He left me.

[claraj]

My name is Clara and I'm a WW and have been married for 7 years. He's 36 and I'm 31. I cheated on my husband for 9 months. Husband caught me and my co-worker in our marital bed this evening and he pulled OM off of me and hit him, then dragged him out of the house, yelling that he better not see him in his house again. He packed a bag and told me he will file for divorce because he will not go through what his father went through when he was a teen. I begged him to not leave me and we can work it out. He said f*ck you and left. I'm in the bed crying with my laptop in my hands. I don't know what to do. This has happened so fast that I still can't get my head around it.

[PleasantDeviation]

He did the right thing. You cheated on him for 9 months!! You even slept with the dude in your martial bed. What is there to work out? Would you want that to happen to you?

[Billy_Boy]

And so you reap what you have sewn. You don't deserve him, the best thing you can do for him now if you did ever love him is to let him go.

[bentnotbroken]

Seems like you need to be making some plans to move on. The sooner you do that the sooner you can be with the OM...or who ever else you want to.

[fishlessbicycle]

lol, good for him. He could not have handled that better

[claraj]

I know what I've done was wrong but he wasn't there for me a lot. He just came back from doing secret jobs for a U.S. agency for almost a year with minimal contact. I just couldn't handle the pain of being alone. I called my co-worker 30 minutes ago and told him I was sorry he got hit in his jaw but I can't do the affair no more. He said fine angrily then hung up. I don't know why some of you people are so bitter and mean. Can't you just understand my situation and have empathy?

[Billy_Boy]

I know what I've done was wrong but he wasn't there for me a lot. He just came back from doing secret jobs for a U.S. agency for almost a year with minimal contact. I just couldn't handle the pain of being alone. I called my co-worker 30 minutes ago and told him I was sorry he got hit in his jaw but I can't do the affair no more. He said fine angrily then hung up. I don't know why some of you people are so bitter and mean. Can't you just understand my situation and have empathy?

 

I can empathize with you, but the most logical thing for you to do is to come to grips and accept the consequences of your actions. I feel bad for your situation and I hope you heal from this quickly... but really, what else did you expect?

[claraj]

I can empathize with you, but the most logical thing for you to do is to come to grips and accept the consequences of your actions. I feel bad for your situation and I hope you heal from this quickly... but really, what else did you expect?

 

I don't know. I'm so screwed up right now that I can barely think. This has happened so fast, but I don't want him to leave me for good. This is confusing.

[fishlessbicycle]

You cheated on him, in his own home, on his own bed, for the past 9 months, and you expect sympathy?

 

[whichwayisup]

My name is Clara and I'm a WW and have been married for 7 years. He's 36 and I'm 31. I cheated on my husband for 9 months. Husband caught me and my co-worker in our marital bed this evening and he pulled OM off of me and hit him, then dragged him out of the house, yelling that he better not see him in his house again. He packed a bag and told me he will file for divorce because he will not go through what his father went through when he was a teen. I begged him to not leave me and we can work it out. He said f*ck you and left. I'm in the bed crying with my laptop in my hands. I don't know what to do. This has happened so fast that I still can't get my head around it.

 

Sorry you're hurting.

 

All you can do is respect your husbands choice and leave him alone. You just ruined his life, turned his insides upside down and killed his heart. He caught you in HIS bed in HIS house with another man.

 

Do yourself a favour, end it NOW with your OM, tell him goodbye. Get to therapy asap and confess everything to your husband when he is ready to talk. Do not blame him for your selfish choices, don't justify your actions, just own them and give him the truth. You owe him that.

 

Good luck.

[bentnotbroken]

I know what I've done was wrong but he wasn't there for me a lot. He just came back from doing secret jobs for a U.S. agency for almost a year with minimal contact. I just couldn't handle the pain of being alone. I called my co-worker 30 minutes ago and told him I was sorry he got hit in his jaw but I can't do the affair no more. He said fine angrily then hung up. I don't know why some of you people are so bitter and mean. Can't you just understand my situation and have empathy?

 

 

And your response to being lonely was to bring another man into his home and have sex with him in his bed. Nawww, I can't empathize with that. That doesn't make me bitter, it makes me wonder what your coping skills are. I understand your situation all too well. My home and bed were violated too. That's why I said it is time for you to make your plans to move on. A home should be a safe place. When it is no longer that it is just a house. You took yours husband's safe place. And it is no longer about what you want...you got what yo wanted. Now it's your husband's turn.

[whichwayisup]

I don't know. I'm so screwed up right now that I can barely think. This has happened so fast, but I don't want him to leave me for good. This is confusing.

 

Then you better figure out why you were having a nine month affair. Figure out why you had a sex with another man in the bed you share with your husband.

 

You are broken big time inside. Please do counselling.

[stupidgurl]

No sympathy here. I'm think you're both lucky you aren't in the hospital. It's bad enough that you cheated on your husband, but to do it in HIS bed (obviously knowing he could catch you) is LOW. The LOWEST. PERIOD.

