Confessed and Ended Affair yesterday

[dont-be-naive]

I wanted to add that I have had no contact with OM since I confessed. I think that's essential

 

it is absolutely essential. glad that you, as opposed to too many on this site, realize that. as disrespectful as cheating is to your partner, at least you have enough respect to cut contact and stay away from OM.

 

 

My husband called him yesterday and told him not to contact me and he agreed he wouldn't. There were consequences which I won't reveal here. We also exposed the affair to my family but chose not to expose it to friends.

 

Now this is something I don't entirely agree with. I wouldn't blame anyone for exposing to the family the cheating if the marriage were headed for divorce.

 

But if one of my sons in the future came to me and told me his wife cheated on him, even though I wouldn't stop them from coming to my home during family events, in my mind she would not be welcome.

 

And IF I was married and my wife cheated on me(as my X did) I wouldn't want anyone in my family to know because I know what they'd be thinking everytime they are around her.

 

The family may be somewhat supportive, but don't fool yourself into believing that they aren't thinking negative thoughts when in their presence.

 

 

I'd rather be with a man who I know is coming home to me every night, sleeps beside me, holds me when I cry, protects me at all costs, knows all my faults and knows what I look like with no makeup and sweat pants and still thinks I'm beautiful. I have been given a second chance and I don't take that lightly. I love my obligations now as a wife and mom. I cherish my treasure - my family.

 

well lets hope that is all true. I know I wouldn't want to be with someone who misses another man, but if your H is ok with that, then all the best.

 

now stay your arse home!

[JaneyAmazed]

 

well lets hope that is all true. I know I wouldn't want to be with someone who misses another man, but if your H is ok with that, then all the best.

 

now stay your arse home!

 

Well, I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss him and I don't lie anymore to my husband. I think it's natural to miss someone that you let become your friend and lover for 4 months. I gave him what I should have been giving my husband. He became a part of my life, good or bad, that I have to get used to not having. It takes a while to adjust to someone just vanishing from your life. I know it's not easy on my husband but I also know my marriage is worth fighting for.

 

Oh, and I know my family may think negative thoughts but I don't care. I deserve any thoughts anyone has of me.I was expecting a much worse reaction than I got. They saw how broken I was. Mostly my family just wants to help us. They know that there was a reason why I had the affair. Our marriage needed a lot of work before the affair. In the end, those that really love you may be disappointed in you but they just want the best for you. My parents and siblings had love and compassion for me. My husband doesn't have any close family so it's just my family that knows.

[JustJoe]

Janey, right now you may be grieving for the OM, but you need to get over it as soon as possible, and put ALL of your thoughts and actions into your husband. You realize that you don't deserve him, don't you? IDK if many men would be willing to take back somebody who has done what you have. Instead of thinking about the OM, and feeling sorry for yourself, you should be counting your lucky stars, and trying to imagine the damage you have done to your husband. Remember, YOUR HUSBAND COMES FIRST, and everything else is secondary..

[bugaha]

I was involved with my wife's best friend before we started dating (Edit, I should probably clarify that we were friends with benefits not boyfriend/girlfriend). We were very much best friends, but I had to make the choice to end that relationship because I know continuing to be friends wasn't going to cut it. I was so into my wife that it didn't really hurt at all to end that, to cut someone out of your life that you'd consider one of your best friends.

 

Your husband deserves someone better, and shouldn't have to put up with your grieving for the OM. It should all be about your husband and your family right now.

Edited January 13, 2011 by bugaha

[Distant78]

Well, I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss him and I don't lie anymore to my husband. I think it's natural to miss someone that you let become your friend and lover for 4 months. I gave him what I should have been giving my husband. He became a part of my life, good or bad, that I have to get used to not having. It takes a while to adjust to someone just vanishing from your life. I know it's not easy on my husband but I also know my marriage is worth fighting for.

 

If you care so much about a man who helped destroy your marriage (along with you) then why still be with your husband? He was not a friend nor a true lover. It was just sex and he said that crap to get into bed with you. You know this. And that's pretty disrespectful to tell your husband, who you betrayed, that you still lust for OM. That's spitting in his face. He will never forget what you just recently told him and that will haunt him for a long time.

 

Oh, and I know my family may think negative thoughts but I don't care.

 

Just like you didn't care whether your actions would hurt your own husband right? So far you're still hurting those around you who love you, and yourself.

