melenkurion Posted January 10, 2011 Share Posted January 10, 2011 I am not quite sure what to do about this. I have started to notice that most of the time when I am having a shower I get worked up, angry, upset, I kind of lather myself furiously and can feel myself getting more and more angry. There is sometimes muttering :-) It came to a head the weekend before Christmas: I got so worked up and upset I wasn't concentrating and fell over getting out of the bath. A friend was staying, and I ended up sobbing on his shoulder, my shin really hurt! A few days later I was having a shower at my mum's, and noticed I was getting so angry for no reason I could understand, and it twigged that I was constantly getting angry when showering. My question is what on earth is happening to me? I have a theory as to why I get angry. I have come to realise that I had one poor coping mechanism that I used for dealing with my ex: when I got upset with him for criticising me or a hurtful remark, then I'd go and have a shower as a means of escaping the situation, cooling off maybe. I'd be angry in there, but I would calm down. I think what is happening is that I am kind of replaying things: in the past when I was really angry with him, I'd pretty much always have a shower. So, somehow I've classically conditioned myself to associate showering with anger for him. is that possible? What do I do? If it is conditioning, I guess I get up earlier and take baths for a month, maybe, to break the conditioning? Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 10, 2011 Share Posted January 10, 2011 Myself, I'd continue taking showers and get all the anger out. It'll process eventually. No one is harmed by such an expression. Get a non-skid mat I recall getting satisfaction from tossing empty shampoo bottles out of the shower onto the floor/sink/wherever. It was part of reclaiming my territory, which I had ceded to my exW while we were married. It's a process. You'll get through it. Link to post Share on other sites
Leandro Posted January 10, 2011 Share Posted January 10, 2011 It could be like you said. Could be cooling off. Relaxing and thinking to much. You're body is use to releasing those emotions when you shower. Link to post Share on other sites
oxfordsocks Posted January 10, 2011 Share Posted January 10, 2011 It has been 5 months and i would say 80% of the time i cry in the shower-over a man. it reminds me of when we showered together and he would always wash my hair. I was married 16 years and not once did my husband ever do that for me. I still have the same shampoo that i took when i went to see him or he visited me in my travel bottles but i am too cheap to throw it out. The smell reminds me of the very first time we showered together and the very first time he washed my hair. i remember when he asked me to turn around in the shower i WAS EXPECTING A HUG OR SOMETHING ELSE and he started lathering me up and I was taken aback . It upsets me just writing it, I have avoided showers sometimes as I don't want to cry but when i get in i cry and then call him names and i am one step closer to using up the shampoo. I feel stupid crying in there and persisiting with the dam shampoo that i won't throw out. Its also a place where you can't get away from your thoughts--no tv/radio or people -so it forces the thoughts to the surface. I hope you work through your feelings and come out better Sounds pretty normal Link to post Share on other sites
Author melenkurion Posted January 11, 2011 Author Share Posted January 11, 2011 Thanks everyone. It felt a bit weird, but it's interesting to know that it isn't as unusual as I thought it was. "Its also a place where you can't get away from your thoughts--no tv/radio or people -so it forces the thoughts to the surface." That's definitely a big part of it, I suppose. Link to post Share on other sites
marqueemoon4 Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 I have to be at work at 6am every morning.. I get incredibly emotional and upset every morning on the way to work. It's really beginning to tire me out. Link to post Share on other sites
BlindRage Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 I agree. It happens to me too. I noticed when I'm in the shower I just sit down in the tub and stare at the shower head; while the water pours down on me. It brings me memories of her. I get angry and sad and well the shower is not a good time of day. Link to post Share on other sites
Vickstar Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 Your not alone, its a nice place to be alone with ur thoughts and the shower noise drains out the sound of u crying too hehe so no one knows, ive cried loads in the shower and it makes me feel better and more refreshed afterwards Link to post Share on other sites
Author melenkurion Posted January 11, 2011 Author Share Posted January 11, 2011 OK... It's fascinating to know that it is not just me. I had thought it really strange behaviour from me. I'm going to go with carhill's advice and let it process. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts