CrueLa Posted January 8, 2011 Share Posted January 8, 2011 Here's my story.* I have a boyfriend for 3 months. We've been away (different countries) for a month now. Before he left he gave me a few gifts and a letter. One of his gifts was very personal (religious wise). It was something that people in our faith don't do lightly. Most people only share it with their spouses. On the letter he wrote "I want to leave something with you. It's a big part of me and to the "future." I want to share this with you and, if our paths keep going in the same direction, have a future with you involved." The other day while we were talking on the phone, I asked him what made him decide to give me that very personal gift. He reminded me about what the letter. I asked him if he still feels the same way and he said he meant what he wrote. Asked him again if he still feels the same way after all the changes with him being home and his answer was "I'm not sure." then he said *"I haven't really thought about that. I don't want to plan for the future yet. I want to take things slow. I don't want us to rush into anything." Which I totally understand. It's only been 3 months. He's still trying to get settled after being away from home for two yrs. I told him that I wasn't asking him to make plans for the future. I really just wanted to know how he feels about our relationship now. He said he still wants what we have. We ended on a good note. At least that's what I think. Planned to talk again the next day but he never called. I haven't heard from him since that last convo. Tried to call him a few times and has left voicemails but he hasn't returned any of my calls. I know it's only been a few days. If we didn't have that unpleasant convo it probably would've been fine..I'm just scared. He told me he was going to be busy for the weekend because he has an exam to take and he's going on roadtrip with his dad for a day. I'm probably just over reacting. I guess what I really want to know is what he meant by "I'm not sure" and "take it slow." Could it possibly mean he's trying to let me down easy? I'm just not sure anymore. I tend to over analyze things. Am I just being crazy? Link to post Share on other sites
folieadeux Posted January 8, 2011 Share Posted January 8, 2011 Sounds like he's been very clear with what he wants...to take things slow and not plan for the future right away. I understand you may want more from him right now, especially with him being in another country, but pushing for anything more would be doing you both a great disservice as you've only been together a few months. I think it's a good sign too that he seems to be communicating well with you and letting you know when he's available and when he's not, why. Is your boyfriend just visiting or is this a permanent arrangement? Link to post Share on other sites
Author CrueLa Posted January 8, 2011 Author Share Posted January 8, 2011 Is your boyfriend just visiting or is this a permanent arrangement? Permanent. We're from different countries but he lived here for two years. Now he's back home. I do understand that he doesnt want to plan for the future yet. I dont want us to rush into anything either. I didn't think I was trying to pressure him into making a plan for the future as in marriage. I do however want to know what his plan is for the next couple months, you know, when he's coming back and all that. He's going to join the US navy anytime soon, (That's what the exam is for) so it's going to be harder for us to communicate. I want to know if he's willing to make this work. Link to post Share on other sites
folieadeux Posted January 8, 2011 Share Posted January 8, 2011 Permanent. We're from different countries but he lived here for two years. Now he's back home. I do understand that he doesnt want to plan for the future yet. I dont want us to rush into anything either. I didn't think I was trying to pressure him into making a plan for the future as in marriage. I do however want to know what his plan is for the next couple months, you know, when he's coming back and all that. He's going to join the US navy anytime soon, (That's what the exam is for) so it's going to be harder for us to communicate. I want to know if he's willing to make this work. Thanks for the clarification. As far as what his intentions are for the upcoming months, I believe his actions will really tell you everything. He seems to be doing a good job so far. You'll be able to tell if he's willing and able to make things work with you based on alot of things including but not limited to: frequency of contact, who initiates communication, the depth of your conversations, etc. To me, so far so good. I would just advise you to be prepared for his absences to be longer and more frequent once he's actually in the Navy. Realistically speaking, he probably can't tell you what the next few months will look like right now because he just won't know until it happens. But as long as you both keep each other updated on your respective situations and keep your goal in sight of working to be together permanently one day, everything will sort itself out eventually. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CrueLa Posted January 8, 2011 Author Share Posted January 8, 2011 Thanks for the clarification. As far as what his intentions are for the upcoming months, I believe his actions will really tell you everything. He seems to be doing a good job so far. You'll be able to tell if he's willing and able to make things work with you based on alot of things including but not limited to: frequency of contact, who initiates communication, the depth of your conversations, etc. To me, so far so good. I would just advise you to be prepared for his absences to be longer and more frequent once he's actually in the Navy. Realistically speaking, he probably can't tell you what the next few months will look like right now because he just won't know until it happens. But as long as you both keep each other updated on your respective situations and keep your goal in sight of working to be together permanently one day, everything will sort itself out eventually. Last time we talked was monday night. He hasn't called me back since after that "im not sure" convo. I can't really call it a fight or argument because he doesnt fight with me. He was just being honest.. I just hope everything is ok though. I know it's too early for me to freak out. I'm just going to give it some time. I do hope he calls me soon though. I really appreciate your respose. Thank you. Most of the time i get so pre occupied with my negative thoughts and it really helps to hear other people's point of view. Link to post Share on other sites
folieadeux Posted January 8, 2011 Share Posted January 8, 2011 Last time we talked was monday night. He hasn't called me back since after that "im not sure" convo. I can't really call it a fight or argument because he doesnt fight with me. He was just being honest.. I just hope everything is ok though. I know it's too early for me to freak out. I'm just going to give it some time. I do hope he calls me soon though. I really appreciate your respose. Thank you. Most of the time i get so pre occupied with my negative thoughts and it really helps to hear other people's point of view. No problem; I'm the same way too. This forum has been a lifesaver for me connecting with others in our situation. It doesn't sound like your last conversation went bad at all...I'm sure he'll be in touch as soon as he is able or, if you don't hear from him, you can always try giving him a call. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CrueLa Posted January 9, 2011 Author Share Posted January 9, 2011 No problem; I'm the same way too. This forum has been a lifesaver for me connecting with others in our situation. It doesn't sound like your last conversation went bad at all...I'm sure he'll be in touch as soon as he is able or, if you don't hear from him, you can always try giving him a call. I have tried calling him everyday since that last convo..except yesterday. I'm worried too because I don't want him to feel like I'm smothering him..at the same time it's really hard to control myself to not call him. I've left voicemails but he hasnt returned any of my calls. Not knowing the real reason why is driving me crazy. I do hope he's physically fine though. Almost everyday, when I'm sleeping, I get up in the middle of the night with my heart beating so fast hoping he'd call already. It's exhausting. Link to post Share on other sites
folieadeux Posted January 9, 2011 Share Posted January 9, 2011 I have tried calling him everyday since that last convo..except yesterday. I'm worried too because I don't want him to feel like I'm smothering him..at the same time it's really hard to control myself to not call him. I've left voicemails but he hasnt returned any of my calls. Not knowing the real reason why is driving me crazy. I do hope he's physically fine though. Almost everyday, when I'm sleeping, I get up in the middle of the night with my heart beating so fast hoping he'd call already. It's exhausting. I'd be worried too until I heard something...but maybe it's something as simple as him not having good reception in his area. That happens to me all the time where I live now. I miss calls and messages all the time, or get them delivered hours after they were left. It's frustrating and it looks like I'm ignoring people when it's nothing like that at all. Is there any other way you can contact him, or anyone you can ask if they've heard from him lately? Link to post Share on other sites
Author CrueLa Posted January 9, 2011 Author Share Posted January 9, 2011 (edited) I'd be worried too until I heard something...but maybe it's something as simple as him not having good reception in his area. That happens to me all the time where I live now. I miss calls and messages all the time, or get them delivered hours after they were left. It's frustrating and it looks like I'm ignoring people when it's nothing like that at all. Is there any other way you can contact him, or anyone you can ask if they've heard from him lately? He has told me that he usually has his phone on silent but he used to call me back before the day ends. There's no other way for me to contact him because they don't have a landline nor internet at home. I tried calling him again just a couple minutes ago and left a voicemail. If he's ok, which i'm hoping he is, I'm pretty sure he's at church right now. I don't have anyone else to ask. Well, i know one of his brothers but we're not close and I don't want to come off as a needy girlfriend because I have already asked him before about his brother (different situtation). His bestfriend is in a different country as well and I know he hasnt contacted him since he got home. I sent him a letter thru fedex last Wednesday and he won't get it until Thursday the latest. Edited January 9, 2011 by CrueLa Link to post Share on other sites
folieadeux Posted January 9, 2011 Share Posted January 9, 2011 He has told me that he usually has his phone on silent but he used to call me back before the day ends. There's no other way for me to contact him because they don't have a landline nor internet at home. I tried calling him again just a couple minutes ago and left a voicemail. If he's ok, which i'm hoping he is, I'm pretty sure he's at church right now. I don't have anyone else to ask. Well, i know one of his brothers but we're not close and I don't want to come off as a needy girlfriend because I have already asked him before about his brother (different situtation). His bestfriend is in a different country as well and I know he hasnt contacted him since he got home. I sent him a letter thru fedex last Wednesday and he won't get it until Thursday the latest. I really hope you hear from him soon. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CrueLa Posted January 10, 2011 Author Share Posted January 10, 2011 I really hope you hear from him soon. I hope so too. Link to post Share on other sites
