JaneyAmazed Posted February 15, 2011 Share Posted February 15, 2011 Janey, if I were you there are a couple of posters you should put on ignore in your thread. You are dealing with a couple of bullies who are taking out their own issues on you and it serves no purpose responding to them. Thankfully there are others here who aren't like that. Thanks LadyGrey. You're right. In my last post, I responded to Jonah regarding my response to those guys. I guess I cut them slack because I think they are hurting.I agree with you that it really does serve no purpose to respond to them. It's just a waste of mine and their time really. Link to post Share on other sites
JaneyAmazed Posted February 15, 2011 Share Posted February 15, 2011 Janey I really don't think most people can predict how they would react to a spouse having an affair. I have really surprised myself. Get out of jail free? I don't think so. In my case I have never ever cheated. All I am guilty of doing is provided for my family. Do I work alot? Yes I have to so I can provide for my family. Did I appreciate my wife? I always made sure when I worked late to bring something special home. I recognized that her job to take care of the kids was as important as mine. Do I think that we can get over her Affair? Its as hard as it gets. I dont want to look at the long run. It needs to be day by day for now. One minute I know that we can survive, the next I hate what she did especially when I see my kids I think my H feels this way too as far as one minute he's optimistic and then sometimes not so much. Lately, I've been real down on myself. I feel like even though I know I'm committed to him now and would never hurt him again, I still don't deserve him. I feel like what I did was so bad, that it will take a long time to feel equal to my H again. I guess that's normal. I change from day to day on how I feel about it. I guess I can't forgive myself yet and I hate what I did so much. I still have a hard time grasping that I could do something that devious... That I could become a full time liar. It just makes me sick to the core. I can't it explain it well. Link to post Share on other sites
Jonah Posted February 21, 2011 Share Posted February 21, 2011 I think... Continue to talk it out with your H as much as you can Janey. He needs that (and you) as much as you do. My call is even if a business trip is in line not to spend a single night apart. That is something you could talk about right there. Your H has someone that really loves him. I hope that he cherishes you. Link to post Share on other sites
JaneyAmazed Posted March 3, 2011 Share Posted March 3, 2011 I'm going to take a little break from LS. I will definitely check back in to give updates. I just get kind of down reading about affairs and feel like sometimes in hinders my progress. My H and I are going to continue working on our marriage. I finally feel normal, and I don't beat myself up anymore. I'm in a good place now. My H and I are closer than we've been in a long time. The love between us is so strong and unconditional. I can't believe sometimes how blessed I am to have him. I have grown so much in the last couple of months. Hitting rock bottom forces you to look up and change. After being unhappy for so long, I finally have more joy in my life. Being honest and true to myself and to my H is the best feeling in the world. I've been so afraid of everything, and now I'm just surrendering my all to God and taking it one day at a time. My marriage is my priority now. I will not lose sight of that again. I have a beautiful family and a beautiful life. Thanks to all of you who have helped me. I will be back if there are any major changes or I just need some advice. Even those of you who don't think I'm sincere have helped me. It gives me more fuel to do the right thing. I choose now to do what is right and regain the integrity and self-respect I lost at one time. It makes me feel better than I have in a long time! Now, excuse me while I go give my H some lovin'! Link to post Share on other sites
neveragain1 Posted March 3, 2011 Share Posted March 3, 2011 didn't you also say that if he did the same to you that you wouldn't give him the same courtesy of a 2nd chance? Link to post Share on other sites
Jonah Posted March 4, 2011 Share Posted March 4, 2011 I'm going to take a little break from LS. I have a beautiful family and a beautiful life. Thanks to all of you who have helped me. Now, excuse me while I go give my H some lovin'! Janey JAney JANEY! How dare you leave us busybodies to go have a life! Link to post Share on other sites
Enzyclacy Posted March 4, 2011 Share Posted March 4, 2011 новогодние дети Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 4, 2011 Share Posted March 4, 2011 I'm going to take a little break from LS. I will definitely check back in to give updates. I just get kind of down reading about affairs and feel like sometimes in hinders my progress. My H and I are going to continue working on our marriage. I finally feel normal, and I don't beat myself up anymore. I'm in a good place now. My H and I are closer than we've been in a long time. The love between us is so strong and unconditional. I can't believe sometimes how blessed I am to have him. I have grown so much in the last couple of months. Hitting rock bottom forces you to look up and change. After being unhappy for so long, I finally have more joy in my life. Being honest and true to myself and to my H is the best feeling in the world. I've been so afraid of everything, and now I'm just surrendering my all to God and taking it one day at a time. My marriage is my priority now. I will not lose sight of that again. I have a beautiful family and a beautiful life. Thanks to all of you who have helped me. I will be back if there are any major changes or I just need some advice. Even those of you who don't think I'm sincere have helped me. It gives me more fuel to do the right thing. I choose now to do what is right and regain the integrity and self-respect I lost at one time. It makes me feel better than I have in a long time! Now, excuse me while I go give my H some lovin'! Keep intouch, k! Do an update when you're ready to post again. You are going to do great. You're focussed and ready to move forward, work hard and save your marriage. Helps to have a forgiving husband who's willing to work with you, so I wish the best for you two. Link to post Share on other sites
What_Next Posted March 4, 2011 Share Posted March 4, 2011 Good luck Janey and keep it up. Never forget the lessons you've learned and try and show your husband every day just what he means to you. I fully understand the negative vibe that can come from this place. Link to post Share on other sites
Binster Posted March 5, 2011 Share Posted March 5, 2011 Good luck, hope things work out ok. Link to post Share on other sites
