leonasangels Posted January 8, 2011 Share Posted January 8, 2011 First of all sorry everyone, I do not know all the abreviations for different meanings. My husband & I just celebrated out 10 year anniversary and for the past 4 years we have just been together to be together. That's what i feel anyway. He says he's still inlove with me but I dont understand how it's possiable to be inlove with someone and not have any of the feelings re-turned. Wouldn't that love die. Dont get me wrong i still love him. By the way we have 4 children together the youngest being 6 years old. We do share the same bed and we pretend to be a happy couple for the kids. I was texting a friend and he read the text ( i was not trying to hide anything) i told the friend that we are just a marriage of convience when we have sex it's just out of duty just to hurry up and get the job done. We put up with each other's bs quietly in our own ways. I'm your Normal house wife (looking in from outside) & he's the normal working husband. He works full time. I'm a full time mom, house-wife & I have a home daycare. We did seperate for a year. I dated other people he didnt. He still holds that against me. I decided to come back one I couldnt afford to take care of my bills by myself and also he couldnt take care of the kids the way they derserve or the bills etc. So i came back, I've tried falling in-love again but honestly i just dont want to be bothered unless it's imortant. Growning apart has a whole new meaning. I'm planning on staying till the kids are grown. I've also told him this. I'm NOT interested in anyone. I'm not even interested in having sex. I'm NOT depressed. My life is comfortable, we know each, we trust(mostly) each other, we need each other. Just wondering if there are others (i'm sure there is) and how they handle it. Link to post Share on other sites
UofLCards Posted January 8, 2011 Share Posted January 8, 2011 (edited) I was basically in the same type of relationship with my SO although we were not married we had been together for 9 years. We were basically together just for the kids. Only difference being that she had someone on the side and was not a good role model for the kids at all being as she is an alcoholic and a drug user. Finally I had enough and said I'm done. It was the best thing for the kids, and me. In your situation it sounds a little different. You guys seem to not have any kind of outside relationships on the side or dont show that you guys are unhappy to anyone or let it be shown outside the home. You both seem like good role models for your kids. I think you guys need to work together and stay together. I would have, and tried, but she would not change for noone. Including me or her kids. You guys need each other and your relationship can be saved, it will just take time and effort. Good luck. Edited January 8, 2011 by UofLCards spelling Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted January 8, 2011 Share Posted January 8, 2011 I've also told him this. I'm NOT interested in anyone. . You can be honest with us, everything you say points to the fact that you are. I think you are one step away from giving the ILYB speech. It's almost a script.. Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted January 8, 2011 Share Posted January 8, 2011 I couldnt afford to take care of my bills by myself and also he couldnt take care of the kids the way they derserve or the bills etc. t. Sorry but you both need to grow up, millions of people make it on their own. It's hard work but you both sound lazy. Either put effort into separating, or put effort into working on your marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
Soxfaninfl Posted January 8, 2011 Share Posted January 8, 2011 Have you bot tried marriage counceling? Have either of you read any books or done any marriage retreats, marriage classes or marriage seminars? There are alot of things that you can do. I wished I would have dad the chance to to all these things with my stbx, but she refuse all of it. Link to post Share on other sites
Duckduckgoose Posted January 8, 2011 Share Posted January 8, 2011 You and your husband sound like a good team. You need to put some work into re-igniting the spark of your relationship. I've read that marriages have a lot of times where one person might not feel "love" towards the other for some reason but when they stick it out and kick it up a notch then the feelings come back. Get some counseling, IC for sure and maybe marriage counseling. Tackle your problems before they get too big and tackle you. We make our own happiness. If a person is not happy IN a relationship, they have the option of leaving and they might be happier, but probably not. Link to post Share on other sites
Duckduckgoose Posted January 8, 2011 Share Posted January 8, 2011 And I do know someone in a marriage for convenience. I have an aunt whose husband died of cancer. She eventually remarried a man who has been divorced 4 times (I don't know the story behind all that... not gonna ask). On the surface they just kind of cohabitate. Honestly I think they are looking for someone to grow old with, and help each other out. They have their own separate interests. I don't know if they are both happy with the situation but they are in it. This is probably not the reason you married your husband though, so I think you can really relight the passion you once had in your relationship, you just gotta work at it Link to post Share on other sites
FreeNow Posted January 8, 2011 Share Posted January 8, 2011 I was texting a friend and he read the text ( i was not trying to hide anything) i told the friend that we are just a marriage of convience when we have sex it's just out of duty just to hurry up and get the job done. He works full time. I'm a full time mom, house-wife & I have a home daycare. We did seperate for a year. I dated other people he didnt. I decided to come back one I couldnt afford to take care of my bills by myself but honestly i just dont want to be bothered unless it's imortant. My life is comfortable Obviously, you don't stay for the children... you stay for yourself. You don't want to make your own way and are hiding behind a 'for the children' excuse. LMAO! You're a SHAM, plain and simple. A true blue coal digger. and also he couldnt take care of the kids the way they derserve or the bills etc. we need each other. He can learn to take care of the bills and a nanny would be cheaper than a SHAM. You are replaceable and if he ever figures it out then you'll have to grow up and pay your own way. Link to post Share on other sites
comethemorning Posted January 9, 2011 Share Posted January 9, 2011 Wow. Sounds like the men answering are still very bitter. {understandably, but this woman is at least being honest - not looking for a smackdown } I can totally understand where the OP is coming from. For the last few years of my marriage, I 'loved' my X, but was not 'in love' with him. I too stayed because of the kids, finances (we had our own business), history, etc. Not to mention that when I took those vows - I meant them. OP - you are not alone. There are MANY people (men and women) who stay for the kids/convenience. Two of my very best friends are in the same situation. Yes, it is sad, and not what anyone really wants for their life, but it is what it is. Best of luck to you both. Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted January 9, 2011 Share Posted January 9, 2011 Wow. Sounds like the men answering are still very bitter. . Nope just realistic, He's to lazy to learn how to look after the kids and work, she's to lazy to learn how to work and look after the kids. Link to post Share on other sites
FreeNow Posted January 9, 2011 Share Posted January 9, 2011 Wow. Sounds like the men answering are still very bitter. Save it for someone who cares princess... Link to post Share on other sites
comethemorning Posted January 9, 2011 Share Posted January 9, 2011 Save it for someone who cares princess... No wonder you have been there *twice*... Link to post Share on other sites
OliveOyl Posted January 10, 2011 Share Posted January 10, 2011 Sorry but you both need to grow up, millions of people make it on their own. It's hard work but you both sound lazy. Either put effort into separating, or put effort into working on your marriage. Either... or what? Or continue as she is. Sounds like though it's less than ideal, it's "working" on some level. She doesn't "need" to do anything except make things work in her own way in agreement with her husband. I would say a very large percentage of people are exactly in the position as the OP. Link to post Share on other sites
FreeNow Posted January 10, 2011 Share Posted January 10, 2011 No wonder you have been there *twice*... More than *tiwce*... try again sweetheart! lol Link to post Share on other sites
FreeNow Posted January 10, 2011 Share Posted January 10, 2011 He's to lazy to learn how to look after the kids and work, she's to lazy to learn how to work and look after the kids. Sounds accurate to me. Link to post Share on other sites
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