donnamaybe Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 Actually, the OP is the one who finds all this so amusing. I'm simply cheering her on (while shaking my head at the levels of denial and projection on this thread. People, wake up and smell the craziness of this whole situation!)Oh, wow. You have GOT to be kidding! On this thread, I have seen WAY too many posts that smack of sour grapes by those currently in an A. I can't help but feel there would have been excuses made for a lot of the MM's antics had he NOT chosen his M. I've seen it soooo many times on this forum. Link to post Share on other sites
Spark1111 Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 Oh, wow. You have GOT to be kidding! On this thread, I have seen WAY too many posts that smack of sour grapes by those currently in an A. I can't help but feel there would have been excuses made for a lot of the MM's antics had he NOT chosen his M. I've seen it soooo many times on this forum. Could not agree more! If this had been his OW taking all these steps to get the guy help, and there have been some of posters as well, everyone one would be cheering her on! But, since he chose the W, it is ALWAYS good luck, good riddance,,, Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 Actually, the OP is the one who finds all this so amusing. I'm simply cheering her on (while shaking my head at the levels of denial and projection on this thread. People, wake up and smell the craziness of this whole situation!) I'd agree. There is more denial and projection here on this thread than I've seen on one in a long time. Interestingly enough, I believe that I'm seeing the denial and projection from a completely different direction than you are. Link to post Share on other sites
redcurls Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 I can't help but feel there would have been excuses made for a lot of the MM's antics had he NOT chosen his M.. Chosen his marriage over WHAT? Multiple women who would meet him in hotels or for a quick BJ at his office? Porn on TV or his cumputer? This is not one great love story he had where he gave up a wonderful person so he can return to the arms of his loving wife out of his love and devotion to her and their family! This is a creep and a serial cheater! Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 I thought that I'd add... I don't deny that the MM/H in this case is a jerk. But, his wife is taking the best steps she knows how to save her marriage and her family. She's insisting that he (as an addict) become accountable to her. I don't get what's wrong with that? She's still got the right to change her mind later if she chooses to. He's still got the right to leave if he doesn't want to remain accountable to her. What's the problem????????????? Link to post Share on other sites
Billy_Boy Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 Does MM and his W happen to live in an at-fault divorce state? IME, dedicated wives often have substantial investments in businesses they and their spouses have built over decades so one potential is she's got a plan of action in mind to protect her investment. She's probably been working on it for a good long time. Perhaps there are yet more surprises to be revealed. Stay out of the vortex. Welcome to LS heh, hopefully she cleans him out. Link to post Share on other sites
donnamaybe Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 I'd agree. There is more denial and projection here on this thread than I've seen on one in a long time. Interestingly enough, I believe that I'm seeing the denial and projection from a completely different direction than you are. You're seeing EXACTLY what I'm seeing, Owl. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 This is not one great love story he had where he gave up a wonderful person so he can return to the arms of his loving wife out of his love and devotion to her and their family! This is a creep and a serial cheater! I don't think anyone is disagreeing that he's a creep and a serial cheater. Link to post Share on other sites
donnamaybe Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 I don't think anyone is disagreeing that he's a creep and a serial cheater.Touche, Owl! D'ya think anyone else gets it? Link to post Share on other sites
BB07 Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 You know......I don't care why this woman is doing what she is doing, if it's revenge motivated or a reconciliation or if it's getting her ducks in a row for a later...........I got you now, asshat. I just like that she is doing it! She is nobodies doormat and she is calling the shots. Too many of us.........(women) have allowed ourselves to be a doormat...........at times in our life (me included), so I say............you go girl! Link to post Share on other sites
herenow Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 (edited) I don't think anyone is disagreeing that he's a creep and a serial cheater. Sure he is and I would guarantee his wife would agree. But, for whatever reason, she has made the choice to help him deal with his addiction. Like I said before, we don't even know if what he OP has said about the BW is really the truth. I'm just disappointed that this thread isn't about cake recipes and other desserts. Edited January 11, 2011 by herenow Link to post Share on other sites
