BS harassing me

[BB07]

Long story short. I got involved with an old friend that was supposingly divorcing. He pursued me. Made a ton of promises to me. He encouraged me to have faith in our relationship. We were involved emotionally and physically for nearly 2yrs. I was seperated...with no reconcillation in my marriage. Someone sent an anonymous letter to BS...probably my stbx. So, BS goes on to his fb account and posts horrible things about me which in turn shows on my page. Nasty comments. Dday was occurring. She hits me with an email asking me to call her. I did not. Her emails/fb behavior led me to feel it wasn't the right time. A NC letter was emailed by MM and his wife. They were "rebuilding" their marriage. I called him a few days later for closure. He told me that he had minimized our affair to her. That he did not tell her that we exchanged "I love you's" or felt any love.That we merely had a few lunch dates and im'ed. He said it was to protect me because she was threatening to ruin my life. He was staying because she was going to rehab for binge drinking...and he owed it to her. That he made vows to her and loved her first. BLAH BLAH BLAH. You know the story.

 

Now, 8 months later and successful NC...I am moving on. Good days and bad days, but I am stronger. And she hits me again on a social network. Very nasty comments. Claiming that I was the one that pursued her man. Using profanity and calling me names.

 

What should I do? I honestly think that maybe our talk is long overdue. I respected NC...what more? What is she going to pull next? Should I call him and tell him to call her off and to just be honest with her?

 

Does she really think that I pursued him so viciously? If I did, why would I put 8 months distance between us? He hurt me too. Lied to me. But I respected their request... cried my eyes out...and tried to pick up the pieces of my life. I didn't contact her in the beginning because I didn't want to confuse her with his lies and my honesty. She wouldn't believe me. And she seemed hostile, angry.

 

I can't block his network page (she has deactivates his acct) but pops up and reactivates it to stalk my page I guess.

 

Oddly enough, I prayed about this two days ago. Whether I should come to light with all of this...tell her the truth. And out of blue here she is...

 

Is it time to come clean to her about her husband?

 

After reading your original post again and thinking about it some more........I think what I would do is not respond at all since it's been 8 months. In fact I would do my best to make sure that you catch one of those times when she reactivates his account, (she is probably blocking and unblocking you) and report and block her on F/B. To continue to be sucked into their drama is not healthy for you nor for her.

If you do decide to talk to her, I would lay some conditions down as someone else suggested and I'd make it clear that NO other contact will be beneficial to anyone.

[JustAFlyOnTheWall]

Just leave it alone.

 

Unless the BS is coming after you with a pitchfork, I suggest you leave it alone and let it die out naturally. I think if you flame the fire in any way it will make it worse.

 

If you initiate contact with her, it will just drag out for.ever. You should NOT be the one that tells her you exchanged "I Love You". That's just not necessary for her to heal.

 

Bottom line...when you enter a relationship with a married person you need to understand that there's going to be consequences and fall out. You're starting a relationship on a lie...with a liar. Even if he's wonderful and loving to you...bottom line...he's a liar.

 

Did you think she'd be thrilled to learn her husband had an affair? BS' go through a very wicked emotional roller coaster. She's not crazy. The aftermath of infidelity can be quite similar to PTSD. Please understand that aspect. And whether you like it or not...no matter what her husband said to her...she'll always have resentment towards you. And you need to accept this because you're not Mother Theresa here. You screwed up, too. THIS is your consequence.

 

I think the only think that any AP should say to a BS is "I'm sorry...." And it needs to be said 100000 times. Not "I'm sorry, but..." Just..."I'm sorry" I really really think if you initiate anything with her...especially "telling her the truth about her husband" you're setting yourself up for more harassment for a longer time.

[greengoddess]

in order to move forward - don't engage in any way with her. if you need to - file a restraining order on both of them... that sends a clear message to BOTH of them and keeps them from contacting without any consequences.

 

IF they contact - enforce the RO.

 

take your power back and move forward... you don't need to be at the mercy of what they do or don't do.

 

 

LOL are you kidding me? She slept with her husband for 2 years and just wants some answers and you want the mistress to file a restraining order against her? Talk about a slap in the face!! I think the police would have fun with that.

 

"ok let me get this straight, you were sleeping with her husband for two years and she found out and just called you a few names and then 8 months later asked you how long you were iming her husband for and you want us to slap HER with a restraining order? Do I have that right?" Yup police will enjoy that call.

Ignore her Blizzard. She's having a rough time. Do not go to the police on her. Sheesh that's too funny.

[Owl]

Personally i would not respond. You coming clean? Im not sure about that. Its been 8 months youve come a long way, i dont think you should revisit that chapter in your life, like you said just move on. Forget about them, she wont believe you anyway.

 

I agree with this completely.

 

You're 8 months into NC...don't open that can of worms again...EVER!

 

He's where he chose to be...she's where she chose to be...and you're out of the drama.

[TigerCub]

Wow you really seem to hold some resentment for a BS. Why do you say this woman is crazy? It sounds to me like she has been pretty calm. In 8 months time she blasted her once on facebook which you can not blame her. She was sleeeping with her husband for 2 years is she just supposed to ignore it? and she sent her one email asking how long they have been iming for. She sure does not sound crazy to me. She sounds like a woman who would like some answers to her life from the woman who invaded it and basically HARRASED her and her marriage for 2 years by sleeping with her husband and possibly even affecting her health since she had no clue she was virtually sleeping with another person everytime she slept with her husband. How gross!! and yet you think she is crazy for wanting answers?

 

You also called her immature. Do you think sneaking around having a hidden, secret relationship that you can't tell anyone about for two years is very mature?

 

Curious Tigercub why so much venom for this woman that just wants some answers that you do not even know?

 

From what blizzard said, this woman doesn't even know that blizzard slept with her husband. She thinks they only IMd. So you can't even say that blizzard "harrassed her and her marriage" by sleeping with her husband because she doesn't even seem to know that part.

 

Furthermore, YES, the BS would be entitled to some answers, but she went about it all wrong, it is very immature to blast her on facebook! what is she 12?

 

If she wanted answers she could have found a better way of asking for it.

 

She decided to take back her husband, and therefore, that says that she's willing to trust him again, so why does she need to harass blizzard.

She should have asked for all those answers (in a better way) before even deciding to take him back.

 

But now she wants to bring up all this stuff. Blizzard is making attempts to get over the A and move on with her life.

 

I don't have venom for this woman because she's a BS, but being a BS doesn't give her the right to make snide remarks on someone's facebook page. If she truly wanted to get her answers and get her closure or whatever, she could have approached Blizzard in a better fashion.

[donnamaybe]

Actually, she doesn't KNOW anything. All she knows is that what she's been told by her cheating scum of a H just isn't adding up. I think the NOT knowing is what's driving her bonkers. The idea that she just KNOWS it's not as he said, but powerless to find out the truth.

 

Sad.

[greengoddess]

.

, but being a BS doesn't give her the right to make snide remarks on someone's facebook page. If she truly wanted to get her answers and get her closure or whatever, she could have approached Blizzard in a better fashion.

 

Hmmm so she does not have a right to make snide remarks, words only, on a facebook page but blizzard has a right to sleep with her husband, not words physical? So the BS should have approached Blizzard nicer for answers? Would it not have been better if Blizzard had aprroached the bs about her intentions of sleeping with her husband before she had done so?

 

Double standards always astound me. The bs is always held to much higher standards than the ow why is that?

[TigerCub]

Hmmm so she does not have a right to make snide remarks, words only, on a facebook page but blizzard has a right to sleep with her husband, not words physical? So the BS should have approached Blizzard nicer for answers? Would it not have been better if Blizzard had aprroached the bs about her intentions of sleeping with her husband before she had done so?

 

Double standards always astound me. The bs is always held to much higher standards than the ow why is that?

 

where did I say that blizzard had a right to sleep with the woman's husband??

 

So is that your approach in life? you just yell at people and make childish snide remarks and hope that they will give you what you're asking for?

 

I'm guessing you don't, so why is it ok for this woman to do that. All I'm saying is that if she really wanted her answers she should have found a better way to ask AND she should have done it before taking that idiot back.

 

Why would anyone be inclined to respond to anyone that's attacking them?

[donnamaybe]

where did I say that blizzard had a right to sleep with the woman's husband??

 

So is that your approach in life? you just yell at people and make childish snide remarks and hope that they will give you what you're asking for?

