marigo Posted January 12, 2011 Share Posted January 12, 2011 Couples break up for many different reasons. Some because of fighting, distance, maturity, stability, and etc. But for many, we get the whole "i love you but im not in love with you anymore," or "my feelings have changed," or "i only see you as a friend than a romantic partner." I know couples get back together all the time, and most of the time, it doesnt work out the second time. But ive always been curious if couples who have broken up because of the whole "falling out of love" has ever gotten back together? I dont know why im asking this. Im just curious i guess. Because i would see couples get back together and those tend to be the couples who break up due to fighting, or arguments, etc. So it got me wondering what happens to those where one of the person in the relationship says he's in love with you anymore? I keep thinking that the only way for couples to get back together who is broken up in this way is when that person is suddenly in love with you again? So is that really how it is? I mean is it even possible to not be in love with the person anymore and then start falling in love with the same person again? I know it shouldnt matter because couples that get back together dont work out majority of the time. And i'm not asking this to get my hopes up because i know my ex will never come back to me. Hes madly in love with his new gf. Im just plain curious. So anyone of you broke up after getting the whole "i love you but im not in love with you" and then your partner came back for whatever reason?? Link to post Share on other sites
CrestfallenNoMore Posted January 12, 2011 Share Posted January 12, 2011 No, and later on, you'll be glad, too. Link to post Share on other sites
screwball Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 I got the whole, "I don't love you anymore" breakup. After that it pogo'ed for a while between the "I love you, I need you, please take me back" to "I don't love you". I went through an emotional roller coaster for a couple months between depression from loosing her to the high of her coming back. Eventually NC got it to stop. The breakups that you're describing are typically GIGS and mine fit the bill. Together and co-habitating for 2 years, talking about marriage and children. Started dating right before she turned 20 and things went south after she turned 22. Would have been better if she left and stayed gone for much longer! Link to post Share on other sites
Mrlonelyone Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 No. The thing is most people using the word love have no idea what actual love is or feels like. They mistake the lust of the honeymoon phase of a relationship for love. It takes great wisdom to know the difference. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
AC06 Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 No. The thing is most people using the word love have no idea what actual love is or feels like. They mistake the lust of the honeymoon phase of a relationship for love. It takes great wisdom to know the difference. Quoted for truth. Link to post Share on other sites
hART Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 Sort of. We hung out a bit afterwards, but that invisible fence was built between us. Once it was built, it just wasn't the same. Whether he changes his mind is irrelevant. I know his heart doesn't belong to me and it never did. That is what will forever keep me away from him. Also, we didn't treat each other right, which nullifies any relationship that can exist between us. Link to post Share on other sites
hanging on for now Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 Couples break up for many different reasons. Some because of fighting, distance, maturity, stability, and etc. But for many, we get the whole "i love you but im not in love with you anymore," or "my feelings have changed," or "i only see you as a friend than a romantic partner." I know couples get back together all the time, and most of the time, it doesnt work out the second time. But ive always been curious if couples who have broken up because of the whole "falling out of love" has ever gotten back together? I dont know why im asking this. Im just curious i guess. Because i would see couples get back together and those tend to be the couples who break up due to fighting, or arguments, etc. So it got me wondering what happens to those where one of the person in the relationship says he's in love with you anymore? I keep thinking that the only way for couples to get back together who is broken up in this way is when that person is suddenly in love with you again? So is that really how it is? I mean is it even possible to not be in love with the person anymore and then start falling in love with the same person again? I know it shouldnt matter because couples that get back together dont work out majority of the time. And i'm not asking this to get my hopes up because i know my ex will never come back to me. Hes madly in love with his new gf. Im just plain curious. So anyone of you broke up after getting the whole "i love you but im not in love with you" and then your partner came back for whatever reason?? I love you but I'm not in love with you. You quoted my wife. 25 years of marriage with all the pot holes along the way. See my problem is I came from a background where you sucked it up and delt with it, normally internally. She was more you deal with it now and out in the open. Some of that Mars/Venus stuff was present as well. The problem is I didn't realize how much I was hurting her by not addressing the problems which were bothering her. And the longer they hung out there, the more she obsessed on them. Edventually I became the reason for all her misery. It isn't completely true but that's what happened in her perception. It went on like this until I found her emails to the other man. When confronted I heard the lead statement, I love you but,......" She swore the other guy was just a friend but I knew better. 2 months later she separated from me and the affair became physical. It's over now and she feels like crap about it. We are in counsilling and I can see that we might pull this out. Today as I left her apartment she told me, "I love you." I hadn't heard that since last May and I don't know if she meant it then. There is a book titled "I love you but I'm not in love with you" by Andrew G. Marshall. I found it on Amazon. It really spells out what is happening in the I love you but relationships. I understand your marriage is over and I'm sorry it didn't work out. Still understanding why should be helpful going forward, either understanding what happened with the past or to better approach a relationship with someone new in the future. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
swfc_77 Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 i had it, she said those things to me, only to come back 3 months later after being with another guy. me and my family gave her the 2nd chance and she blew it. im sad for her for the way she conducted herself in front of my family when we got back together lies, lies and more lies, she is/was too young too immature and doesn't know the difference between lies and the truth. off topic. isn't it sad, i thought when you got with someone and made a commitment together you agree to stick it out through thick and thin. money shouldn't matter, material things shouldn't matter they become your family and you never give up on your family no matter what. just saddens me how many people chuck the towel in when things don't go exactly to plan. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 just saddens me how many people chuck the towel in when things don't go exactly to plan. Quick disposable throwaway society Link to post Share on other sites
Karma20 Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 Yes, one of my exes said he loved me but not the same. His feelings had changed blah blah. He came back 6 months later. It also happened to one of my friends, her ex came back almost a year later after telling her he only loved her as a friend. Link to post Share on other sites
dng Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 I got the whole, "I don't love you anymore" breakup. After that it pogo'ed for a while between the "I love you, I need you, please take me back" to "I don't love you". I went through an emotional roller coaster for a couple months between depression from loosing her to the high of her coming back. Eventually NC got it to stop. The breakups that you're describing are typically GIGS and mine fit the bill. Together and co-habitating for 2 years, talking about marriage and children. Started dating right before she turned 20 and things went south after she turned 22. Would have been better if she left and stayed gone for much longer! This is awesome. It happened to me as well but from a 28 years old. She went from "I love you but I'm not in love with you" because she heard her friend got it from her ex and figured it applied to us. After that she went to great lengths to explain that she always loved me but for awhile there, was too angry at me and so on, but that it came back. I was tempted but I found her to be vague about everything and finally found out she was still hanging with the same dude but calling him a friend now. I checked out and I told her the same thing, I wish you had left and called it quits and she agreed. You live you learn! Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 Yes, he left after 9 years, came back twice, and left for a 3rd and final time 9 years later (ie together 18 years). The first 2 times he left he said he wasn't in love with me anymore, but when he came back the 2nd time he said he *was* still in love with me but it was easier to tell himself that, ie easier to leave, as we were in a rut. When he came back the 2nd time he said "I can't believe I left you, I cant live without you, I'll never leave you again," he said this quite regularly, and we were closer than ever and things felt so secure, until he left for the final time. Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 Me and my ex were very much in love, I was in love with him for 18 years, he was in love with me for most of those, our love turned into something deep and solid, but that clearly wasn't enough for him in the end, we both thought it was forever, I wanted to be with him forever. He's now with an ex friend of mine and I am with someone else. No. The thing is most people using the word love have no idea what actual love is or feels like. They mistake the lust of the honeymoon phase of a relationship for love. It takes great wisdom to know the difference. Link to post Share on other sites
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