TheSageMan Posted January 7, 2011 Share Posted January 7, 2011 Yesterday my ex girlfriend of 3.5 years (we've been broken up ~2 months with LC) found out that I slept with a friend of mine from my hometown after a wedding in mid-December. As of now I am having mixed emotions regarding the whole matter. The good thing is the girl I hooked up with is hottie so the self confidence boosted up, but the bad thing is that now I feel terrible that my ex found out. I know that I shouldn't care what she thinks because we are split, but she is still constantly on my mind and I still consider her my best friend. I feel like I've been punched in the gut over for her findng out, but on the other hand she ripped out my soul. Did I f**k up any chance of us getting back together down the road? Link to post Share on other sites
Fern Posted January 7, 2011 Share Posted January 7, 2011 Yesterday my ex girlfriend of 3.5 years (we've been broken up ~2 months with LC) found out that I slept with a friend of mine from my hometown after a wedding in mid-December. As of now I am having mixed emotions regarding the whole matter. The good thing is the girl I hooked up with is hottie so the self confidence boosted up, but the bad thing is that now I feel terrible that my ex found out. I know that I shouldn't care what she thinks because we are split, but she is still constantly on my mind and I still consider her my best friend. I feel like I've been punched in the gut over for her findng out, but on the other hand she ripped out my soul. Did I f**k up any chance of us getting back together down the road? If she dumped you then it's the best thing you could have done - especially if the girl was a hottie. A little bit of jealousy concentrates the mind like nothing else, I find. Don't you DARE apologise (if she dumped you). If anything is going to get your Ex thinking of you as desirable again - this will. Link to post Share on other sites
liverpool fc Posted January 7, 2011 Share Posted January 7, 2011 If she dumped you then it's the best thing you could have done - especially if the girl was a hottie. A little bit of jealousy concentrates the mind like nothing else, I find. Don't you DARE apologise (if she dumped you). If anything is going to get your Ex thinking of you as desirable again - this will. couldnt agree more. it is jealousy that keeps the interest in some people and that desire to get there partner back before they are taken from them. sometimes jealousy doesnt work out if not used correctly though but it seems like what you did is a good one Link to post Share on other sites
WiseOne1 Posted January 7, 2011 Share Posted January 7, 2011 This is the best thing you EVER could have done, much better than what 98% of everyone else on loveshack tried, you know...letters, crying, begging, giving gifts. Women these days, seen to respond to the Opposite action, a person would think that the other tatics as mention above would work, but NO, you did the correct action. Jealousy will drive her crazy Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheSageMan Posted January 7, 2011 Author Share Posted January 7, 2011 This is the best thing you EVER could have done, much better than what 98% of everyone else on loveshack tried, you know...letters, crying, begging, giving gifts.I would be lying to you if I said that I didn't do a lot of crying and little begging (but only at first). I had a tragic family loss the day after she said she was leaving so I felt completely abandoned. I know that took a toll on her as well, but she wasn't getting bombarded with terrible news. Either way, I felt like I cheated even though we had been split for 6 weeks at that point. Now, I feel good about it except that I know she is hurting (the ex, not the hookup - maybe both???) and that hurts me. BTW I wouldn't want someone to come back into my life because of jealousy. Rather, I would hope they would understand that if you let a good thing go, it doesn't always come back. Maybe later on when we've both had time to find what makes us happy we'll reunite but I'm not going to hold my breath. Fate is crazy thing, and sometime you just have to roll with it. On a side note I have noticed that girls I knew through my ex, the gym or other friends are going out of their way to contact and spend time with me. This makes me fell good like there is a light at the end of the deep crevasse I fell into the last 2 months. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheSageMan Posted January 10, 2011 Author Share Posted January 10, 2011 So today makes one week of NC and i feel like I am beginning to crack. I did the stereotypical thing and wrote my ex a really nice poem regarding how much she means to me without sounding to needy. I have not sent it to her yet, nor will I until the time is right if that ever comes. I think I may burn it or wait until her b day in April to give it to her once the things have settled down some. I guess I just feel the need to write on here rather than contact her. I still feel really bad that she found out, but most of all I miss her companionship for she was truly my best friend. Link to post Share on other sites
KYoung2200 Posted January 10, 2011 Share Posted January 10, 2011 So today makes one week of NC and i feel like I am beginning to crack. I did the stereotypical thing and wrote my ex a really nice poem regarding how much she means to me without sounding to needy. I have not sent it to her yet, nor will I until the time is right if that ever comes. I think I may burn it or wait until her b day in April to give it to her once the things have settled down some. I guess I just feel the need to write on here rather than contact her. I still feel really bad that she found out, but most of all I miss her companionship for she was truly my best friend. DO NOT SEND THAT POEM!!!!! You will come off as either: 1) Desperate 2) Creepy You do NOT want to come across like that. Trust me! Link to post Share on other sites
Duckduckgoose Posted January 10, 2011 Share Posted January 10, 2011 Just keep writing what you feel on here. I think there is a thread you can posts letters/rants/etc to your ex instead of sending them too. I don't know where it is though. But don't contact your ex. She dumped you, it is no longer her business if you sleep with other women. So what if she gets jealous, you're not the one that bailed on the relationship, she was. Its your life that matters. Its hard to turn off the feelings you have for an ex, but its best to just hide behind your wall of "I am awesome I will see other women if I feel like it" until you no longer care what the ex thinks. It might take a while to get to that point. Someone on this forum is very fond of saying "Fake it till you make it". Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheSageMan Posted January 10, 2011 Author Share Posted January 10, 2011 I know. I think I'll just burn it. It will probably be therapeutic. Link to post Share on other sites
