renewed feelings for someone special

[donovant91]

Ive known this girl since we were five years old. We were both the first real friends we made, and we have always had a strong connection I guess because of that. I had a crush on her for many years through school, and I knew when we were younger she liked me too. I never had the courage to ask her out, partially because I didn't want to screw it up and I had low confidence. I liked her all through school until high school when I met my now ex girlfriend. I went out with my ex for a few years, and we recently broke up because she was immature and changed too much since we started going out. I guess I started going out with my ex because I felt like I had no chance with this girl, she became more beautiful with every year and I was trying to embrace my awkward growth spurts. We barely talked through school because we had different social circles, there was only one time in high school where our friends merged and I got to talk to her again. She said she was really happy to talk to me and was recalling all of the times through childhood. I really liked her, but I knew I couldn't pursue her because I was with my ex at the time. She changed schools before senior year and I haven't seen her since.

 

Im now 20 years old, and my ex broke up with me a month ago, and I took it pretty hard when it first happened. My thread is still floating around the Breakups forum somewhere. I embraced my pain with a buddhist philosophy and I healed fairly quick. She basically dumped me on the corner, told me she didn't love me anymore and blindly moved on into a new relationship. I have no desire for her anymore, I don't care what happens with her or who shes with she has to learn from her mistakes, and im not willing to bring her ever back into my life. Amazingly though, I ended contact with her in a mature and polite manner as she was rubbing her new boyfriend in my face, and I forgived my ex, I learned a lot from the experience and chose to live in the present. I am slowly starting to reclaim my life back.

 

Since my forgiveness, I had a very meaningful dream. I won't give all of the details to spare you readers the novel but I decipher my dreams symbolism all the time because I'm a spiritual person. It basically told me I have new emotional maturity, and about 5 or 6 aspects of the dream pointed towards this girl. When I discovered this I became so peaceful with myself like it was the next chapter in my life. I am now looking into getting back into contact with her.

 

I dont have facebook myspace whatever I dont even own a cellphone, I live a very simple life compared to most my age, but I am hesitant of contacting her. Fear of rejection isn't the main worry anymore, I'm just trying to premeditate the best time to enter her life. I don't know what kind of person she is anymore, but I have a gut feeling about this and I have to take a leap of faith. I had a friend find her on facebook for me and she lives an hour away now, so I know I will have to make one to get in contact with her. Im in between jobs right now, so getting another job before I talk to her is a must.

 

I guess I have a few questions to ask you guys. When I do get my life more in order and decide to contact her, what should I do I guess haha. I am hoping she still has a soft spot for me, she always has I just need to revive it, but I want to give her the message and lead her in the direction that I want to be more than friends with her, without being clumped into a friend, and without coming on too strong and out of the blue. Also she is going to ask me what I have been doing since I last talked to her, and I don't really know how to answer that. I spent most of that time dragging through life with my ex, not really doing anything besides going to college. I know I will have to tell her about my ex eventually, I just don't want that to be one of the first conversation starters. I guess I just need you readers insight on this situation. I would greatly appreciate it .

[tianahop]

Im now 20 years old, and my ex broke up with me a month ago

 

How long were you two together. If it was years, then a month is not long enough for you to move on. You don't want a rebound relationship.

 

I'm just trying to premeditate the best time to enter her life.

 

There's no such thing as best time, in my opinion.

 

I am hoping she still has a soft spot for me, she always has I just need to revive it, but I want to give her the message and lead her in the direction that I want to be more than friends with her, without being clumped into a friend, and without coming on too strong and out of the blue.

 

Hope for the best, but don't expect too much.

 

Good luck!