[anne1707]

Janey

 

Whilst I understand your pain from the end of the affair, you do need to consider your H's feelings when you demonstrate how upset you are about the OM. I found after dday that IC provided me with an opportunity to deal with how I felt about the ex-OM without my H having to witness it all. I know that my H was only prepared to tolerate so much before he walked and your H probably feels the same.

 

With a lot of hard work, reconciliation is possible (though far from guaranteed). You may be interested in going back and reading some of my past threads and posts. I was in an absolute mess when I came to LS after Dday from a 3 year affair but 2.5 years later my H and I are very happy together.

[East7]

Well, I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss him and I don't lie anymore to my husband. I think it's natural to miss someone that you let become your friend and lover for 4 months. I gave him what I should have been giving my husband. He became a part of my life, good or bad, that I have to get used to not having. It takes a while to adjust to someone just vanishing from your life. I know it's not easy on my husband but I also know my marriage is worth fighting for.

 

It is natural that you will grieve the loss of OM, it is a state of withdrawal. My xMW went through the same stage and breaking NC every now and then. It may last months. If you have decided to work on your M, just know that you can't supress your feelings for OM but keep them for yourself, no reason to tell your H because it only makes things worse.

[dont-be-naive]

Well, I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss him and I don't lie anymore to my husband.

 

so how would you feel if your H pined for another woman? take that answer and remember what youf H would feel like if he knew.

 

 

I know it's not easy on my husband but I also know my marriage is worth fighting for.

 

better hope your husband is a very patient man. and honey, you got ALOT of making up to do!!

 

hope you are prepared to be your H's maid and masseuse for a while;)

 

 

Oh, and I know my family may think negative thoughts but I don't care. I deserve any thoughts anyone has of me.I was expecting a much worse reaction than I got. They saw how broken I was. Mostly my family just wants to help us. They know that there was a reason why I had the affair.

 

uh, excuse me? well now, if I were your husband, I would be the one that wouldn't want to be around them. if they think there is a reason, and IMO thats calling it an excuse, then your husband should have went out and had one too. So why didn't he?

 

 

Our marriage needed a lot of work before the affair. In the end, those that really love you may be disappointed in you but they just want the best for you. My parents and siblings had love and compassion for me. My husband doesn't have any close family so it's just my family that knows.

 

well if they are giving you the excuse that you had a reason for what you did, it sounds like its you and your family vs. your husband. I wouldn't feel too damn good about that if I were him.

 

yes I know, they aren't against him, but its kind of a stab in the back as far as I'm concerned.

[JaneyAmazed]

I guess I haven't communicated too well. What I've realized is everyone handles situations differently. I don't deserve my husband now but I will one day. He and I have decided to work on our marriage. My sorrow goes beyond words for what I've done to him. He has given me undeserved mercy. Thank you all for your input, good or bad. Like I said before, it's hard to judge a situation when you don't know the people involved, their past and their present. My mom divorced my dad because he cheated on her, yet she showed me compassion and helped me through this last week. She suffered for 5 years of depression because of my dad yet she held me like her little girl and help my husband like her son. She just wanted our marriage to be repaired. God has the power to make anything possible if we just surrender all to Him. What my husband is doing now is following what God says. It doesn't make him a fool. It makes him a real man. It makes him the most unselfish human being I know. So I have to step it up now and be a real woman and good wife. I've been given a second chance. No I don't deserve it, but it's been given to me anyway. Don't worry, I don't dwell on OM. I've thought about him less and less today. I just keep hugging my husband and breathing the skin I thought I'd never breathe again. He is my home.

[FightClub]

Dear Janey,

 

I've read through this entire thread and wanted to give you a bit of perspective from a former OM.

 

My friendship with xMW wasn't exactly the same as yours, mine last a year long-distance before meeting her in person. We became friends through an online video game, we shared a virtual world of sorts in our head, through chat, text, phone, pictures and e-mail.

 

Deep down inside, I felt she wasn't happy with her life and talking to her, sharing our worlds made it easier for her to see that she had more options available, I gave her advice on men, why we do certain things, etc based on my experiences and perspective. Over time we nurtured feelings and we both knew it was heading in that direction, we were having an emotional affair and neither one of us knew or realized what those were until then.

 

When she came to the realization that she felt things with me that she never felt before, things that excited & scared knowing that it was things that her husband wasn't providing, etc she knew it was time to pull the plug out of respect for her marriage ( even if it wasn't perfect ), me and above all else, her belief and respect to God.

