Tool Posted January 10, 2011 Share Posted January 10, 2011 OMG finally I have figured out my issues, and I thought id share them. My Wife and I have been together for 10 years and married for 6 years. We had a lot of sex during the first half of our relationship. But after the kids came, it just didn't happen as much. Went from all the time, to like 2 times a week to maybe 2 to 4 times a month. Last 2 years iv been trying to figure it out, at first I blamed her. She must have a low sex drive, or she doesn't love me. things like that. We have had a ton of fights over it. Always she was just not in the mood and she was tired. It seemed like the only time I got it, was on the weekend. Well it turns out the reason she was never in the mood, was because of the things I was doing would not turn her on. As soon as I started paying more attention to her needs, like magic the sex came back. It was my issue the whole time, and me resenting her and looking for reasons to make her angry just backfired on me even more. unbelievable.. Link to post Share on other sites
Jack & Coke Posted January 10, 2011 Share Posted January 10, 2011 Awesome. Glad to see you figured things out. Our sex life is decent right now but I still find myself trying to get us to hit our stride like the dating days. What did you figure out that was missing that helped? If you don't mind elaborating of course. Link to post Share on other sites
NoLongerSad Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 Yes I'm curious for specifics as well... hoping OP isn't a subtle form of spam, though... Link to post Share on other sites
Toodamnpragmatic Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 Yes I'm curious for specifics as well... hoping OP isn't a subtle form of spam, though... or troll..... Oh yes and always is the male's fault......... Can anyone imagine a woman writing this thread????? Yep I'm cynical..... Link to post Share on other sites
Texsun65 Posted January 25, 2011 Share Posted January 25, 2011 TDP I am cynical too. My wife lost interest in sex and then decided it would be easier to blame me for her problems as opposed to just saying her drive was low and then trying to do something about it. She blamed me for 10 years. She said her low sex drive was due to problems in the relationship created by me that caused her a low drive. I needed to help around the house more, help with the kids more, make more money, be happier(while I was miserable), don't hang out with the guys, cange my partying behavior, on and on and on. I met every term of every list. As soon as I would meet the terms of the "the list" a new list would appear. I would meet her list, then nothing would change. Of course I became bitter and it showed in my overall demeanour. What did she expect. This would go on for 10 years until I finally said this is bullcrap and informed her that I would be seeking a divorce unless this changes. So then she finaly just says she just doesn't want IT and that's been the reason all along. So she spends 10 years blaming me for why she has lost her drive, sends me on a wild goose chase for 10 years and then fesses up that she just has a lower drive. Nice!!!! She has made effort to change but it is so hollow because of all that we have been through and all the blame she has cast my way. Cynical? Yes! Of course there are kids and reponsibilities and so I will stay. I suppose when the kids are gone we will see what happnes. Link to post Share on other sites
TigerCub Posted January 25, 2011 Share Posted January 25, 2011 TDP I am cynical too. My wife lost interest in sex and then decided it would be easier to blame me for her problems as opposed to just saying her drive was low and then trying to do something about it. She blamed me for 10 years. She said her low sex drive was due to problems in the relationship created by me that caused her a low drive. I needed to help around the house more, help with the kids more, make more money, be happier(while I was miserable), don't hang out with the guys, cange my partying behavior, on and on and on. I met every term of every list. As soon as I would meet the terms of the "the list" a new list would appear. I would meet her list, then nothing would change. Of course I became bitter and it showed in my overall demeanour. What did she expect. This would go on for 10 years until I finally said this is bullcrap and informed her that I would be seeking a divorce unless this changes. So then she finaly just says she just doesn't want IT and that's been the reason all along. So she spends 10 years blaming me for why she has lost her drive, sends me on a wild goose chase for 10 years and then fesses up that she just has a lower drive. Nice!!!! She has made effort to change but it is so hollow because of all that we have been through and all the blame she has cast my way. Cynical? Yes! Of course there are kids and reponsibilities and so I will stay. I suppose when the kids are gone we will see what happnes. Hi TexSun, I'm sorry that you went through so much. And I'm curious though...Do you think she intentionally sent you on this wild goose chase? I mean, I guess it doesn't matter much now, but maybe she honestly thought that if some things did change she would feel more likely to have the sexual desire back? But I agree that it is crappy that after all that, you're back to square 1, and now feel like you're putting up with the same stuff because of the kids and responsibilities. Link to post Share on other sites
portableversion Posted January 26, 2011 Share Posted January 26, 2011 TDP I am cynical too. My wife lost interest in sex and then decided it would be easier to blame me for her problems as opposed to just saying her drive was low and then trying to do something about it. She blamed me for 10 years. She said her low sex drive was due to problems in the relationship created by me that caused her a low drive. I needed to help around the house more, help with the kids more, make more money, be happier(while I was miserable), don't hang out with the guys, cange my partying behavior, on and on and on. I met every term of every list. As soon as I would meet the terms of the "the list" a new list would appear. I would meet her list, then nothing would change. Of course I became bitter and it showed in my overall demeanour. What did she expect. This would go on for 10 years until I finally said this is bullcrap and informed her that I would be seeking a divorce unless this changes. So then she finaly just says she just doesn't want IT and that's been the reason all along. So she spends 10 years blaming me for why she has lost her drive, sends me on a wild goose chase for 10 years and then fesses up that she just has a lower drive. Nice!!!! She has made effort to change but it is so hollow because of all that we have been through and all the blame she has cast my way. Cynical? Yes! Of course there are kids and reponsibilities and so I will stay. I suppose when the kids are gone we will see what happnes. yep this sounds familiar, done this too jump thru all the hoops might get some action for a short while but then its back to same old b.s., i hear ya wait till the kids are gone and see then. i'll howl at the moon for you and myself. Link to post Share on other sites
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