 

I'm guessing you don't, so why is it ok for this woman to do that. All I'm saying is that if she really wanted her answers she should have found a better way to ask AND she should have done it before taking that idiot back.

 

Why would anyone be inclined to respond to anyone that's attacking them?

The OW's wrong choice (if I may call it that) of getting involved with a MM was made in a cool and calm manner.

 

The BS's wrong choice was made during an extremely heightened state of emotion. She then e-mailed, asking to talk (which, to me, indicates she probably calmed down a bit), which was ignored. Fast forward 8 months: The BS KNOWS she was lied to by the H and STILL wants answers. She remains tortured by the not knowing.

[BenThereDunThat]

As a BS I can tell you that her emotions are bouncing from here to India and back.

 

She does need to know the truth. She also needs to back off.

 

You tell her this: I will sit down with you and answer any and all questions you have, I will also tell my side of the story. I have been told that despite everything to try and protect you. I don't think that this is fair and if you are still having trouble with what happened after 8 months, and finding out everything would help you to heal or move on, I will do that.

 

However, that comes with the condition that you will no longer publicly embarass me or privately contact me. We have nothing else to do with each other after we discuss what happened. I have also put 8 months between me and those events and wish to move as far away from them as possible.

 

It leaves the choice up to her: she can stop bothering you and talk to you outright, or she can just leave it alone and stop using your social network as a sounding board for your anger.

 

Ignoring it is just leaving that door open. Protect yourself emotionally of course, but you will probably feel better in the long run by coming clean and not enabling xMM to cover up his own responsibility.

 

I think this is very good advice and makes the most sense.

[TigerCub]

The OW's wrong choice (if I may call it that) of getting involved with a MM was made in a cool and calm manner.

 

The BS's wrong choice was made during an extremely heightened state of emotion. She then e-mailed, asking to talk (which, to me, indicates she probably calmed down a bit), which was ignored. Fast forward 8 months: The BS KNOWS she was lied to by the H and STILL wants answers. She remains tortured by the not knowing.

 

Donna honey, I totally see that, I'm just saying that if someone wants answers they need to ask nicely.

 

Yes Blizzard ignored the email 8 months ago (but that was before she was really out of the A) so I can understand why she ignored the email.

 

now, 8 months later when the BS wants her answers, if she asked blizzard nicely (tried the email things again) instead of just blasting her on her facebook page, chances are that she might have gotten those answers

(because, I'm guessing that most OM/OW don't want all the blame to be put on them while the WS comes off looking like a "victim" of sorts - most OW would be willing to actually tell their side of things and get the low down on all the lies the MM has been telling both parties)

 

that's all I'm saying.

[donnamaybe]

Donna honey, I totally see that, I'm just saying that if someone wants answers they need to ask nicely.

 

Yes Blizzard ignored the email 8 months ago (but that was before she was really out of the A) so I can understand why she ignored the email.

 

now, 8 months later when the BS wants her answers, if she asked blizzard nicely (tried the email things again) instead of just blasting her on her facebook page, chances are that she might have gotten those answers

(because, I'm guessing that most OM/OW don't want all the blame to be put on them while the WS comes off looking like a "victim" of sorts - most OW would be willing to actually tell their side of things and get the low down on all the lies the MM has been telling both parties)

 

that's all I'm saying.

That's not how I read it. The e-mail came after D Day. How would she have known the e-mail address if it was prior to discovery of her involvement with her H? She could have responded and put this poor woman out of her misery. Edited January 7, 2011 by donnamaybe

[Goldenspoon]

My vote is tell her everything. She deserves to know because he lied to her and to you.

 

In case you haven't figure it out yet, your MM totally throw you under the bus and make you out to be this slut to keep chasing him.

[GreenEyedLady]

Hmmm so she does not have a right to make snide remarks, words only, on a facebook page but blizzard has a right to sleep with her husband, not words physical? So the BS should have approached Blizzard nicer for answers? Would it not have been better if Blizzard had aprroached the bs about her intentions of sleeping with her husband before she had done so?

 

Double standards always astound me. The bs is always held to much higher standards than the ow why is that?

 

Really, it's been 8 months. Her problem is with her H not the OW.

 

There is no double standard here. The OW did not stalk her or threaten her.

 

If it were me, I'd send her a NC letter from my attorney and let her know if her actions didn't cease, I'd slap a restraining order on her a**.

