Life after college

[J0N]

I graduated from college in May. Since then I have switched jobs a few times. And been dumped by my girlfriend of nearly 2 years (who I loved dearly). I currently live on the outskirts of town, where as I have discovered there are really no people that are my age. To top it all off all of my college friends moved to other places and are having the time of their lives. My ex girlfriend is moving to California in May, once she finishes grad school. I feel so left behind.

I have thought about quitting my job I have now and moving, but I cannot seem to get any offers or even interviews in other cities. Ultimately, the job is the deal breaker on moving. I feel depressed, I feel like I am destined to be alone forever and have no friends. It has become hard to wake up in the morning... I have hit rock bottom, then fallen even further. I feel abandoned by my ex who must have thought the grass was greener in California. I am not happy anymore and I do not know what to do.

[josie54]

Hi Jon,

 

I'm so sorry that you're going through such a hard time....but I think what you need to do is to keep looking for a job. You will never have as much freedom as you have right now--you can look for a job ANYWHERE. Most people in this job market are limited to a single city or region. You've lost a great deal, but you have a great deal to gain. You're young, you've just started your life. The possibilities are endless right now. Take care of yourself so you can heal from your breakup, but savor this part of your life. This kind of freedom won't come again.

 

I'm not sure how long you've been looking for work, but you have to remember that it's a tough job market. It's not as easy as it once was to secure a new position. But don't give up just because nothing has worked out yet. Just because something hasn't come your way doesn't mean that it won't. You just have to be patient and continue to apply to positions that interest you. Eventually, one will come.

 

Keep looking and keep an open mind about the jobs you apply to and the cities you consider. Consider jobs that might pay less than you might wish--obviously you don't want to work at the poverty line, but sometimes a lower-paying job at a great company offers good opportunities for a better position and higher pay down the road (that's what happened to me in my first job out of college).

 

Also, if you haven't already, take your resume and cover letters to someone at your school's alumni career services office, to make sure they are all as great as they can be. If those aren't polished, they could also be an obstacle to getting a job, especially in this market.

 

Finally, don't give up, and stay positive as you look for your new job and city. If you do, one day, you might look on this time in your life as something that launched the best part of your life.

 

Good luck!

Josie

[Confusedalways]

I graduated from college in May. Since then I have switched jobs a few times. And been dumped by my girlfriend of nearly 2 years (who I loved dearly). I currently live on the outskirts of town, where as I have discovered there are really no people that are my age. To top it all off all of my college friends moved to other places and are having the time of their lives. My ex girlfriend is moving to California in May, once she finishes grad school. I feel so left behind.

I have thought about quitting my job I have now and moving, but I cannot seem to get any offers or even interviews in other cities. Ultimately, the job is the deal breaker on moving. I feel depressed, I feel like I am destined to be alone forever and have no friends. It has become hard to wake up in the morning... I have hit rock bottom, then fallen even further. I feel abandoned by my ex who must have thought the grass was greener in California. I am not happy anymore and I do not know what to do.

 

A really great tip I use is using a fake address on your resume to look like you reside in that city. An employer is obviously more likely to call you if you look like you live there. If A & B have the same credentials, but A lives here and B lives 10 states away, who do you think they're more likely to call? Worked like a charm for me, I had interviews in 7 or 8 different states once I did that, compared to one [neighboring] state before I did that.

[pookster72]

A really great tip I use is using a fake address on your resume to look like you reside in that city. An employer is obviously more likely to call you if you look like you live there. If A & B have the same credentials, but A lives here and B lives 10 states away, who do you think they're more likely to call? Worked like a charm for me, I had interviews in 7 or 8 different states once I did that, compared to one [neighboring] state before I did that.

did you end up going to any of those interviews and/or ultimately taking one of those jobs? i've been debating using a fake address but fear that the employer will find out somehow. i'm looking to move right now and have the money and ability to do so but am not going to until i at least have a job offer. i already have a full time job and the city i want to move to is 5 hours away so its been hard.

 

anyway, op i know exactly how you feel. i graduated in may of 09 and ive felt lost ever since. i thought about going to law school and took the lsats and all that but ultimately decided against it because i didn't feel like it was wise to take on 200k more debt just so i could feel like i was doing something useful with my life/avoid the real world for three more years lol. make sure you don't make this mistake and invest a lot of money in more schooling when you're not sure you want a career in the subject.

 

everyone around you may look like they've got it all figured out but trust me... few do. it sounds like you don't really know where you want to go or what you want to do and thats totally normal. i struggled to find a "real" job right after graduating because i didn't know what the hell i wanted to do or how to figure out what was out there. its hard to get started when you don't even know what to look for. i eventually found something that i really love and have enjoyed working here but ive ultimately decided that this job isn't for me, either, and im looking to move on and find something more challenging. i still don't know what exactly im looking for. im jealous of my friends who know exactly what they want to do.

[Confusedalways]

did you end up going to any of those interviews and/or ultimately taking one of those jobs? i've been debating using a fake address but fear that the employer will find out somehow. i'm looking to move right now and have the money and ability to do so but am not going to until i at least have a job offer. i already have a full time job and the city i want to move to is 5 hours away so its been hard.