 

We went NC for a week before she broke down and felt she was going to the lose the one thing that truly helped when she was going through a certain point in her life and I got her through that point. A previously planned trip would allow us to meet up and hang, at least what we felt could *possibly* be platonic, as you can image when emotions are involved, youth and physical chemistry, we ended up being in a true affair over the course of a night. It was wrong and she knew the next day, as conflicted as she was, she had to make a choice, stay and let it grow or unplug it before anything else could happen and before you knew it, she was gone.

 

I'm not here to defend the OM, but I will say I do believe God has a purpose, our imperfections make us shine in the darkness. I don't know what your relationship with OM truly was but I believe that we experience and meet people for a reason, in time you will either have a happy marriage or allow it slowly fade away until you reach the next part of your life.

 

Perhaps the OM helped you see a side of yourself, made you feel something you wanted from your husband all along, you can give things a chance with your husband. Knowing that you tried is more assuring then doing nothing at all, you can take solace that you're trying.

 

I wanted to share my perspective because I truly cared for my xMW, had she left not for me but we developed a relationship after a divorce, I would have been nothing but supportive of her but only when things run a natural course, not forced because of constraints or morals. It's likely your OM developed a strong feeling for you as well, we're only human, it's natural to feel a certain way and I have no doubt he cares a great deal about you as well.

 

I take just as much responsibility for the actions that night as she did and I've been working on being a better man because of the time I spent with xMW, I don't know what the future holds but I feel it's something I owe God & xMW, because she was someone very special to me and she too felt sorry for everything that happened before she disappeared. I'm forgiving myself and I forgive her.

 

In the end, it will always hurt but if you truly loved the OM, you'll continue to let him go and if he TRULY loves you, he'll continue to do the same. Change is constant, time is infinite, life may just surprise you in the future.

 

I cared enough about her to let her go, even though it does cause me a great deal of pain, you have to let go in order to see what is in front of you.

 

I don't think all OM want to destroy a marriage or have malicious intent, we're all human beings, we all want to be loved, sometimes we make mistakes and have to forgive ourselves in order to be better people for our spouses or future partners.

 

Take care Jane, forgive yourself ...continue to strive for the best in your life!

 

-FC

Edited January 14, 2011 by FightClub

[jnj express]

Hey Janey---I do not understand why you keep defending scumbag(OM)---he was/is nothing but a homewrecker----he and you both were willing to see your children live in two homes and be passed back and forth, as in divorced, and split up----that's what your scumbag OM was all about---stop with this baloney about how he was your friend---he saw a chance to get some easy sex, and he jumped at it---a real man would have told you to go back to your husband and try communicating---if you have anymore thoughts of OM in any way shape or form, you need to admonish yourself

 

Also do not blame scumbag OM for any of this----he did not take vows with you---he owes no allegiance to your family----it was you, and you alone that tried very hard to wreck your mge., and you almost succeded. All he did was go along for a bit of a sexual ride with you---while you completely forgot about your kids, and husband

 

Yes you are getting a 2nd chance and you do need to pray to god everyday, that your kids do not pick up on the raw emotions and unhappiness in your household----you need to do ALL THE HEAVY LIFTING to make this new mge., work, for your husband has allowed you to create a new mge., risen from the ashes of the mge., you have just murdered

[whammy]

Btw, you have NO clue how much devastation you brought upon your husband. He will NEVER be the same again. NEVER. I've been in his shoes and not one day goes by w/o thinking of what my ex did to me and our family. Everyday with you will be torture for him. He will not get the images of you and this OM out of his mind.

 

The anger and resentment will set in (so be prepared). Right now he is in "emotional shock". I doubt you will "love" and "care" about him enough to nurse his emotional wounds that you inflicted. There will be no trust.....not fully. NEVER. He knows what you are capable of. He knows you were willing to risk everything (his health too) to cheat. Another sad situation. Seems to be the trend these days....

 

cya

 

yeh if my wife cheated on me it would ruined. I mean I could get over it and forgive her but she would be tainted. Literally, when I look her I wouldnt just see her...I would see her with a dark silhouette of a man next to her with his arms around her. I couldnt let her kiss me knowing that those lips that i loved have been wrapped around another man's c*ck....when that cock is been inside her...probably without a condom. and it would suck knowing after all that time and work and connection and love and memories and sharing and moments and commitment... none of it was worth more to her than a couple quickies with some random douchebag. But i would roll over and roll along, maybe with half a heart, but I would still roll along. they say "dont cry over spilled milk." well i say "dont cry over a woman that never really gave a sh*t about you."