alexandria35 Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 Hi, I'm Herenow and I'm married to an addict. I can tell you from experinece that most addicts do not get (or accept) help until they are ready to face their addiction. You can't "force" an addict to do something they don't want to do. Having said that, what the OP is telling us is hearsay. She has no idea if the BW has been advised by someone or why she has taken the steps she did. The OP doesn't even know if the information she has is embellished by people who really have no idea what the truth is. Unless the OP has spoken to the BW, she has no real way of knowing what or why the BW is doing what she is doing. For all we know, this is what the MM"s doctors have told the BW to do. The BW may be attending her own meetings to help keep her strong. Again, we don't really know, do we? I agree. The OP was getting her information spoonfed to her by the cheater and now she gets her info from his secretary. Oh yeah, that sounds solid. Really she is as clueless as the rest of us when it comes to this man's marriage and especially his wife. She didn't build up her husband's self-esteem? Umm...maybe he tore down her self esteem with his behaviour. Maybe she refused him sex because she knew she couldn't trust him and she didn't want to risk her own health. Link to post Share on other sites
herenow Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 I agree. The OP was getting her information spoonfed to her by the cheater and now she gets her info from his secretary. Oh yeah, that sounds solid. Really she is as clueless as the rest of us when it comes to this man's marriage and especially his wife. She didn't build up her husband's self-esteem? Umm...maybe he tore down her self esteem with his behaviour. Maybe she refused him sex because she knew she couldn't trust him and she didn't want to risk her own health. Yup. Or maybe she didn't refuse him sex at all. Maybe they have a very healthy sex life and, being an addict, he needed an additional fix. Again, we have no idea. Link to post Share on other sites
donnamaybe Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 Yup. Or maybe she didn't refuse him sex at all. Maybe they have a very healthy sex life and, being an addict, he needed an additional fix. Again, we have no idea.But the info is coming from an AP who got it from her MP, so it MUST be true. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 And what a lucky woman she is! She won back the "love" and "devotion" of a serial cheater, who may or may not be a sex addict, and whom she will need to monitor closely for the rest of her life! Ah, the bliss in that household! No one said she is lucky, I was just stating the facts. I would never want to police anyone if I were her; but I certainly wouldn't ever put up with someone monitoring and correcting my moves for the rest of my life. That just shows how badly he wants to be with her. It doesn't sound like she is trying to win back his love and devotion but the other way around to me. Link to post Share on other sites
donnamaybe Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 It doesn't sound like she is trying to win back his love and devotion but the other way around to me.And I think that fact is precisely why there is so much vitriole in this thread. Link to post Share on other sites
seren Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 The thread got me thinking. When does liking sex cross the line and become an addiction? So, I googled it, the reading was interesting. I found the symptoms of sex addiction quite sad really, if indeed I agree there is such a thing. The following is from the BBC site. Of course most people enjoy sex, get a buzz from it and welcome the chance to engage in it. So when does sex become addiction? One clue comes from a definition often used by experts, who suggest that sexual addiction is any sexual behaviour that feels out of control. Another important feature is that, like other addictions, those affected find their emotions swing between intense highs and lows. Following the gratification and sought–after high that the sexual behaviour brings, emotional lows follow. Typically you may feel: Shame Regret Remorse Anxiety about your behaviour Trapped by your helpless need The only way to relieve these feelings may be another sexual encounter, so you go in search of more sex. I then thought, it would be bad enough being married to someone you love who has this, but imagine being the OW of someone who has this and not knowing that this was a problem and having to look for other reasons why the MP would have an A. Imagine being the OP who thought they were valued or loved by the person seeking a fix for their addiction. Hmm, I think the OW had a lucky escape and that the BS is trying to support her H to get help in order for their marriage to have any chance of surviving. Personally, I would have to have it confirmed by at least 2 or 3 'experts' before I would support him to get help. Interesting that his wife is the one to help him to do so. I really must read more about this as it sounds like a terrible thing to live with and even worse for those who fall in love with an addict unknowingly. Link to post Share on other sites
