair" the marriage, that's her choice, she can deal with it - maybe she shouldn't have been so quick to make that decision before getting the whole story with you (and asking for it in the right way) - but she's going about it all wrong, and therefore, I don't think you owe her anything.

 

Some other posters suggested that you either get a new facebook account, or block his email account, and those are really good suggestions that you should look into.

 

But as for revisiting all the A drama - only do it, if you feel that you would regret NOT doing it when you look back on all this.

Don't do it because the BS "deserves" to know - whatever, she already took him back, so I don't think you owe her anything.

 

Wow you really seem to hold some resentment for a BS. Why do you say this woman is crazy? It sounds to me like she has been pretty calm. In 8 months time she blasted her once on facebook which you can not blame her. She was sleeeping with her husband for 2 years is she just supposed to ignore it? and she sent her one email asking how long they have been iming for. She sure does not sound crazy to me. She sounds like a woman who would like some answers to her life from the woman who invaded it and basically HARRASED her and her marriage for 2 years by sleeping with her husband and possibly even affecting her health since she had no clue she was virtually sleeping with another person everytime she slept with her husband. How gross!! and yet you think she is crazy for wanting answers?

 

You also called her immature. Do you think sneaking around having a hidden, secret relationship that you can't tell anyone about for two years is very mature?

 

Curious Tigercub why so much venom for this woman that just wants some answers that you do not even know?

[Snowflower]

She emailed me one last time after dday asking "how long have you been iming my husband." I never responded. I felt like the finger was pointed at me...like her poor husband was my victim.

 

She probably is operating under this assumption because that is what her WH told her about you. In order to save his own skin, perhaps your MM trashed you to her and said something like, "I tried to stop her but she kept pursuing/IMing me."

 

Of course you know that is pile of steaming dung because you were there.

 

BW rarely come up with these assumptions all by themselves that the OW did all the pursuing of their husbands. The WS/MM usually help them arrive at this erroneous conclusion.

 

If I was involved with a committed man and suddenly his wife/girlfriend started blaming me for everything, I think I would stop to consider where she got her information.

 

 

so I felt our talk would go nowhere. I let it go.

I hate myself now for it.

 

Why do you hate yourself now for not talking to her?

[greengoddess]

Blizzard you really just need to block it out and totally ignore her. She will stop when she gets no response or uprising from you. Don't answer her messages. It's been 8 months now just let it go. Just remember also to have a little compassion. This woman is hurting pretty badly and you had a lot to do with that hurt.

[scatterd]

I don't think her just letting it go will end the anger of the wife it takes years to get over.The truth is always the best answer one lie turns to another lie.This woman is mad that you pursued her husband stand up and give her the truth.Once she has the truth then she can figure out what she wants to do with the facts.Her husband threw you under the bus he is playing the Innocent man.You hear of this happening all the time on here.

[greengoddess]

I don't think her just letting it go will end the anger of the wife it takes years to get over.The truth is always the best answer one lie turns to another lie.This woman is mad that you pursued her husband stand up and give her the truth.Once she has the truth then she can figure out what she wants to do with the facts.Her husband threw you under the bus he is playing the Innocent man.You hear of this happening all the time on here.

 

I totally agree she needs the truth. She should have beeen given the truth 8 months ago when asked. It's too late now. I think blizzard just needs to ignore and continue getting on with her life. Giving the wife the truth now will not help blizzard in any way.

[BB07]

Blizzard, although what happened to me is different, it's similar in some ways. Just a short recap.....I thought my xmm was separated the whole time we saw each other our 2nd go around. Unbeknown to me he and the wife had a dday in Sept 09. Jan of 2010 she started with the f/b stuff, some of it was pretty ugly and after a few months of it, I finally had enough and starting firing with little bits posted on the part that was visible to her, then in July I got really fed up and fired back big time. Of course I didn't think I deserved it, after-all I was dating a separated man, (well I thought I was).

Anyway.......this opened the dialog between us and the discovery of the truth for both of us. I know the circumstances are different for you Blizzard as you are done with your xmm and have been for several months, but after my conversations with the BS, the not knowing the truth was driving her nuts, which I can understand. I'm sure the BS of your xmm is also feeling very much the same and she knows that her husband lied to her about you and the circumstances. My xmm certainly told his share of lies about me. Some of them still make me want to puke.

Anyway........I wouldn't tell you what to do but just thought I'd share my experience. Since you are 8 months out I can certainly understand wanting to distance yourself, but there is also a part of you that would probably like to set the record straight. She might believe what you tell her and she might not, there is no way to know ahead of time.

 

Oh here is the info from f/b on how to block someone. http://www.facebook.com/help/?faq=12252&ref_query=block

[Spark1111]

idk.....fBS here.....

 

A call 8 months after the fact says to me that she does not believe him entirely, or he has withheld information or trickle-truthed her and she senses it.

 

He is a coward for convincing you to back off with the threat of she's crazy and vindictive.

 

He made her that way and he certainly did nothing to clarify the situation for you, right? Better she hate you than him, yes? Cowardly.

 

I would always opt for the truth no matter where I got it.

 

What would you have to lose in telling her your side of the story?

 

Being gaslighted by anyone, or ignored, can really drive a person crazy.

[dreamingoftigers]

If she is so crazy and vindictive, why is he trying to work things out with her? Clearly she can be tolerated.

[dont-be-naive]

Does she really think that I pursued him so viciously?

 

It wouldn't matter one way or the other to her I would suspect. You knew he was married and she will see it that you didn't care about someone being hurt in the background. And she would be correct.

 

However, although her anger towards you is justified, the brundt of it needs to be directed at her cheating husband

[2sunny]

in order to move forward - don't engage in any way with her. if you need to - file a restraining order on both of them... that sends a clear message to BOTH of them and keeps them from contacting without any consequences.

 

IF they contact - enforce the RO.

 

take your power back and move forward... you don't need to be at the mercy of what they do or don't do.