IT happened!!! Got the (dreaded) email after 2 months NC!

[Movingthrough]

So what happened, did you two meet up?

 

I've known so many girls (and I'm sure there are guys out there too that do this) that leave someone they really care about, then get with another guy who they don't really care about, but stay with them to save face. They refuse to admit to themselves, former lover, and family that they made the wrong choice. So they would rather remain miserable than admit they were wrong.

 

No we didnt meet up, and sometimes i regret it, but i know it was the best thing. Before i went NC, she actually texted me twice, and both were hinting at feelings again. I know for almost a fact if i saw her the feelings would come back and i would leave with both of us confused. I knew that as a man i could go there and kind of take back my "turf" but all i kept thinking was about a trip she had later in the month with him and how no matter how good it went with both us, she wasnt going to call that off. So i cut it off. I wasnt going to be that second guy but sometimes i feel like i should have worked my "angle" better.

 

I know she still feels for me and lately i have had this gut feeling im going to hear from her, but im trying to get to a mindset where that doesnt even matter. We had a LDR that was a secret so the fact that she found a new guy that can be a boyfriend to her in her hometown is something i cant really knock her for.

[suddendumpee]

For those of you hoping for that e-mail. That contact from your ex. Be careful what you wish for. I for one can say...it sucks. Even in deciding no to reply, I still feel like NC has been broken. For days, I felt powerful for not responding. Now I feel weak because it is effecting me. I think about the fact that even though I was not happy with the content of her email (placing blame, no apology), I'm still hanging on to the words of regret (should have talked more, didn't know what else to do). It makes me feel like she is still unsure if she made the right move. Like I just might be able to say the right thing to get her to realize that she lost the best thing she will ever have. This is my heart talking. My head knows this is a fantasy. A fantasy I would not be living in had she not contacted me.

 

NC or not, this sh** is hard. I dread the next contact. I dread not knowing if I am doing the right thing. Holding a grudge, being angry, bitter, not allowing myself to forgive. I dread that NC is sending a message of immaturity, inability to let go and accept the truth. I want to wish her on her marry way because I loved her UNCONDITIONALLY. I want to forgive and forget. To let go. But I don't want to sacrifice my own dignity in doing it. I don't want to give her a piece of myself while I suffer. I'm so utterly confused. One thing is for sure, it's been 60 days and something still feels like its missing. I spend most of the day analyzing and second guessing my thoughts and actions. If I have control over my life, why can't I figure out how to fix this?

[GreenPolicy]

For those of you hoping for that e-mail. That contact from your ex. Be careful what you wish for. I for one can say...it sucks. Even in deciding no to reply, I still feel like NC has been broken. For days, I felt powerful for not responding. Now I feel weak because it is effecting me.

 

You're not weak. NC takes an incredible amount of strength. Lately as I close in on 3 months since my b/u, I have been getting urges to contact her. I will not do it, because there is nothing she can say to me to make me feel better, nor do I want a glimpse into her life at this point if I'm not in it. It takes so much self discipline and strength to be the bigger person, to take the high ground, to not lash out and try to hurt them the way they hurt us, to keep our dignity and self-respect when so many dumpees shed them in a misguided attempt to beg and plead with the dumper to take them back.

 

 

 

I spend most of the day analyzing and second guessing my thoughts and actions. If I have control over my life, why can't I figure out how to fix this?

 

There's nothing to fix. Our former relationships can't be fixed. I do the same, but in the case of our exes, it is not our fault. Your ex doesn't have integrity. My ex has deep-seated emotional issues.

[0hpenelope]

There's nothing to fix. Our former relationships can't be fixed.

 

Hear, hear.

[SeriousBob12]

Hear, hear.

 

In most cases it's the truth.

 

Though you do hear about it happening, cases of where things work out after a breakup are quite rare compared to the cases of where it doesn't.

 

Furthermore it's definitely not something the dumpee can do, that's a ball that is in the dumpers court. Unfortunately in a lot of cases the dumper has ended it for their reasons (someone else, lost interest, etc...) and has moved on. We won't inclue the cases of where the breakup is more about an issue (a petty fight gone wrong, alcohol/drug abuse, proving a point, etc...etc...) that do have some hope. Those are more about proving a point/dealing with an issue than anything else. A lot of the cases here on LS DO NOT fall under this category.

[mmiller5373]

Unfortunately in a lot of cases the dumper has ended it for their reasons (someone else, lost interest, etc...) and has moved on. We won't inclue the cases of where the breakup is more about an issue (a petty fight gone wrong, alcohol/drug abuse, proving a point, etc...etc...) that do have some hope. Those are more about proving a point/dealing with an issue than anything else. A lot of the cases here on LS DO NOT fall under this category.

 

See, in my mind, if a breakup occured because of a petty fight gone wrong, alcohol/drug abuse, proving a point... the dumper wouldn't have somebody in their life so fresh after the breakup and they'd be willing to talk things over. That's the worst part of these LS breakups. They dumpers give us BS reasons like you've stated, but those aren't the true reasons at all... and all that does is make matters worse. Breaks my heart.

[East7]

For those of you hoping for that e-mail. That contact from your ex. Be careful what you wish for. I for one can say...it sucks. Even in deciding no to reply, I still feel like NC has been broken. For days, I felt powerful for not responding. Now I feel weak because it is effecting me. I think about the fact that even though I was not happy with the content of her email (placing blame, no apology), I'm still hanging on to the words of regret (should have talked more, didn't know what else to do). It makes me feel like she is still unsure if she made the right move. Like I just might be able to say the right thing to get her to realize that she lost the best thing she will ever have. This is my heart talking. My head knows this is a fantasy. A fantasy I would not be living in had she not contacted me.

 

NC or not, this sh** is hard. I dread the next contact. I dread not knowing if I am doing the right thing. Holding a grudge, being angry, bitter, not allowing myself to forgive. I dread that NC is sending a message of immaturity, inability to let go and accept the truth. I want to wish her on her marry way because I loved her UNCONDITIONALLY. I want to forgive and forget. To let go. But I don't want to sacrifice my own dignity in doing it. I don't want to give her a piece of myself while I suffer. I'm so utterly confused. One thing is for sure, it's been 60 days and something still feels like its missing. I spend most of the day analyzing and second guessing my thoughts and actions. If I have control over my life, why can't I figure out

how to fix this?

 

SD,

 

Before deciding what to do, decide what to you want ! Do you want this girl back or you accept it is over forever ?

 

After reading your relationship story, my feeling is that you gradually felt in love while she gradually took you for granted.

 

IMO, a girl who dumps you for another guy has zero respect for your commitment, feelings and what you have done for her. On the Top of that she has been lying ALL the time : 1st when she broke up, if she was honest she would say :Yes, there is another guy around. 2nd implying that she waited to break up with you for starting something with him (no she didn't wait and you know it) - She lied because she wanted to look like a "good-girl" that doesn't play two man at same time. She might be a perfect 10 or Angelina Jolie but she lacks integrity. Do you want a girlfriend or a future wife like this ? Do you want to live with fear in guts everytime she is befriending another guy ?

 

A healthy relationship is based on TRUST. Can you trust her again ? This is not a one-night-stand mate, that was a conscious decision to dump you and run with the other guy. BTW I don't bet my money on her new relationship, dont ever be jealous about him. (He is with her to heal his scars of a previous relationship, she is being his soul-nurse, this kind of relationship often doesn't go too far, he is in hysterical-rebound and she is pursuing her nurse instinct but when the dust will settle, it will be another story)

And oh, forget about UNCONDITIONAL love, it is an naive illusion, I have learned it the hard way.

 

Now to come back to her e-mail, all she is seeking is VALIDATION and that you give her your BLESSING. It is all about her (like other posters said). She is transferring her guilt to you by complaining about your words or actions because it makes her feel better to think that the relationship didn't work because of you. She is feeling guilt but not remorse. If she felt remorse she would have turned things upside-down to come back with you. As much as you are trying to analyze her words, ACTIONS speak louder.

 

Basically what she wants from you is that you tell her "It is what it is, I forgive you, I want you happy". At the moment you will answer this, you are out forever ! Her EGO will be burst, her guilt disappear, and you will become an "has-been". We sometimes think that if we take the high road and forgive, we will gain their respect and affection but unfortunately very often it doesn't work that way.

 

Not answering to her will not make you look bitter and frustrated. The best strategy is to show her that you don't give a damn about her ! She will grow insecure and puzzled why you ignore her, but the bottom-line is that she knows why : she dumped you for another guy. That's enough to understand why she is out of your life.

