WHY WE CANT BE TOGETHER?

[SLIMGOODS]

How can i start? o.k. I meet a very sweet and handsome guy off of the internet, From this site called IWANTU.COM. We met up and had a really good time with eachother. I really like him and want to be with him as a couple. Even though the feelings are supposed to be mutul he doesn't feel we should be together yet, He says that we should give it time. But I dont see how much time he needs when we are already intimate with eachother, We spend alot of time with eachother and we speak nearly every night. He admits to enjoy spending time with me, but I dont see why he doesnt want to commit to me yet. Im starting to think that he wants to just use me for now until something better comes along or does he really want to take things very slow. Im 19 and hes 23, I dont know if it really matters but could it be possible that he's trying to take advantage of me. He knows basically everything about me, I trust whith any and every thing. He shows me love that I never felt before, he's absolutly everything I want and everything I need. I would do anything for him thats why its so hard for me to understand why he doesn't want to be with me. Could someone please give me some legit advice, I would really appreciate all the help i could get. Thanx, Slimgoods.

[Tony T]

It sounds like you are wanting insight and explanations rather than advice here.

 

Some people take longer to make a committment and that's good. You don't want a guy who just takes up with the first girl that comes down the pike. A relationship with him will be a lot more meaningful if you get to know each other for a bit of time before you become an item.

 

Everybody goes at his own pace. He may even be dating other girls and has to wrap up those situations before he settles down with you. He may have had experiences in the past that beckon him to be a bit more cautious at this point.

 

You need to understand and respect his desire for time. Being a bit older than you, he has more extensive experience in the relationship area. You ought to give him a lot of credit for taking his time, for being honest with you, and for moving at his own pace. As far as taking advantage of you, he cannot do that. Only YOU can allow him to take advantage of you. You have not disclosed any situation where that could take place. Many couples who are attracted to each other have sex without a commitment to each other. If you feel you are being taken advantage of, just don't have sex or do other things for him until you have a committment from him.

 

If you are under the impression that a man who has sex with you is bound to enter into a committed relationship with you, you must immediately adjust your thinking. That is NOT the way it is in the world today. Sometimes that happens and sometimes it doesn't. This man doesn't owe you a thing.

 

If he's not moving fast enough for you, find a guy who will. But I promise you, you would be a lot better off being the one playing hard to get. You will not have gratifying relationships if you make yourself such an easy catch. A girl who wants so quickly to have a relationship with a guy is NOT a turn on to a guy at all. If you really want to sew up this guy, stop returning some of his phone calls, don't return them so quickly, don't make your conversations so long, and be busy with other plans on nights when he wants to get together. That will make him want you more.

 

If you don't learn this now, you will learn it later. Please don't be so easy. Don't be so quick to get into the sack with a guy and don't be so snappy in wanting a committment from a guy. For most men this is a real turn off...and, as a man, I can tell you that it has turned a lot of girls off to me in the past.

 

You are listening to one slow-movning dude now...and it has worked a lot better for me.

[Deejette]

I am suspicious of people who present themselves over the internet. He may have a double life and just not let you in on it (like a family somewhere and kids, or maybe another girlfriend). It is hard when we are in love with someone and they do not return our desire to be together a lot. But you may have to look into why he is not there for you as much as you need him to be.