Rate The Conversation Starters (For Girls)

[northern_sky]

I don't really get these. They would all come off as non-sequitors. I mean you're really going to approach some random chick at a party and say, "duh, have you seen tron legacy?" You'll end up looking like a dorky tool.

 

Also, they're way too long for openers. I don't understand why you think it would be effective to bombard a girl with some massive, out of context monologue.

 

Stop trying to plan everything in advance. With all the variables of social interaction, anything prepackaged will most likely lead to a massive fail, and you're not witty enough to handle the challenge.

 

I think you'll be far more successful with women if you take the George Costanza approach and do the complete opposite of what you do normally.

Edited January 13, 2011 by northern_sky

[Billy_Boy]

Do you ever talk about... ya know... yourself? I know what its like to be an information collector and to have intellectual pursuits and a need to understand. But if you have to "dumb" down it means you have spent TOO much time with books and reading and not enough time interacting with humans emotionally which should have been the counter balance to all your fact finding.

 

My suggestion would be to date girls from Yale or something who can appreciate what you have to offer. If you just want tang, then I would suggest having more money.

[Mme. Chaucer]

OP, I am consistently frustrated and often irritated by your threads about dating because you seem completely unable to understand this one simple point:

 

A girl is going to have to be drawn to you in some way in order for you to get to have sex with her.

 

There is no formula for this.

 

Your approach of "if I do step 'a' properly it WILL lead to step 'b'" does not work when you are dealing with other human beings even with something as basic as the course a conversation takes. There are too many other things in play.

 

Your absolute inability to even grasp the concept of spontaneity probably makes you a virtual non-contender for a "casual sex" candidate for a girl who was looking for that, unless she was incoherent. Casual sex is supposed to provide a THRILL. Are you going to provide thrills? Doubtful.

 

You are not interested in getting to know a girl or to develop any kind of relationship with one. You don't have the attributes sought by girls who are looking for cheap thrills - and there are plenty of guys out in the bars who DO. Thus, I am not being facetious when I tell you that your best route to obtain casual sex will be to pay for it outright, as in a business transaction.

 

This also seems like it will suit your personal style well. It's straightforward - step 'a' WILL lead to step 'b'. No surprises (well, unless you get mugged).

 

U1987, all my frustration and irritation with you aside, I honestly believe that you do have some issues that are standing in the way of you achieving social discourse with other people. You are a young man and probably horny, and you want to relieve this state without the profoundly uncomfortable and messy (for you) quagmire of having to get involved with anyone on a human, social level.

 

Rather than focussing on how you can maneuver girls into having casual sex with you, I suggest that you take all this energy and turn it in towards yourself. Find someone to help you (like a therapist or a "life coach") in real life so you can function socially more on the same plane with your peers.

[iJester]

Since BackUpOrGetStung got banned, he sent me, his cousin to take his place.

 

Again, you're trying too hard, and it's obvious, just like all your online attempts. You have to pique a girl's interest, which means there has to be something that she finds interesting about you. You are trying to lure someone too you with things that are of interest to you. Unless you're frequenting places where the women are economics professors, I doubt your brilliant idea to start trade market for debt is going to fall on receptive ears. You have to be fun, and no one can tell you how to do that because everyone has different strengths and different ways of expressing them. You have to find a girl whose interests match your knowledge and interests, and generally speaking, women with your interests aren't party girls just looking to get laid. You're not being genuine(again) and it is easily noticed. As Mme. Chaucer said, find yourself a nice escort and all your problems will be solved. Paying for it, or becoming wealthy(in which case you will be paying for it, you just won't care) are the only options for you to get what you are seeking.

 

I think your time would be much better spent trying to find someone that actually likes you for you, and wants to be with you. I think that's what you've wanted all along, and since that isn't happening, you just want to get laid. I honestly don't think you'd even be able to keep a casual relationship. I'd bet that if you did get a girl to sign on for an fwb deal, you'd fall really hard because she's the only one that's shown any interest in you.

[Saxis]

"Excuse me... Does this cloth smell like chloroform to you?"

[ConflictedGuy27]

I agree with Billy Boy, Mme. Chaucer & iJester.

 

it's the bunny ranch for you, ma'boy!!

by no means a death sentence, finances notwithstanding.

[ConflictedGuy27]

"Excuse me... Does this cloth smell like chloroform to you?"

 

"I think it... doe... ZzzZZz..."

then enters the police sirens.

[Kamille]

BF and I met because the DJ messed up at the party we were attending. We were dancing next to each other, the DJ messed up, we turned to each other and laughed. He made a banal comment about the "tough life of a DJ", I introduced myself and the rest is history.

 

So NEVER underestimate the power of banal conversation about things in your environment. Interactional studies have shown that these are the best conversation starters: they're not about you or the person you're approaching but about something you can both refer too.

 

The main problem I see with your openers is that under guise of "dumbing down", you're actually talking as if your approachee has a complete grasp of contemporary pop culture. You're making reference to something your interlocutor might not grasp or approach the same way you do. Many of your comments are also centered on you, what you think and the validation of an opinion. You're basically doing a dissertation about popular culture and asking for a response. I would be intimidated by such an approach and would likely shirk off. Everyday conversation is not about dazzling with your grasp of a topic, but about building rapport with others (I've read estimates that say something like 80% of everyday conversation is emphatic: we show each other we like each other and care about each other, but the content of the information doesn't matter as much. This is the function of the ritual "How are you?" and "How was your day?" Since sociability is fundamental to the survival of the entire human race, the emphatic function of language is actually one of the most important).

 

There is also the problem that some of your comments are so focused on asserting your masculinity that you laps into condescension towards what you assume to be the potential interests of the women you approach (the lonely bones, Britney Spears). The best way to be masculine is to have a "quiet confident masculinity". You don't need to assert it at every turn - and especially not at the expense of your interlocutor.

 

All that said, good for you for deciding to be more active in your quest to meet the right girl.

[U1987]

OP, I am consistently frustrated and often irritated by your threads about dating because you seem completely unable to understand this one simple point:

 

A girl is going to have to be drawn to you in some way in order for you to get to have sex with her.

 

There is no formula for this.

 

Your approach of "if I do step 'a' properly it WILL lead to step 'b'" does not work when you are dealing with other human beings even with something as basic as the course a conversation takes. There are too many other things in play.

 

I'm merely asking for conversation starters, not whole conversation scripts.

 

Your absolute inability to even grasp the concept of spontaneity probably makes you a virtual non-contender for a "casual sex" candidate for a girl who was looking for that, unless she was incoherent. Casual sex is supposed to provide a THRILL. Are you going to provide thrills? Doubtful.

 

Then there's no harm in merely suggesting a conversation starter.

 

You are not interested in getting to know a girl or to develop any kind of relationship with one. You don't have the attributes sought by girls who are looking for cheap thrills - and there are plenty of guys out in the bars who DO. Thus, I am not being facetious when I tell you that your best route to obtain casual sex will be to pay for it outright, as in a business transaction.

 

This also seems like it will suit your personal style well. It's straightforward - step 'a' WILL lead to step 'b'. No surprises (well, unless you get mugged).

I've explained this already, this is absolutely NOT an option, for 2 reasons.

 

1) I worked part time in college. I make less than $9000 a year. Do you have any idea how much even a moderately attractive prostitute costs?

2) Prostitution is more than just illegal in my state; it's a sex crime. Hiring a prostitute lands you on the Sex Offender Registry; you're paired with rapists and child molesters for life if you're caught with a prostitute.

 

Would you date someone on the Sex Offender Registry?

 

U1987, all my frustration and irritation with you aside, I honestly believe that you do have some issues that are standing in the way of you achieving social discourse with other people. You are a young man and probably horny, and you want to relieve this state without the profoundly uncomfortable and messy (for you) quagmire of having to get involved with anyone on a human, social level.

 

I just don't want to have to deal with any long term phoniness, which is what "dating" and "serious relationships" are to me.

[Mme. Chaucer]

I just don't want to have to deal with any long term phoniness, which is what "dating" and "serious relationships" are to me.

 

Forgive me for calling BS on this. Of course you don't have to go for dating or an LTR if you don't want to, but if it would be "phony," that would be on you. And it's kind of a laugh to hear a guy who is completely clueless of the fact that lying an misrepresentation to get a girl to sleep with him is ... just plain wrong, describe anything as "phoniness."

 

Anyway, it's not all about what you WANT to deal with when you are dealing with other people, dude. They are going to be trying to get what they WANT as well. Your good qualities, as described by you in your "manifesto," are NOT what any girl looking to get casually laid is interested in. Not one single one of them, not one tiny iota. YES, many of them are really good qualities. You can find common ground with others with those qualities. They are not "bait" for smoking hot thrilling NSA sex.