Foolintherain Posted March 7, 2011 Share Posted March 7, 2011 I would ignore the posters beating you with the guilt club. Your doing enough of that to yourself. Your husband has to make some personal decisions. Thats his privacy. You need to accept the situation, it is what it is. Beating yourself up and believing you are a terrible person is not healthy way to live. It definitely will not contribute healing your marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
Mountain Dew Posted March 7, 2011 Share Posted March 7, 2011 If you want to save your marriage you are no longer entitle to ANY privacy until your H trusts you again... He will NEVER trust you 100 percent again but right now he doesnt trust you at all. You need to give him access to info such as email passwords, phone accounts, let him see it whenever he wants... And one of the MOST important things for you to do is be COMPLETELY HONEST the first time he asks a question or you give him info about your affair. If you choose to minimize it(read as lie about it) there is a good chance you wont be able to keep your stories straight all the time... but he will. If you trickle truth him, as it is known, it is like opening the wound brand new every time he learns a little more truth... This WILL prevent him from healing and will likely make him hate you. You can never communicate with the OM again. If my wife had done these things when I caught her I wouldnt hate her so much and been planning my revenge for 3.5 yrs now. Grovel, beg for forgiveness, STAY HOME AND OFF THE PHONE, dont try to blame him at all, and tell him he has a free pass. And stick to it. My biggest problem is my wife is completely against the one thing that would help..letting me or helping me even it up. I've put it off all this time but I have 3 offers now and I'm about to take all 3. Tired of being the faithful one. Get someone attractive to sleep with him asap. That's the fastest repair you can make. Take your foot out of his groin. Link to post Share on other sites
Mountain Dew Posted March 7, 2011 Share Posted March 7, 2011 Nothing you can do right now except to leave him alone and answer all of his questions regarding your affair. The scar never heals fully. If you don't want him to divorce you, which is probably best for him, you better start being 100% remorseful for your significant damage to the marriage because your comment about you loving OM says a lot, and that's not even real love by the way. And remember you pushed yourself to cheat, not him or anyone else. There is no excuse for this. This guy is right too-you sound so much like my wife I thought for a minute she had written this 3 yrs ago. You were selfish. You put your happiness above your husbands and your children's. There's NO excuse. I was every bit as unhappy as she was but I never would have betrayed her or my daughter. You'll be lucky if he keeps you for the kids like I did. What you say and do the next 4 weeks are extremely important if you want a shred of a chance. Dont try to blame him at all and dont say anything stupid. He will remember everything you say the next few weeks for the rest of his life very clearly. He will go through stages every day for a month of wanting a divorce and not wanting one. Be consistent in not wanting one no matter what he says. He has every right to say terrible things to you right now, dont say them back. Take your punishment and let him get it out. Link to post Share on other sites
Mountain Dew Posted March 7, 2011 Share Posted March 7, 2011 I'm going to take a little break from LS. I will definitely check back in to give updates. I just get kind of down reading about affairs and feel like sometimes in hinders my progress. My H and I are going to continue working on our marriage. I finally feel normal, and I don't beat myself up anymore. I'm in a good place now. My H and I are closer than we've been in a long time. The love between us is so strong and unconditional. I can't believe sometimes how blessed I am to have him. I have grown so much in the last couple of months. Hitting rock bottom forces you to look up and change. After being unhappy for so long, I finally have more joy in my life. Being honest and true to myself and to my H is the best feeling in the world. I've been so afraid of everything, and now I'm just surrendering my all to God and taking it one day at a time. My marriage is my priority now. I will not lose sight of that again. I have a beautiful family and a beautiful life. Thanks to all of you who have helped me. I will be back if there are any major changes or I just need some advice. Even those of you who don't think I'm sincere have helped me. It gives me more fuel to do the right thing. I choose now to do what is right and regain the integrity and self-respect I lost at one time. It makes me feel better than I have in a long time! Now, excuse me while I go give my H some lovin'! This new closeness wont last. I remember that stage, it turned into hatred because the pain never stops. When she seems happy he will realize she got away with it and it will piss him off. I cant let her be happy as long as it is still making me miserable. It doesnt seem fair and you cant stop yourself from continuing to punish her. Link to post Share on other sites
dbtmarley Posted March 7, 2011 Share Posted March 7, 2011 Hang in there Janey. While I am strongly opposed to those who cheat, I am glad you and your husband have been working through this difficult time. Best of luck to you and please keep us updated. Link to post Share on other sites
neveragain1 Posted March 7, 2011 Share Posted March 7, 2011 (edited) I would ignore the posters beating you with the guilt club. Your doing enough of that to yourself. Your husband has to make some personal decisions. Thats his privacy. You need to accept the situation, it is what it is. Beating yourself up and believing you are a terrible person is not healthy way to live. It definitely will not contribute healing your marriage. I don't think she needs to beat herself up. I think she is busting her a$$ to make things up to her husband. I just read on one of her other threads, and a few people called her on it, where she basically said if the roles were reversed, she more than likely wouldn't give her husband the same chance and consideration as he is giving her now, and I found that rather selfish. Edited March 7, 2011 by neveragain1 Link to post Share on other sites
justsam Posted March 8, 2011 Share Posted March 8, 2011 First off, I don't want to seem like I'm bashing you. You got to take steps to rectify your situation, and that's your business. But to think that your going to come on here and not get scolded somewhat for you actions is kind of wishful thinking. For sure you don't deserve him. That goes for men also who have done their spouses wrong. Your lucky he can even muster the will to look at you let alone sleep in the same bed ever again. I for one dropped her when there was an inkling that she wanted to pursue other avenues fulfillment. I just don't take to people who act like the victim, when they're the ones in the wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
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