Another consequence of answering will likely result in e-mailing back and forth which will be useless and counter-productive to your healing and will not bring her back anyway.

 

So my advice either DON'T ANSWER or if you really insist to give an answer, write her this short message "I'm past that. Let's keep it professional. Bye!" That will give you dignity and will not be an opening to further exchange (I hope so).

 

It is time to heal and see her for the person she really was.

[Nothingtolose]

SD,

 

I went through a very similar thing with my ex. He cheated on me (and it's not just a suspicion - he actually told me) with a girl from his ship (he's in the navy). a Month after that they were meant to be going away on a 5 month deployment with the ship ( we were gonna do long distance during that time). So the fact he was going to be with her on that ship for 5 months, made it impossible for me to stay with him. He kept saying he loved me, but also had feelings for her. He said i was the woman he wanted to one day marry and have kids with....but he didnt think he could not sleep with her again, being there with her for 5 months on the ship and away from me.

 

Although I cried/begged/pleaded on the day of the break up, the minute i walked out his door, apart from one song i sent him, i went NC straight away. a few days later he contacted me, sent an email, much like the one your ex sent, all about him and playing the victim and not taking responsibility for what he did. I didnt reply. The day after that, he sent another one, a song that according to him, was the way he felt about us. The song had lines like 'i still believe its you and me till the end of times'. I couldnt believe he could be saying that, after what he had done. I ignored again.

 

Then a few days after that, i emailed him my account details. We had basically booked and paid for a holiday we were meant to go on together and after the break up, he had said to me that even though we werent able to get a refund for it, he was gonna pay me back me share. After all, the reason we werent going on that holiday was cause of what he had done!

So i sent my details (only that, nothing else) and he replied saying

'i want to pay you back, but i lost it all too. Financially for the trip, and you. So lets share the hurt. As ned kelly said 'such is life'

 

i dont think i've ever been more mad in my entire life. i was so angry, so hurt, so offended, he couldnt even be man enough to pay me back that money when he has PLENTY of money and knows im struggling financially.

Still, i decided to let it go ($500), and not reply.

 

I struggled with that decisions for DAYS, or even a couple of weeks to be honest. At first i felt powerful that i never replied to any of his 3 emails. Then over time that sense of power started to fade, and i started questioning and second guessing everything. Wondering if i should have replied, if i should have got it all out of my chest, said all the things i wanted to say, that i may never have that opportunity to say those things again.

 

It's been over a month now since that last email, and I still think about him, but in a way i feel glad he never got anything from me, not one single reply. I've also blocked him on fb from day one, so he's never been able to look at my page, wouldnt even know if im dead or alive.

 

i dont know if he's moved on, if he's dating her now that they're away on deployment together, but i like to think me ignoring him and never giving him the time of day after the break up, has bothered him. i'm sure it has.

 

sometimes i wish i was inside his head just to know if he ever thinks he made the biggest mistake of his life.

[Jonno_S]

I would say absolutely stick with NC. You can forgive her without telling her. NC gives you your power back. Who knows, the more you stick to it, the more it drives her crazy.

 

This guy says he's a friend with her and you're telling him about power plays and how to drive someone crazy?

 

Nice.

Edited January 23, 2011 by Jonno_S

[Jonno_S]

 

"XXXX,

 

I couldn't agree with you more. I am sincerely sorry for handling the situation poorly and for not giving you the respect you deserve.

 

For the last two months I have been extremely confused. I have some amazing memories with you, and in the end this is were my heart has led me. I really apologize that you saw those pictures. I certainly had no intentions of making matters worse by those. Considering our work situation this has been very hard for me to deal with and i thought it would be best to keep it short and to the point. I hope you understand the difficult position i was in so that we can move forward.

 

I hope you have a Merry Christmas!"

