Distant78 Posted January 20, 2011 Share Posted January 20, 2011 What on earth do you mean by the bolded? Since you and your husband have been on "both sides of the coin," I thought you knew that. Strange. I thought I had answered your question by saying that BS are not doormats but incredibly strong. So like I asked you before, how is putting up with a cheater's continuing disrespectful behavior after D-Day, in hopes that the cheater will eventually come back to the marriage "fully" is a good plan? Link to post Share on other sites
Spark1111 Posted January 20, 2011 Share Posted January 20, 2011 Well then, why does every woman have a problem with YOU? Why don't you go pick on some other men your size...happily reconciled or hoping to reconcile men....go on. We women have got your number... Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted January 20, 2011 Share Posted January 20, 2011 Since you and your husband have been on "both sides of the coin," I thought you knew that. So like I asked you before, how is putting up with a cheater's continuing disrespectful behavior after D-Day, in hopes that the cheater will eventually come back to the marriage "fully" is a good plan? Oh right OK. Guess you know more about my marriage than I do Link to post Share on other sites
Spark1111 Posted January 20, 2011 Share Posted January 20, 2011 You made me laugh here. I just find the advice that every marriage can be saved after a cheater cheats, flawed. Women are not on my bad list right now. I can assure you of that. BB! You hit the nail on the head, lound and clear. It is so obvious. Jeez, you are brilliant BB! Link to post Share on other sites
Distant78 Posted January 20, 2011 Share Posted January 20, 2011 Because I am not allowed to start a thread on "Why is DIstant 78 so, so angry and RUDE!" Haha. And you are! And superior, especially to women! And almost vicious to cheating women who express remorse and want to reconcile! How is a cheater who said she cheated because her husband wasn't doing it enough in the bedroom, remorseful? I, for one, will not allow your anger and bitterness and hatred deter me from offering support to people who need it. Spark I'm not trying to bring you down if that's how you feel. I do not have to re-enact my affair drama pain on every post and thread, especially women! That's not what I asked of you. Unlike you. But Spark, now why is it that you're in the right that you can question my perspective, yet when I question yours you feel that I'm trying to attack you? Link to post Share on other sites
Distant78 Posted January 20, 2011 Share Posted January 20, 2011 I don't think anybody has suggested every marriage can be saved. I think however some have objected to the suggestion that no marriage can ever be saved though. No marriage can be 100% reconciled. Link to post Share on other sites
Snowflower Posted January 20, 2011 Share Posted January 20, 2011 No marriage can be 100% reconciled. Please keep hanging on to that idea if it makes you feel better. Just don't be upset when others have lived a different experience and post about it here. Link to post Share on other sites
Distant78 Posted January 20, 2011 Share Posted January 20, 2011 HAhahaha! And he really likes to bait Annie1707, as he did Janey. Sweet, remorseful hoping to successfully reconcile, and a successfully reconciled woman. I wasn't trying to "bait" Annie, nor is someone who still justifies their affair after confession is an honest, sweet woman. An obvious pattern which speaks.....volumes. Yes your pattern speaks volumes. Link to post Share on other sites
Distant78 Posted January 20, 2011 Share Posted January 20, 2011 Well then, why does every woman have a problem with YOU? Every woman in this world doesn't have a problem with me. Why don't you go pick on some other men your size...happily reconciled or hoping to reconcile men....go on. What are we in preschool now? We women have got your number... Nah, I don't hand out my number to these type of women. Link to post Share on other sites
Distant78 Posted January 20, 2011 Share Posted January 20, 2011 Oh right OK. Guess you know more about my marriage than I do Did I say I did? Link to post Share on other sites
Spark1111 Posted January 20, 2011 Share Posted January 20, 2011 Please keep hanging on to that idea if it makes you feel better. Just don't be upset when others have lived a different experience and post about it here.[/quote Snow...as usual your understated elegance....just nails it. And, Distant, if hanging on to that thought DOES make you feel better, why are you so sad and miserable and angry on every SINGLE POST???????????? Link to post Share on other sites