 

Consider taking the advice given to you by me and a few others. Look for some help readjusting yourself socially so you can function better in social environments, rather than focussing on how to get other people to do your will. More than 90% of the men and women in those environments are on the same page to a superficial extent. It's a page you've never read.

[Mme. Chaucer]

"Excuse me... Does this cloth smell like chloroform to you?"

 

:laugh:Really ... to a concerning extent!

[oaks]

I'm merely asking for conversation starters, not whole conversation scripts.

 

"Hi."

 

 

(Really.)

[pookster72]

 

My suggestion would be to date girls from Yale or something who can appreciate what you have to offer.

i don't think they would. i mean... i studied econ, and i LOVE learning about taxes and related "dull" stuff but if a dude came up to me at a bar where i was trying to chill i would be way turned off if he introduced himself by talking about solutions for credit card debt LOL. that just screams socially awkward and/or trying way too hard to come off as educated. talk about YOURSELF and talk about the girl. ask her questions about herself. girls love talking about themselves. try to be witty if you can. make fun of someone or something else in the bar so you can both laugh about it.

Edited January 13, 2011 by pookster72

[Jazzari]

If you are the highly intelligent, intellectual type, maybe you would do better meeting girls in the library. You could see what book she has out and use that as an opening conversation.

 

I know you're just looking for a quick bang, but you might actually meet someone you have something in common with.

[Cee]

I think Jazzari has nailed it. Like attracts like.

 

Go after a woman you can talk to. Casual sex is ubiquitous among various social communities. Dragon con was a sex fest from what I heard. And I have a friend involved in some obscure, intellectual society who has been getting quite a bit since his divorce. He goes on these conferences with his peers and then they get cozy after the intellectual debates. I've become jealous of him- he has 3 different lovers in far flung places.

 

Maybe you could go to some sort of convention or gathering of like minded types and have some fun.

[U1987]

Forgive me for calling BS on this. Of course you don't have to go for dating or an LTR if you don't want to, but if it would be "phony," that would be on you. And it's kind of a laugh to hear a guy who is completely clueless of the fact that lying an misrepresentation to get a girl to sleep with him is ... just plain wrong, describe anything as "phoniness."

 

Anyway, it's not all about what you WANT to deal with when you are dealing with other people, dude. They are going to be trying to get what they WANT as well. Your good qualities, as described by you in your "manifesto," are NOT what any girl looking to get casually laid is interested in. Not one single one of them, not one tiny iota. YES, many of them are really good qualities. You can find common ground with others with those qualities. They are not "bait" for smoking hot thrilling NSA sex.

 

Consider taking the advice given to you by me

 

 

What advice? As far as I can remember you've only been putting me down and nay-saying.

 

And what do you think of the other 2 things I mentioned?

[Mme. Chaucer]

What advice?

 

To seek assistance in the form of therapy or a life coach so you can function socially on a better level. I've suggested it more than once. Also, to give up on the idea of "tricking" girls into having sex with you. It's sleazy and it will never work, anyway. Unless you do the chloroform thingy.

 

 

As far as I can remember you've only been putting me down and nay-saying.

 

When you speak of your fellow humans, in this case, women, as nothing more than objects you need to get your personal desires fulfilled, you can count on a LOT of putting down and nay-saying from all angles.

 

I did say that the good qualities you listed in your "manifesto" were, in fact, valid, good qualities. Just not sex bait. Do you understand?

 

I PROMISE you that no girl ever has, or will, say "wow. U1987 reads the Economist and enjoys logging; plus, look at that casual business attire he's sporting. I must feel his naked body next to mine NOW."

 

Girls who are going for casual sex WANT THRILLS. THRILLS. Do you understand?

 

And what do you think of the other 2 things I mentioned?

 

Which 2 things? Your finances and your concern about the legality standing in the way of hiring a pro for sex? Those things can be overcome easily and they are thousands of times per day by men of worse economic means than yours.

 

It's more honorable to risk legal trouble for YOURSELF than to try to TRICK girls into having sex with you by pretending to be interested in more. YOU are the one who "needs" to have sex so badly with no strings. Go buy some.

Edited January 14, 2011 by Mme. Chaucer

[northern_sky]

"Excuse me... Does this cloth smell like chloroform to you?"

 

that would be more effective.

[dispatch3d]

BTW you were quick to shut down conflicted guy's suggestions-- but yours could easily end the same way.