[whichwayisup]

I know what I've done was wrong but he wasn't there for me a lot. He just came back from doing secret jobs for a U.S. agency for almost a year with minimal contact. I just couldn't handle the pain of being alone. I called my co-worker 30 minutes ago and told him I was sorry he got hit in his jaw but I can't do the affair no more. He said fine angrily then hung up. I don't know why some of you people are so bitter and mean. Can't you just understand my situation and have empathy?

 

Why did YOU apologize to the OM? Why even bother having any contact with him after what JUST happened with your husband? Why are you so concerned about OM's feelings? Look I"m sure he knows the A is over, he ain't stupid.

 

Lonely, I can understand, missing your husband and all. But, that is what your friends, family are for. sexually you take care of it by buying a vibe, watching some porn.. You didn't have faith in your marriage ,or yourself to make it through. your H was away working... You suck it up and make the best of it. That is his job, Im sure you knew this when you married him? Sorry that i am being harsh, you need a big reality check.

 

I am sure your life isn't going to be easy, not for a long time.. But, you can make it easier by allowing your H the time and space to figure things out. You can immediately go to therapy, show your H in actions that you are worthy of a second chance. work on you. Quit your job so you don't see or work with OM anymore. This will show your husband how serious you are about working hard to fix this mess.

[Distant78]

No sympathy here. I'm think you're both lucky you aren't in the hospital. It's bad enough that you cheated on your husband, but to do it in HIS bed (obviously knowing he could catch you) is LOW. The LOWEST. PERIOD.

 

Yea I'm surprised he didn't beat up both of them either. OM had that punch coming.

[2themoon&back]

I don't know why some of you people are so bitter and mean. Can't you just understand my situation and have empathy?

 

 

For some of the same reasons people enjoy public executions, IMO.

 

With that said… what do you think you need to hear right now ?

 

What are you looking for, here?

 

Most of these posters seem to be accessing your situation as you have laid it out there and are stating the obvious and some just do not sugar coat it.

I think they may just call it like they see it, and that is not for you to take personally. Even though I understand that right now your feelings are very raw and you may not be up for that at this very moment.

 

It a horrible situation you find yourself in, full of “should have known better” issues and you may have known better and did it anyway.

 

So I would just be guessing you may want to know that you are human--- the answer is yes --- a fallible human --- yes---worth forgiving human----yes in due time.

 

Right now you may be in shock and in that state no clear thinking will come. Take time now to just process what has happened and try to stay claim and give you self and you H, even OM a few days to adjust to what happened and give yourself a minute to breath and think when the shock starts to wear off.

 

In the meantime, talk to people you trust, bf, family, and let them help you deal with the chaos in your head. They love you and will help you sort it all out. Don’t over think things right now it may make you act on things to soon.

 

Tend to the self inflected wound you have and this is about all you can do right now and is the one thing you have control over.

 

I am sorry you are hurting and I am sorry for you that you did not have the foresight to protect yourself, your H, or your M but you did not and what is done is done. Just try to get your emotions under control and take care of yourself.

 

Best of luck here… and I hope you get what you are needing at such an awful time in your life.

 

(((hugs)))

[Distant78]

Why did YOU apologize to the OM? Why even bother having any contact with him after what JUST happened with your husband? Why are you so concerned about OM's feelings? Look I"m sure he knows the A is over, he ain't stupid.

 

Lonely, I can understand, missing your husband and all. But, that is what your friends, family are for. sexually you take care of it by buying a vibe, watching some porn.. You didn't have faith in your marriage ,or yourself to make it through. your H was away working... You suck it up and make the best of it. That is his job, Im sure you knew this when you married him? Sorry that i am being harsh, you need a big reality check.

 

I am sure your life isn't going to be easy, not for a long time.. But, you can make it easier by allowing your H the time and space to figure things out. You can immediately go to therapy, show your H in actions that you are worthy of a second chance. work on you. Quit your job so you don't see or work with OM anymore. This will show your husband how serious you are about working hard to fix this mess.

 

She knew this but she didn't want to take that route. She wanted the strange. She knew EXACTLY what was going to happen and she's still making excuses. I hope he pushes for the divorce hard because he never deserved this. Fighting for his country and this is how a hard working man gets repayed.

[claraj]

Sorry you're hurting.

 

All you can do is respect your husbands choice and leave him alone. You just ruined his life, turned his insides upside down and killed his heart. He caught you in HIS bed in HIS house with another man.

 

Do yourself a favour, end it NOW with your OM, tell him goodbye. Get to therapy asap and confess everything to your husband when he is ready to talk. Do not blame him for your selfish choices, don't justify your actions, just own them and give him the truth. You owe him that.

 

Good luck.

 

I did call him and tell him I can't do it no more.

[claraj]

And your response to being lonely was to bring another man into his home and have sex with him in his bed. Nawww, I can't empathize with that. That doesn't make me bitter, it makes me wonder what your coping skills are. I understand your situation all too well. My home and bed were violated too. That's why I said it is time for you to make your plans to move on. A home should be a safe place. When it is no longer that it is just a house. You took yours husband's safe place. And it is no longer about what you want...you got what yo wanted. Now it's your husband's turn.

