LastLaugh Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 I'm a single woman who was the OW. MM is in a marriage of over 20+ years. He's a small business owner and sees many different types of clients in and out of his office. We've been in a relationship for a few years. This whole time he has told me how unhappy both he and his wife are and they are only living in the house together until their daughter graduates high school in 3 years. Our relationship had gone downhill in the last year and a half. He was being less attentive, evasive, and sometimes mean. I broke it off with him a few times, but then he would pull me back in by apologizing and being loving. It was always short-lived. I had suspected that he was talking/sleeping with other women recently. He lied when I asked him. Well, his wife found out about the other women. She immediately sent him out of state to a rehab facility for sex/love addictions. He was there from the week of Thanksgiving through New Years. She made him stay there and miss all the holidays with his family. She made him sit there and tell his side of the family about his multiple affairs, her side of the family, and his entire office of employees. He cried each time. While he was in rehab, she got on his work email, facebook, myspace, and linkedin accounts and waited as these women contacted him so that she could see exactly how many women he was seeing. She then threatened them all to not contact him again. She went to his office every night and every weekend to pick up his mail and go through his office to find other evidence. He had been having his cell phone bill going to his office. She had his office furniture thrown out since he and his mistresses were having sex on it. She moved his office into a small office space with no door so that he couldn't hide anything. She has put security on the front door so that everyone has to be buzzed in so that none of his old girlfriends can come in unannounced. She has put GPS tracking on his vehicle since he would have liasons at hotels (when he told her he was at seminars). It is only accurate within .7 miles, so even when he has been in his office, she has called him asking him where he is at because the GPS shows that he is behind the office building, not inside it. He is sleeping in the basement too and is not allowed to go on any client outings, no more church meetings, no more reunions of any sort. I don't feel bad for him. He lied to me, his wife, and everyone else he was sleeping with. How incredibly arrogant of him to think he could keep doing this and getting away with it. On the other hand, how long can a human being live like that and say enough is a enough, I'd rather be divorced? Link to post Share on other sites
Heather1 Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 You talking about OM or his W?? I'm surprised she didn't just file for D instead of being a prison guard for life. As for you & his OOW, just be glad he's locked in the basement for awhile so you can all walk away. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LastLaugh Posted January 11, 2011 Author Share Posted January 11, 2011 I was referring to MM living life like that, but now that you mention it, what kind of life is it for the wife to be living with that much distrust that they have no meaningful relationship? I believe the reasons for staying together at the moment are financial. I never would have known for a fact that he was seeing these other women if the wife hadn't told me. She told me not to contact him anymore, but did tell me that I was not the only one that she was having to tell that to. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 Does MM and his W happen to live in an at-fault divorce state? IME, dedicated wives often have substantial investments in businesses they and their spouses have built over decades so one potential is she's got a plan of action in mind to protect her investment. She's probably been working on it for a good long time. Perhaps there are yet more surprises to be revealed. Stay out of the vortex. Welcome to LS Link to post Share on other sites
alexandria35 Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 Okay well first of all his wife isn't making him do anything. He's free to walk anytime he wants to. Obviously he doesn't want to. I suspect that she probably did tell him to get the hell out and he begged and pleaded to her to let him stay, most likely telling her that he would do whatever it takes, just please don't leave me. Obviously this guy was never planning on leaving his wife. Just curious on how it is that you know so much about whats going on at their house. Are you still having the affair? Link to post Share on other sites
redcurls Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 I was referring to MM living life like that, but now that you mention it, what kind of life is it for the wife to be living with that much distrust that they have no meaningful relationship? I believe the reasons for staying together at the moment are financial. I never would have known for a fact that he was seeing these other women if the wife hadn't told me. She told me not to contact him anymore, but did tell me that I was not the only one that she was having to tell that to. Hmmm. Could she gave told you that he had OOOW just to hurt you? I'm just thinking that if she distrusts him this much, how could he been doing all this behind her back the whole time? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 Who cares? Be glad this guy is now out of your life. He cheated with you on his wife and then he cheated on you as the OW with OOW. He got what he deserved and now has to face alot of consquences and fallout. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LastLaugh Posted January 11, 2011 Author Share Posted January 11, 2011 My friend is the secretary in the office. That is how I met MM. No, not still having affair. In fact, it was over before the wife found out. I hadn't been in contact with him for months. She found old emails in his email account. Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 Whatever she tells him to do...if he doesn't like it let him take his cheating behind somewhere else. She didn't make him do anything. Anymore than she let him cheat. He is a grown man who made choices. He made the choice to be a serial cheat and now he is making the choice to kiss her behind with any demand she has. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 I was referring to MM living life like that, but now that you mention it, what kind of life is it for the wife to be living with that much distrust that they have no meaningful relationship? She found out and dealt with it. let me ask you, what kind of life have you had having an affair with a MM, helping him deceive his wife? All that mistrust is HIS doing... IF they are able to work it out, that is her choice and his choice, not your concern. Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 She found out and dealt with it. let me ask you, what kind of life have you had having an affair with a MM, helping him deceive his wife? All that mistrust is HIS doing... IF they are able to work it out, that is her choice and his choice, not your concern. I agree with you. She is one of the people who helped to add to the wife's mistrust of him. To wonder how she could live like that now is kind of like....well. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LastLaugh Posted January 11, 2011 Author Share Posted January 11, 2011 (edited) She found out and dealt with it. let me ask you, what kind of life have you had having an affair with a MM, helping him deceive his wife? All that mistrust is HIS doing... IF they are able to work it out, that is her choice and his choice, not your concern. I'm not concerned. I feel nothing for the jerk. I am entertained though. Btw, the mistrust didn't start with me. He had an affair with one of his coworkers about 8 years before I became involved with him. The wife caught on right away, but he told her lies to make her think it was in her head, but she still had some mistrust. He told me about this after I had been in a relationship with him for a year. Edited January 11, 2011 by LastLaugh Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 That wife is awesome. I do like her style. Link to post Share on other sites
Minnie09 Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 Wow, never heard of anything like that! That's what I call revenge. She really shows him now who the boss is. I kind of like it. The question is why does she make such an effort to make his life miserable, and why does he tolerate it? She must get a kick out of paying him back, which I totally understand. In her mind, this is how she restores the distorted balance in her M. It's a power game. And he lets her play it. A D would probably be too expensive for him, or he really wants to save his M. Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 The way I see it, the wife is waging war for her marriage, for whatever reasons (be it love or financial security). Either which way, she's obviously not going down without a fight and is making him reap what he sows. Hopefully he will learn from it. I'm with you, I love her style! I don't know if she is waging a war for her marriage or her emotional state. Either way I wouldn't want to be in his skin. He probably would be better off sitting on a hot rock in hell with a butt rash. Link to post Share on other sites
redcurls Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 I do like her style. Really??? She is now acting as a warden, monitoring this loser's every move instead of living HER life, she is focused on whatever crap she expects him to pull next, instead of living HER life, and just look at the amazing prize she is winning here! A cheating, spinless moron, who WILL cheat again - as soon as the dust settles. I must agree, though. It is highly entertaining! Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 Really??? She is now acting as a warden, monitoring this loser's every move instead of living HER life, she is focused on whatever crap she expects him to pull next, instead of living HER life, and just look at the amazing prize she is winning here! A cheating, spinless moron, who WILL cheat again - as soon as the dust settles. I must agree, though. It is highly entertaining! Yes..really. Link to post Share on other sites
Minnie09 Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 She definitely appears to be the director of her own life right now...enrolling him for sex/love addiction therapy over the holidays and making him explain the situation to his family and hers....this woman rocks. She's taking over. Well okay, not every WH would actually play along, but...good for her. I'm convinced her damaged self-esteem is on the mend. Link to post Share on other sites
redcurls Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 Yes..really. Well, I find what the wife is doing humiliating and degrading - FOR HER. Furthermore, its a complete waste of time and energy. He WILL cheat again. Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 Well, I find what the wife is doing humiliating and degrading - FOR HER. Furthermore, its a complete waste of time and energy. He WILL cheat again. That maybe what you see...not what I see. I see a woman who has a plan and plans to execute that plan. I think she knows he will cheat again and she is prepared for that possibility. I don't see her as being humiliated as much as taking control of the situation that she hasn't had control over. Not something I could/would do but if it works for her to make him feel as though he is wearing a diaper because of the crap he has brought into her life...more power to her. Link to post Share on other sites
redcurls Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 It's a helluva lot better than her curling up in a fetal position and crying "But I love you! Come back to me!!" Are these the only 2 options? How about throwing this miserable excuse for a man to the curb and start living a happy and rewarding life that does NOT involve playing detective and administering jail sentences? Is this a relationship worth fighting for? Is this a man worth fighting for? Link to post Share on other sites
Author LastLaugh Posted January 11, 2011 Author Share Posted January 11, 2011 MM had to tell his partner that he needed to take medical leave for the rehab. He told him he didn't want to be away from his family for the biggest holidays of the year. His wife told him that was the only way she would allow him to stay in the house. The partner had to tell some of the other employees about MM's absence since they had to take over his work. The partner shared a little more detail than he should've with the employees. I don't agree with him doing that. Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 Are these the only 2 options? How about throwing this miserable excuse for a man to the curb and start living a happy and rewarding life that does NOT involve playing detective and administering jail sentences? Is this a relationship worth fighting for? Is this a man worth fighting for? I dunno:confused:. Link to post Share on other sites
pureinheart Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 Wow...that is too much...what a wonderful life spending it as the gatekeeper...oh no way, I'd be gone. Link to post Share on other sites
redcurls Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 I dunno:confused:. Ah, bent, I think you do know... Link to post Share on other sites
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