Faded_x Posted January 10, 2011 Share Posted January 10, 2011 I really hope you hear from him soon. As do I. I know how frustrating and worrying it is to be waiting to hear from somebody. How long has it been... about a week? Try to keep yourself busy. The more you're sitting around doing nothing; the more you're thinking about how you haven't heard from him yet! I really would try not to worry about it so much. Your last conversation went well and he did tell you he was going to be busy for a bit. Not only that, but you only have the one method of communication. It's so easy for things to go wrong when you've only got one way of talking; for instance, bad reception like folieadeux mentioned. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CrueLa Posted January 10, 2011 Author Share Posted January 10, 2011 (edited) As do I. I know how frustrating and worrying it is to be waiting to hear from somebody. How long has it been... about a week? Try to keep yourself busy. The more you're sitting around doing nothing; the more you're thinking about how you haven't heard from him yet! I really would try not to worry about it so much. Your last conversation went well and he did tell you he was going to be busy for a bit. Not only that, but you only have the one method of communication. It's so easy for things to go wrong when you've only got one way of talking; for instance, bad reception like folieadeux mentioned. It'll be a week tomorrow. When he got home last month, we didnt talk for 2 weeks because he didn't have a way to contact me. When he got his cellphone, he called. We have been talking almost everyday since. Skipped a day or two sometimes. This is the longest that he didnt contact me. When I do try to call though, it does ring then goes to voicemail all the time. There are times when I think about going out but I end up staying home because I don't want to miss his call if he ever does call. I'm using magic jack so he won't be charged long distance. Edited January 10, 2011 by CrueLa Link to post Share on other sites
Author CrueLa Posted January 10, 2011 Author Share Posted January 10, 2011 Oh my... I just tried calling again and it went straight to voicemail. Link to post Share on other sites
folieadeux Posted January 10, 2011 Share Posted January 10, 2011 Oh my... I just tried calling again and it went straight to voicemail. My phone goes straight to voicemail when in a bad service area. Maybe his battery died, or he lost his cell phone. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CrueLa Posted January 11, 2011 Author Share Posted January 11, 2011 My phone goes straight to voicemail when in a bad service area. Maybe his battery died, or he lost his cell phone. Possibly...dang! Just tried to ask his other brother if he knows when he's going to start training...sent him a message on fb. We don't know each other but what the heck. I just need to find out if he's safe so I can get these bad thoughts out of my mind. Link to post Share on other sites
folieadeux Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 Possibly...dang! Just tried to ask his other brother if he knows when he's going to start training...sent him a message on fb. We don't know each other but what the heck. I just need to find out if he's safe so I can get these bad thoughts out of my mind. I think you did the right thing...now it's a matter of checking up to see if he's safe. No one will see you as one of those needy girlfriends don't worry. I hope you hear back from someone soon. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CrueLa Posted January 11, 2011 Author Share Posted January 11, 2011 (edited) I think you did the right thing...now it's a matter of checking up to see if he's safe. No one will see you as one of those needy girlfriends don't worry. I hope you hear back from someone soon. His brother doesn't know when he's going to start training and there's no mention of him being in harm or anything so I guess he's ok. His phone rang again. Left a voicemail. His brother won't think i' a needy girlfriend but he might. Lol... Sheez...this is exhausting. Edited January 11, 2011 by CrueLa Link to post Share on other sites
folieadeux Posted January 12, 2011 Share Posted January 12, 2011 Just checking in...any luck reaching him yet? Link to post Share on other sites
Author CrueLa Posted January 12, 2011 Author Share Posted January 12, 2011 Just checking in...any luck reaching him yet? No.. still havent heard from him. Link to post Share on other sites
folieadeux Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 Anything yet? Link to post Share on other sites
Author CrueLa Posted January 17, 2011 Author Share Posted January 17, 2011 Anything yet? Still nothing. The letter that I sent him was delivered on friday. His dad received it. I know that because I received an email with a scanned copy of the proof of delivery. Tried calling him after that but....nothing. Link to post Share on other sites
folieadeux Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 Still nothing. The letter that I sent him was delivered on friday. His dad received it. I know that because I received an email with a scanned copy of the proof of delivery. Tried calling him after that but....nothing. I'm so sorry to hear this. I really wish I had something more constructive to tell you. I would have thought for sure you'd have heard something by now. How strange. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CrueLa Posted January 17, 2011 Author Share Posted January 17, 2011 I'm so sorry to hear this. I really wish I had something more constructive to tell you. I would have thought for sure you'd have heard something by now. How strange. I know..me too. I talked to his bestfriend ealier who's also from a different country. He will try to call him tomorrow and see if he answers. He'll let me know how it goes. Link to post Share on other sites
folieadeux Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 I know..me too. I talked to his bestfriend ealier who's also from a different country. He will try to call him tomorrow and see if he answers. He'll let me know how it goes. That's good you have another point of contact just to make sure he's okay. Keep us updated. Link to post Share on other sites
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