 

I lived between NY & Mass and ended up going to interviews in NY, MA, Vermont, Ohio, Colorado, Utah, Florida.

 

I got offered interviews in North Dakota and Iowa, neither of which I went to.

 

Ultimately I got offered jobs in NY, MA, Colorado & Ohio. Second round of interviews to one of the others.

 

However, I ended up going to grad school instead so it was irrelevant - but if I was asked about my living situation I basically said I was in the process of moving to where ever I was. Worked like a charm, and was a great ice breaker for them to tell me what I had to "check out" and such. I definitely suggest writing a fake one-- it works especially smooth if you have a friend in the area and just use theirs. I completely plan on doing it again once I have my masters.

[denise_xo]

I graduated from college in May. Since then I have switched jobs a few times. And been dumped by my girlfriend of nearly 2 years (who I loved dearly). I currently live on the outskirts of town, where as I have discovered there are really no people that are my age. To top it all off all of my college friends moved to other places and are having the time of their lives. My ex girlfriend is moving to California in May, once she finishes grad school. I feel so left behind.

I have thought about quitting my job I have now and moving, but I cannot seem to get any offers or even interviews in other cities. Ultimately, the job is the deal breaker on moving. I feel depressed, I feel like I am destined to be alone forever and have no friends. It has become hard to wake up in the morning... I have hit rock bottom, then fallen even further. I feel abandoned by my ex who must have thought the grass was greener in California. I am not happy anymore and I do not know what to do.

 

A lot of my friends were a bit miserable the first year after college. They struggled finding work, were doing jobs they didn't like and were severely over qualified for to get by financially, etc. In addition everyone's social base was kind of disrupted as people left to live/work elsewhere. But after about a year or so, most of them were at a place where they were fairly happy. So, part of this might just be about waiting it out for a bit. Keep working towards your professional goals, keep applying and fill your spare time with things you enjoy doing. I've sent hundreds of job applications in my life and were turned down for many, but the more you send and the more effort you put into the procedure, and the more you network, the more likely you are to get where you want.

Good luck

[J0N]

Thanks guys. My sister recently got married to a really great guy who is really close with my entire family. I remember talking with him at my grad party and telling him how great it was to be done with college and he told me “just you wait give it a year or so and you’re going to want to kill yourself.” **disclaimer: I am not suicidal and would never consider doing anything of the sort, it was just a figure of speech** I guess at the time I thought I had everything figured out, and since I thought that my GF was the one I wasn’t worried. Fast forward a few months and she leaves me to take a job in California, and the wheels fell off my life. I started to feel really lonely, I still do. Unfortunately I work in the finance business and jobs like mine are extremely competitive, honestly I am lucky to even have a job at all. Even though I want to move, it really just isn’t an option for me, though I am still looking actively.

 

I guess I can relate this to coming home from Christmas break and having all my friends go home, after a couple days you get REALLY bored. Except in this situation Christmas break lasted about 8 months, I have to go to work 50 hours a week, and my girlfriend left me. I am getting over her, and realize that I am only 23 years old. I know that there are other fish in the sea. I have taken this opportunity to save A TON of money, I started a brokerage account and I have saved almost 70% of my pay because I can live pretty cheaply. Things are ok for me these days, but my life overall has just really slowed down. I have a tendency to set up all kinds of things, then the circumstances change and my plans go up in flames (like with my ex). I have decided to give online dating a whirl, maybe I meet somebody, and maybe I don’t. I have been single for nearly three months now so I don’t really consider this to be a rebound. One of the things that has plagued me more than anything else is boredom. What did you guys do when you graduated college, besides work, and gym??

[josie54]

One of the things that has plagued me more than anything else is boredom. What did you guys do when you graduated college, besides work, and gym??

 

I cheated...I loved school so much I went to grad school for five years. It was great at first, because many of my friends from college stayed in the area, so we had a great time.

 

My other advantage--I had two roommates right out of college. It sounds like you're living alone. Would you consider getting a big apartment and advertising for roommates? I know it's tough to find the right ones--I knew both of my roommates before we moved in together, and we got along well overall. But if you could find roommates you clicked with, it's like movie night, every night when you come home (or the "boy" equivalent).

 

I guess my toughest time that would be the most equivalent to what you're going through right now is when I left graduate school and my roommates and I went our separate ways (that was about five years after we graduated from undergrad). Yes, then, I was lonely. I still had friends in town, but it wasn't the same as when I had them right in my apartment with me.

 

When I was in my senior year of college, one of the people in the office I worked in for my work-study job told me that I'd better enjoy my senior year, because there would never again be a time when I could just walk out of my dorm room door and have all my friends right there ready to party. At the time, I tried to ignore that, but man, she was right. It's VERY hard to replicate that kind of 24/7 friendship. I won't kid you....once you leave the college campus, it's a completely different.

