calithin83 Posted March 19, 2004 Share Posted March 19, 2004 please dont tell me that "it was gonna happen..." or anything that might just make me feel worse..the reason im writing in this forum tonight is just to hear someone tell me its going to be okay...i dont want to hear things i already know..like "how i was dumb"...i just need support right now because to be honest i cant deal with this alone! if u guys had seen my last postings about my bf...well we had been together 3 years and 3 months and i loved him alot ..UNCONDITONALLTY!!! he was the only for me, my heart, my body, my mind...everything! well he broke up with me yesterday...and im going through a mixture of feelings from hurt, to angry, to careless, to why why why?? to denial, to NO this cant be real!!!...and i just dont know what to do anymore....i love him, even though he broke up with me and told me that he was doing it cos he didnt love me and couldnt be with someone he doesnt love..it still hurts..cos of all the memories we had together and the worse was that i saw him yesterday and we kissed and hugged and it was good and then when i get home he calls me and says this to me:(! i dont understand what happened throughout that hour... I miss him alot and i cant stop thinking about him, everything reminds me of him, even looking atmyself reminds me of him...i feel like this big part of me has been ripped out of me and i just cant seem to function right without that! ive talked to a few friends today to help and ive gone to the gym and i even did the big decision to change my cell phone number in case he ever calls..which i doubt he will...but YET i still have this need to just be with him...because i cant believe that it can be COMPLETEY OVER.... i know im young and so is he-(im 20 hes 19) but...we were eachothers first..and our realionship WAS great at the beginng..i loved him and he did love me..but he changes and i cant do anything about it..i just wish i can be strong about it and just not think so much and not feel so empty inside!! i cant even eat..ive just had coffee today..i feel to vacant! the worse thing is that i will have to see him at school on Tues, and Thurs because we have class together, and that will be so hard because seeing him will just make me wanna cry cos im gonna wanna have him close to me.. because no matter what my heart still feels like hes my boyfriend, my baby, my sweetheart..yet the truth is that he isnt any of those things anymore and that now i have to act like hes a strnger..cos we arent going to talk but we are just going to ignore eachother which sux!!! any words of inspiration would help so much! Link to post Share on other sites
Fiona Posted March 19, 2004 Share Posted March 19, 2004 Hi, I'm kinda new on the forum, posted a few times some questions... Was a bit dissapointed 'cause I could have really used some advice. But don't we all need advice and support! So the thing is you're not alone! Talk to your friends, your mother, don't just stand and analyse everything. What helped me most was hating him - lot's of energy, I'm telling you that! After thinking and thinking and than thinking some more - 4 years long relationship - I decided to get busy. Lost pounds, got into some NGO's, danced till the death of me with my friends in a "independent woman" (very silly though,but it finally worked!) campaign. Look around you, try new haircuts, use this horrible thing to reinvent yourself. Unfortunately, at this age boys are so much more immature compared to girls. I believe it's a lot of pressure - they're like "the more the better". You didn't say much about how it ended, but, honestely, it's such a bad ideea to fall for a 19 years old guy. What I'm tring to say is to use this to your advantage, get out and meet lots of people, even if you so don't feel like it, you'll be surprised, but it actually is a wonderful, incredible world outside! Dangerous too,but that's another story And... don't let him see you hurt. In the end it will help you too. I don't mean silly games, just be indifferent, at least try to appear not affected. If you manage to convince him, maybe you'll convice yourself. You'll get this and your pride, and girl, it ain't little! Gotta start somewhere! Fiona Fiona Link to post Share on other sites
UCFKevin Posted March 19, 2004 Share Posted March 19, 2004 Do you remember those things I told you to say to yourself over and over again? If you don't: You're better than this. You're better than him. You deserve better. You deserve someone who will love you as much as you love him. Anyone who makes you cry so much like this is not worth the hassle. It'll take awhile to get over this, but it WILL happen, if you allow it. If you dwell on it, on him, you'll never recover. The second you accept it's over, that's when you'll begin to get better, slowly but surely. If you keep going back to him, you keep giving him power, which he fully realizes and uses against you. He knows what he has over you. He knows what he can do to you. And he'll keep doing it. REMEMBER this pain. Remember it when he comes back to you and tries to win you back, which he WILL do. Remember it when he's telling you how much he loves you and how beautiful you are. Know that this WILL happen again, he will come back and he will break your heart again. No one can fix this but you. No amount of kind words can help you whatsoever. Link to post Share on other sites
Author calithin83 Posted March 19, 2004 Author Share Posted March 19, 2004 well lets see today is 2nd day being single..i havent talked to him..i even went ahead and chaned my cell phone number!! i havent ate anything since yesterday besides drinking coffee. and im still not hungry..i feel empt and yesterday i drank some tea and some nightime medicine to make me sleepy so i can stop the thoughts...i dram about him though..and we were kissing in the dream..ugh:( i even slept with his sweater to feel like hes close to me:(..i miss him i do but for some reason i cant even cry... im trying to be strong and the changing cell phone number thing..is kinda good cos i dont have to run to my phone if it rings..even though i doubt he will call..but just in case ...anyways right now im trying to see waht to do today..i dont wanna be roaming around doing nothing..imma go to the gym again, and later maybe to the library to study-thats IF i can focus.. I still lvoe him and for some reason even though i try to hate him or think about the bad stuff ..i cant..i still think hes great and i think hes just immature and doesnt realize what hes done..but its weird that i cant seem to get to that phase of being angry or mad at him..weird huh? and we broke up cos he told me that he didnt love me and that he couldnt be with someone he didnt love..and i proably should be mad at that but..i guess i cant cos i knwo that he did love me at one point and sometimes people change and i cant expect for someone to lvoe me forever ...i cant control peoples feelings... ugh i just really wish he did love me....cos for somereaon it felt like he did but it just felt like he also felt like he was too young to feel that love for someone..and plus iw as his first gf and first love and first sexual partner..so maybe that can be too much at that age to stay committed... imma just be strong and pray to God and try to eat soemthing even though i dont feel like it... keep posting please..ill keep u updated -DAY BY DAY...imma have to see him tues:( in class...ugh thats gonna be HARD! Link to post Share on other sites
