Friend trouble-am I overreacting?

[manic_mermaid]

Hey all, I'm having an issue with a friend that I would appreciate some thoughts on. We have been friends for about a year since meeting at a job that I no longer work at. We became pretty close although she is very extroverted and I am very introverted so she always wanted to spend more time with me than I was comfortable with. When I had a bf we would hang out as couples and after my bf and I broke up I hung out with her and her bf a lot.

 

So a couple weeks before Christmas her bf emailed me his personal statement for law school asking for advice since I've applied to grad school before. I critiqued it and he thanked me and told me he was thinking of getting my friend jewelry among other things for Christmas and what did I think she would want. I replied I thought she would like earrings (she had mentioned them before) and that the next time I talked to her I would try to find out more.

 

Now he and my friend had been through some tough times recently and my friend talked a lot about how he didnt appreciate her and how she REALLY wanted jewelry from him. So about a week went by since the email exchange and I hadnt really talked to her, we were so busy, so when I had a chance to talk for a little while on the phone with her I asked what kind of jewelry she would like if she happened to get it for Christmas. She said " awww, dont get me jewelry!" I said " I won't...."

 

Then she says "Ohhhhh...." and says a bracelet or ring etc..

So I email him back.

Fastforward to a few days after Christmas, I've seen her a couple times since and everything was fine.

 

I say what did you get for Christmas! She says "a bike, riding lessons, no jewelry though....."

I say, "What?! I wonder why"

She says, " Well I told him I knew he was getting it for me so don't even bother since its not a surprise."

I was pretty shocked by that and asked her why she would do that, she said that I ruined the surprise, and she got really upset with me after we had talked and that she doesnt want something thats not a complete surprise and it wouldn't be fair to her boyfriend etc.

 

I can't seem to get over this. I feel like she was extremely selfish-why wouldn't you be so excited that you're getting jewelry when its all you talk about! It also feels really passive aggressive that she didnt even mention anything and then said it after the fact in such a weird way. She's been really immature about some things before but I didnt think anything of it.

 

When I told her I was sorry and that I didnt know this was a top secret mission she gave me ways I could have found out better and said she told her boyfriend to ask her sister from now on.

"But don't worry we're not mad at you or anything!"

 

I feel super irritated and don't really want to hang out with them anymore.

She's texted me a few times and he emailed me yesterday saying "sorry I didnt get back to you-I decided to go a different route with her gift."

 

I usually am really tolerant and easy going so I'm confused about why I feel this way. Am I being crazy? Is there a way for me to gracefully stop seeing them?

[whichwayisup]

I asked what kind of jewelry she would like if she happened to get it for Christmas. She said " awww, dont get me jewelry!" I said " I won't...."

 

Sorry man, you blew it. You didn't hint around or ask her ,"hey I have a female friend I want to get jewellery for, don't worry it's not you, it's this new girl I like..Anyway, can you help me with some ideas?" And leave it at that.

 

I do agree they both are overreacting and she is materialistic, so it seems.

[Keridan]

I think they are overreacting and that it sucks you have that rift. However, it sounds like one of those things you swallow to keep a lasting friendship healthy. There really isn't a good way to settle it without making it bigger. I think that you would find that if you try to ignore it for a while, it will become easier to move on from. Sometimes friends suck, but they are friends and you move on from it. Hopefully, they will have the same response.

 

I don't think you're crazy. I just think it's one of those things better left alone. Good luck!

[manic_mermaid]

Sorry man, you blew it. You didn't hint around or ask her ,"hey I have a female friend I want to get jewellery for, don't worry it's not you, it's this new girl I like..Anyway, can you help me with some ideas?" And leave it at that.

 

I do agree they both are overreacting and she is materialistic, so it seems.

 

I see what you are saying, but the point is to get her something SHE loves and would want to wear, also I am her female friend, to be more clear.

[Faded_x]

While I agree you could have been more subtle about it, I definitely think she's a bit out of line about it. If I were you, I think I'd back away for a bit. I wouldn't be rude or ignore any contact they made, but I wouldn't exactly initiate it for awhile either. I think what she said was pretty rude. About her telling him to ask the sister next time, and that they're "not angry" with you or anything. Like they're doing you a favour by not being angry, or something. It's ridiculous! Of course he might be a little disappointed that his surprise is ruined; but there's certainly nothing to be angry about!