How do I reach him?

[wishfullthinker2004]

I am new to this site. I need advice. I met my ex-boyfriend through work, over a year ago. He was going through a divorce and still is. He has two small boys. We made an instant connection. Started talking everyday. It was kind of strange. We just were perfect. I knew him only about four months before I left my job and moved to Florida (that is where he lives, I live in Wisconsin). I wasn't sure and neither was he about what might happen. We loved eachother, I can still remember when he told me, I was at my house in WI, making toast he told me over the phone. My entire body stopped and I felt amazing. Last March, I was visiting him and decided to stay. We were extatic. Things were great...I got another job. That didn't last though, although our love for eachother was sto strong, I was very unhappy, I don't know why. I never cheated on him. After eight months, I decided to leave. He seemed ok with the idea and when I came up here. I was so...confused. I have been trying to get off of these anti-depressants, which really never helped matters. As we said we were going to continue to work on things...I met another guy. Nothing sexual...but he found out. He hacked into my email and found the emails from him. He asked me about it, and I told him no, I wasn't seeing anyone, cuz I really wasn't. He took that as lying. He has shut me out. It has been so heartbreaking for me. I feel so stupid but I've been begging for a second chance...he just can't trust me. Its hard when u are 800 miles away. I know we can make it through, we have a lot of love for eachother. I know taht we need our space, he isn't divorced yet, and what not, just almost very unhappy with everything. I just feel so horribley that I may have sabotaged everything for what reason? I was just unhappy, and those stupid pills never made me any better. However I can see clearly since I've been off of them. I know I should have stuck it out and things may be better, or worse. However after he was hurt, about 1.5 wks ago, he told me he found someone else. He had even slept with her in the same place we first made love. I don't know if he is telling me these things becuz he was hurt, or if they really did happen. He cryed to me over and over again. I did however tell him that we should see other people, but, I didn't know what I was in for. I could kick myself the hardest ever. All of my things are still there. He never tells me that he wants them out, as we still talk every day. I know all we need is time. Maybe things will work out. We are both kind of unhappy people. Now even more so. I don't know what I want out of this site, maybe some stories that is has worked out with others. Maybe some tips on how to get him to realize I am there. Just something.

[NEONINK]

Of course he is hurt, probably angry too. Anyone would be, although he shouldn't have been snooping in your email.

 

Everyone feels one of 4 emotions. Happy, fear, hurt, or anger.

 

You have to figure out why you aren't happy at times. And you have to ask him how you can patch things up. Ask him questions directly. A lot of times, I've found that I have sabataged things when I muffled my emotions. It isn't ok to kick and scream, but be honest with your feelings.

[wishfullthinker2004]

I have asked what he is feeling and he won't share. He tells me he is "numb"...can't feel much of anything, and then today he is happy. I just want to mend things. I feel horrible for things that have happened. He did tell me once, that, he doesn't think we could ever be on the same level we once were. Only becuz he can't trust me. Well, guess what, I'm moving back to Florida, I'll get my own place though, something I should have done long before. Do you think his "fling" with that girl is just that? He did openly tell me she is a "rebound", but then the next day, tell me he could prolly fall for her, but it is complicated. I ask how complicated, I ask him is it complicated becuz I'm still on ur mind? He says, yes that is prolly it.

 

I'm so confused. When I told him I am moving back, he...didn't say much...he knows my intentions are to reconsile. Get back together hopfully. He never said, do not waste your time and money. He didn't really say much. I told him, if we are going to be together, we need to be closer, he said, yes...this is true. I'm getting a lot of mixed feelings...but I know he is messed up.

 

I like having a guys advice. It helps a lot. Thanks.