 

But you can do the next best things. Don't be a loner. Stay close with your college friends even if they're in different cities. Plan long weekends to visit them. Take vacations. (Did I mention you'll never be this free again? ENJOY IT!) Do not let work be your whole life. Take a class of some kind once a week. Join a book club. Get involved with your young alumni group from college (in my city, the young alumni have regular events, from dinners, to talks, to networking events, to parties) GET OUT OF THE HOUSE.

 

The more you stay at home thinking about how lonely you are, the lonelier you get. The more you get out of the house--particularly if you can take weekend trips or vacations--the less lonely you feel. As you say, you've got the money. Hopefully your job allows you at least two weeks of vacation. TAKE IT.

 

As to the job hunt--you could also work through your college's career office to go on informational interviews in the cities you visit WHILE on vacation. These are interviews that aren't about finding a job, but about learning more about a company, job position, or career. They're about networking and planning. If you're lucky, when the job market warms up again, one of the people with whom you had a nice informational chat might call you when they know about a great position that's opened up.

Edited January 14, 2011 by josie54

[reservoirdog1]

I graduated from college in May. Since then I have switched jobs a few times. And been dumped by my girlfriend of nearly 2 years (who I loved dearly). I currently live on the outskirts of town, where as I have discovered there are really no people that are my age. To top it all off all of my college friends moved to other places and are having the time of their lives. My ex girlfriend is moving to California in May, once she finishes grad school. I feel so left behind.

I have thought about quitting my job I have now and moving, but I cannot seem to get any offers or even interviews in other cities. Ultimately, the job is the deal breaker on moving. I feel depressed, I feel like I am destined to be alone forever and have no friends. It has become hard to wake up in the morning... I have hit rock bottom, then fallen even further. I feel abandoned by my ex who must have thought the grass was greener in California. I am not happy anymore and I do not know what to do.

Maybe you're chasing the wrong goal. You've just finished college, so I'm guessing you're about 22? Perhaps you need a complete change of scene, and pace. Plus some broadened life experience. Why not apply to teach English in another country? Most of those jobs don't require prior teaching experience. You could have yourself a genuine adventure before settling down into your career. If you're interested, check it out.

[josie54]

Maybe you're chasing the wrong goal. You've just finished college, so I'm guessing you're about 22? Perhaps you need a complete change of scene, and pace. Plus some broadened life experience. Why not apply to teach English in another country? Most of those jobs don't require prior teaching experience. You could have yourself a genuine adventure before settling down into your career. If you're interested, check it out.

 

 

I think that's a fabulous idea. Teach overseas, join the Peace Corps, volunteer abroad. Great way to meet people, do great things, and have a once-in-a-lifetime experience that you'll always remember when you finally settle down to "real life."

[creighton0123]

Don't follow ConfusedAlway's advice if you want to be ethical. You should never lie on your resume. Also, switching jobs left and right isn't helping you if those jobs are in the same field that your degree was in.

 

You're not rock bottom. You have a job and a place to live. That's more than many other people have nowadays. Don't get into a habit of serial quitting. That will really, significantly impact your ability to get a new job if those records are on your resume.

 

If you're not happy, I'd suggest working on changing your mindset. It will help you a great deal if you can separate being alone from feeling lonely. They are two very different things. You're in a rough spot right now. It almost always gets better with patience and effort.

[J0N]

Don't follow ConfusedAlway's advice if you want to be ethical. You should never lie on your resume. Also, switching jobs left and right isn't helping you if those jobs are in the same field that your degree was in.

 

You're not rock bottom. You have a job and a place to live. That's more than many other people have nowadays. Don't get into a habit of serial quitting. That will really, significantly impact your ability to get a new job if those records are on your resume.

 

If you're not happy, I'd suggest working on changing your mindset. It will help you a great deal if you can separate being alone from feeling lonely. They are two very different things. You're in a rough spot right now. It almost always gets better with patience and effort.

 

I quit the first job because it just wasn't what they told me it was, the second was only temporary to pay the bills. I actually like my current job. I think I'm going to stay here for a while, I just need to meet some people...

[josie54]

I quit the first job because it just wasn't what they told me it was, the second was only temporary to pay the bills. I actually like my current job. I think I'm going to stay here for a while, I just need to meet some people...

 

 

That's very good--if you like your current job, then you're ahead of many people starting out of college! Then it's back to getting out of your place and meeting people. What do you think about joining your local alumni group, participating in some events in a local singles group, or taking a few four-day weekends to travel? Just to try them out, to see what you think?

 

Just don't let yourself get "stuck" in the house...that only gets more deeply engrained as you get older, let me tell you.

[Scottdmw]

Try this site:

 

http://www.meetup.com/

 

There are hundreds of interest groups in every city there. Their are a lot of fun things to do outside of college, but you have to look for them a little bit more. Some things I've done over time are community theater, involvement with young adult groups at church, outdoor clubs that do hiking and similar events, French language events, taking random classes, volunteering, local sailing club, and many others. You get the idea. I suggest you get a blank sheet of paper and sit down with it. Think of all the things you've ever dreamed of doing in your life that don't involve school or work and write them down. Then see if there are people around you that want to do the same things and find a way to make it happen.

 

Scott