 

 

"Subject: Thinking about things

 

I know this might seem strange, but I wanted to reach out to you, out of respect for you and what we had together. In the FBmessage you sent me, you said you considered us friends first and foremost, and that keeps ringing in my ears. I’m not sure if you care or not, but I just wanted to let you know that I was not involved with anyone else until after you and I had broken things off. I knew that I was curious about him, but that’s it. I feel like we ended so badly and I hate that! I have such great memories with you, and can’t stand knowing that you think that it didn’t mean as much to me. I can't stand that you might think I didn't care. It was not an easy decision breaking things off with you. After the last time I visited you, and we talked, you asked "where things were going" and that “this was your life”. I felt like I had to make a decision, and that you were implying I wasting your life because I still wasn't sure about what I wanted. I should have told you more, I should have talked to you more, but to be completely honest, I felt so backed into a corner I just didn’t know what to do. I feel like our entire relationship would have been so much better and easier if we didn’t work together. It was different for you, it didn’t matter as much to you, but considering my being lower on the totem pole, it was in the back of my mind all of the time. I guess I just wanted to write and say you meant a lot to me, you taught me a lot about myself and I’m grateful I had the chance to get to know you on the level I did. I want nothing but the best for you and think you are an amazing man."

 

(Disclaimer: I did not read the previous postings so please read my response with that in mind.)

 

I don't think that it signifies that the rebound is not going well but it DOES signify that she cared about you and still does and to me it says she's a decent person. From reading the responses to this I have to say that many people here must have been pretty lucky in relationships. I have been with some CRAZY women who can't seem to muster an apology no matter what occurs (one did after she assaulted me). So when I read the e-mails I thought that she was being pretty decent. She was apologetic and forthright, and in no way did she take a "what about you?" tone. And I don't see the "seething in guilt" either. I think she is genuinely concerned about your feelings and she believed you when you said you were friends first and foremost. Have you forgotten that you said that? Do you ignore all your friends when they reach out to you? You seem to be ignoring her to toy with her or maybe get something out of her. Okay, you saw the pics but unless she's still lying (and I don't think that she is), what was so horrible? You got dumped. It happens. She hoping for a little connection with you after she hurt your feelings. Whether you "accept" her apology or not is your problem, not hers. She knows she did the right thing by trying to patch things up and be decent even after you ignored her first e-mail. She even calls you an "amazing man." What more do you want, her to camp out on your doorstep and grovel?

 

Sorry if this is harsh but I see her as pretty open, honest and contrite and those are good qualities. I dream of women like that. Maybe you should re-read the e-mails and do so looking for the good that is clearly there rather than reading between the lines trying to extract negative things.

Edited January 23, 2011 by Jonno_S

[suddendumpee]

.Well you obviouslt haven't read the entire history. She is not telling the truth about "not being involved with him while we were together." She only apologized AFTER being bussted by the pictures. And herlast email blames me for the breakup for "backing her into a corner" even though the timeline of the breakup tells a different story.

 

She had been talking to this "guy friend" for months. She went out of her way to dispel a@y concerns that he was interested in more. She said he was like a brother and that even if he was interested nothing could EVER happen between them. She showed me a text 3 weeks before our breakup where he told her that he loved her more than I did, and she laughed it off. It was like she enjoyed making me insecure about the whole thing.

 

First suspicious action: He visits her city for a convention. This night she never calls me. She has called me almost every night in our 7 month relationship. The next morning she tells me this huge story about what happened the night before and why she never called, but makes no mention of "Jim" at all. When I ask "what happened with Jim?" thinking maybe he never came to town, her reaction was a very suspicious "NOTHING.....uhhhh. I mean....we hung out...we all hung out."

 

Two days after he leaves she informs me that she is no longer going to a homecoming fotball game that she was so excited about. She suddenly has this urge to go "visit her family" back home (where Jim also happens to live). The following day Jim's friend posts on her FB wall saing "Had a great time. Will make sure to give you a heads up next time me and your "weekend boyfriend" come to town" (referring ti Jim). Within 10 minutes, she deletes the post and starts barading me with extra sweet text messages obviously feeling out whether I had seen the posts.

 

I dismiss this as he trying to avoid unnecessary conflict. I still believed her that nothing was going on and I didn't want to overreact. She comes to visit me and we drink a bit. When intoxicated, I can't hold in this new insecurity and I question the relationship and where it is going (this is the part she is blaming me for "backing her into a corner")

 

The follong weekend she invites me to fly down and visit her. I go down there and things are great. She spends dinner prepping me to meet her family on our trip in 2 weeks. She presents me a key to her apartment with a big hug and a kiss, and as I'm at the airport to go home, she texts me how excited she is that the next time we see one another it will be "for an entire week!".