Edited January 14, 2011 by whammy

[whammy]

Last night he was able to hug me again and wipe the tears from my face when I cried missing OM.

 

If my wife just threw an uppercut into my life, put a sledgehammer to our family, and broke my heart into a million pieces...and after all that she was crying because she missed the OM so much...that would be all i need to know that she is not really in love with me.

Edited January 14, 2011 by whammy

[East7]

 

I don't think all OM want to destroy a marriage or have malicious intent, we're all human beings, we all want to be loved, sometimes we make mistakes and have to forgive ourselves in order to be better people for our spouses or future partners.

 

FC

 

Well said FC.

 

The A have at least one positive result : We learn not to take people for granted, that a relationship is not granted without efforts, that infidelity can happen to the best people ever.

The A has learned to the xMW to face the problems and communicate with her H instead of escaping the reality.

The AP learns that someone married is a big no-no, that the passion and connection he learned with xMW he can invest in a healthy relationship, that his future spouse won't be taken for granted either.

[bugaha]

If my wife just threw an uppercut into my life, put a sledgehammer to our family, and broke my heart into a million pieces...and after all that she was crying because she missed the OM so much...that would be all i need to know that she is not really in love with me.

 

Couldn't agree more and is ultimately the truth. Husband will never be the same despite all the talk about following god at this point. The fact that the Op mentions the OM to him in the first place is a clue to head for the hills, and she is fortunate that he hasn't already done so. I really would take that advice about keeping that grieving in IC. It's not respectful to the one that you "love", and any time you mention his name you're taking that rusty knife wedged in his gut and very slowly turning that from side to side.

[ComputerJock]

FightClub while you were screwing a guy's wife, did you have any remorse for what you were doing to their marriage, and how does a belief in God support Adultery? Just wondering how such a God fearing man could screw over someone's husband?

[dont-be-naive]

What my husband is doing now is following what God says. It doesn't make him a fool. It makes him a real man.

 

and even though I would be an advocate of leaving if infidelity were involved, I would never consider someone a fool for staying with an adulterer. Its hard for the person betrayed to think about leaving.

 

But since you say he is a man for staying, I hope you aren't saying a man isn't a man if they decide they no longer want a cheater. Because they are just as much men.

 

A woman doesn't get to cheat, and then say a man isn't a man if he doesn't stay. The same goes in reverse in the case of a cheating man.

 

 

It makes him the most unselfish human being I know.

 

once again, what does this make a man who does not want to be with someone that betrayed him?

 

 

So I have to step it up now and be a real woman and good wife. I've been given a second chance. No I don't deserve it, but it's been given to me anyway. Don't worry, I don't dwell on OM. I've thought about him less and less today. I just keep hugging my husband and breathing the skin I thought I'd never breathe again. He is my home.

 

thats good, and even though a 2nd chance would be for me to give someone that did this, I like the way you put earlier that you didn't deserve him, but some day you will.

[dont-be-naive]

In the end, it will always hurt but if you truly loved the OM, you'll continue to let him go and if he TRULY loves you, he'll continue to do the same.

 

if they truly loved each other, then she needs to let her husband go.

 

if she loves her husband and wants him, then what she had with OM was lust, not love. but if it was love, then I wouldn't be sure her husband would be all so understanding if he knew.

 

 

I don't think all OM want to destroy a marriage or have malicious intent, we're all human beings, we all want to be loved, sometimes we make mistakes and have to forgive ourselves in order to be better people for our spouses or future partners.

 

well I do think most OM, and OW, take advantage of a MW/MM's situation and swoop in under the guise of saving the day and filling their "needs".

 

lets face it, in any marriage, no one person will ever fill every single one of someone elses needs. and too many times people use that as an excuse to cheat and the people who are in the affair with them take advantage of that, I believe.

[Snowflower]

No, things aren't perfect, but he has made a complete 180. I have decided to be honest with him about everything even if it hurts. I told him I miss OM. I will have grieve that relationship. He was my friend and lover for four months. When I faced with losing my husband, my family, everything I've ever known for the last 11 years, it brought me to my knees and my soul felt like it was ripped out. All I could think about was how much I took my husband for granted and how much I really love him. Last night he was able to hug me again and wipe the tears from my face when I cried missing OM. What does that tell you about the kind of man I have? He is amazing.