NeNinja Posted January 10, 2011 Share Posted January 10, 2011 Good for you! My ex-girlfriend's BFF saw me on A DATE with another girl and SHE (the friend) got upset. I can only imagine what your ex-girlfriend is feeling hearing that you slept with someone else. I imagine it is a combination of jealousy, regret, and doubt. Anger for sure...but that isn't your problem anymore is it? Link to post Share on other sites
J0N Posted January 10, 2011 Share Posted January 10, 2011 I will tell you right now that your ex is probably going bonkers with jealousy, regret etc. You probably blew any chance of ever having a functional relationship with her. I would say that you just put her behind you and think about meeting new girls. IF you guys ever did reconcile, you would constantly fight about it and it would probably causing you to split again. I would look at this as a good situation. By the way, burn the poem. Don’t send it. I liked what you said in a previous post a lot. “Rather, I would hope they would understand that if you let a good thing go, it doesn’t always come back.” This is my philosophy. My ex is a great girl, but I will not give her a second chance because I would never be able to trust her again, and when it comes to my relationships… trust is everything. Link to post Share on other sites
FreeheartLover Posted January 10, 2011 Share Posted January 10, 2011 Did I f**k up any chance of us getting back together down the road? Yes, forget about it. Link to post Share on other sites
ames Posted January 15, 2011 Share Posted January 15, 2011 If she dumped you then it's the best thing you could have done - especially if the girl was a hottie. ??? umm..cheating on someone is NEVER THE BEST THING YOU COULD HAVE DONE..it's a horrible thing to do to someone..just horrible..anyway, yeah you have pretty much blown it dude.. Link to post Share on other sites
paperbag111 Posted January 15, 2011 Share Posted January 15, 2011 If she dumped you then I reckon that's alright. Me on the other hand got dumped by the ex and she slept with someone not too long after (less than a week). I found out and she tries to make it sound as if it is alright because "that's what people do when they break up to get over the other"...YEAH...okay for the dumpee not dumper! Stupid bitch. She's not the one with the broken heart. End Rant! Link to post Share on other sites
paperbag111 Posted January 15, 2011 Share Posted January 15, 2011 Oh yeah, as for you, I don't think you ****ed up any chances down the road, my ex did though! Link to post Share on other sites
Fern Posted January 15, 2011 Share Posted January 15, 2011 If she dumped you then it's the best thing you could have done - especially if the girl was a hottie. ??? umm..cheating on someone is NEVER THE BEST THING YOU COULD HAVE DONE..it's a horrible thing to do to someone..just horrible..anyway, yeah you have pretty much blown it dude.. Did you even read his post? They'd been split a month when he slept with the hottie. That's not cheating. Link to post Share on other sites
Kansas Posted January 16, 2011 Share Posted January 16, 2011 It depends: If you were still together when you slept with the other girl, then yes, she'll just use it as ammo to move forward and you'll be an ass in her books. If you were broken up for 2 months, then all bets are off. She dumped YOU - therefore she no longer has any say whatsoever who you sleep with. And if it bothers her, then too bad. She has no longer has any a say in the matter. Do you typically get mad at your *friends* when they sleep with someone? Link to post Share on other sites
paleblue Posted January 16, 2011 Share Posted January 16, 2011 you shouldnt feel terrible your ex gf found out. you two are no longer together. you are moving on with your life just as you should be. and you have all rights to be with whoever you want. especially if she said see ya. as far as getting back together down the road, youre not going to like what i have to say, but i am of the opinion, one shot per person in our life that is all we get. when its over, its over. once trust has been compromised, as in two people splitting up to begin with, its nearly impossible to get that trust back. you will always be thinking, will it happen again? and chances are good it probably will happen again if you got back together. the same reasons you broke up for, are still there. so i think you should give yourself a break, stop punching yourself in the gut. you may feel like you have some kind of loyalty owed to her, but in reality you do not. i know the feelings you describe. i felt it as well before. i didnt want to get with another chick because i felt guilty, like i was betraying someone who dumped me and was already with someone. messed up huh? my suggestion, continue no contact, work on yourself, you will thank yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Heatemyheart89 Posted January 16, 2011 Share Posted January 16, 2011 I did the same thing in 2009 and my ex went mental.she's dumped you though so sleep with who you want! Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheSageMan Posted January 17, 2011 Author Share Posted January 17, 2011 To clear everything up.... No I did not, nor would I ever have cheated on her when we were together. While I will admit that things kind of got stagnant in 2010, by no means was I pursuing something on the side. As for her, who knows???? I believe that you will only poison your mind by trying and deduce what led up to them leaving. Unless there was a serious case of infidelity or some other major issue, then you will know the reason why your the SO left. Going NC allows the both of you to reassess your relationship (as well as yourself) and find out if it truly was something that you both wanted i the end. In my case, the NC part has been spotty. We lived together for the entire duration of our relationship so getting stuff back means sometimes having to break NC. Case in point, last Thursday I had to email her to try and get my resume and other documents that were stored on her computer. I decided that I need a life/career change (since I only was living in this hell-hole of town until she finished grad school in May) so I am taking the necessary steps to pursue whatever lies ahead. This opened up a brief dialog about how things were going with each other but wasn't prolonged or too in depth. I know that she wanted to ask me about the other girl so I diverted all conversation from that and tried to only give basic understanding of the in's and out's of my current life. So ow here I am going back on NC again and trying to move forward with my life. Hopefully I'll be able to stay strong and move on without burning too many bridges. If by chance she wanted to start talking again in the future then that's fine, but for now it's all about numero uno. Link to post Share on other sites
Username37 Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 If she dumped you and you did this. It's her ****ing fault. What could you do? You're the one broken. She's an idiot for being angry. Link to post Share on other sites
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