Thanks, Tony

[gregg]

Tony, on behalf of everybody else, thank you so much. You ought to get paid for this stuff. One more question, though...In reference to my post below...I guess on a logical basis, you're right. I should, and probably will get rid of her for good. But Tony, all the memories, moments, conversations, and...love that existed between the two of us-how do I regard that, was it just a lie? When I lie awake in the middle of the night in a cold sweat, and can hear her promises of "never leaving me", I feel like I'm just in a bad dream, and a quick phone call will reassure both of us. (Of course I won't call) What to I chaulk it all up to, Tony, a big lie or joke, I mean, I really loved this woman. I feel that if I can just label it, or put it in some kind of healthy context, I'll be able to move on. Thanks, Tony.

[Tony T]

You ask the same questions most people do after going through something like this. Life is just a series of lessons...some of them quite painful.

 

You picked the wrong lady. You didn't know it at the time...but you found out. Your relationship wasn't a lie. For a period of time, I'm sure she cared a great deal about you...but people's feelings change. There are a lot of people who have no sense of committment. It really depends on how they were raised. This lady has no sense of morals, scrupels, decensy, committment, and is extremely manipulative, selfish and uncaring of other people's feelings. Remember the song, "Love The One You're With." That's how some people feel...they just make it with whoever is around and convenient at the time, without regard for anything else.

 

Love is blind as hell. I think some famous writer (maybe Shakespeare) wrote a variation of that a long time ago. You were in love, having a great time, and didn't see these things. However, if you were paying attention you would have seen lots of hints of the way this girl really was. But most people in love don't see a lot when they are in the fireworks stage of a relationship. There are some people that live in a state of denial and just don't want to see reality. Human behavior is extremely complex.

 

For the most part, people are at their best behavior in the initial stages of any relationship, whether it be romantic, friendship or even business. After a good degree of familiarity has been created, if there was no inherent respect, consideration, selflessness, etc. in the person, those things will come through.

 

Your relationship wasn't a lie. You enjoyed it for the time it was good. Do you get depressed when you leave a threater after seeing a great movie...because it's over? Are good movies lies because they are performed by actors who go home and use the bathroom after each day of shooting? Do you cry when your plate is clean after a delicious gourmet meal? All things, good or bad, eventually end. Some sooner than others. The ideal is for great romances to last...until death do we part...but in the United States, more than 50 percent of those end in divorce. The divorce rate is high because a lot of people are NOT AS LUCKY AS YOU and don't find out their mates are crap until after the wedding. Of course, a lot of people part on a very friendly basis because for things just don't work out and it's really nobody's fault...just a bad match. In addition, many divorces end up with people paying thousands of dollars in alimony and child support over many years. See how lucky you are???

 

So, while it is very hurtful to learn that someone you loved is not what you thought, you still have much cause for celebration. You have learned a lot, you have not been stung financially, you have found out this lady is NOT the right person for your life, and you can heal from it and move on.

 

Finding the right person is not easy in today's world, but it is very possible. While there are many wonderful people that can make our lives whole and give us the love, caring and companionship we need, there are many who can inject a horrifying venom to make our lives a living nightmare. There are a great man selfish, self-centered, inconsiderate people...and those traits don't make for a great mate. I'm talking both sexes here.

 

Tonight, I will toast a glass of champagne to your new life. Join me at exactly 7 p.m. Eastern Standard U.S. time and I invite all others that read this message to do the same. Other suitable beverage substitutes are acceptable.

 

Cheers to your clean break, your new life, and your new smarts!!! Drink up!!!

[Deejette]

It's true, Tony is a very wise person. The advice Tony gives is level-headed and compassionate. It is comforting. I appreciated it and it really helped me deal with my problem.

 

Tony, on behalf of everybody else, thank you so much. You ought to get paid for this stuff. One more question, though...In reference to my post below...I guess on a logical basis, you're right. I should, and probably will get rid of her for good. But Tony, all the memories, moments, conversations, and...love that existed between the two of us-how do I regard that, was it just a lie? When I lie awake in the middle of the night in a cold sweat, and can hear her promises of "never leaving me", I feel like I'm just in a bad dream, and a quick phone call will reassure both of us. (Of course I won't call) What to I chaulk it all up to, Tony, a big lie or joke, I mean, I really loved this woman. I feel that if I can just label it, or put it in some kind of healthy context, I'll be able to move on. Thanks, Tony.

[Tony T]

That toast will be at 7 p.m., Eastern Daylight Time. Hope all will join. The previous post had incorrectly set the time at 7 p.m., Eastern Standard Time. Sorry if this has caused any inconvenience.

[kat]

What toast? I have been on vacation, I guess I missed something.

That toast will be at 7 p.m., Eastern Daylight Time. Hope all will join. The previous post had incorrectly set the time at 7 p.m., Eastern Standard Time. Sorry if this has caused any inconvenience.