carhill Posted February 16, 2011 Share Posted February 16, 2011 I would suggest two things: Relationship/marriage talk should be face-to-face If possible, it should, initially, be in front of a neutral third party These suggestions may require one or both of you to travel; it may require one or both of you to miss work. How important is your marriage to you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author workingonit Posted February 16, 2011 Author Share Posted February 16, 2011 OK, here's a tough question. Are you going to be there with her for her abortion? At this point, right now, how much of your 'talk' has been in person, face to face? I honestly think this is the first time I've read on LS about an OM wanting to keep a child of a 'whatever' relationship and seek sole custody. Something new every day. I'm not going to be there. Her friend is going with her. All of our talk has been over the phone. The guy doesn't want her to "kill" the baby as it goes against his belief system. He isn't interested in a relationship with her and wants to pay for all medical bills for her if she keeps it. He says he would want sole custody and raise it alone without her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author workingonit Posted February 16, 2011 Author Share Posted February 16, 2011 Got off the phone with her. I'm satisfied with the timeline. She admitted to and apologized for lying to me about OM. She said she knew how I'd react. (Of course!) While very apologetic, she is still clinging to "We were separated, I didn't cheat" I told her that I don't care what she calls it, It hurt me just the same. I think these are things for counseling. She regrets lying to me she regrets hurting me and she regrets getting pregnant but somehow she thinks this affair was necessary for her to realize how much she loves me and what kind of guy she does not want to be with and how great I am. I think she's damn lucky that she came out the other side with a husband who will even take her calls let alone take her back. I know most of you still think I'm a fool. Link to post Share on other sites
imagine Posted February 16, 2011 Share Posted February 16, 2011 I believe the baby should have a healthy life. What of adoption? Your wife needs to understand that marriage means just that. You are either married or divorced. If you divorce without adultery then the first relationship outside of marriage, makes it adulterous. Read the marriage vows! Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted February 16, 2011 Share Posted February 16, 2011 I'd bet my life that he's in love with her I'd bet a years salary he's a complete tw*t... Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted February 16, 2011 Share Posted February 16, 2011 Got off the phone with her. I'm satisfied with the timeline. She admitted to and apologized for lying to me about OM. She said she knew how I'd react. (Of course!) While very apologetic, she is still clinging to "We were separated, I didn't cheat" I told her that I don't care what she calls it, It hurt me just the same. I think these are things for counseling. She regrets lying to me she regrets hurting me and she regrets getting pregnant but somehow she thinks this affair was necessary for her to realize how much she loves me and what kind of guy she does not want to be with and how great I am. I think she's damn lucky that she came out the other side with a husband who will even take her calls let alone take her back. I know most of you still think I'm a fool. Actually I think you need to hit the pause button, this is way too big. "wife I need a week to process all of this, I'm sure you understand" No contact for a week, take care of yourself think about things without pressure from her. Ohh and make her damn well sweat for a change.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author workingonit Posted February 28, 2011 Author Share Posted February 28, 2011 Well, happy to say it was a false alarm. We still have many things to work through but are optimistic and committed to making this work. We are starting couples counseling immediately. I know it won't be easy as we have a lot to work through but I'm feeling good about it. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted February 28, 2011 Share Posted February 28, 2011 Glad to read that. Update us after your first session. I had over a year of MC and can tell you it's a process. Don't look for substantial movement in one session or even ten. Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
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