spiderowl Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 (edited) I'm hoping you wise people might have some insight into where I'm going wrong. I'm a 'mature' woman and would like to meet a nice guy ideally for a long-term relationship, but I feel the guys I meet are not suitable for some reason. There are so few I meet that I am attracted to, say 2 or 3 in the past year, and they were attached or, in one case, just too complicated and confusing. Although average looking, I do get approached quite a lot considering I'm over 50. I get asked out quite a bit on dating sites and have not lacked invitations socially in person either but there's always something wrong. I'll give you some examples: (1) 40-year-old guy, lovely guy, but too geeky, smokes occasionally, drinks a bit more'n I think is wise, hasn't had children. (1) Guy bit younger than me, physically attractive to me, has had children, intelligent, fun personality, but womaniser, critical and personal, impulsive and indiscreet, we had a tiff, his sexuality not too clear either! (3) Younger guy, attractive personality and def body, sweet character, bit too forward in front of my friends though to point of embarrassment, not very intelligent at all. (4) Older guy, super intelligent, interesting character but physically not attractive, bit domineering. (5) Older guy, talks about sex too much, but I'm not attracted physically and feel awkward about comments. (6) Slightly younger guy, attractive to me, hardly know him and don't cross paths often, may be attached ... and so it goes on. I feel most of these guys would be right for a long-term relationship, except maybe the last one, but then I hardly know him. One or two may be great for fun and warmth maybe but that could get complicated, not to mention embarassing if they were indiscreet. Also, don't want to mess these guys around, esp. one who hasn't had children as he's serious and being with me would deprive him of that. Guys online too far away or sexually suggestive. Also a lot of them are much younger and I doubt they are thinking of a proper relationship. I despair really. I'm thinking I would be better off if I simply gave up on the idea of ever having a physical relationship again. This is hard to come to terms with though. I don't understand what's going wrong when I do seem to have lots of options, just not the right ones. Any pearls of wisdom? Am I best just resigning myself to a life of abstinence? Should I just have fun with those who appeal and to hell with the consequences? Why am I finding this all so difficult? Edited January 13, 2011 by spiderowl Link to post Share on other sites
Disillusioned Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 You're going wrong by not being in Los Angeles. I went wrong by being born male. Link to post Share on other sites
worlybear Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 Hey. I hear you. I am also a 50+ female and have encountered similar problems. I think that making friends with guys and waiting to see if anything further develops is the key. Personally I don't date anyone who is not at least in their late 40s as my oldest son is 27 and it would just not feel right! Yep. I think that friends is the way forward! Link to post Share on other sites
Author spiderowl Posted January 14, 2011 Author Share Posted January 14, 2011 Oops! I realise there was an important typo in my message. I meant I feel most of these guys wouldn't be right for a long-term relationship, not that they would. But you seem to have understood anyway. Thanks for your thoughts on this. I've tried the friends thing but then I realise it's best they stay friends because there is some serious flaw I don't feel I can cope with (like too much drinking). Then we both end up in a somewhat frustrating situation. It seems impossible to find someone on the same wavelength and I don't want to compromise by being with someone who's not quite right and if I know it won't last. Having a fling would be better but then one person tends to get attached and it all ends in tears anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted January 14, 2011 Share Posted January 14, 2011 If you are average looking and get approached, then you simply need to work on improving what you have to offer. If you want to attract decent men, you have to work hard to be decent yourself. While some average looking women get attractive, intelligent, and great men, normally, the quality men go for women with great personalities, who are also some what attractive.. Do pilates DVDs every day - I do, I am 24 and they help a lot. Seriously: you cannot expect to get very attractive AND intelligent, humerous, and great men, if you are not pertty decent yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author spiderowl Posted January 15, 2011 Author Share Posted January 15, 2011 (edited) Could be that the ones I'd be interested in are not physically attracted, I don't know. Most of them seem to be attached and others, well, good-looking but weird or not very bright. I have been approached by really attractive men but to be honest I'm really shy and can't understand why they're being friendly. I just assume they have so many options they are unlikely to stay with me for long anyway. I don't know why but I don't trust very attractive men. Tonight I met the guy that I mentioned above that I was interested in. We met incidentally at a common interest group. I didn't know if he was attached. He was very friendly and we talked about the common interest. (He has offered to teach me something connected with that in the past, but I fluffed that one, being too shy to accept. This was the first time I got talking to him and we met because he stopped me as I was walking past him.) I felt a spark when we met then and I felt it this evening also. I think he did too, but ... yes, he's attached and so that's the end of that. There's no way I'd get involved with someone who is in a relationship. It's just very disappointing as I don't often feel that way about a guy. Do I just resign myself to the fact that all the best ones are taken? It's beginning to seem like that. Edited January 15, 2011 by spiderowl Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted January 15, 2011 Share Posted January 15, 2011 The good quality people do have more of a chance at getting people, however, relationships do not always last forever, so even the " good" men are single at times! And yes, not many very, very attractive guys would bother with an average looking girl long term i think; even if an average girl has a GREAT personality, so too, do a lot of slim and attractive women. Although, there are a lot of celebrity couples that have a good looking guy, with average women. Very attractive men do connect with and have sparks with average looking women, and it does happen, so do not rule it out. For now, just try to be as fit and healthy as you can; besides your personality and non physical related qualities, eating a natural and healthy diet and doing yoga and pilates, in addition to cardio, are importanrt to look good. Young people need those things to look good, so middle aged people need them more. Link to post Share on other sites
JosphineScierkac Posted January 15, 2011 Share Posted January 15, 2011 I am not sure where you're getting your information, but good topic. auto trader florida Clearwater auto trader georgia Augusta Link to post Share on other sites
JosphineScierkac Posted January 15, 2011 Share Posted January 15, 2011 I am not sure where you're getting your info, but great topic. auto trader florida Clearwater auto trader georgia Augusta Link to post Share on other sites
Author spiderowl Posted January 17, 2011 Author Share Posted January 17, 2011 Are you saying that just by making myself look better it will solve the problem of a lack of suitable guys who I connect with? I don't seem to have a great problem meeting attractive guys, it's just that they're either taken or turn out to be weird. Link to post Share on other sites
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