Distant78 Posted January 20, 2011 Share Posted January 20, 2011 Please keep hanging on to that idea if it makes you feel better. Thanks. Same to you. Just don't be upset when others have lived a different experience and post about it here. That's you saying I'm upset. It didn't come from me. Link to post Share on other sites
Snowflower Posted January 20, 2011 Share Posted January 20, 2011 Ah, Distant, I'm crushed! I thought you and I were friends. Link to post Share on other sites
Distant78 Posted January 20, 2011 Share Posted January 20, 2011 And, Distant, if hanging on to that thought DOES make you feel better, why are you so sad and miserable and angry on every SINGLE POST???????????? Sad miserable and angry on every single post? How can you tell I'm angry? You see any indication on my face or my behavior today while I'm at work that shows I'm angry? If so please tell me. Link to post Share on other sites
Distant78 Posted January 20, 2011 Share Posted January 20, 2011 Ah, Distant, I'm crushed! I thought you and I were friends. I thought we were? Link to post Share on other sites
llonia Posted January 20, 2011 Share Posted January 20, 2011 ppl will tell you to tell your hubby everything...dont do that.men cant handle as much as we can..it hurts their egos..im not goning to trash you because ive just done the same thing!!...also i dont look down my nose at others..you should be humble..take care of him in everyway...make him remeber why he married you. If he does want to divorce it wont be now...because he doesnt wanna feel like hes lost you to anyone else...it works to your advantage...i know its possible to love 2 at a time..dont just keep talking about it....thts like putting salt in an open sore..just show him that you still love him by your actions...because we both know talk is cheaper then a hotdog dinner lol...sorry about your pain..and it gets better everyday!!..dont focus on the good stuff about the other guy!!...focus on why it wld have never worked!! Link to post Share on other sites
Snowflower Posted January 20, 2011 Share Posted January 20, 2011 I thought we were? Okay, good. You know, you make some really good points about a lot of things. I really agree that the BS shouldn't have to take any cr*p from their WS after d-day, IF they want the marriage to continue. All this waiting by the BS for the WS to come out of the affair fog...yup, I don't buy it either. IMHO, Janey is trying to do the right thing by her husband. I didn't agree with her using him as a sounding board when she was missing the OM, and I told her so but if she has stopped doing that, then that is good. Link to post Share on other sites
Bittersweetie Posted January 20, 2011 Share Posted January 20, 2011 (edited) ppl will tell you to tell your hubby everything...dont do that.men cant handle as much as we can..it hurts their egos.. I have to disagree with this. After Dday, I shared about 80% of the story. I kept some of it back because I thought it would hurt him more...plus a close family member advised me to keep that part to myself, and since I was kind of an emotional mess I listened to that advice. I then lived a few months knowing I still lied, wondering if he knew, trying to figure out how to tell him...I wasn't in an "affair fog" anymore, but it was still a fog nonetheless. Eventually my H found out part of the 20%...and I told him everything else. It was very close to a second dday, if not one. We'd taken five steps forward only to move eight steps back. If there is any hope of reconciliation, the full truth up front is what's needed, for both sides, to move forward. Holding things back equates to more lies, and that is not a good thing when trying to work things out. Edited January 20, 2011 by Bittersweetie Added something... Link to post Share on other sites
Distant78 Posted January 20, 2011 Share Posted January 20, 2011 ppl will tell you to tell your hubby everything...dont do that.men cant handle as much as we can..it hurts their egos..im not goning to trash you because ive just done the same thing!!...also i dont look down my nose at others..you should be humble..take care of him in everyway...make him remeber why he married you. If he does want to divorce it wont be now...because he doesnt wanna feel like hes lost you to anyone else...it works to your advantage...i know its possible to love 2 at a time..dont just keep talking about it....thts like putting salt in an open sore..just show him that you still love him by your actions...because we both know talk is cheaper then a hotdog dinner lol...sorry about your pain..and it gets better everyday!!..dont focus on the good stuff about the other guy!!...focus on why it wld have never worked!! It's not about ego, it's about telling the full truth so they can decide whether they want to spend the rest of their life with a cheater or not. Link to post Share on other sites
llonia Posted January 20, 2011 Share Posted January 20, 2011 there are some self righteous nuts in here too..you are aware of wht you have done..i know this forum is for advice..but keep in mind you never know whats in a persons mind or household ,or their life styles so read each thing with a grain of salt...you shld know how to weed out the nutters and haters,,we know we have done wrong.im not going to let a person in chat kick me while im feeling bad anyway...im weak.. but not tht damn weak..your human ..it happened!!..hell ive not scratch the surface on my story and im being bashed!!...well bash on bashers,,but know you can never ever effect my life in anyway!!@ the bashers..constructive help i dont mind Link to post Share on other sites
Distant78 Posted January 20, 2011 Share Posted January 20, 2011 Okay, good. You know, you make some really good points about a lot of things. I really agree that the BS shouldn't have to take any cr*p from their WS after d-day, IF they want the marriage to continue. All this waiting by the BS for the WS to come out of the affair fog...yup, I don't buy it either. IMHO, Janey is trying to do the right thing by her husband. I didn't agree with her using him as a sounding board when she was missing the OM, and I told her so but if she has stopped doing that, then that is good. I agree with you, but I disagree on whether she's 100% honestly trying to do the right thing. Anyway, if she comes back we'll see what happens. Link to post Share on other sites
wuggle Posted January 20, 2011 Share Posted January 20, 2011 Anyway, if she comes back we'll see what happens. I hope she doesn't. Link to post Share on other sites
Fight4Me Posted January 21, 2011 Share Posted January 21, 2011 I hope Janey comes back. We need more people with her perspective around here, even though she's fresh out of the box and just beginning the long difficult journey toward reconciliation. The great thing about vBulletin that LS uses is it affords everyone the ability to put some individuals on their ignore list. Not only will you not have to see their posts, but they also cannot PM you. I've run a website for six years (not the same type as LS), and that feature is a sanity saver. Anyway, just a thought for Janey if she's reading this, or anyone else who now may be hesitant to post. Link to post Share on other sites
FryFish Posted January 21, 2011 Share Posted January 21, 2011 llonia, you are remorseless... you may regret doing it or getting caught but you are remorseless... I dont need to know your story to know that I hope you end up old and ALONE... Link to post Share on other sites
JaneyAmazed Posted January 24, 2011 Share Posted January 24, 2011 Hey all - I said I wouldn't come back unless something changed drastically. Well, it hasn't yet. My H is back to the H I've always known but better. He knows how much I love him. He has been able to forgive me and allow me to be his wife again. Do I deserve it? No. Am I still disgusted with myself sometimes? yes. I know our situation isn't typical at all. I just think that my H realized that he played a part in what lead up to the affair and he owns that. I'm not saying it made it ok for me to do what I did. I'm just saying he is doing everything now that he didn't do then, and it's not forced. He is enjoying me again and I am enjoying him. He hasn't shown this much interest in me in well over a year. For the past year and half (up until the affair) I felt so neglected and alone. I missed him so much but was too stupid to know what to do about it. Even stupider, I thought another man would help?! I try not to beat myself up too much, but I still know I was an idiot. I hate I wasted so much time and energy on something so destructive. I'm still cautious about the future. I'm still sensitive to the fact he will go through a lot of emotions. I don't talk about OM anymore unless he wants to, which he never does. No matter what my future holds, I'm not lying anymore and I'm not keeping secrets, and my hope is in God. So I am at peace with whatever happens because I am no longer deceiving my husband or hurting myself. I'd rather deal with consequences than guilt and destruction. The truth did set me free. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts