Vesna Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 I have hit a crossroad in my life where I need to make decisions for my future and that seems to include evaluating friendships as well. It is worth mentioning that most of my friends/acquaintances have mental illnesses, including me. I have depression. I had to cut myself off from a 7 year friendship with a man with schizophrenia who was not taking his meds, not showering at all and was drinking way to much. Here are examples of 'friends' who are just really annoying. It is easier to identify them by their disorders than their names. 1. Miss Schizoaffective Disorder. She only needs me when her other 'best friend' has dissed her. As soon as they renew their friendship, which is several times a year, I don't hear from her. I don't mind. She tries to press my buttons and I have talked with her about this but she reverts to type pretty quickly. She also lives in Level 4 squalor and has told me that I am too houseproud. 2. Ms Schizophrenia. Since her substantial inheritance she has bought a home and drinks two bottles of brandy a day to cope with the good fortune. We see each other about once a year or so but we chat on the phone for hours at least once a week. We have been friends for 15 years. Lately, she has criticised my lifestyle. She has never turned on a computer in her life but proceeds to tell me that I have become superficial and shallow since I have joined the cyber world. I have quit binge drinking and she has shown that she feels confronted by it. She says I have a 'pretty priviledge' and that her own androgynous appearance has delivered her a lousy hand. She also frequently reminds me of my insecurity as far as how long I will live here goes. I am really sick of her asking about mutual friends/acquaintances from a lifetime ago, people I don't care for anymore. Also, she repeats herself constantly, as alcoholics are known to do. It is extremely wearying. 3. Ms Borderline. I mentioned in another post that she brings me food that is innappropriate to my new in permanent eating plan. She is morbidly obese and pokes fun at younger women who look like they might be heading the same way. She has displayed her hate for slender women. She is always complaining about her lot in life and everything seems to be "yes, but...." She also tells me that by just looking at me she knows I will be as sick as she is in 20 years time. I left my mother because of this bitterness. In addition to this, I am fed up with people with mental illness in general at present as they seem contented with their lot. It is easier to take what they are given and not aspire to better things. I know differently but I wouldn't waste my energy trying to convert them. I have changed. I have come to terms with the depression and have a lifetime plan in the making in order to live with it, not suffer from it. I am on the same income as these people, yet I am never broke, I don't constantly want for supplies, I know where to find lovely clothes and I maintain my weight. I buy bottled wine as opposed to their casks. My house is tasteful and clean. I have discovered classic novels. My vegetable garden is brimming with promises and I have time to attend to small details such as decluttering my home regularly. I will be registering with a disability agency in order to gain employment in a plant nursery. I won't be telling anyone when I do get a job because of the reactionary comments such as "Wow you're rich". I am very much over talking about money and it makes me sick when people talk about money they don't have. I am no longer sad for these people because they really know their place and have been beaten down for so long that they don't even know that the only way is up. Honestly, I have gone from being saddened to being sickened by these pathetic people. I am a loner by nature but I need friends in my life. Church is not an option. This is more of a rant than a plea for help but any opinions are appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Vesna Posted January 13, 2011 Author Share Posted January 13, 2011 I forgot to mention that I feel like I am wedged between two worlds right now. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 get involved in stuff you're interested in – it's easier to meet potential friends that way. Church isn't a bad place, provided it's not heavy on proselytization and strong on building real relationships (I know, sounds impossible, but sometimes off-shoot ministries are a good place to meet friends) – when you're ready to venture that way, though! I think you're crap detector has been beeping good and strong around certain people, and it's okay to limit your interaction with them if they don't build you up psychologically or spiritually. Because that's what true friends do ... not suck you dry like an emotional vampire Link to post Share on other sites
KikiW Posted January 14, 2011 Share Posted January 14, 2011 Sounds like you have hit a new phase of your life, and it sounds like these people are not adding positive things to it. There is nothing wrong with moving on from a friendship that isn't working to both your benefits anymore. You mentioned a garden - perhaps finding some other local community growers? Link to post Share on other sites
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