BS harassing me

[blizzard]

Bent there are points I do agree with that you have written...and there are some that I see differently. The bolded I agree with 100%.

Suicide is selfish. Suicide is a purposeful attempt. A suicide attempt is usually interpreted as a cry for help, attention or to let someone know you are in despair and want out...not a genuine intent to die. It is done to express that you are hurting.

I don't blame his past life for what has happened to all parties involved...I simply wonder when is he going to find happiness. He didn't add to her alcoholism. He isn't to blame for that. She was raised around a mom that bounced in and out of recovery in 30yrs of her marriage.

They are both two unhappy souls and only make each other more unhappy. Sad really. A person only gets one shot at life...a day is never a given, but one will waste the air they breathe trying to find someone to make them happy...when only you are your own center.

 

What I am trying to say is that many aren't trying to escape pain persay...they just want others to know that they seriously need help. "I give up because I can't tell you." And I believe it is selfish, to go to that length to do so. I have a family member that was a drug addict. The anniversary of his suicide is day before mothers day. That is selfish. As spark said, the ultimate selfishness. He was in countless programs that were therapy oriented and some inclusive rehab facilities, only to leave them all. People loved him, and they tried. He never wanted to try.

[whichwayisup]

I"m sure you are curious as to what happened, where she is etc, etc, but I do hope you don't get involved, call him again to find out information. Obviously his wife is suffering and things are bad. It's their problem, he created the mess and now has to deal with this..Without you. Though in time when that secretary tells him someone called with the name you gave, he will figure out that he doesn't know anyone by that particular name. Saying you were a close personal friend too, might make him realize it was you. I'm just sayin' you might get a call and when you do, that's when you need to not ask what happened otherwise you might get sucked back in.

[Spark1111]

Bent there are points I do agree with that you have written...and there are some that I see differently. The bolded I agree with 100%.

Suicide is selfish. Suicide is a purposeful attempt. A suicide attempt is usually interpreted as a cry for help, attention or to let someone know you are in despair and want out...not a genuine intent to die. It is done to express that you are hurting.

I don't blame his past life for what has happened to all parties involved...I simply wonder when is he going to find happiness. He didn't add to her alcoholism. He isn't to blame for that. She was raised around a mom that bounced in and out of recovery in 30yrs of her marriage.

They are both two unhappy souls and only make each other more unhappy. Sad really. A person only gets one shot at life...a day is never a given, but one will waste the air they breathe trying to find someone to make them happy...when only you are your own center.

 

What I am trying to say is that many aren't trying to escape pain persay...they just want others to know that they seriously need help. "I give up because I can't tell you." And I believe it is selfish, to go to that length to do so. I have a family member that was a drug addict. The anniversary of his suicide is day before mothers day. That is selfish. As spark said, the ultimate selfishness. He was in countless programs that were therapy oriented and some inclusive rehab facilities, only to leave them all. People loved him, and they tried. He never wanted to try.

 

Blizzard, let me clarify.....

 

Almost ALL suicide attempts are NOT a bid for serious help. They ARE an attempt to end one's life because the pain in unbearable.

 

Suicide is the ultimate in selfish thinking because the pain of living outweighs the love of family and friends who would do anything to keep you in their lives.

 

Your family member realized his love of drugs outweighed his love of anything else. The day before Mother's Day? He might have realized even the love and hopes of his own mother was not enough to keep him wanting to live another day.....

 

All law enforcement, crisis management personnel and medical people take even the THREAT of suicide very very very seriously.

[whichwayisup]

Suicide is a very emotional subject, and each one of us has an opinion on it, maybe some have been affected by it personally, all I know is, if someone is attempting to leave this world, they aren't thinking straight. Many cases are not a big plan to screw someone over or teach them a lesson.

 

All law enforcement, crisis management personnel and medical people take even the THREAT of suicide very very very seriously.

'

 

100% true.