 

You ask a girl what super power she wants, she'll probably just be like "haha. oh, um, idk, haha." Done. Then what?

 

You're idealizing your scenarios too much. Comment on who is around, anything at all. It isn't that hard.

 

humm I don't mean to judge, but I would have picked a better super power than oh um. My power would be ho hum, the power to make anyone say ho hum. Hum?

 

This guy just doesn't strike me as witty though. Why not start with cashiers? It actually takes some social skills to talk to them like they are your friend you haven't seen in a while.

[Leigh 87]

I find your opinions of others to be insulting.

 

Being well educated does not make less educated people around you stupid; they might have a decent IQ, but have just not been able to use it to its full potential.

 

I would not know much on the subjects you listed as your prefered things to talk about; the reason I am not able to talk about these subjects in depth, is because I have not TRIED to research them; I am not stupid for not knowing what you are talking about, I simply have not gone out to seek the knowldge.

 

It is not a matter of you being smart, and people who cannot interlectually connect with you being DUMB; if they wanted to, they could ALSO have the SAME potential as you, to inform themselves on those subjects that you know a lot about.

 

 

Please, do not assume that the potential inteligence of a women is diminished if they like to talk about simple things.

 

I like talking about simple things at this point in my life. A mental illness has left me emotionally drained, and I am also a lazy person; I have not read a lot about current events or important topics, such as economics.

 

I KNOW that I have sat around and done nothing though; I have not gone out to learn new things or seek new knowledge; but that does NOT mean I have a low iQ, or that I am " stupid".

 

 

This is just my unique situation, however, the point is: people that like talking about simple things, may still have the same IQ as you do; they have just yet to go out and try to SEEK the knowledge required to connect with u intellectually.

 

Remember, some great women do have the ability to learn more, and attain more knowledge; a women who cannot quiet meet your intellectual standards, may well have a goo dpersonality match for you.

 

for example; a women who is genuinly interested in learning more about a variety of topics, but has yet to do it; they might have a good personality that is suited to your personality, and if they actually wanted to learn more, and they took an interested in your interests ( and you should take an interest in your partners interests) they could eventually be able to talk to you about a wide range of subjects, beyond the initial limitations.

 

 

It does make more sense to seek women who also have a good knowledge about your areas of interests, however, do not assume that women who do not already have a high level of knowledge about many issues, are innately stupid; many have the potential to be just as smart as you.

[dispatch3d]

I find your opinions of others to be insulting.

 

Being well educated does not make less educated people around you stupid; they might have a decent IQ, but have just not been able to use it to its full potential.

 

I would not know much on the subjects you listed as your prefered things to talk about; the reason I am not able to talk about these subjects in depth, is because I have not TRIED to research them; I am not stupid for not knowing what you are talking about, I simply have not gone out to seek the knowldge.

 

It is not a matter of you being smart, and people who cannot interlectually connect with you being DUMB; if they wanted to, they could ALSO have the SAME potential as you, to inform themselves on those subjects that you know a lot about.

 

 

Please, do not assume that the potential inteligence of a women is diminished if they like to talk about simple things.

 

I like talking about simple things at this point in my life. A mental illness has left me emotionally drained, and I am also a lazy person; I have not read a lot about current events or important topics, such as economics.

 

I KNOW that I have sat around and done nothing though; I have not gone out to learn new things or seek new knowledge; but that does NOT mean I have a low iQ, or that I am " stupid".

 

 

This is just my unique situation, however, the point is: people that like talking about simple things, may still have the same IQ as you do; they have just yet to go out and try to SEEK the knowledge required to connect with u intellectually.

 

Remember, some great women do have the ability to learn more, and attain more knowledge; a women who cannot quiet meet your intellectual standards, may well have a goo dpersonality match for you.

 

for example; a women who is genuinly interested in learning more about a variety of topics, but has yet to do it; they might have a good personality that is suited to your personality, and if they actually wanted to learn more, and they took an interested in your interests ( and you should take an interest in your partners interests) they could eventually be able to talk to you about a wide range of subjects, beyond the initial limitations.

 

 

It does make more sense to seek women who also have a good knowledge about your areas of interests, however, do not assume that women who do not already have a high level of knowledge about many issues, are innately stupid; many have the potential to be just as smart as you.

 

(a) it seems like if he was really smart, he wouldn't have any need to talk about these subjects. Although it IS possible that he likes just these subjects

(b) if he was really smart, he would realize that the population of people where he lives is small, and the population of people who bother looking into any of those subjects, is also small, and therefore there is a very minute chance he'll even run into ANYONE who wants to talk about that stuff.

© It's not that most people can't talk about the subjects he wants to talk about (ie. they are too dumb) it's that they don't give a **** about biology. Me, personally, I think biology is retarded and a waste of time .

(d) His continued entitled attitude has to limit his learning abilities (one continual theme is a sense of entitlement, inability in making value judgements, I could go on... He doesn't really get jokes, isn't fully aware of social situations, etc.). All of these things point to things limiting his learning. If he was truly smart/had a high IQ he would be good at socializing. At least two of my friends have iq's over 130 (this is around 99th percentile) and the common theme among all of them is the ability to socialize - likely because they learn from "mistakes" or "mishaps" faster than the average person.

(e) he doesn't seem to realize how this overall attitude is poison to his overall goal.

 

However, deep down he does mean well. He just doesn't understand basic social concepts. Once he gets over those, he'll be much better off.

[AverageJoe]

I will give him some due credit for taking action, unlike before.

 

Last weekend (maybe it was two weeks ago) I was at a bar where some friends of mine were booked to play that night. It was a pretty booked out gig, lots of people

 

I make my way to the bar and as I am waiting for the bartender to come around, there is this hot ass girl sitting down directly to my right. I said hi, and she returned in kind. Rocking body and and eyes you could get lost in.

 

The bartender asked what I will be having. I'm not much of a liquor drinker, however that night I felt an itch that needed to be scratched.

 

I will have a rum and coke! Then, immediately the girl to my right says. Make that two. I look at her then back to the bartender and said. You better make hers a diet.

 

It worked. Take from that what you will.

 

(her assuming I would put it on my tab is a completely different conversation)

[ConflictedGuy27]

(d) His continued entitled attitude has to limit his learning abilities (one continual theme is a sense of entitlement, inability in making value judgements, I could go on... He doesn't really get jokes, isn't fully aware of social situations, etc.). All of these things point to things limiting his learning. If he was truly smart/had a high IQ he would be good at socializing. At least two of my friends have iq's over 130 (this is around 99th percentile) and the common theme among all of them is the ability to socialize - likely because they learn from "mistakes" or "mishaps" faster than the average person.

(e) he doesn't seem to realize how this overall attitude is poison to his overall goal.

 

However, deep down he does mean well. He just doesn't understand basic social concepts. Once he gets over those, he'll be much better off.

 

 

spot on analysis, dispatch.

I too get the impression that OP's entitled attitude is (and has been) his social hinderance longer than we all know.

 

I called it a failure to use empathy properly, but I prefer the way you put it better -- "entitlement".

 

OP, marinade in dispatches point above. man, that's a tall order I bet (for anyone took look in the mirror that deep), but that's some Grade-A critical observation. if it upsets you, fine... that is, so long as you stop it, then re-read it & think about it.

 

good luck, OP, I can tell you're trying.

[U1987]

Which 2 things? Your finances and your concern about the legality standing in the way of hiring a pro for sex? Those things can be overcome easily and they are thousands of times per day by men of worse economic means than yours.

 

It's more honorable to risk legal trouble for YOURSELF than to try to TRICK girls into having sex with you by pretending to be interested in more. YOU are the one who "needs" to have sex so badly with no strings. Go buy some.

 

You're not the first one to bring this up. Everyone else who has brought it up has also avoided this question, so please answer it.

 

Would you go out with a registered sex offender?

 

Because a guy WILL go on the registry if he's caught with a prostitute. Do you understand that?

[U1987]

Which 2 things? Your finances and your concern about the legality standing in the way of hiring a pro for sex? Those things can be overcome easily and they are thousands of times per day by men of worse economic means than yours.

 

It's more honorable to risk legal trouble for YOURSELF than to try to TRICK girls into having sex with you by pretending to be interested in more. YOU are the one who "needs" to have sex so badly with no strings. Go buy some.

 

You're not the first one to bring this up. Everyone else who has brought it up has also avoided this question, so please answer it.

 

Would you go out with a registered sex offender?

 

Do you understand that the sex offender registry makes NO DISTINCTION between rapists, pedophiles, child molesters and men who hire prostitutes?

 

Because a guy WILL go on the registry if he's caught with a prostitute. Do you understand that?