Would you take this as a bad sign?

[Romance]

so I have made a few threads about this situation I'm in. I am considering moving to my boyfriend's college in the fall. It has a similar program and all of that, wont be living with him etc. I am 20 hes 23.

 

We've talked it over since last summer. then left it go for a while.

 

Well, I brought it up to him when I was at his house last week. He said "Ok, let me think about it and we'll talk in a few days."

 

 

Do you think it's a bad sign he didn't immediately say "Ah! I am so happy you would move here and we can be together all the time! I can't wait!! Absolutely yes do it if you are comfortable with it!"

 

My friends seem to think that's the reaction he should have had. I assumed it would be. So when he said he needed to think about it, I was worried.

 

Ultimately he said if I am willing to take the risk, he would like me to come there. He said his concern was that it sets on a very strict and straight path to marriage. And I said "So basically, you can't date any other girls and you'll be with me forever"

 

He said "Well kind of! I don't intend on breaking up, we're just both young and have dated no other people but it would be wonderful to see you everyday and see how our relationship goes."

 

ULTIMATELY my question is do you think it is a bad sign that he had to think about it and didn't immediately say YES! I can't wait!!

[HeavenOrHell]

No, I think he is being wise. I think he sounds level headed and wants to be totally sure it is the right thing. Far too many people jump straight into things without thinking them through properly and then things end up not working out. If you both think very carefully about whether this is the right thing, or whether it's too soon to move yet, then it is more likely to work out for you. Without wanting to sound patronising you are both still young and feelings/people can and do change over time. Having said that, I met my ex when he was 20, I was 24 and we had 18 happy years together, but he did leave me in the end, partly as he'd never had another partner, and we got together when we (him especially) were young.

You wouldn't want someone who didn't think things through carefully would you You want to be sure he/you make the right decision, so that your happiness is more likely to last So no, him needing a few days is nothing to worry about, you might not get the answer you want from him, but at least it will be honest and you will know where you stand. It is a huge life changing decision.

As you know from my other thread, my partner doesn't sound enthusiastic about moving, even though it was his idea in the first place, and it gets to me as I would love him to sound happy about it, but I have to be patient if I want to be with him, although it's slightly different as it would be him doing the moving and I know it worries him.

Good luck and keep us posted!

 

so I have made a few threads about this situation I'm in. I am considering moving to my boyfriend's college in the fall. It has a similar program and all of that, wont be living with him etc. I am 20 hes 23.

 

We've talked it over since last summer. then left it go for a while.

 

Well, I brought it up to him when I was at his house last week. He said "Ok, let me think about it and we'll talk in a few days."

 

 

Do you think it's a bad sign he didn't immediately say "Ah! I am so happy you would move here and we can be together all the time! I can't wait!! Absolutely yes do it if you are comfortable with it!"

 

My friends seem to think that's the reaction he should have had. I assumed it would be. So when he said he needed to think about it, I was worried.

 

Ultimately he said if I am willing to take the risk, he would like me to come there. He said his concern was that it sets on a very strict and straight path to marriage. And I said "So basically, you can't date any other girls and you'll be with me forever"

 

He said "Well kind of! I don't intend on breaking up, we're just both young and have dated no other people but it would be wonderful to see you everyday and see how our relationship goes."

 

ULTIMATELY my question is do you think it is a bad sign that he had to think about it and didn't immediately say YES! I can't wait!!

[Els]

It really depends on the type of person he is. He could either be concerned about you and afraid that he might put you in a situation where you both break up and you're left there alone after you move. Or guilty that you are making such a big jump but he doesn't want to commit to marriage yet. Or maybe he really isn't that interested in you coming. A thousand possibilities.

[aisle_seat]

I agree with HorH; it sounds as though he's being thoughtful, an admirable trait in a 23 year old. I think back to what I was like at that age and can't say I'd have been as mature. I was involved in a relationship in college most of the time I was there and it didn't work out. I'm not saying at all that would be the case with you, just that at that age I didn't, nor did she, know what we wanted and I think that's the case with many people your age. It's a big change for you to move to be with him and I know he's thinking of you, not just himself.

 

Take your time and give him the opportunity to think about it. You should also be thinking about what you want as objectively as possible.

[folieadeux]

I'm honestly torn on his response. Of course all of us would love to hear the enthusiastic "YES!!!!!" right away, but it sounds like he's just focusing on weighing all of his options right now...which should be done on both sides. I remember you posting about your boyfriend struggling with depression, so perhaps what he was or is still going through subdued his response a bit too. (You would know better than me obviously...just thought I'd offer that up as another possible explanation.)