 

Bet she'll think twice then.

 

2 can play that game.

 

GEL

[donnamaybe]

Really, it's been 8 months. Her problem is with her H not the OW.

 

There is no double standard here. The OW did not stalk her or threaten her.

 

If it were me, I'd send her a NC letter from my attorney and let her know if her actions didn't cease, I'd slap a restraining order on her a**.

 

Bet she'll think twice then.

 

2 can play that game.

 

GEL

You have to have some valid grounds for a RO. An e-mail and a couple entires on FB wouldn't suffice.

[spice4life]

You have to have some valid grounds for a RO. An e-mail and a couple entires on FB wouldn't suffice.

 

Maybe not a RO, but if the bs is naming her in these posts and saying things that aren't true, she can have an attorney send a letter requesting it's removal. Blogging about someone and making untrue statements is defamation of character. The OP said that she is being accused of "chasing" and stalking her xMM when she did not. If she has proof he chased her then the bs is saying things in a public forum that are not true. Sure, the A was mistake, band lying in a public forum about someone is a mistake too.

 

All of that aside, it's a tough situation if this woman is an alchoholic though. There is no way to know how she would handle the truth. Under normal circumstances I would say yeah, tell her the truth. In this situation it's hard to say. If it were me I would have an attorney draft a letter (with proof attached) requesting the posts to be removed. This way she has the truth and the OP is protected against future attacks.

[BB07]

Maybe not a RO, but if the bs is naming her in these posts and saying things that aren't true, she can have an attorney send a letter requesting it's removal. Blogging about someone and making untrue statements is defamation of character. The OP said that she is being accused of "chasing" and stalking her xMM when she did not. If she has proof he chased her then the bs is saying things in a public forum that are not true. Sure, the A was mistake, band lying in a public forum about someone is a mistake too.

 

All of that aside, it's a tough situation if this woman is an alchoholic though. There is no way to know how she would handle the truth. Under normal circumstances I would say yeah, tell her the truth. In this situation it's hard to say. If it were me I would have an attorney draft a letter (with proof attached) requesting the posts to be removed. This way she has the truth and the OP is protected against future attacks.

 

Just wanted to point this out........facebook is not a blog and any post that is put on your/my wall can be removed simply by clicking the x beside of it. Now on the other hand if the bs is putting posts on her personal or the husbands wall, that is a different story and I'm not sure how that would be handled, although there is a report feature and I would think facebook would take some action.

[donnamaybe]

Just wanted to point this out........facebook is not a blog and any post that is put on your/my wall can be removed simply by clicking the x beside of it. Now on the other hand if the bs is putting posts on her personal or the husbands wall, that is a different story and I'm not sure how that would be handled, although there is a report feature and I would think facebook would take some action.

ANY person can block someone from being able to even VIEW them, let alone post on their wall.

[BB07]

ANY person can block someone from being able to even VIEW them, let alone post on their wall.

 

I know and I even provided the link for the information on how to do that in a prior post, but blinded said the bs was deactivating and reactivating the profile and maybe she wasn't catching it at the right time to block it.

[donnamaybe]

I know and I even provided the link for the information on how to do that in a prior post, but blinded said the bs was deactivating and reactivating the profile and maybe she wasn't catching it at the right time to block it.

Nah, it'll work. I think maybe she might just be too interested to see what's being said.

[pureinheart]

Long story short. I got involved with an old friend that was supposingly divorcing. He pursued me. Made a ton of promises to me. He encouraged me to have faith in our relationship. We were involved emotionally and physically for nearly 2yrs. I was seperated...with no reconcillation in my marriage. Someone sent an anonymous letter to BS...probably my stbx. So, BS goes on to his fb account and posts horrible things about me which in turn shows on my page. Nasty comments. Dday was occurring. She hits me with an email asking me to call her. I did not. Her emails/fb behavior led me to feel it wasn't the right time. A NC letter was emailed by MM and his wife. They were "rebuilding" their marriage. I called him a few days later for closure. He told me that he had minimized our affair to her. That he did not tell her that we exchanged "I love you's" or felt any love.That we merely had a few lunch dates and im'ed. He said it was to protect me because she was threatening to ruin my life. He was staying because she was going to rehab for binge drinking...and he owed it to her. That he made vows to her and loved her first. BLAH BLAH BLAH. You know the story.