 

Janey, I'm so glad that you came back! I was wondering how you were doing.

 

In my earlier post, I commended you for doing the right things: confessing and establishing NC with the OM. I still commend you for doing this. Like I said, your situation reminds me of my own with my H, to a point. But, I have to rescind my earlier advice...

 

Okay, now for "tough love" part. Based on your post above, are you sure you actually love your H? Because all I read is that you are grateful he is there as emotional support while you grieve the loss of the OM. How the heck is this fair to your H? If anything, it should be the other way around, where you are supporting your H as he works through the first wave of emotions.

 

If my H had acted as you are, we would be divorced now.

 

Like I said before, your H is/will be all over the place emotionally. My guess (as a fBS) is that he is still in shock and is maybe at that stage where he just thinks that everything can go back to the way it was before. It's a common reaction; one that AP's like to call "the BS sticking their head in the sand." However, it is only temporary for your H. As the shock and denial wears off...the real rollercoaster begins.

 

Your H is going to wake up very angry one day very soon. What are you going to do when he is seriously p*ssed and is not in the mood to listen to you cry about the OM? Something to think about.

 

Also, you are doing a great dis-service to your own marriage and to him. The early weeks of reconciliation are crucial to its success. If your head is stuck in the clouds then it will make it that much more difficult for your future together. IMO, more marriages are destroyed by the actions of the WS after the affair than during.

 

I'm not knocking you for having feelings about the OM. But it is not appropriate and is very damaging to your husband and future marriage to be using your H as an emotional outlet for your feelings for the OM. Talk to your friends, explore this in IC, talk about it here on LS. Just don't use your H as a sounding board. That is so beyond cruel and unfair to him.

[ComputerJock]

The affair confession has just happened and he is still in shock and denial. Read what others have written on LS, especially from BSs who went through the stages of discovering or being told of the Spouses cheating. He has not reached the anger stage and when he does he will turn on you like a caged mountain lion and will bring out his hatred for what you have done to him and your family. Right now he is blaming himself and wants to fix it. But when he realizes you are the cheater, the one who spread her legs for another man, he is going to come at you with a verbal baseball bat. Then you can see if the OM was really worth what YOU are putting you husband through.

[dont-be-naive]

The affair confession has just happened and he is still in shock and denial. Read what others have written on LS, especially from BSs who went through the stages of discovering or being told of the Spouses cheating. He has not reached the anger stage and when he does he will turn on you like a caged mountain lion and will bring out his hatred for what you have done to him and your family. Right now he is blaming himself and wants to fix it. But when he realizes you are the cheater, the one who spread her legs for another man, he is going to come at you with a verbal baseball bat. Then you can see if the OM was really worth what YOU are putting you husband through.

 

while I don't think this is true for everyone, I think it is for the majority.

 

when betrayed, we are desperate to try to hold on to what we have, for whatever reason. And in my opinion most of the time its because the idea of the expense, emotional toll, and depression caused by divorce is too much to bear.

 

but then, most of us I believe, start thinking things out more once the desperation phase has passed. we stop being depressed and feeling sorry for ourselves, we stop the hysterical bonding, and we do start to get angry. Some keep it to themselves and just let the anger boil inside them, some lash out.

 

Don't know if Janey's husband will do that or not. Everyone is different.

 

But Janey, don't fool yourself ever into thinking that just because things seem good on the outside down the road in a few years, that he doesn't look at you from time to time with just a minute amount of disgust. That will fade in time, but will always be in the back of his mind til the day he dies, or the day he divorces whichever comes to light.

[kuma]

Like I said before, your H is/will be all over the place emotionally. My guess (as a fBS) is that he is still in shock and is maybe at that stage where he just thinks that everything can go back to the way it was before. It's a common reaction; one that AP's like to call "the BS sticking their head in the sand." However, it is only temporary for your H. As the shock and denial wears off...the real rollercoaster begins.

 

I agree. I was surprised by how quickly he forgave her. He might change his mind.

[FightClub]

Computerjock,

 

To be honest, my thought and what was implied was that she separated and in the process of leaving, some part of me at that time thought 'separated' meant 'done with,' and I hadn't considered what my actions together with xMW in that moment would have from a spiritual sense.