Author calithin83 Posted March 19, 2004 Author Share Posted March 19, 2004 this is how i feel about my ex..even though hes my ex..l isten to Destinys Child "Im in love" Link to post Share on other sites
Author calithin83 Posted March 19, 2004 Author Share Posted March 19, 2004 Where has my love gone? lyrics by emilian torrini....this is how i feel Link to post Share on other sites
Vivid_29 Posted March 20, 2004 Share Posted March 20, 2004 Hang in there, Cali -- I read your posts and I think that what you had with him was never meant to be. You are a young girl and I must say an attractive one (remember seeing your avatar). You'll have no problems finding someone new. You have your whole life ahead of you and plenty of time to find your other half. Regards, Vivid_29 Link to post Share on other sites
Author calithin83 Posted March 20, 2004 Author Share Posted March 20, 2004 well its my 3rd day being single, .....umm i saw that my ex still has I + J in his profile...maybe he forgot to erase it??? i havent gone online with my own sn anymore but with a new one that he doesnt know but i did put him in my buddylist....i miss him i do..but not in the sad depressing way/...i just miss him cos i do love him but ive made up my mind that hes the one who chose for us to break up, and honestly for 2 months he hadnt said i love u which really had affected me even though i didnt want to admit it...i actually have plans for today...im going to clean my room and im hear with my 2 nieces 10-and-5 and at 4:30 im going to pick up my friend and we will go to this cool church i found were its Teenager night..so its my first time going to the teenager day in church so i hope its good and that i meet alot of young christians!!..then after church imma most likely go to eat with my friend and just hang out, then imma get home at night and study some more for my tests i have this week at school....so far no0 tears..well except for last night..just like 5 tears but its an improvement to how much before... and tommorow im going to school at 9am to audition to be in my S[pring Dance.....well pray for me if u can! and if Illan was ever meant for me..well..thats up to God....and if he realizes he loves me he will have to do more then just tell me, he will have to really show me...cos im not planning to being with him anymore,...i really do feell better off without him..even though i still love him-but thats normal after 3 years Link to post Share on other sites
hurtingandconfused Posted March 20, 2004 Share Posted March 20, 2004 first time going to the teenager day in church so i hope its good and that i meet alot of young christians Oh ya church,don't have to be religious to go there.=P Anyhow, I did the same thing with changing my SN. I think it's a bad idea to put him on your BL. It will be harder to move on because he will be there on your screen. I felt better knowing that she was on the other side. However, I saw her there and realized that I would not be able to move on because I was thinking of her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author calithin83 Posted March 20, 2004 Author Share Posted March 20, 2004 church is a good distraction, and its also a place to show Jesus Christ that I appreciate him for giving me strength during these times, I want to go sing to God, I want to hear the pastor preach and I want to feel closer to God..also at the same time I get to meet lots of people my age who Believe in Jesus Christ, which is nice... well some guy friend called me and he kept telling me stuff like "youre so special, your ex was dumb to have dumped you, you gave him 100% and he didnt appreciate it"..all i could say was ..."i understand my ex, i have no grudge against him, and i will love him even though he doesnt want to be with me.." and that is how i feel..i dont hate my bf, i dont despise him,...i love him cos atleast he was honest with me....and if we arent togehter well....theres a reason for that....he made me a happy girl and im glad i met him..but now we have to go our seperate ways i guess....its gonna be weird though at school..i wonder that if i see him will i start feeling sad..cos i do still feel like hes my bf in my heart..and i wouldnt want him to be with another girl...but i rather not think about that right now..im just taking it DAY by DAY!.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author calithin83 Posted March 21, 2004 Author Share Posted March 21, 2004 today is officially 4th day with no contact..event hough its barely 10:44 am..but i gotta tell u that all i do is thnk about u and theres some stupid hope inside me which i HATE and wish i can get rid of..maybe its normal but it ssux alot!!!!!! I feel sad weird..and just iffy.....i want to be happy-ok-and liek whatever.... anyways im confused he still has I+J in his profile??? i dont think he forgot cos he always looks at other peoples pofiles...maybe he just doenst care and left it there..i dont get it??? but usualy i would think he would take it off so he can flirt with girls online..whats the deal??? is he just trying to torture me??? i miss him and imma have to see him Tues...and thurs inc lass...ugh and im scared to bump into him tommorow at school..Im not reaady to see his face cos i feel its gonna bring me back to square one! this sux Link to post Share on other sites
Author calithin83 Posted March 21, 2004 Author Share Posted March 21, 2004 i cant stop thinking about my ex...its 4 day no contact and im missing him more now then ever..what the hell??? i cant even eat !! i have been eating so poorly for these past 4 days..i know i have lost some weight..im skinny already..geesh!!! this sux i went to study in the library but i couldnt concentrate..he still has I + J in his profile..this gives me stupid hope!!! i havent gone on my s/n since we broke up..just once but signed off quickly..a min later..and i havent called him or emailed him..but imma see him this week at school...... Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts