Confessed and Ended Affair yesterday

[Distant78]

Distant......I went back and read your story of why you are here. I can not begin to imagine how painful that was and I'm sorry that happened to you and I do mean that.

 

Thank you.

 

I'm asking you nicely.....please consider that your below the cuff comments and insults are rude and yes sometimes you are a bully and when an OP posts they are usually feeling pretty low and if you want them to listen to you the above doesn't cut it.

 

Below the cuff comments and insults? So because I don't take the soft approach I'm a bully? Don't think so. The betrayed are the only ones who feel low after discovery.

[OpenBook]

I think Distant and BB07 ought to get married. Seriously, they are already acting like most married couples I know. Janey, I can't imagine why you'd want to try to save your M and go back into the exact same situation that had previously motivated you to seek love from an outside source... all the best of luck to you. You are going to need it.

[greengoddess]

I think Distant and BB07 ought to get married. Seriously, they are already acting like most married couples I know. Janey, I can't imagine why you'd want to try to save your M and go back into the exact same situation that had previously motivated you to seek love from an outside source... all the best of luck to you. You are going to need it.

 

 

Have you read any of janey's posts? Like the part about her other man sucking the life out of her and that the scumbag was perfect for how she felt at the time and that she is in true love with her husband?

[BB07]

Thank you.

 

 

 

Below the cuff comments and insults? So because I don't take the soft approach I'm a bully? Don't think so. The betrayed are the only ones who feel low after discovery.

 

Distant.........I think it's time you and I put this to rest.

 

I hope Janey comes back.

[BB07]

I think Distant and BB07 ought to get married. Seriously, they are already acting like most married couples I know. Janey, I can't imagine why you'd want to try to save your M and go back into the exact same situation that had previously motivated you to seek love from an outside source... all the best of luck to you. You are going to need it.

 

Tooo funny!

Anyway.......I think Janey gets that she doesn't want the same marriage, she wants a different one.

[anne1707]

I think Distant and BB07 ought to get married. Seriously, they are already acting like most married couples I know. Janey, I can't imagine why you'd want to try to save your M and go back into the exact same situation that had previously motivated you to seek love from an outside source... all the best of luck to you. You are going to need it.

 

Tooo funny!

Anyway.......I think Janey gets that she doesn't want the same marriage, she wants a different one.

 

Exactly BB07. I know the marriage I have now is better and stronger than before. Otherwise there is no true reconciliation.

 

From reading Janey's posts, I do think she has her head screwed on, sees what she has done, is truly remorseful and is also prepared to do what it takes to hopefully make things work with her husband.

[Spark1111]

Janey, despite me being a BS I have tried when I saw fit to support you in this thread. In this case though I am going to take you to task. Your A lasted how long? 4 months? Sorry but I just don't buy that you can develop the deep level of feeling you claim to have for your OM in that amount of time.

 

You must think your OM was a night in shining armour right? A romantic amazing guy that "got you", right? Well remember this, he went into this A knowing full well you were married right? He knew he would potentially destroy your marriage right? He also knew that by destroying your marriage it would ultimately hurt you right? No he saw an chance to get laid and he took it. He is NOT the amazing person you think he is, he is a user.

 

Let me put it in perspective for you. After discovering my wife's affair I basically went a little loopy looking for revenge etc. Well I ended up falling into the arms of "the one", I believed she was perfect in every way. I told myself that and willed it to be true. Well she KNEW I was just seperated, she KNEW I was still living with my wife. She saw something she wanted and went for it, damn the consequences. She was no better than the ********* my wife had her affair with.

 

Do some soul searching and I think your "feelings" will quickly fade for your OM. They damned well better because if they don't your H might change his tune fast.

 

This strikes me of an honest assessment from a truly remoseful cheater.

 

It rings true to me and my sitch and I am successfully reconciled for 3 years now.

 

My H mourned his AP for awhile also. It is pretty normal to do so while in "the fog."

 

I never said a bad work about her, ever. What would I have gained to disparage her? I sensed she was a needy and vulnerable D OW.

 

My intuition still stands: Two needy and vulnerable people who project their needs onto to the other and in fulfilling them, will it to be true for their relationship between two "perfect soulmates."

 

That seems to be a necessary component to keeping it all wonderful, all the time.

 

Over time, my h has come to view the affair, his AP, and himself, through very cynical and jaded eyes.

[Distant78]

Have you read any of janey's posts? Like the part about her other man sucking the life out of her and that the scumbag was perfect for how she felt at the time and that she is in true love with her husband?

 

Right, and what about her saying she cheated because her husband wasn't giving it up enough in the bedroom? I just don't see how she's ready for reconciliation.

[Spark1111]

Right, and what about her saying she cheated because her husband wasn't giving it up enough in the bedroom? I just don't see how she's ready for reconciliation.

 

Distant, IDK.....isn't that the reason given initially by most men following a DDAY? Not enough at home? Isn't the Married forum filled with men wanting to know how to get more at home?

 

Ok, it's a bs reason to cheat.....but, the initial stages following DDAY is a huge bunch of justifications....for a while...before the reality of the enormity of the actions hits both parties between the eyes with a sledgehammer.

 

Yeah, no one is disagreeing with how hard this will be to succeed.

 

Yet, I think all are in agreement that at least, they are both taking the very necessary steps to repair it, and that does deserve support, IMHO.

[Distant78]

Distant, IDK.....isn't that the reason given initially by most men following a DDAY? Not enough at home? Isn't the Married forum filled with men wanting to know how to get more at home?

 

What does this have to do with her cheating, then coming back to the marriage "a new woman?"

 

Ok, it's a bs reason to cheat.....but, the initial stages following DDAY is a huge bunch of justifications....for a while...before the reality of the enormity of the actions hits both parties between the eyes with a sledgehammer.

 

Basically they're selfish right? After the "initial stages" they still make up a bunch of bs reasons for their cheating, which further adds salt to the damage they've done. That's how cheaters are. So you're saying that the betrayed really has no choice but to suck up their cheating's justifications for a while, just so the cheater can "ease" back into the marriage? Just take a few more punches for a while and the cheater will be back to normal eh?

 

Yeah, no one is disagreeing with how hard this will be to succeed.

 

Good.

 

Yet, I think all are in agreement that at least, they are both taking the very necessary steps to repair it, and that does deserve support, IMHO.

 

Taking what necessary steps to repair what exactly? I'm sorry I'm just trying to find out what is the grand prize here, that's all.

[Spark1111]

What does this have to do with her cheating, then coming back to the marriage "a new woman?"

 

She is not a new woman. She just has a new perspective, and for now, her h still loves her enough to see if she can possibly become a new and improved partner.

 

 

 

Basically they're selfish right? After the "initial stages" they still make up a bunch of bs reasons for their cheating, which further adds salt to the damage they've done. That's how cheaters are. So you're saying that the betrayed really has no choice but to suck up their cheating's justifications for a while, just so the cheater can "ease" back into the marriage? Just take a few more punches for a while and the cheater will be back to normal eh?

 

Yes, you are right. The initial stages are a repeat of all the reasons THEY CONVINCED THEMSELVES it was okay to cheat. It takes time, remorse and a good amount of counseling to realize the enormity of their transgression.

 

No, I did not take anymore punches following DDAY. I kept throwing him out until I did not hear them anymore. I KNEW I had been a good and devoted wife. The issues were his, and his alone....and it would take a lot of counseling before he realized that.

 

I wasn't easing back into anything for a very long time. I am sure Janey's H will take the "wait and see" too.

 

 

 

Good.

 

 

 

Taking what necessary steps to repair what exactly? I'm sorry I'm just trying to find out what is the grand prize here, that's all.

 

They still think they love each other and want to give it a shot....a monumental task to do, but it can be done.

[Distant78]

They still think they love each other and want to give it a shot....a monumental task to do, but it can be done.

 

Every marriage after an affair cannot be saved, and the Wait-and-See program is flawed. That's essentially being a doormat, in hopes that soon the cheater will stop being a b*tch and come back into the marriage fully, which I must express, will never happen.

[anne1707]

Every marriage after an affair cannot be saved, and the Wait-and-See program is flawed. That's essentially being a doormat, in hopes that soon the cheater will stop being a b*tch and come back into the marriage fully, which I must express, will never happen.

 

How can you be so sure that it "will never happen". Do you mean in every marriage where a woman has had an affair? Or do you mean just Janey?

[What_Next]

Well Janey I wish you the best. I do hope you will keep us updated. It's sad that some of the angry and bitter people on here have chased you away. I for one won't join them and attempt to burn you at the stake.

 

Don't let those few posters chase you off.

[Spark1111]

Every marriage after an affair cannot be saved, and the Wait-and-See program is flawed. That's essentially being a doormat, in hopes that soon the cheater will stop being a b*tch and come back into the marriage fully, which I must express, will never happen.

 

No one said every....SOME can be saved; where both partners still love each other and want to see if they can find their way to forgiveness.

 

Why DO YOU THINK that is being a doormat?

 

Why DO YOU FEEL the cheater can never stop being a b*tch or bas***d?

 

Why DO YOU THINK they can NEVER come back and recommit to the marriage fully?

 

Because this did not happen for you? Or happened to you?

 

Than that was YOUR situation, and YOUR situation is NOT EVERY situation.

 

Not Janey or her husband's situation. Right now, they want to give it another shot.

 

We want to support them towards that, if they think that is what is in the best interests of THEIR MARRIAGE....If that is what they WANT for themselves!

 

Do you think you can give constructive advice or support towards what Janey wants on Janey's thread?

 

Because,if you truly believe in a million years that reconciling a marriage after infidelity is impossible, why are you posting on Janey's thread?

 

There are other threads that you could post on.

 

Just asking, and I am not the only one, why the blank are you soooo angry?

 

Why not start your own thread ....on that?

[BB07]

How can you be so sure that it "will never happen". Do you mean in every marriage where a woman has had an affair? Or do you mean just Janey?

 

 

I think if distant could be honest with us and himself he would say "a woman".

 

I didn't know his back story until last night, and it's really bad, but it's clear that women are high on his ****e list right now.

[Distant78]

No one said every....SOME can be saved; where both partners still love each other and want to see if they can find their way to forgiveness.

 

But what she's doing is not 100% out of love.

 

Why DO YOU THINK that is being a doormat?

 

For obvious reasons.

 

Why DO YOU FEEL the cheater can never stop being a b*tch or bas***d?

 

Why DO YOU FEEL every cheater can stop being one?

 

Why DO YOU THINK they can NEVER come back and recommit to the marriage fully?

 

Why DO YOU THINK they will ALWAYS come back and recommit to the marriage fully?

 

Because this did not happen for you? Or happened to you?

 

Right.

 

Than that was YOUR situation, and YOUR situation is NOT EVERY situation.

 

I can say the same for you.

 

Not Janey or her husband's situation. Right now, they want to give it another shot.

 

Nope. One is still selfish and the other is obviously in denial.

 

We want to support them towards that, if they think that is what is in the best interests of THEIR MARRIAGE....If that is what they WANT for themselves!

 

No, that is your opinion, to which you are entitled to.

 

Do you think you can give constructive advice or support towards what Janey wants on Janey's thread?

 

Is this about what a cheater wants? I didn't know that. Last time I checked I already gave her constructive advice on what she should do.

 

Because,if you truly believe in a million years that reconciling a marriage after infidelity is impossible, why are you posting on Janey's thread?

 

The same reason you are. Which is to give advice on what she should do. Just because you "reconciled" doesn't mean that's the best advice to give on here. I'm entitled to my opinion just as much as anyone else.

 

There are other threads that you could post on.

 

Same to you.

 

Just asking, and I am not the only one, why the blank are you soooo angry?

 

Just asking and I'm not the only one, why the blank are you soooo in denial that every marriage can be saved? Why the blank is someone who was supposedly betrayed, supports cheaters so much?

 

Why not start your own thread ....on that?

 

Why not you start your own thread on that?

[Distant78]

How can you be so sure that it "will never happen". Do you mean in every marriage where a woman has had an affair? Or do you mean just Janey?

 

So you think that by being a doormat to a cheater, eventually things will come to fruition?

[anne1707]

Every marriage after an affair cannot be saved, and the Wait-and-See program is flawed. That's essentially being a doormat, in hopes that soon the cheater will stop being a b*tch and come back into the marriage fully, which I must express, will never happen.

 

How can you be so sure that it "will never happen". Do you mean in every marriage where a woman has had an affair? Or do you mean just Janey?

 

So you think that by being a doormat to a cheater, eventually things will come to fruition?

 

All posts quoted for clarity and I have bolded the part I was questioning your reference to "never". You have implied (stated?!) that a WS will never fully come back into the marriage. What makes you say never? That's what I am asking.

 

Plus a BS who chooses reconciliation is far from being a doormat. To me that shows incredible strength of character.

[Distant78]

All posts quoted for clarity and I have bolded the part I was questioning your reference to "never". You have implied (stated?!) that a WS will never fully come back into the marriage. What makes you say never? That's what I am asking.

 

It's a fact that a cheater never fully comes back into the marriage. You yourself know this so I don't know why are you so surprised that I stated that, because IT IS the truth. Someone who cheats is showing that they do not appreciate their vows.

 

Plus a BS who chooses reconciliation is far from being a doormat. To me that shows incredible strength of character.

 

But see you're avoiding my question.

[Spark1111]

But what she's doing is not 100% out of love.

 

 

 

For obvious reasons.

 

 

 

Why DO YOU FEEL every cheater can stop being one?

 

 

 

Why DO YOU THINK they will ALWAYS come back and recommit to the marriage fully?

 

 

 

Right.

 

 

 

I can say the same for you.

 

 

 

Nope. One is still selfish and the other is obviously in denial.

 

 

 

No, that is your opinion, to which you are entitled to.

 

 

 

Is this about what a cheater wants? I didn't know that. Last time I checked I already gave her constructive advice on what she should do.

 

 

 

The same reason you are. Which is to give advice on what she should do. Just because you "reconciled" doesn't mean that's the best advice to give on here. I'm entitled to my opinion just as much as anyone else.

 

 

 

Same to you.

 

 

 

Just asking and I'm not the only one, why the blank are you soooo in denial that every marriage can be saved? Why the blank is someone who was supposedly betrayed, supports cheaters so much?

 

 

 

Why not you start your own thread on that?

 

Because I am not allowed to start a thread on "Why is DIstant 78 so, so angry and RUDE!"

 

And you are! And superior, especially to women! And almost vicious to cheating women who express remorse and want to reconcile!

 

I, for one, will not allow your anger and bitterness and hatred deter me from offering support to people who need it.

 

I do not have to re-enact my affair drama pain on every post and thread, especially women!

 

Unlike you.

[anne1707]

It's a fact that a cheater never fully comes back into the marriage. You yourself know this so I don't know why are you so surprised that I stated that, because IT IS the truth. Someone who cheats is showing that they do not appreciate their vows.

 

What on earth do you mean by the bolded?

 

 

But see you're avoiding my question.

 

Strange. I thought I had answered your question by saying that BS are not doormats but incredibly strong.

[Distant78]

I think if distant could be honest with us and himself he would say "a woman".

 

You made me laugh here.

 

I didn't know his back story until last night, and it's really bad, but it's clear that women are high on his ****e list right now.

 

I just find the advice that every marriage can be saved after a cheater cheats, flawed. Women are not on my bad list right now. I can assure you of that.

[anne1707]

I don't think anybody has suggested every marriage can be saved. I think however some have objected to the suggestion that no marriage can ever be saved though.

[Spark1111]

It's a fact that a cheater never fully comes back into the marriage. You yourself know this so I don't know why are you so surprised that I stated that, because IT IS the truth. Someone who cheats is showing that they do not appreciate their vows.

 

WHOSE FACT is this? Distant 78's fact. What book, expert, psychologist, counselor says this is a fact?

 

It IS DISTANT 78s TRUTH. Let us all bow down to him. He is the guy who HAS to be right at all costs, certainly at the expense of other's.

 

 

 

But see you're avoiding my question.

 

HAhahaha! And he really likes to bait Annie1707, as he did Janey. Sweet, remorseful hoping to successfully reconcile, and a successfully reconciled woman.

 

An obvious pattern which speaks.....volumes.