 

You don't understand what I'm going through so don't even try to play that card with me honey. You're bitter about your own situation so you come her to attack me. My home was never safe. It was always empty thank you.

[claraj]

No sympathy here. I'm think you're both lucky you aren't in the hospital. It's bad enough that you cheated on your husband, but to do it in HIS bed (obviously knowing he could catch you) is LOW. The LOWEST. PERIOD.

 

I didn't do it so he could catch me in the action enough with your attacks also. I tried coping as best as I could and I was just tired of being alone. I needed to be filled.

[bentnotbroken]

You don't understand what I'm going through so don't even try to play that card with me honey. You're bitter about your own situation so you come her to attack me. My home was never safe. It was always empty thank you.

 

 

If I were attacking you...you and everyone else would know it. If you see bitter...so be it. It won't change your situation or the pain you caused another human being does it? I didn't come here for you. I have been here for some time. YOU posted on a public forum about what you did to your husband...yet you believe you are the victim. OOOKKKKAAAAYYYY. If that is going help you figure out why you did what you did...go for it. If you thought your home was empty before...I can almost guarantee it will be empty now...if you have one at all.

 

You are in a situation of your own doing. Maybe you should reach out to those family and friends who can help you figure out your thought processes. Get a counselor, see a clergy member but for God's sake leave your husband alone until he figures out what he wants. If you every gave a damn about him...do that for him.

[bentnotbroken]

I didn't do it so he could catch me in the action enough with your attacks also. I tried coping as best as I could and I was just tired of being alone. I needed to be filled.

 

 

As long as you wait on someone else to fill you(literally and figuratively) you will remain close to empty.

[claraj]

Why did YOU apologize to the OM? Why even bother having any contact with him after what JUST happened with your husband? Why are you so concerned about OM's feelings? Look I"m sure he knows the A is over, he ain't stupid.

 

Don't you think I know that? I called to tell him that's it's over obviously because I just saw my husband knock him in his nose. I felt sorry to see that happen to him. I considered him a close friend. It was the least I could do. Damn.

 

Lonely, I can understand, missing your husband and all. But, that is what your friends, family are for. sexually you take care of it by buying a vibe, watching some porn.. You didn't have faith in your marriage ,or yourself to make it through. your H was away working... You suck it up and make the best of it. That is his job, Im sure you knew this when you married him? Sorry that i am being harsh, you need a big reality check.

 

Yes I knew husband would be overseas doing dangerous work. He's been doing it before he met me so I know what it was like being alone, but this is the longest he's ever been gone. Part of me didn't think he was going to make it back. We'd only talk like once every other month. Conversations were short and spaced.

 

I am sure your life isn't going to be easy, not for a long time.. But, you can make it easier by allowing your H the time and space to figure things out. You can immediately go to therapy, show your H in actions that you are worthy of a second chance. work on you. Quit your job so you don't see or work with OM anymore. This will show your husband how serious you are about working hard to fix this mess.

 

Okay. I will quit my job tomorrow even if it will take me a long time to find another one in this recession.

[claraj]

Yea I'm surprised he didn't beat up both of them either. OM had that punch coming.

 

Husband would never hurt me that way. OM did not deserve that punch by the way.

[claraj]

For some of the same reasons people enjoy public executions, IMO.

 

With that said… what do you think you need to hear right now ?

 

What are you looking for, here?

 

Most of these posters seem to be accessing your situation as you have laid it out there and are stating the obvious and some just do not sugar coat it.

I think they may just call it like they see it, and that is not for you to take personally. Even though I understand that right now your feelings are very raw and you may not be up for that at this very moment.

 

It a horrible situation you find yourself in, full of “should have known better” issues and you may have known better and did it anyway.

 

So I would just be guessing you may want to know that you are human--- the answer is yes --- a fallible human --- yes---worth forgiving human----yes in due time.

 

Right now you may be in shock and in that state no clear thinking will come. Take time now to just process what has happened and try to stay claim and give you self and you H, even OM a few days to adjust to what happened and give yourself a minute to breath and think when the shock starts to wear off.

 

In the meantime, talk to people you trust, bf, family, and let them help you deal with the chaos in your head. They love you and will help you sort it all out. Don’t over think things right now it may make you act on things to soon.

 

Tend to the self inflected wound you have and this is about all you can do right now and is the one thing you have control over.

 

I am sorry you are hurting and I am sorry for you that you did not have the foresight to protect yourself, your H, or your M but you did not and what is done is done. Just try to get your emotions under control and take care of yourself.

 

Best of luck here… and I hope you get what you are needing at such an awful time in your life.

 

(((hugs)))

 

Thank you very much 2themoon. You are correct in your assumption. My emotions are bouncing back and forth. While I want my husband back, I'm still drawn to OM. I can't shut those feelings off he's been filling for a while.