 

The following week she goes home to visit her family (where Jim lives) and she is very vague on the details about who she is hanging with and where she is staying "with friends". 3 days after this trip she suddenly ends the relationship and cancels our trip. She assures me that there is nobody else and that she simply needs "alone time" to find herself.

 

2 weeks later the album is posted complete with pics documenting the trip to her home. Guess who she was hanging with and where she stayed? Not to mention one of the pics was time stamped at 4am when she called me both nights (as she was supposedly going to bed) at around 1am. Withing 10 minutes the album was hidden from me to attempt to hide this and a week later her and he are in a "facebook official" relationship.

 

Bottom line, she was lying to me and hiding from me these facts while we were still together. This is cheating. She only apologized AFTER she was busted. In the second email she contiunes her lies not knowing that I have all these facts. To add insult to injust, she blames a conversation I had with her as the cause of our breakup by "backing her in to a corner" even though the weekend after she makes me a key to her apartment and is excited about our trip, only to end things 3 days after she hangs out with the new guy.

 

Still think she's an honest and sincere person? You don't have to read between the lines to see what was going on here. My conflict has been: Do I continue to ignore her? Or call her out on these facts? I can't stand knowing that she might think she got away with this BS. She must think I'm really dumb.

[bolase]

SD,

 

I went through a very similar thing with my ex. He cheated on me (and it's not just a suspicion - he actually told me) with a girl from his ship (he's in the navy). a Month after that they were meant to be going away on a 5 month deployment with the ship ( we were gonna do long distance during that time). So the fact he was going to be with her on that ship for 5 months, made it impossible for me to stay with him. He kept saying he loved me, but also had feelings for her. He said i was the woman he wanted to one day marry and have kids with....but he didnt think he could not sleep with her again, being there with her for 5 months on the ship and away from me.

 

Although I cried/begged/pleaded on the day of the break up, the minute i walked out his door, apart from one song i sent him, i went NC straight away. a few days later he contacted me, sent an email, much like the one your ex sent, all about him and playing the victim and not taking responsibility for what he did. I didnt reply. The day after that, he sent another one, a song that according to him, was the way he felt about us. The song had lines like 'i still believe its you and me till the end of times'. I couldnt believe he could be saying that, after what he had done. I ignored again.

 

Then a few days after that, i emailed him my account details. We had basically booked and paid for a holiday we were meant to go on together and after the break up, he had said to me that even though we werent able to get a refund for it, he was gonna pay me back me share. After all, the reason we werent going on that holiday was cause of what he had done!

So i sent my details (only that, nothing else) and he replied saying

'i want to pay you back, but i lost it all too. Financially for the trip, and you. So lets share the hurt. As ned kelly said 'such is life'

 

i dont think i've ever been more mad in my entire life. i was so angry, so hurt, so offended, he couldnt even be man enough to pay me back that money when he has PLENTY of money and knows im struggling financially.

Still, i decided to let it go ($500), and not reply.

 

I struggled with that decisions for DAYS, or even a couple of weeks to be honest. At first i felt powerful that i never replied to any of his 3 emails. Then over time that sense of power started to fade, and i started questioning and second guessing everything. Wondering if i should have replied, if i should have got it all out of my chest, said all the things i wanted to say, that i may never have that opportunity to say those things again.

 

It's been over a month now since that last email, and I still think about him, but in a way i feel glad he never got anything from me, not one single reply. I've also blocked him on fb from day one, so he's never been able to look at my page, wouldnt even know if im dead or alive.

 

i dont know if he's moved on, if he's dating her now that they're away on deployment together, but i like to think me ignoring him and never giving him the time of day after the break up, has bothered him. i'm sure it has.

 

sometimes i wish i was inside his head just to know if he ever thinks he made the biggest mistake of his life.

 

you are amazing to go through that..I was cringing as I read. No doubt it has bothered him.

Edited January 23, 2011 by bolase

[gator12]

NC all the way, she said all of those nice things about you but while they may be sincere there is also the other side. She may just be saying them in order to weaken your defenses and get you to respond to her, either way you know what she may actually think and there is no need to reply to it. She could just be trying to get rid of some of her guilt as evident by some of the things that she said. I think your best bet is to stay NC, if she really wants to talk and cares about what you think of her, she will contact you again.

[suddendumpee]

So a small update here on this old story.

 

As anyone familiar with my story knows, my ex and I work for the same company (different states). Yesterday I arrived in her home state for a work meeting and updated my facebook "places" to show the airport when I arrived.

 

As soon as I get to my hotel, I start getting messages from her best friend/roommate. Basically she saw I was in town, and started making small talk with me about random things. It went on over a couple hours. Then she says that I should cab it over to the other side of town to hang out before I leave because "it would be great to see me". Before anyone suspects her roommate is trying to get with me, NOT the case. She is a sweet girl who just got engaged. DEFINITELY not the type. So I immediately start thinking she is trying to feel things out for my ex. She would never contact me or hang out behind my ex's back. I just wonder what is up because "my best friend's ex is in town, I want to hang out with him" just doesn't add up...

 

The following day (today) my ex starts texting me. First personal (non work) messages since we ended 5 months ago. She just says "you're in town aren't you?" She knows damn well I'm in town since I'm sure her roommate shared our entire conversation with her. I reply with a very short "yes". Then she responds "At least we have nice weather for you! And we will all be at the meeting tomorrow BTW."

 

So yea. Tomorrow will be the first time I've seen her since things went down. I'm unsure how to act. Talk, but be distant/cold? Complete avoid/ignore? Or act like I have amnesia like nothing ever happened?

 

So my question is 2 fold:

 

1) How would you read into the contact from her roommate?

 

2) How should I be when I see her to have the greatest effect?

 

For the record, I truly loved this girl. There's nothing more than I would want than for her to come crawling back someday. Even though I would say NO. haha.

 

Thanks for your advice in advance.

[GreenPolicy]

 

1) How would you read into the contact from her roommate?

 

2) How should I be when I see her to have the greatest effect?

 

 

Don't initiate any personal, non-work interaction. Be pleasant, happy and upbeat in the presence of your colleagues and pay her no attention. She will approach you of course. Don't be rude, but simply tell her "I have nothing of a personal nature to discuss with you. If you'll excuse me, I have to prepare for the meeting/I have to go to so and so's office/etc" or something.

[danrs]

Got a wedding band you can borrow and wear tomorrow?

 

I've read all of your threads on this. What a way to handle things. Some strong similarities to my situation. Your threads and the responses to them have helped immensely. Like you, I also handled things very well right from the start I believe. I'm confident in that. It wasn't easy, but I managed it. No begging, crying, angry displays, etc. Just acceptance, and moving on. I'm only 6 weeks out from the "I need some time to sort things out and see if I can commit to you" talk I received, 3 weeks since I've made any contact, and a week since her last contact to me, also ignored.

 

There's something to be said for maintaining your composure and self respect. As we can see, it empowers us and is troubling to them. It's not easy at the time, but in hindsight certainly seems like the right move to make.

 

There's also something to be said for discovering the truth. Also not easy, but very liberating...even if that liberation is a bit more painful than we'd like.

 

My ex would make comments like "You're thinking too much", and "it's scary how you can see into me so well and you are so spot on about me sometimes". My response that night was "that should be a good thing. It shouldn't be scary if you don't have something to hide". Wow, was I right. I told her that night too it really pizzed me off that she tried to put things off on me because "I was thinking too much", when I had in fact been thinking correctly, and it was incredibly selfish of her to try and tell me to "stop thinking so much" when that thinking was protecting myself and exposing her lies. So selfish that she wanted me to stop thinking and evaluating things so I'd be completely in the dark, so that she could continue with her actions, and so I would to get closer to her and expose myself to potentially even greater pain as a result. She had no problem with THAT (increasing the potential for my pain) so long as she could operate covertly until she decided which guy she wanted to ultimately chose. And I'm going to take an apology from her as legitimate? Not a chance.

 

Mine, like yours, while initially seemingly very confident, has exposed herself as someone of very low self esteem. Funny how the day after I found out (and immediately preceeding our "need some time" talk) she seemed more upset that her co-worker's boyfriend was badmouthing her over this whole thing than she was upset that I was in obvious pain over it!

 

Selfish, lying, emotionally weak woman with a complete lack of integrity and self esteem.

 

I'm not sure what the answer is to your present dilema, but you can bet I'll continue following your threads as confirmation I'm doing the right things.

 

Good luck.

[rectanglesesersrd]

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