tom44 Posted January 12, 2011 Share Posted January 12, 2011 Last night my wife came home from the hair salon and her hair was much shorter than usual. She looked at me like she was expecting a compliment, so I lied and said "It looks nice". She then told me that she had decided to get a "Tabatha" cut. I asked who was Tabatha, and she said, "You know, from Tabatha's Salon Takeover". We watch that show quite often and I have commented many times on how much I hate Tabatha's hair. My wife's isn't as short as Tabatha's and is dark instead of blonde, but apparently the same style. To me they don't look the same, but apparently my wife thinks they do. I thought Tabatha was a lesbian, so today I did a google search and confirmed it. Her name is Tabatha Coffey, and she's definitely lesbian. So, I'm wondering: 1. My wife doesn't remember me telling her that I hate Tabatha's hairstyle. 2. She remembers but doesn't care. 3. She's having a bi-sexual affair and wants to look the part of the man. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted January 12, 2011 Share Posted January 12, 2011 No, no, no! That is a very popular haircut right now. I think it looks chic and was thinking of getting my hair cut. My husband too, reminded me he doesn't like short hair. That cut is much easier for your wife to take care of also. It's probably making her feel more sexual. You should compliment her again and enjoy the outcome. Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted January 12, 2011 Share Posted January 12, 2011 It's probably making her feel more sexual. This is interesting. I wouldn't have guessed that there'd be a connection. Link to post Share on other sites
laRubiaBonita Posted January 12, 2011 Share Posted January 12, 2011 i think she maybe thought you would give her a little more reassurance...... Link to post Share on other sites
Author tom44 Posted January 12, 2011 Author Share Posted January 12, 2011 It's probably making her feel more sexual. You should compliment her again and enjoy the outcome. Why would getting a haircut in a style that you know your husband hates make you feel more sexual? Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted January 12, 2011 Share Posted January 12, 2011 Women sometimes like to try new things with their hair. It doesn't mean anything negative towards you but if you make it a big issue it can cause drama. If this is the only thing she did is it really worth making a fuss over? Link to post Share on other sites
Author tom44 Posted January 12, 2011 Author Share Posted January 12, 2011 You should compliment her again and enjoy the outcome. Here we get into the definition of honesty. A little white lie is OK in order to make someone feel better, however to continue to lie in order to get more sex is dishonest in my book. Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted January 12, 2011 Share Posted January 12, 2011 So, I'm wondering: 1. My wife doesn't remember me telling her that I hate Tabatha's hairstyle. Unlikely 2. She remembers but doesn't care. Possibly 3. She's having a bi-sexual affair and wants to look the part of the man. Ok, I googled, and look like a man? That hairstyle (esp a bit longer, as you described) would look absurdly feminine on any man who is older than 19 and not in a boy-band. You know your wife--do you have reason other than a haircut to believe she is having a lesbian affair? Given the fact that you posted this here, rather than talking to your wife about it.....and that you lied and said you liked it when you did not....I'm guessing that you and your wife dance around issues rather than discussing them directly, and she did this to provoke a response from you. Possibly she wanted you to tell her how much you love her longer hair and want her to grow it back. Possibly she just wanted some attention, positive or negative. Possibly she is mad about something and wanted to get back at you. There is really no way of knowing without talking to her. Alternatively, maybe she knows you won't like it, but SHE likes it, and she decided to do it for herself--and it has nothing to do with you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tom44 Posted January 12, 2011 Author Share Posted January 12, 2011 if you make it a big issue it can cause drama. I don't ever plan to ever mention it one way or another. I was just wondering if there was a hidden meaning that I was supposed to pick up. Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted January 12, 2011 Share Posted January 12, 2011 Here we get into the definition of honesty. A little white lie is OK in order to make someone feel better, however to continue to lie in order to get more sex is dishonest in my book. Then tell her she looks good simply because you love her. Look, like Woggle said, this isn't anything to get worked up about. My wife keeps her hair pretty short now. I prefer it longer, but it's not worth getting upset about. Ironically, we've recently been through the reverse, too. After getting grief over having the same haircut for the past 30 years ("70's hair"), I decided to get an updated haircut. A pretty damn different look. I'm not sure my wife likes it, but you know what? Tough sh*t, I like it. It's her hair, man. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 12, 2011 Share Posted January 12, 2011 My exW, who's a hair stylist, says women often cut their hair off when leaving a relationship to 'get rid of the memories' in the hair, as it grows slowly and was from a time when they were in the M/LTR. I would trust she's had enough women in her chair over twenty years to know. Since that is obviously not the case here , perhaps this falls under 'bigger fish to fry'. 'Honey, when you cut your hair off like that, what am I going to grab onto when doin' the doggy tonight? Oh, your ankles, right...' Just let it go. Don't spend one second on it. In a M, there *are* far bigger fish to fry. Enjoy Link to post Share on other sites
KraftDinner Posted January 12, 2011 Share Posted January 12, 2011 Sometimes taking care of longer hair can get so frustrating. It can be time-consuming and annoying. I honestly think men have no idea what women go through with regard to hair. Anyway, women are sometimes attracted to cuts like that because they are cute and easier than dealing with long hair. Personally, I would not want a short cut. But I have had short hair in the past and it appealed to me at the time. I find it really odd that you'd even consider for a second that this might mean your wife is bi. Link to post Share on other sites
evoxracer Posted January 12, 2011 Share Posted January 12, 2011 I wouldn't read anything into it. I am always doing different things with my hair and it never has had anything to do with my husband, right now I'm growing it out, for the first time in years its past my shoulders and he wants me to cut it because he likes it shorter. I'm usually wearing a short Victoria Beckham bob that he love. I just got sick of not being able to pull my hair back and I've told him a million times it doesnt have anything to do with him. I'm still not going to cut my hair off. Link to post Share on other sites
UnsureinSeattle Posted January 12, 2011 Share Posted January 12, 2011 I don't think you would need to jump to conclusion 3- I hope you were just being silly. Brother- it's a haircut... if that's the absolutely the worst thing in your relationship, then hey! I think you're doing okay. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tom44 Posted January 12, 2011 Author Share Posted January 12, 2011 I don't think you would need to jump to conclusion 3- I hope you were just being silly. I wasn't being silly, but I'm probably being paranoid. She had an affair with a woman she worked with a few years ago, and she's told me many times that she wished she was a man. Her sister is lesbian and her brother was gay (died of aids). I guess the fact that she calls her hair a Tabatha cut bothers me because she's trying to imitate a lesbian. If she got the same haircut and it wasn't fashioned after a lesbian it probably wouldn't bother me. I'm probably just insecure and imagining things. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 12, 2011 Share Posted January 12, 2011 She had an affair with a woman she worked with a few years ago, and she's told me many times that she wished she was a man. Her sister is lesbian and her brother was gay That was good information for the OP; glad you fit it in eventually. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted January 12, 2011 Share Posted January 12, 2011 I wasn't being silly, but I'm probably being paranoid. She had an affair with a woman she worked with a few years ago, and she's told me many times that she wished she was a man. Her sister is lesbian and her brother was gay (died of aids). I guess the fact that she calls her hair a Tabatha cut bothers me because she's trying to imitate a lesbian. If she got the same haircut and it wasn't fashioned after a lesbian it probably wouldn't bother me. I'm probably just insecure and imagining things. This is an entirely different situation than how you first presented it. Simply having a short haircut is no reason to worry. Link to post Share on other sites
Linda9999 Posted January 12, 2011 Share Posted January 12, 2011 Do you have other CURRENT reasons to think she's cheating on you? Might I suggest you try to see her actions through a feeling of love and trust, rather than a feeling of fear and doubt? Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 12, 2011 Share Posted January 12, 2011 OP, could you clarify....when your wife 'had an affair with a woman a few years ago', was she married to you? Link to post Share on other sites
