Bittersweetie Posted January 10, 2011 Share Posted January 10, 2011 I feel like I've been seeing a bit of trend here on LS regarding communication. Posters arrive with stories and they say, "I tried to talk to my H about it and he didn't listen." Or "I tried to talk to my W and nothing changed." Now obviously I don't know exactly how the conversation went down or the dynamic of the marriage. But it made me think of how I used to communicate with my H and felt like it was going nowhere. Now I realize that had everything to do with me, not him, in that I didn't make myself clear or emphasize how important the issue was to me. For example, a few years ago when we moved to a new area where I didn't know anyone, I was having a tough time. My H was working a lot and I asked him if it was possible to come home a little earlier. He did for a couple of days, then would go back to being later. I would stew about it, then bring it up again, and again he would come home early for a couple of days then go back to normal. I felt like I tried to talk to him about it and since nothing changed I thought he didn't care, thus building resentment and anger. Looking back, I realize I didn't make myself fully clear. First off, I probably talked to him about it at dinner or in front of the TV, not an ideal environment. Secondly, I should've specifically stated, "this is an important issue to me." He may not have known how much it bothered me...how could he have known if I didn't tell him? And finally, when coming to the table with a problem, I should've had at least one possible solution to offer. Like, maybe he could come home early twice a week, depending on his schedule. Then we could have moved forward attacking this issue together. I just know, for me, I thought I was telling my H how I felt and what I needed, but in reality I didn't make it clear to him how important it was to me. After talking about this issue, he realized that he did it as well...being upset at me for things when he didn't make it clear what he wanted from me. Just because we've been married a while doesn't mean we become mind readers! Just something I was thinking about. Link to post Share on other sites
Ms. Joolie Posted January 10, 2011 Share Posted January 10, 2011 I absolutely agree with you. All my problems come from unclear communication it seems. When I read other posters details, a lot of times what they need to do is communicate, communicate, communicate! "This is what's going on. This is how I've been feeling. This is what I want. What do you say?" Ahhh we make it so hard! Link to post Share on other sites
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