SeriousBob12 Posted January 9, 2011 Share Posted January 9, 2011 Just a question for all. It's something I haven't put much thought into, but given that I'm in the same city as my Ex I figure it just might happen. Now we didn't end on good terms nor did she have any respect for my feelings or wellbeing. I hold a huge amount of anger/resentment towards her. With that said, if I were to run into her, I wouldn't want to show it. I figure it would still make it seem like she has the leesh around my neck and I'm immature. I also wouldn't want to be too friendly as she doesn't deserve it. How would you folks handle it? Link to post Share on other sites
Fern Posted January 9, 2011 Share Posted January 9, 2011 I always ignore him, avoid eye contact and basically pretend he doesn't exist. He always makes a point of trying to engage with me - at which point I'm polite. Just polite. And cut it short as much as I can. Link to post Share on other sites
mmiller5373 Posted January 9, 2011 Share Posted January 9, 2011 I've been wondering this same thing a lot lately. I recently moved back into the same city where my ex lives. Of course, she's now dating another guy (she left me for him... I think)... so I always wonder if I'll run into her (and him) at some point... at the mall or a restaurant. My breakup was really bad as well. She has no respect or sympathy for what I was going through... it was only about her. I don't know how I would handle it. hmm... I would love to flip out and make a scene... but we all know that ain't going to happen. I could duck and run. Maybe a casual nod and wave... then pass on by. Or I could be really civil about it and approach her, trying to start a conversation. Link to post Share on other sites
9Lives Posted January 9, 2011 Share Posted January 9, 2011 Yes, what Fern suggested is the best way to handle it. You dont cause a scene or anything. You just ignore them. It is not fun but you have to. No eye contact and try to act like they arent there. Link to post Share on other sites
9Lives Posted January 9, 2011 Share Posted January 9, 2011 I've been wondering this same thing a lot lately. I recently moved back into the same city where my ex lives. Of course, she's now dating another guy (she left me for him... I think)... so I always wonder if I'll run into her (and him) at some point... at the mall or a restaurant. My breakup was really bad as well. She has no respect or sympathy for what I was going through... it was only about her. I don't know how I would handle it. hmm... I would love to flip out and make a scene... but we all know that ain't going to happen. I could duck and run. Maybe a casual nod and wave... then pass on by. Or I could be really civil about it and approach her, trying to start a conversation. I had a bad break up to. The best thing to do is be on your best behavior and ignore her and him. REALLY!!! That is all you need to do. If you feel uncomfortable, then leave the area. NOT ONCE do you show any sadness or emotions of hurt and pain. You just treat her like a stranger. That is the best thing to do. Link to post Share on other sites
Fern Posted January 9, 2011 Share Posted January 9, 2011 Yes, what Fern suggested is the best way to handle it. You dont cause a scene or anything. You just ignore them. It is not fun but you have to. No eye contact and try to act like they arent there. Plus it makes them crazy. My ex can't help but try to engage me in conversation when I do this and it's really satisfying to be all cold and polite and cut him short. You have to be SOOOOO polite though, that's the killer. They hate the lack of reaction. Link to post Share on other sites
Graceful Posted January 9, 2011 Share Posted January 9, 2011 With that said, if I were to run into her, I wouldn't want to show it. I figure it would still make it seem like she has the leesh around my neck and I'm immature. Brilliant. Absolutely brilliant, man. This shows that you get it. This is what I mean: You own all of your actions, words, behavior. YOU. Not your ex. Are you immature? No, you are not. Are you moving on? Yes you are. (at least on the surface) So you're right on the money when you say that you do not want to show her that seeing her bothers you. Hey, the sidewalk does not belong to her any more than it belongs to you. If you run into her, let's say she's across the street, you make eye contact and if she makes eye contact with you, just wave and nod your head. That's enough. I promise you this: you will feel like a MILLION BUCKS if you can pull that off. Trust me. You will be proud of yourself that you can give her an acknowledgment. I'm serious. No matter when or where, if you see her, make eye contact to see if she makes it with you. That's when you have the chance to make a small acknowledgment. How would you folks handle it?I've had to handle it many times (same area / town), and we use the same routes. I actually saw my ex in his car a bunch of times!! He ignored me once, and it really hurt me and I thought it was childish, rude, and immature. Note: that's what it looks like. Other times we have waved and smiled, that's it. At one point, we stopped and said hello. I have no reason to ignore him. I want to look strong and confident and act like I have class. So that's what I have done. Works for me. Link to post Share on other sites
suddendumpee Posted January 9, 2011 Share Posted January 9, 2011 (edited) I was LDR, so it's not going to happen, but I think I would approach them overly excited to see them and say something like: "Hey! So great to see you! Is this your boyfriend? (shake hands/introduction). Dude, how do you like that vag? Good stuff huh!?!? Has she let you hit the butt yet? No? DUDE!!! You have to hit that! It's sooo good! Remember that honey? haha. Those were the days! Take care you two!" whisper to dude as leaving under breath "Bro, no door #2 yet? She let me in that after date #3. Step up your game bro." "Good luck you two!!!" Edited January 9, 2011 by suddendumpee Link to post Share on other sites
NeNinja Posted January 9, 2011 Share Posted January 9, 2011 Sudden, after that reply, you are officially my new favorite poster. I haven't had to deal with my ex-girlfriend yet but I have had to deal with her friend...and I think I actually got the best of the situation. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t260080/ Link to post Share on other sites
Duckduckgoose Posted January 9, 2011 Share Posted January 9, 2011 My stbxH I would just ignore him. There was one funny way I dealt with an exbf several years ago though that bears mentioning. He left me saying "You're the best thing that ever happened to me but I don't think I could love you". BSBSBS and I knew it. A couple weeks later he was with a chick from work he KNEW I hated (we all worked together). That really steamed me. Well I was working OT one Saturday and after work I had a few beers, then met up at Applebees for a few more beers with a bunch of friends. LO AND BEHOLD who comes into Applebees in a tuxedo, with what bitch in a cocktail dress... oh yes, the ex. They didn't see me, but I saw them. Everyone I was with ordered me more beers trying to calm me down. I pulled my waitress aside and requested the largest red drink they could give me. I got it on the house. We passed the drink around the table and all added something special to it. When it came time to do the deed, two friends got their convertible going and put the top down (getaway car), two other friends went around the buiding to intercept him if it got carried away, and three friends stayed with me like bouncers. I walked calmly up to their table with the drink in hand... Ignored the bitch, looked down at the exbf, poured the drink down his tux, then took his plate of food and put it on his all. All calmly. And afterward I walked calmly out. Once out the door I ran for the getaway car. Ex ran after me. He yelled "How could you do this to me!? I've been nothing but nice to you!!" To which I responded, flipping him both birds "SUCK A D!CK B!TCH" then the convertible sped off into the sunset, happily ever after. Was I wrong to do that... maybe. Do I regret it... hell no. The waitress that got me the drink that day and I became friends until I left town. Ahh sweet revenge Link to post Share on other sites
suddendumpee Posted January 9, 2011 Share Posted January 9, 2011 That's pretty intense. I'm not gonna lie, I've had some thoughts of doing some pretty vengeful ****, but I've repressed them. I think any REAL revenge just makes them think "Thank God that psycho is out of my life." IMO, the BEST revenge is for them to eventually regret leaving you, and spend the rest of their lives looking for exactly what you gave them, only for everyone else to fall short. Link to post Share on other sites
0hpenelope Posted January 9, 2011 Share Posted January 9, 2011 IMO, the BEST revenge is for them to eventually regret leaving you, and spend the rest of their lives looking for exactly what you gave them, only for everyone else to fall short. Hear, hear! Oh, and spend a good part of their lives trying to convince themselves that who they have is just as good or better. Lmao!! Link to post Share on other sites
Good Arms Posted January 9, 2011 Share Posted January 9, 2011 If you run into her, let's say she's across the street, you make eye contact and if she makes eye contact with you, just wave and nod your head. That's enough. I promise you this: you will feel like a MILLION BUCKS if you can pull that off. Trust me. You will be proud of yourself that you can give her an acknowledgment. I'm serious. Grace is spot on as usual. I work in the same building as my ex, so it's inevitable that I'm going to run into her sometimes, though I do all I can to avoid it, and she seems to do so aswell. So far there was only one occasion when she pulled her car out in front of me. I had two options - blank her or acknowledge her. So I just gave a little smile and wave through the window, nothing too enthusiastic. I can't say it made me feel like a million bucks, but although it's tempting to let them know how much they hurt you, I think it was the right thing to do. You gain some self respect to feel you handled that awkward moment in the best way possible. I think blatantly avoiding eye contact would only make her think "Yeah, I definitely made the right decision to dump him"... I want to project a positive image of myself to her, even if I'm still 99% heartbroken inside, and it's all a facade. In the back of my mind there's still this huge desire to be able to talk to her casually as a friend, but that would be like stabbing myself in the heart again when I'm a long way from getting over her. I have to learn that she's gone for good, and every time I fantasise that friendship might be possible, I need to remind myself it would just make me look desperate in her eyes. If only it wasn't the hardest thing in the world to let your feelings for someone go. Link to post Share on other sites
january2011 Posted January 9, 2011 Share Posted January 9, 2011 It wasn't exactly "running into" but we saw each other again at a social get-together - I was pre-warned, albeit last-minute, that he'd be there. I was detached and polite. We chatted for a little while but neither of us touched upon what happened between us. There were even moments of 'closeness' throughout the night, which really confused me. But I was reassured that I no longer felt any attraction towards him as he was now, rather I pitied him! I'm not sure what I'd do if the meeting had been random and he had a girlfriend with him, but I'd like to think that I could pull it off graciously. Link to post Share on other sites
krymej Posted January 9, 2011 Share Posted January 9, 2011 I have seen my ex since the split and we see each other on a weekly basis as we attend the same development classes. what worked for me was i put a brave face on, and just was upbeat and positive. I looked my best, well groomed, tan, whitened teeth, nice hair style it shows the image of whatever life throws at you you just look better. dont look down in the dumps look your best, be your best that will help your bruised self esteem and confidence too, i didn't ignore my ex tho, i allowed her to initiate conversation first and then i spoke to her politely, with confidence and a touch of humour and wasn't invasive and no mention of the relationship and let her lead..... it was brief I never went home with that feeling of shame i actually patted myself on the back and said you did good kid Always demonstrate higher value. Link to post Share on other sites
january2011 Posted January 9, 2011 Share Posted January 9, 2011 Always demonstrate higher value. I agree. In essence, by dumping you, your ex demonstrated that they didn't value you. By "demonstrating higher value," you rebuff that assessment and make them question their 'purchasing' decision. You're applying a basic marketing concept, with yourself as the product and your ex as the potential customer. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 9, 2011 Share Posted January 9, 2011 How would you folks handle it? Smile, give her a hug and wish her well. If she's with a guy, shake his hand, look him in the eyes and 'hope things work out for you'. I really do. Haven't met my exW with any new guys yet in person, but the other part a few times. Life goes on and, at our age, is too short to carry grudges and animosity. She taught me a lot and I'm happy to be rid of her. Link to post Share on other sites
Buzzkillington Posted January 9, 2011 Share Posted January 9, 2011 Thankfully my ex-girlfriend lives 2 hours away (I'm out of the University we were at, she's still there), so I'll probably never see her again, which is fine by me. If I did, say if we were both back home and bumped into each other over the next few years, I'll hopefully be looking my best but won't be courteous - or make a scene - I'll either ignore her or if that fails tell her to leave me alone, I think anyway. If I saw her now, I'd have a hard time not calling her a slut etc etc etc... so It's good she's away at the moment! Link to post Share on other sites
melenkurion Posted January 10, 2011 Share Posted January 10, 2011 Because I have no intention of being a hermit, at some point this will happen. I honestly don't know how I would react. I think I'd nod and smile and ignore him thereafter. I have a feeling he'd be the one to duck and run in that situation. He's the one who cheated, and he is a total coward. Link to post Share on other sites
ClayMatthews Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 You will run into them, it's bound to happen. I ran into my ex are a bar this weekend two months after she dumped me, and it was quite an experience! I just wrote about it here, thought maybe it might help somebody. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t260456/ Link to post Share on other sites
J0N Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 I would keep it to a simple hello, or a smile and wave. Nothing more. No emotion. Link to post Share on other sites
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