[KickinCowgirl]

The best thing you can do is, close that account and set up a new one, invite friends and set your privacy settings to noone can search for you, or only friends of friends can find you.

 

 

 

yeah set up a new one... nobody should have to put up with her bulls*t. She may be hurt n all but she sounds nuts. And nuts are dangerous.

 

 

Stay safe sweety.

[JsSweetPea]

Blizzard,

 

I think you did the right thing by not contacting her. My heart really goes out to you, though... I would hate not knowing what happened. She is the one who took him back even though she knew what he was doing. She alone is responsible for her actions. It's easy to sit around & think "oh my gosh, I caused this" but please try not to! Hopefully she will not contact you again & you can continue to move in the positive direction you were headed!

 

Good luck to you.

[TarnishedInequity]

Blizzard,

 

I think you did the right thing by not contacting her. My heart really goes out to you, though... I would hate not knowing what happened. She is the one who took him back even though she knew what he was doing. She alone is responsible for her actions. It's easy to sit around & think "oh my gosh, I caused this" but please try not to! Hopefully she will not contact you again & you can continue to move in the positive direction you were headed!

 

Good luck to you.

 

I agree with Js, and pretty much everyone else who said it. Ignore her as best as you can, set-up privacy settings, block her in all ways possible. While I was not involved with a married man, I was involved with a guy (still am, but he's no longer with her) who had a girlfriend.

 

She ended up finding out about us and went ballistic! On me, which I admitted to her I was an inconsiderate, immoral person, but she asked to speak to me (through him no less) and I obliged. I told her everything, showed her everything, showed how he pursued me, contacted me, etc., etc. She did not believe me. Chose him. If he hadn't left her (which it took months after this incident for that to occur), they'd still be together.

 

She continued to harass me, after I gave her the truth and asked her not to contact me as I was no longer contacting him (I initiated NC after that blow out). He then reaches out to me weeks later, she even finds his phone and my other number and still turns around and texts me...

 

Luckily, we had no mutual friends or colleagues, not even acquaintances and I blocked her on Facebook the first thing the day after. I was also lucky enough for her not to know how to spell my name correctly. Just know that, once her mind is made up, it's made up!

 

In situations like this, they are "in love" with their man (which he is theirs) and they attempt to cover up their own follies (or insecurities as to why their mate would wander) and lash out at the evil she-beast who broke into their relationship.

 

Be extra, extra careful!

[dreamingoftigers]

Recent research using spectral scans has shown that people who are suicidal tend to have a "deep limbic injury" in the brain. Not everyone is predisposed to it, usually after emotional trauma (affair, death, divorce) the brain literally cannot process the overload and the emotion centers (and basal ganglia) swell and the sensory experience becomes somewhat warped.

 

A deep limbic injury usually takes 6 months to heal and is most threatening to the individual at the offset of it.

 

I have been suicidal in the past. It blows my mind that people think of it as: cowardly and selfish and attention-seeking.

 

What has gone on with me was: 1. My self-worth plummeted to nothing, I was raised with the notion that if no one loved me that I was unlovable. Living with being unlovable with no chance for happiness definitely makes you want to shorten your days.

 

2. Being unlovable makes you feel and realize that you are a burden to all around you, especially if you have a history of depression. When you are depressed, esp. long-term, you become somewhat irritating to people. Just because you are depressed doesn't mean you are stupid. In truth, I felt that taking myself out would reduce people's burden, especially realizing that there was an incredibly great chance that my depression wouldn't go away or at least would come and go, irritating others often.

 

3. You just want the pain to end, this isn't about trying to make some great escape to Mexico to avoid taxes. The pain is so immense that you cannot see getting through it and you want it to stop any way that you can. I used to take sleeping pills so that I wouldn't impulsively hurt myself. I had no control over where my feelings would go next and I was flooded by them. Now on ADD medication and having blood flow restored to my pre-frontal cortex, my brain imaging would look much more normal, I do not get flooded by any emotional backswing and quite frankly would have a hard time describing it to the average person. I believe it would feel like someone had died Every. Single. Day.

