HOW DO I PLAY GAME?

[artlover]

Ok, I have this guy that I met at a party Friday night. I'm not particularly attracted to him, but he's nice enough and very smart and we have writing and theatre in common. The major problem with him is he's a bit hyper and seems pretty uncomfortable in his skin. It makes me uncomfortable. He called last night to invite me to a show this weekend. I don't really want to go, but should I go anyway and let my annoying "friend" know it to make him jealous? Or should I tell him about this guy and ask his opinion of how to handle it to see his reaction? Or should I just tell this guy where to go and be done with it? My first instinct would be to do the last one, but my game playing skills clearly need some fine tuning...

 

Tony, any advice?

[Tony T]

You are right, you aren't very good at playing the game. Don't go out with someone you aren't interested in. Don't waste your time. But do accept invitations from guys who you are interested in. I also warn you not to judge guys at your first meeting. They may be very excited to meet you and become nervous about it. That should actually be flattering. What you sensed as discomfort and hyperness may have been a positive reaction to meeting you...you just never know. Again, if you don't want to see him again, just don't.

 

If you call the guy you like to give him information on other guys, it will sound like cheap psychology. When you go out with others, just let the guy you like find out on his own. Word will get to him without you saying a word. You have got to be very cool about all of this. Give yourself time...you'll get good at it in due time.

 

You have got to put some of your own good thought into this stuff.

[Nicky]

You are right, you aren't very good at playing the game. Don't go out with someone you aren't interested in. Don't waste your time. But do accept invitations from guys who you are interested in. I also warn you not to judge guys at your first meeting. They may be very excited to meet you and become nervous about it. That should actually be flattering. What you sensed as discomfort and hyperness may have been a positive reaction to meeting you...you just never know. Again, if you don't want to see him again, just don't. If you call the guy you like to give him information on other guys, it will sound like cheap psychology. When you go out with others, just let the guy you like find out on his own. Word will get to him without you saying a word. You have got to be very cool about all of this. Give yourself time...you'll get good at it in due time. You have got to put some of your own good thought into this stuff. Sorry, my gut reaction is to not agree with any of this!!!! I suspect, very strongly (!), that I'm in the minority, but I really react against gameplaying. Of course, it works - to a point, but I can generally tell when it's going on, and even when it's not, at the end of the day, I cannot be manipulated into liking anybody more than I do.

 

I tend to think that most people can intuitively pick up on this (it just might take time)

[Tony T]

Nicky:

 

I have not even remotely implied that this lady should play a game. I even told her she is not good at it. Read my post carefully and you will see I have advised her to live her life as usual.

 

However, I do agree with what you have said about game playing...for some people. In love, whatever works for us...works. And at the end of the day, I always watch the 11 o'clock news.

[Nicky]

Nicky: I have not even remotely implied that this lady should play a game. I even told her she is not good at it. Read my post carefully and you will see I have advised her to live her life as usual. However, I do agree with what you have said about game playing...for some people. In love, whatever works for us...works. And at the end of the day, I always watch the 11 o'clock news.

 

Sorry, I can have a terrible habit of reading too quickly sometimes- which is particularly inappropriate given the nature of this website.