 

I honestly don't know what was really going on at home, I was far away from it, I do feel as though she was honest with me when she felt that her husband wasn't the right person ( at that time, I'm not sure how things have changed since ), but most of talks were just as friends communicating, it hadn't reached any romance until the end, feelings just started to happen over time.

 

It wasn't until after everything had passed did I consider the possible effects a relationship, etc could have hurt her husband, family, etc.

 

That's why I'm finding forgiveness now, I never said what we did was right, I'm just saying I cared about her, it was never about trying to disrespect anyone, even though that's what happened. I went against my own values because of the love I felt with her and no, it was not right and I accept that. I have to live with it and just atone by not repeating the pattern in the future.

 

Recognizing that if you want a relationship with this person, you have to be aware that they are divorced before you continue or engage any further, that's what I want others to learn from this. It's the right thing to do and avoids a lot of the pain & heartache, if it's meant to be, it'll be with that person free, it's just harder for people to see it when they are deep in it.

 

Thank you for reading.

 

-FC

Edited January 14, 2011 by FightClub

[freestyle]

Janey, I'm so glad that you came back! I was wondering how you were doing.

 

In my earlier post, I commended you for doing the right things: confessing and establishing NC with the OM. I still commend you for doing this. Like I said, your situation reminds me of my own with my H, to a point. But, I have to rescind my earlier advice...

 

Okay, now for "tough love" part. Based on your post above, are you sure you actually love your H? Because all I read is that you are grateful he is there as emotional support while you grieve the loss of the OM. How the heck is this fair to your H? If anything, it should be the other way around, where you are supporting your H as he works through the first wave of emotions.

 

If my H had acted as you are, we would be divorced now.

 

Like I said before, your H is/will be all over the place emotionally. My guess (as a fBS) is that he is still in shock and is maybe at that stage where he just thinks that everything can go back to the way it was before. It's a common reaction; one that AP's like to call "the BS sticking their head in the sand." However, it is only temporary for your H. As the shock and denial wears off...the real rollercoaster begins.

 

Your H is going to wake up very angry one day very soon. What are you going to do when he is seriously p*ssed and is not in the mood to listen to you cry about the OM? Something to think about.

 

Also, you are doing a great dis-service to your own marriage and to him. The early weeks of reconciliation are crucial to its success. If your head is stuck in the clouds then it will make it that much more difficult for your future together. IMO, more marriages are destroyed by the actions of the WS after the affair than during.

 

I'm not knocking you for having feelings about the OM. But it is not appropriate and is very damaging to your husband and future marriage to be using your H as an emotional outlet for your feelings for the OM. Talk to your friends, explore this in IC, talk about it here on LS. Just don't use your H as a sounding board. That is so beyond cruel and unfair to him.

 

 

quoted and bolded for emphasis....

 

The actions of the WS AFTER the affair are absolutely crucial to whether or not reconciliation will be successful.

 

Your BS is going to be hypervigilant to every little tone & nuance right now.

Even if he appears to not be reacting at the moment (he's in shock, and trauma) things will get filed away.........Please choose your words and actions very carefully right now, OP.Make sure your apologies don't come across as NON-apologies....

 

(I'm sorry, BUT..........)

 

Your H's feelings need to come first right now.And whatever you do, don't trickle-truth him.That only compounds insult upon injury.Allow him to ask as many questions as he wants, and answer without hesitation. Don't kid yourself into thinking that you're sparing his feelings by holding back.

 

One of the greatest injuries a BS suffers, is that they have had information withheld from them, that would allow them to make an informed decision about one of the most important aspects of their lives........So it's vital that you respect him enough to allow him to be fully informed, if he asks.

[ComputerJock]

FYI I have a very close female friend who has held my hand and told me she loves me like a big brother, she did this in front of her husband at dinner. I was lucky. I had been on LS and knew what bounderies are and I told her we could be friends as long as there were no exchanges about the problems in her marriage, how she felt about me (saying I love you) and any attempt to change friendship into romance. You crossed the boundry of being a friend to being a lover, and you really don't know what her marriage was like because she told you. When a relationship changes from friendship to romance the married partner is not only going to lie to you, she is going to lie to her husband and she is going to lie to herself. If you had been a true friend and not hunting for something strange you would have told her the friendship was over and TOLD HER HUSBAND what was going on. Now you will live with the knowledge your sin affected her husband, family and God.