pureinheart Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 I wouldn't bet on that. I don't think all that surveilence is about curing him or control. She probably gave the sniveling crying man begging her back one last chance for the sake of kids family business etc. She knows he won't be cured. She just wants to make sure she catches his next screw up so she can dump his cheating butt while telling everyone how hard she tried to support him. I highly doubt she has much love left after this. GG, I can tell you from personal experience that there is a different dynamic involved when sex addiction is present. It left me feeling dirty. It is the most unwelcome element I have ever dealt with. A sex addicts concept of love and sex are really twisted and distorted. I really feel bad for anyone who gets involved with this man as this is the true form of narcissist. Personally, I hope she gets out...it is hell on earth. Link to post Share on other sites
pureinheart Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 I get why certain people are bashing the whole idea though. He did, after all, choose the M. Choose being the operative word. Doesn't look to me like he was forced into anything. So did mine, all of them...the last one being the worst...they find ways around the restrictions. I am not cutting this lady down, although for me, it was fear that caused me to place my restrictions. I'm not trying to sound all "gloom and doom", although there is more than meets the eye with a sex addict. I agonised, did tons of reading...my friends saw me go through hell and back...some wanted to hurt him very bad for the hell they saw me go through. All I can say is that it is a torture that NOONE wants to ever go through. Link to post Share on other sites
Spark1111 Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 I thought that I'd add... I don't deny that the MM/H in this case is a jerk. But, his wife is taking the best steps she knows how to save her marriage and her family. She's insisting that he (as an addict) become accountable to her. I don't get what's wrong with that? She's still got the right to change her mind later if she chooses to. He's still got the right to leave if he doesn't want to remain accountable to her. What's the problem????????????? None that I see. I agree Owl! No one is chaining anyone to a bed here. Link to post Share on other sites
herenow Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 GG, I can tell you from personal experience that there is a different dynamic involved when sex addiction is present. It left me feeling dirty. It is the most unwelcome element I have ever dealt with. A sex addicts concept of love and sex are really twisted and distorted. I really feel bad for anyone who gets involved with this man as this is the true form of narcissist. Personally, I hope she gets out...it is hell on earth. Or, maybe, like myself and millions of other people married to addicts, her H will deal with his addiction and continue a life of recovery. If you are truly knowledgeable about addiction and recovery, you would know that an addict has to hit his or her personal rock bottom before they are able to admit and deal with their addiction (no matter what the addiction is). You would know that the addict has to be the one to want to be in recovery. You would know that true love and support isn't easy, but very possible when dealing with an addict. You would know that loving an addict isn't hell on earth if the addict is willing to put the work into his or her recovery. You would know that millions of addicts are able to overcome their addiction and lead happy heathy lives. Many of them become better parents, friends, siblings, children, etc, after they have made the commitment to admit and deal with their addictions. Maybe you were not dealing with an addict that was willing to do the work of recovery. Link to post Share on other sites
Mimolicious Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 Is it me or... what's that foul smell?? Could it be bullshyte? Pigs fly and unicorns are so fun to ride. RIGHT! Cut it out. Nobody is admitted to any kind of "clinic" against their will. Such a prize this puppet is. Link to post Share on other sites
Mimolicious Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 Agreed....he's no prize. No cheater is. Still, they can't cheat without an AP who believes they are worth the trouble and sacrifice, right? Apparently there is no shortage of women willing to attach themselves to known cheaters. They must be really good at something :lmao: I love you! Yeah, gotta laugh at the fact of how some OW find all the excuses in the world to justify why they are with a MM. Yet, when a W takes the claws out and does things like in this story, they are in lack of self-respect, dignity, are psycho bitches, blah, blah, blah... RIIIIGHHT!!!!!! This type scenario will never end till more women learn the word "NO THANKS". Sorry to be gender blasting but I am sure the ratio in LS is higher for OW than it is for OM. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 IME, men don't generally talk about affairs, either as a MM or OM. Link to post Share on other sites
pureinheart Posted January 12, 2011 Share Posted January 12, 2011 IME, men don't generally talk about affairs, either as a MM or OM. I believe your estimation to be correct. Link to post Share on other sites
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