 

4. A breakup under medication is nothing compared to being flooded with pain for just one day. If someone took my medication away, I would be very scared of being flooded with this level of emotion. I know now that feeling "normal" is possible, so I would probably be able to pull myself along for awhile but even with that knowledge, it wears down your ability to reason so much that rational thought becomes that thing you used to be able to do. I believe that if someone took my medication away from me for a year and gave me the right stimulus, by the end of that year I would be dead, twice my weight or asleep half of the day to cope.

 

5. I got so fed up with "specialists" and "therapists" who repeatedly tried to spoon-feed me the regular platitudes of "life goes on" and "there's always something to live for" and "if you really wanted to kill yourself you would have done so already." I would bet my life savings that anyone who has been suicidal-turned-doctor does not say those stupid, stupid things that only apply in their own more normal reality. They aren't flooded, they aren't dealing with having nothing inside them, for them there is something to live for: they have emotional stability, they don't have pain that they drag around every day that drains their energy and chokes them, they have jobs and salaries because they can focus long enough to find their way through things. They have families or social abilities that I lacked and had been told enough times to believe that I would never be able to have them. I would never live up to anything seeming like a normal expectation. What's temporary about that? Disabled people in wheelchairs and blind etc. would not necessarily be clipped off at the getgo by the absolute isolation and nil promise of success that could be easily measured by my own past experience. Ending my life at the very least would have saved society my hospital bill.

 

6. Happiness as my own center would have been a joke. The concept was not one I had even heard at that point in my life. Basically I grew up hoping that someone would love me someday and then life would be fine. It didn't happen that way. I truly believe that my mother is completely lacking in any attachment to me and that my father is capable of showing any other emotions besides rage and depression. Both brain dysfunctions that formed my paradigm. My grandmother raised me for the first 7 years and then abandoned me back to my parents. My father was abusive, my mother emotionally and verbally abusive. My brother and sister both mentally disabled, and somewhere I got lost in the mix. I would either be a target of my father's resent and outbursts, or to them I would simply disappear. Children form the bulk of their identity from how they were treated. Yes children from abusive homes can grow up to be successful, they tend to be the exception, not the rule. Check out some stats, right from education to literacy to suicidal behaviours. Suicide follows abuse. How do you take responsibility for yourself when you have no clue where to start? Specialists are people who have no idea what you are going through (from your perspective) and they might as well be talking to you in a different language.

 

7. I didn't have the guts to do it. I could not tolerate feeling even more pain. I would cut myself, I would OD on sleeping pills and was discovered in convulsions, I tried to convince myself to jump from 3 bridges. Your body fights death often more impulsively then it wants to die. It may sound that I made an active choice to get attention. I think people that think that are very narrow-minded. Depression, suicide attempts and backing out of them, have one thing in common: they are all emotional impulses that come from an out-of-control limbic system. You have as much choice as you, fellow posters, have of single-handedly changing the government to be Communist. After the shame of having failed again, the pain came right back. Sometimes the suicidal behaviour in itself worked my system into such a frenzy that I would shut down after, and get a bit of a reprieve from the pain, I would just numb out. I began to find suicidal behaviour addicting.

 

8. If you have truly ever tried to take your life, you know how hard it is to work up the energy and mental skill to go through with it. It isn't cowardly. That's just something that is said to us that survive it. It takes more guts to complete it then to stop.

 

To the poster that judges their now-dead addict family member: ever been addicted? Take it for a test drive and see how much you want to "try" especially after your main impulses have led to a life of failure.

 

Why it stopped: Short answer, I couldn't do it. The shame from this was more overwhelming then anything else. I was constrained to live my life as a burdensome, cumbersome, depressed idiot with nowhere to go, no one to love and love me back. Nothing. I could not even follow-through on finishing the job, same as everything else in my life. So eventually the thought process became: "I am a loser, so what?" My father would often drunkenly phone me and shame me, then my mother would have her turn until I changed my cell number.

 

Shortly after, I packed up and just left town with $400 (my savings), a tent and a backpack. I decided if I was going to be a loser, I was at least going to go and do something different, I was going to go do something until the end inevitably came. I wished for Cancer, a car accident, anything that I didn't have to be responsible for to get me off the hook. I decided to walk to Vancouver from Calgary. I met a bum in Kamloops, he showed me that it wasn't such a big deal to have nothing and no one, he showed me how to make money from nothing, eat whenever, wherever. (If you want to try a new restaurant, sit outside of it and beg people for their leftovers). He showed me where to sleep and how to get around better. All of a sudden being a "loser" was something I got pretty good at. I developed my first life skill: panhandling. We travelled together for years. But that is another thread.

 

Needless to say, I wouldn't say the wife was selfish to do that if she did, she probably couldn't handle any more pain. People who are in that kind of pain aren't thinking "me me me." Most of them can't see two inches past themselves to begin with. There is no sense of "me me me" to begin with.

 

I don't blame her. Alcoholism + cheating spouse + screwed up childhood = a good chance of attempting.

 

The fact that this is still theory should be something you take comfort in.

 

Everyone is not made of the same stuff: we could go through identical experiences at this point in our lives and experience it completely differently. If you were suicidal, it may be because you are selfish. I was hoping not to feel anything anymore. Glad it didn't work out that way.

 

If you and I were to go out panhandling for an hour, and you made ten bucks you might think "wow you can make ten bucks doing this?" and I would think "man, what a dead street, better get to a better spot." Your brain would also probably reject the notion upfront, you would freeze, be shy about asking people. I would be now (because I changed my life) but if I had to get back into the mindset, it would only take me a few minutes. I'd know who to ask too. It doesn't make you any better or worse then me (enh, we can even say that you're a little better.) But there are certain things you wouldn't be able to live with and adjust to as well. Same with people that end up suicidal: a combination of lacking internal coping skills and brain structure issues. You may not have either, doesn't make you any better then they, you just got lucky.

[blizzard]

Look, I am not going to go back and forth trying to prove points on suicide... and yes I have been there. Not interested in airing that laundry. Research is all over the place on it just as many other things. And suicide is felt through very different perspectives...the one making the attempt and the loved ones that are left behind.

I am thankful that those in that depth chose to not go through with it, or wasn't successful. I, including myself. Did I think of my family, my life, God when I was in this place...yeah. Did it stop me, no. I chose what best suited me...my peace. I tricked myself into believing so many things for those left behind...and even my own spirit. I never said she tried suicide to keep him, or to teach him a lesson...give me more credit. I will let this one rest because it will only offend and that is not my intention.

In my profession I see things so much differently about life. There are people that are in so much pain that yes, they do want to die. They dream of death to ease their pain. Most are not emotionally in the right place because they hurt so incredibly bad. The most depressive state ever to alter any decision or choice. There is no hope. No recovery. No help. And if given a choice, they would choose to be there to walk their daughter down the aisle...to not see their children cry or be confused by their bedside because they are dying. To have just one more hour with their grandchild. Through the pain...if given a choice they would chose life. I believe in God's timing. It's God's decision to take us from here...not my own. And I was selfish at that time to do otherwise. As narrow minded as "that" may seem. And did I get the attention of my loved ones that initially thought a happy pill would do the trick, or the weeks that I didn't get out bed I was just "depressed" and to call my shrink?... yes I did. You betcha. And it wasn't a bad thing that I did. Attention is not always implied in negative context...understand this. We can't all feel comfortable in our skin to discuss our depression or admit to it ...hence a cry for help. Also, I would like to clarify that I never accused anyone of being cowardly in taking their life. And last, notice the I's and you's you used in defense...

My tone is not insensitive while I write. It is very soft hearted. My beliefs are not narrowed minded. Just different.

So really...my post wasn't initially about suicide. And I'd rather leave it alone. Too personal...from all aspects. Just thankful to have those that have suffered to be here to share their experiences to help others...

Edited January 14, 2011 by blizzard

[blizzard]

Suicide is a very emotional subject, and each one of us has an opinion on it, maybe some have been affected by it personally, all I know is, if someone is attempting to leave this world, they aren't thinking straight. Many cases are not a big plan to screw someone over or teach them a lesson.

 

'

 

100% true.

 

haha! Of course they do...duh. As well as I. Do you think that I am so simple- minded that I would think some medic would blow off a call? That maybe they won't go to this one..."just a selfish one, ignore it." And once again, I never said anything was done out of spite...

I felt how could one choose(and it is a choice) to leave this world...under any pretense or situation, and in lieu of what was happening with them...to be selfish enough to leave their spouse questioning. To suffer a lifetime of possible guilt and hurt. When one commits suicide, or attempts...everyone around them feels responsible...why didn't I see it? I could have stopped it? The signs were there... I pushed them over the edge...

[blizzard]

I"m sure you are curious as to what happened, where she is etc, etc, but I do hope you don't get involved, call him again to find out information. Obviously his wife is suffering and things are bad. It's their problem, he created the mess and now has to deal with this..Without you. Though in time when that secretary tells him someone called with the name you gave, he will figure out that he doesn't know anyone by that particular name. Saying you were a close personal friend too, might make him realize it was you. I'm just sayin' you might get a call and when you do, that's when you need to not ask what happened otherwise you might get sucked back in.

 

wway- thank you...but no i am not calling. and it highly doubtful he will. he has had 8mts to contact me if he saw fit...and he did not. I could have called him yesterday, but I didn't. I could email him easily, but I don't. I realize that they are involved in so much. Esp now that something weird is going on. I am okay at where I am now. And she is going to be okay too. It's their marriage, let them lean on each other. Honestly, in that respect...since the truth is that he isn't divorcing his like he told me he was, I am not interested. I would not intentionally set out to destroy a marriage...esp one that was intact or being saved. I screwed up when I he said it was over with them.

I don't think the receptionist wrote anything down. I didn't give a last name. And basically blew off my reason for calling as not being impt.

[blizzard]

Blizzard,

 

I think you did the right thing by not contacting her. My heart really goes out to you, though... I would hate not knowing what happened. She is the one who took him back even though she knew what he was doing. She alone is responsible for her actions. It's easy to sit around & think "oh my gosh, I caused this" but please try not to! Hopefully she will not contact you again & you can continue to move in the positive direction you were headed!

 

Good luck to you.

Thank you...I really do see how it is their problem now. And it is best that I stay away from it. It would only make matters worse if I became involved...esp for her. And yes, apart of me deeply will always believe that yes...I caused something bad to happen. Human nature. But, I also know she has issues...with him and alcohol as well. So there is alot of fuel to add to the fire. Thanks for your kindness.

[donnamaybe]

Thank you...I really do see how it is their problem now. And it is best that I stay away from it. It would only make matters worse if I became involved...esp for her. And yes, apart of me deeply will always believe that yes...I caused something bad to happen. Human nature. But, I also know she has issues...with him and alcohol as well. So there is alot of fuel to add to the fire. Thanks for your kindness.

Good call. And your caring simply shows your empathy. That's a good quality.

[blizzard]

I agree with Js, and pretty much everyone else who said it. Ignore her as best as you can, set-up privacy settings, block her in all ways possible. While I was not involved with a married man, I was involved with a guy (still am, but he's no longer with her) who had a girlfriend.

 

She ended up finding out about us and went ballistic! On me, which I admitted to her I was an inconsiderate, immoral person, but she asked to speak to me (through him no less) and I obliged. I told her everything, showed her everything, showed how he pursued me, contacted me, etc., etc. She did not believe me. Chose him. If he hadn't left her (which it took months after this incident for that to occur), they'd still be together.

