If dating other people is a game, how do I win?

[DanniB]

Hey All,

 

Here's the deal (no worries, I'll keep it as brief as possible!):

 

A couple weeks ago, I met a great guy. We totally hit it off, and things seemed to be going super well - we talked forever, laughed, he called and showed up when he said he would, the whole deal. Our first official date went awesome - his opinion, and mine. The next day, he decided we needed a "relationship talk," and we both decided not to rush into anything, and to see each other, see other people, and see where it goes. I'm 100% happy with this situation. I'm not ready for anything serious at this point in my life, but I do know I could possibly become serious with him, if and when the opportunity comes up. He's 30, I'm 20. Both of us have been in serious relationships in the past, neither of us married, or with child. Here's the problem: we'll go out and have a great time. I'm not putting any pressure on him whatsoever. The next day, he'll force another "relationship talk." He changes his tune so often, I've stopped listening. The most recent was on intimacy - according to him, the way I "look at him" makes him think I want more. Despite my reassurances that I'm totally happy with our open relationship, he's still afraid I want more than he's willing to offer. While he claims to be happy if we see other people, if he sees me talking to another guy, he becomes totally loving and morphs into the ideal boyf. I called him on it yesterday, with "I think you like me more than you're willing to admit." He didn't comment, but we ended on a good note. I called him earlier today for a casual coffee later, he declined and told me to call him later to see what he's doing. What now? How can I win this game? What can I do to make him realize we're actually a great couple ('cause we really are), and how do I make him realize how valuable I am? I don't want anything serious, but I can't help but feel I'm getting screwed around. Does dating other people ever lead to anything good? I'd appreciate any and all thoughts! Thanks, guys!!!!

[Tony T]

You start dating other people and he will come around really fast. You aren't committed to him in any way.

 

With this guy, you just have to go with the flow. If he gets upset because you are talking to another guy, remind him that there are no committments between the two of you...and even if there were, you would not coniser it appropriate for your special guy to put controls over who you talk to. Little by little, you need to explain to him just how you are, how you must be treated, and the kinds of freedoms you expect in a relationship.

 

You absolutely should see other people and enjoy it. You may even meet someone that is just as nice or nicer who is ready for something special. Putting your life on hold for anybody is not a good thing to do.

 

Let him know you will look at him whatever way comes naturally to you. If he wants to read something into that, it's his problem. Let him know you don't take kindly to him trying to read your mind. Make him lighten up, enjoy your company, and have a good time. He doesn't need to be critical of your every move, your every look.

 

For some reason, this guy sounds a little kooky. Later on, you're likely to find out he has problems you haven't discovered yet...so be on the lookout. In the meantime, go with the flow and do the things you like.

 

You go on a couple of dates with other people...let him find out on his own, you don't have to come right out a tell him...and he'll come around. But I'm not so sure you are going to really like this dude in the longrun so have fun with him while you can.

[Deejette]

You might date other guys and it could backfire on you because you really prefer this guy. It could leave you feeling more frustrated. But, on the other hand, I agree with Tony: There are plenty of guys out there. I don't think we have to force the issue. Either the guy is right for us or not. Of course, it's easy for me to say. But when I am in love, I don't care how many guys I "see," I still pine away for "The One."

You start dating other people and he will come around really fast. You aren't committed to him in any way. With this guy, you just have to go with the flow. If he gets upset because you are talking to another guy, remind him that there are no committments between the two of you...and even if there were, you would not coniser it appropriate for your special guy to put controls over who you talk to. Little by little, you need to explain to him just how you are, how you must be treated, and the kinds of freedoms you expect in a relationship.

 

You absolutely should see other people and enjoy it. You may even meet someone that is just as nice or nicer who is ready for something special. Putting your life on hold for anybody is not a good thing to do. Let him know you will look at him whatever way comes naturally to you. If he wants to read something into that, it's his problem. Let him know you don't take kindly to him trying to read your mind. Make him lighten up, enjoy your company, and have a good time. He doesn't need to be critical of your every move, your every look. For some reason, this guy sounds a little kooky. Later on, you're likely to find out he has problems you haven't discovered yet...so be on the lookout. In the meantime, go with the flow and do the things you like. You go on a couple of dates with other people...let him find out on his own, you don't have to come right out a tell him...and he'll come around. But I'm not so sure you are going to really like this dude in the longrun so have fun with him while you can.