 

Now, 8 months later and successful NC...I am moving on. Good days and bad days, but I am stronger. And she hits me again on a social network. Very nasty comments. Claiming that I was the one that pursued her man. Using profanity and calling me names.

 

What should I do? I honestly think that maybe our talk is long overdue. I respected NC...what more? What is she going to pull next? Should I call him and tell him to call her off and to just be honest with her?

 

Does she really think that I pursued him so viciously? If I did, why would I put 8 months distance between us? He hurt me too. Lied to me. But I respected their request... cried my eyes out...and tried to pick up the pieces of my life. I didn't contact her in the beginning because I didn't want to confuse her with his lies and my honesty. She wouldn't believe me. And she seemed hostile, angry.

 

I can't block his network page (she has deactivates his acct) but pops up and reactivates it to stalk my page I guess.

 

Oddly enough, I prayed about this two days ago. Whether I should come to light with all of this...tell her the truth. And out of blue here she is...

 

Is it time to come clean to her about her husband?

 

Bottom line...I have not read any of the replies...you might want to get a R/O. You don't know what the situation is with her and H.

 

I have been through this, and was dealing with an entire family that was not all there.

 

You have the right not to talk to her, she asked you to respect their boundries and you did.

 

You do have a choice in this.

 

Some things to think about: Will telling her create the atmosphere you desire? She desires?

 

She is out of control and unpredictable, you know little about her.

 

When exDM's family did that crap to me, I called him, and demanded that he deal with it...if not I would take it into my own hands..I was pissed.

 

Just be careful Blizzard...

[pureinheart]

Tread lightly here, xMM's BS did ruin my life and how.

 

She did know all the truth and she wanted to make me suffer in a big way and I have and still do and she is still telling lies about me to people that know me, but I have chosen to keep records and may file a complaint with the Police to have on record in case she contacts me again.

 

I closed my fb account so she could not check me out there or have her friends try to befriend me there. I have always been honest with her and respected her request but she will always blame me and she has a right to, but if I cannot get all bunny boiling neither can she, there is a point when ok enough is enough and after 8 months NC should give you some creditability IMO and she cannot bang you up emotionally at her whim.

 

Think this out looking at all angles before you act please.... him telling you he minimized it for the reasons he gave you may be the one honest thing he told you.

 

Good Luck and be safe :bunny:

 

ExDM's family tried to ruin my life, although it backfired on them in a very big way.

 

Unfortunately in some of these situations, the AP gets caught in the middle of a very bad ordeal between H and W. The A is usually not the only issue the M is dealing with.

 

In my case, I had not slept with him, we were friends more than anything. In their families harrassment of me I was blamed for EVERYTHING that had ever gone wrong in the M. Now had they been M only a few years, I might have agreed with that, although I had only known him in the EA for about a year and half (or less, don't really remember) and had known him for about 6 years at that time.

 

I thought it was funny, I was the only one willing to take my responsibility in the triangle.

 

2TMAB and Blizzard, it sounds to me like the MP's are not/did not take responsibility for their part(s).

 

Unfortunately the AP becomes the focal point of every bit of anger ever experienced in the M...

 

Good luck to both of you

[GreenEyedLady]

Quite frankly anyone can get a temporary restraining order, whether the complaint is true or not.

 

Some people like to live in la la land about what happens in the legal realm.

 

And threatening the OP is definitely a legitimate complaint.

 

GEL

[NoIDidn't]

Document the contact with FB and keep a record of it in case she escalates. But other than that, I'd let it go.

 

If she really is a drinker, no logic will get through to her. The risks of her going into a rage or becoming unhinged are just too great.

 

Its been 8 months, let him tell her the truth. You could kindly direct her back to the person that told her, if pushed or tell her you have nothing to do with him or her and would like to keep it that way.

 

Hearing his lies has a way of pulling people back into the mess.

[greengoddess]

Quite frankly anyone can get a temporary restraining order, whether the complaint is true or not.

 

Some people like to live in la la land about what happens in the legal realm.

 

And threatening the OP is definitely a legitimate complaint.

 

GEL

 

How exactly did the bs threaten blizzard?

How sad that people would make false complaints to get a restraining order.