 

She continued to harass me, after I gave her the truth and asked her not to contact me as I was no longer contacting him (I initiated NC after that blow out). He then reaches out to me weeks later, she even finds his phone and my other number and still turns around and texts me...

 

Luckily, we had no mutual friends or colleagues, not even acquaintances and I blocked her on Facebook the first thing the day after. I was also lucky enough for her not to know how to spell my name correctly. Just know that, once her mind is made up, it's made up!

 

In situations like this, they are "in love" with their man (which he is theirs) and they attempt to cover up their own follies (or insecurities as to why their mate would wander) and lash out at the evil she-beast who broke into their relationship.

 

Be extra, extra careful!

 

thank you...and I will be careful.

I honestly don't think she took much time in deciding reconcillation. It was all done in a haste. And maybe now, she is struggling. She is seeing that she can't forget. And he may have someone else, so he isn't behaving 100% remorseful. Hopefully, she will get the drinking under control to have the ability to think clearly. He will stay with her. But, I honestly believe he won't be faithful to her. It will take her to kick him to the curb, just like his exwife did. But I am not sure she has the strength, the confidence to do it now. Maybe never. She watched her family cling together through alcoholism...neither parent gave up...they stayed miserable for 30yrs until finally her father was done. She may do the same. Cling dependently to him. The irony is that during one drinking episode he admitted to her father about the impending divorce...xMM said that her father didn't blame him if he did. That he lived with for far too long. That is xMM version anyhow.

[blizzard]

mispost..i want to give credit to original posters quote. spark : All law enforcement, crisis management personnel and medical people take even the THREAT of suicide very very very seriously

haha! Of course they do...duh. As well as I. Do you think that I am so simple- minded that I would think some medic would blow off a call? That maybe they won't go to this one..."just a selfish one, ignore it." And once again, I never said anything was done out of spite...

I felt how could one choose(and it is a choice) to leave this world...under any pretense or situation, and in lieu of what was happening with them...to be selfish enough to leave their spouse questioning. To suffer a lifetime of possible guilt and hurt. When one commits suicide, or attempts...everyone around them feels responsible...why didn't I see it? I could have stopped it? The signs were there... I pushed them over the edge...

[phillyfan]

Long story short. I got involved with an old friend that was supposingly divorcing. He pursued me. Made a ton of promises to me. He encouraged me to have faith in our relationship. We were involved emotionally and physically for nearly 2yrs. I was seperated...with no reconcillation in my marriage. Someone sent an anonymous letter to BS...probably my stbx. So, BS goes on to his fb account and posts horrible things about me which in turn shows on my page. Nasty comments. Dday was occurring. She hits me with an email asking me to call her. I did not. Her emails/fb behavior led me to feel it wasn't the right time. A NC letter was emailed by MM and his wife. They were "rebuilding" their marriage. I called him a few days later for closure. He told me that he had minimized our affair to her. That he did not tell her that we exchanged "I love you's" or felt any love.That we merely had a few lunch dates and im'ed. He said it was to protect me because she was threatening to ruin my life. He was staying because she was going to rehab for binge drinking...and he owed it to her. That he made vows to her and loved her first. BLAH BLAH BLAH. You know the story.

 

Now, 8 months later and successful NC...I am moving on. Good days and bad days, but I am stronger. And she hits me again on a social network. Very nasty comments. Claiming that I was the one that pursued her man. Using profanity and calling me names.

 

What should I do? I honestly think that maybe our talk is long overdue. I respected NC...what more? What is she going to pull next? Should I call him and tell him to call her off and to just be honest with her?

 

Does she really think that I pursued him so viciously? If I did, why would I put 8 months distance between us? He hurt me too. Lied to me. But I respected their request... cried my eyes out...and tried to pick up the pieces of my life. I didn't contact her in the beginning because I didn't want to confuse her with his lies and my honesty. She wouldn't believe me. And she seemed hostile, angry.

 

I can't block his network page (she has deactivates his acct) but pops up and reactivates it to stalk my page I guess.

 

Oddly enough, I prayed about this two days ago. Whether I should come to light with all of this...tell her the truth. And out of blue here she is...

 

Is it time to come clean to her about her husband?

 

Dude tell the cops shes harassing u

[phillyfan]

Oh man just read the suicide thing, so sad

[Mimolicious]

You have to have some valid grounds for a RO. An e-mail and a couple entires on FB wouldn't suffice.

 

 

This is true! BTW, RO are not handed out that simply. You'll need to prove that she is engaging in obssesive behavior that makes her potentially threatening or she will have to physically try to approach you for it to have better grounds. One email is not going to cut it...

[Mimolicious]

Quite frankly anyone can get a temporary restraining order, whether the complaint is true or not.

 

Some people like to live in la la land about what happens in the legal realm.

 

And threatening the OP is definitely a legitimate complaint.

 

GEL

 

Where do you live???!!! Sorry hone, it's not as simple as walking into the precinct and walking out with a little piece of paper.

 

The steps may differ a tad bit from state to state but for the most part you will need to file forms with the county clerk. If you dont have sufficient cause your forms may be overturned. Depending on the situation you are given a temp-order, which gives the courts time to decide if you need a perm one.

 

The only other way to obtain one on the spot is to literally get assaulted and the assailant goes into custody. Once they are arraigned they can be served with it. Either up to the judge's discretion or you or your lawyer will have to be present at the hearing to request such.

 

That's pretty much in a nutshell. It's just not going to happen unless you hold any substance to really proving that you are being threaten or feel threaten.

 

How exactly are you being threaten? and why do you feel threaten? Has she really said that she is going to crack your skull for sleeping with her H for 2yrs? OR she is just reaching out to get some thruth out of you? Seems like everyone in this picture is kinda trying to chicken out.

 

From the sounds of it... doesn't seem like you really want to face her either. If you really did, you would have already.

[Mimolicious]

OP, I have a feeling the BS is contacting you after 8 months because he is involved in another affair and she thinks it is you.

 

 

BINGO! A bit late in the thread but for the sake of info tech...

 

All the FB nonsense. Very simple, there is an option to be private and to block users. NOTHING ELSE! That simple! My xH is on FB and so is his sluterella (can save the comebacks...). and even though my xH and I have probably 500 common contacts, it's like we dont exist in FBookvilla.

If any unwanted person is reaching you- 1. your settings are not private and 2. you havent blocked them. Also, you can delete anything that is posted on your page.

 

Come on people, cut it out!

[donnamaybe]

Where do you live???!!!

My guess is "la la land."

[TarnishedInequity]

thank you...and I will be careful.

I honestly don't think she took much time in deciding reconcillation. It was all done in a haste. And maybe now, she is struggling. She is seeing that she can't forget. And he may have someone else, so he isn't behaving 100% remorseful. Hopefully, she will get the drinking under control to have the ability to think clearly. He will stay with her. But, I honestly believe he won't be faithful to her. It will take her to kick him to the curb, just like his exwife did. But I am not sure she has the strength, the confidence to do it now. Maybe never. She watched her family cling together through alcoholism...neither parent gave up...they stayed miserable for 30yrs until finally her father was done. She may do the same. Cling dependently to him. The irony is that during one drinking episode he admitted to her father about the impending divorce...xMM said that her father didn't blame him if he did. That he lived with for far too long. That is xMM version anyhow.

 

Wow --- yeah, your BS of your xMM sounds a lot like the BGF I had to deal with. It was a no time decision for her as well and while the guy himself is not a cold person, he was not remorseful about the situation either.

 

It is their choice though, like has been stated, if they want to stay and continue to live in such a relationship. Many times, like in your situation, it is true in which the M of your MM/MW is actually in shambles/rocky roads and their H/W is really not a good fit for them! I wish you the best of luck.

 

You've washed your hands of this situation, and I know it's frustrating having to have the past keep re-appearing in the aggressive, detrimental way it is.