 

I think it's good that you will be relocating independantly of him and will be continuing your education. That way, even if he needs some time to get used to the transition away from the distance, at least you'll be living your own life and not putting anything on hold.

[Romance]

Thanks for all of your thoughtful replies guys! I appreciate them all

 

HeavenOrHell- What I am worried about also is one of us eventually resenting/not wanting to be with the other because we've only seriously been with each other. If we were each like 4 years older and had each had other sexual and romantic partners, I wouldn't even be worried about moving! That's the only real reason I think we'd ever break up.

 

Ultimately, he said yes he'd be happy to have me, it just took him a few days. I was just sad at first I didn't get a super happy reaction.

 

Elswyth-- he is very cautious and i guess this reflects that. He always thinks about things a lot..he doesn't make fast decisions on anything if I really think about it. He straight up told me the main reason is that we're both very young and he doesn't want to feel terrible if we do break up and I relocated just for him. At first I do think I took it as "He doesn't want to be with me :("

 

aisle seat- Yes I have been thinking long and hard..so many pros and cons! I think I just need to take a risk. My family is fully supporting my decision, so that's nice. They think it'd be good for me.

 

folieadeux- I'm glad to see you're torn on the response too, just as I was. I overall thought I was just being too sensitive or expected too much. He did say later on that he doesn't even know what he wants for himself in life(depression i guess) so it was hard for him to say he wanted me to come here. then after he said that he also said "but I do know that you being closer to me will definitely help me, it could never make me worse" so that was good to hear.

And definitely! School is super important to me and I feel I can use college as a way to get closer to him so I might as well!

 

I guess I was just saddened by his initial "..I need to think" reply since I know if he said he was choosing to come here I think I would be like "WOOOOOOHOOOOOOO!" jumping jacks!

[folieadeux]

Thanks for all of your thoughtful replies guys! I appreciate them all

 

HeavenOrHell- What I am worried about also is one of us eventually resenting/not wanting to be with the other because we've only seriously been with each other. If we were each like 4 years older and had each had other sexual and romantic partners, I wouldn't even be worried about moving! That's the only real reason I think we'd ever break up.

 

Ultimately, he said yes he'd be happy to have me, it just took him a few days. I was just sad at first I didn't get a super happy reaction.

 

Elswyth-- he is very cautious and i guess this reflects that. He always thinks about things a lot..he doesn't make fast decisions on anything if I really think about it. He straight up told me the main reason is that we're both very young and he doesn't want to feel terrible if we do break up and I relocated just for him. At first I do think I took it as "He doesn't want to be with me :("

 

aisle seat- Yes I have been thinking long and hard..so many pros and cons! I think I just need to take a risk. My family is fully supporting my decision, so that's nice. They think it'd be good for me.

 

folieadeux- I'm glad to see you're torn on the response too, just as I was. I overall thought I was just being too sensitive or expected too much. He did say later on that he doesn't even know what he wants for himself in life(depression i guess) so it was hard for him to say he wanted me to come here. then after he said that he also said "but I do know that you being closer to me will definitely help me, it could never make me worse" so that was good to hear.

And definitely! School is super important to me and I feel I can use college as a way to get closer to him so I might as well!

 

I guess I was just saddened by his initial "..I need to think" reply since I know if he said he was choosing to come here I think I would be like "WOOOOOOHOOOOOOO!" jumping jacks!

 

I personally would be doing backflips, but some people just aren't that...emotional I guess.

 

In all seriousness, I think it's wonderful that your family is so supportive of whatever decision you decide to make. That's a huge asset having them in your corner.

 

In regards to you both only ever having been with each other, I can understand your fears, but honestly this can happen to couples who have been with other people too. I wouldn't put so much weight on having other "experiences", because having them or the lack thereof isn't a guarantee of anything. I have two friends that got married in their early twenties to the only people they've ever been with and are very much happy with how things worked out.

[Els]

If it's just his personality trait, then, OP, I would do my best to accept it as such. Different people show love in different ways.

[Romance]

I personally would be doing backflips, but some people just aren't that...emotional I guess.

 

In all seriousness, I think it's wonderful that your family is so supportive of whatever decision you decide to make. That's a huge asset having them in your corner.

 

In regards to you both only ever having been with each other, I can understand your fears, but honestly this can happen to couples who have been with other people too. I wouldn't put so much weight on having other "experiences", because having them or the lack thereof isn't a guarantee of anything. I have two friends that got married in their early twenties to the only people they've ever been with and are very much happy with how things worked out.

 

Hahah glad you're with me on the backflips, that's what id definitely do!

 

I am glad it worked out with your friends, it gives me hope. I think I'll just take the risk and go for it! I have nothing to lose.