Yeahsussu Posted January 10, 2011 Share Posted January 10, 2011 Hi everybody, I´ve been in a relationship with my BF for almost 2,5 years now. I´ve now lived one year in his country and I´ve never loved anyone as much as I love him, it feels like he is my soulmate. He treats me like a princess and I would do anything for him. I have to leave his country next week as my visa expires. A few weeks ago I tried talking to him about what he´s gonna do when I go home, when he is gonna come over to my country etc. The most hurtful thing is that he doesn´t know what he wants. He said that there is a job-thing he would like to do first, something he´s been wanting to do for years. He said this would be anything from 3 months to 12 months. I asked him if he would come to my country for a few months after that and he said he didn´t know. We didn´t really get much out of the conversation cause it just ended up with me crying, and now I´m scared to talk about it cause I don´t wanna scare him away if he is still unsure? I can see a future with him, if I have to move to his country to be with him, so be it. I can see my self having kids with this man, growing old together. He is always there for me and I am always there for him. We´ve never really talked about the future, mostly cause I´m afraid it will scare him away from me. So, how do I talk to him about this without freaking him out? I don´t wanna leave without knowing when I´m gonna see him again?! I just wanna have some type of reassurance that he want to work on our relationship? I love this man and I don´t want him to take the easy way out (breaking up) just cause there will be a distance now - again.. Link to post Share on other sites
folieadeux Posted January 10, 2011 Share Posted January 10, 2011 Being in an LDR requires a bit more talk about the future for obvious reasons compared to local relationships. Given the length of your relationship and the fact that you've already moved to his country for a whole year, I don't think what you're feeling is unreasonable at all. The way I see it, he should know by now what he wants. I personally would be upset if I uprooted my life and moved to another country only to have my boyfriend tell me he's now unsure about things and chooses to prolong the distance for upwards of a year to pursue something else. I don't mean to make you feel worse about the situation and I understand you want to keep things together, but that fact just doesn't sit well with me. The only thing you can do is talk to him about everything. If you're afraid to or he doesn't respond in a constructive way, then there's bigger issues going on here than him wanting to pursue a job. Link to post Share on other sites
TokyoG33kyGal Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 you have to brave it and ask him, or you'll never know. asking him what he wants or what his plans are isn't trying to pressure him. most guys just use this an excuse to shift the blame to women. sorry, i also don't intend to make you feel worse but i have been on the same situation before and have compared the actions of a guy who does not fear commitment at all. a guy who does not fear commitment will not give you vague answers and will give you any sort of reassurance even if he's not ready yet at the moment. being ready and knowing what he wants though are two different things. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Yeahsussu Posted January 11, 2011 Author Share Posted January 11, 2011 You both have some good points in your replies, thanks for that. We really have to talk about it, and we will. I am just scared I won´t get the answers I wanna hear. He told me before that he don´t wanna promise me anything, cause that would be more hurtful to me. I agree that he should have some sort of clue what he wants by now, considering we´ve been together for 2,5 years (even though we haven´t been boyfriend and girlfriend all that time). He is really keen on doing this job-thing, and if that´s what he really wanna do first, I won´t stop him. But he still don´t know when he will do it. We both love each other a lot, but I do believe he´s a bit afraid of commitment, and that´s why I don´t wanna pressure him with anything, but at the same time I want some straight answers. I would do anything for him, and if I have to wait a year for him then I´ll do it, but just if I know that he is certain he wants to be with me. Im so scared of loosing him, and I don´t want him to be afraid of taking a chance.. Link to post Share on other sites
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