Stung Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 In and of itself, a haircut is no particular reason to worry. I googled, and Tabatha Coffey might be a lesbian but her haircut, while short, is very urban chic and fashion-forward, not bull-dyke at all. You said your wife's is not as short, and so presumably is even less 'lesbianese', to coin a term. I certainly don't think it could make her look mannish, as a man would look pretty femme with that haircut. A lot of haircuts are known for the people who inspired them, by the way. That cut is probably known as "The Tabatha" at your wife's salon, just as "The Rachel" cut swept the nation back in the 90s (sometimes also called "The Aniston"). If your wife had an affair with a woman while you were married, I can understand your concerns and it sounds like that left a lot of unanswered questions in your marriage, which frankly I think you should be excavating and talking about. I have to agree with a previous poster, though (was it XXOO? Too lazy to go check) who asserted that while she might be trying to tell you something with a haircut, if she's not a very direct person and has trouble using words, there are a dozen things she could be trying to get across. You're going to have to start asking her things to figure out what's going on. As for saying she wishes she were a man, it's hard to know how seriously she means that without hearing her intonation or knowing the context. Men have more power and freedom in society in many ways, sometimes women just kind of mouth off that they'd rather be a man as a way of expressing frustration and it doesn't really mean anything. On the other hand, sometimes people really do feel like they were born the wrong gender. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tom44 Posted January 13, 2011 Author Share Posted January 13, 2011 Thanks for all the comments. I talked to her last night and she said she just needed a change. One of the posters stated that this haircut doesn't look lesbian-like, and I agree. I'm just paranoid and need to get over it. Link to post Share on other sites
Distant78 Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 I wasn't being silly, but I'm probably being paranoid. She had an affair with a woman she worked with a few years ago, and she's told me many times that she wished she was a man. Her sister is lesbian and her brother was gay (died of aids). I guess the fact that she calls her hair a Tabatha cut bothers me because she's trying to imitate a lesbian. If she got the same haircut and it wasn't fashioned after a lesbian it probably wouldn't bother me. I'm probably just insecure and imagining things. No you're not paranoid. I have read quite a few stories where married women change their hair or "switch their style up" and their behavior changes also, and most of the time it was related to infidelity. Now she may not be cheating now but considering that you've recently revealed an important piece of information about her that helps further our assessment of your situation, I would just lay back with one eye open for now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tom44 Posted January 14, 2011 Author Share Posted January 14, 2011 OP, could you clarify....when your wife 'had an affair with a woman a few years ago', was she married to you? There have been three instances. I'm not sure they were affairs, perhaps just "one night stands" (except they happened in the afternoon, so would that make it a "one day stand" instead of a "one night stand"? Or possibly a "one afternoon stand".) She told me about the first one and says that it happened while she was married to her first husband. I have no way of knowing whether this is true, or whether it really happened while we were married. The second one happened while we were married, but was probably just an attempt, and as far as I know it didn't really happen. She quite often left her yahoo mail open, and one day I was nosy, and looked. She had put an ad in yahoo personals for a woman. It said that she was looking for "afternoon delight" and that the men need never know. I have no way of knowing for sure whether she met anyone from this ad or not. The third was with her best friend at work. W and friend went out for drinks after work one day and had too much to drink, so about 7 W called me to come and get her and take her home. I stayed and had a drink with them and friend said that W had told her about having sex with a woman, and friend kept asking my W if she would have sex with her. W just smiled and didn't answer. About a month or so later W and I went out to dinner with friend and friend's BF and they were talking about the fact that their boss was gay. BF said "D is bi-curious". She corrected him and said "I'm not curious any more". He made the same comment several times and she corrected him each time. After dinner we went out to a club and the women had too much to drink. Friend then told me that she and W had sex in the office one Friday afternoon after everyone else left. W says it never happened and that she doesn't know why friend would make something like that up. I think it happened at least one other time with friend, and at one point friend was going to break up with her BF and W asked me if she could stay with us for a while. After what I suspect was the second time with friend, W broke off all contact with friend. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 14, 2011 Share Posted January 14, 2011 Her actions are telling you something. Are you OK with how things currently are? Link to post Share on other sites
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