together 5 and a half years, been married, 1 1/2 years, and wife wants a divorce

[garetjax2002]

Ok, I will start from the beginning, I met my wife for the first time 8/26/2005, and I asked her to go out with me 9/2/2005. About 4 months into our relationship my Ex starts to call me even though I changed my number, she got the number from someone's phone at a party. Well I was with my Ex for about a year and a half, and just broke up with her 5/12/2005. She starts telling me all of these things that sound great, saying that she would change things, and be the person I wanted her to be when we were together, she said she make a HUGE mistake ever breaking up with me. So I start to do the sneaky thing, which NEVER works for me, so I should have known better. I go to my ex's apartment after dropping Linsey (my girlfriend) off at her parents house. I would go over there and talk to her, and we would talk about getting together, but mainly just sit there, and watch movies, there was never any sex, just sitting there. Well after this went on for a couple of weeks my ex finally talked me into breaking up with Linsey by texting it to her, so I did. As soon as I did this my ex totally lost interest in me, and started treating my like crap!!! she was manipulating me, she just wanted to ruin things between Linsey and I, she never really wanted me back!!!

 

Ok, so I finally got ahold of Linsey, I was so confused, I have never been in a situation like this, I was a late bloomer as far as women go, I didn't know what to do, so Linsey comes over, and smacks me in the face, and I tell her that I want her back, she hates me at this point, but on top of everything else, due to my confusion I ask her if I can have time to make a decision, HOW STUPID AM I, she runs out of the house, and gets ready to leave, never wanting to see me again, I talk her into going for a ride with me in my car, to give us time to talk, I drive out to the local highway (I-275) and start to just drive around the loop, and I am telling her over and over and over that I am sorry, and trying to say anything I can to make her realize that I want to be with her, that I am an idiot, and that she is the sweetest, and best thing that has ever happened to me.....somehow I get through to her, and starts to cry, and says I love you too, I want to be with you too, I just want to hug you and kiss you right now, but I guess I have to wait, but before going home, I say why wait when we can hug and kiss right now. So I pull over on the side of the interstate with cars flying by, and hug and kiss her like something out of a movie, it was one of the best, most romantic experiences of my life.

 

Well after that things were good for a long time, then one day my ex gf calls my phone again, I had changed my phone number 3 times to avoid her, and she kept getting it, I eventually decided I was tired of changing my number so I would just deal with it, and hang up on her if she called. Well this particular day, I was at work and she called, and I was so happy with Linsey, and I thought enough time had passed that it would be ok for me to say Hi, and see how she is doing so that’s what I did, I talked to her for about 20 minutes, and then I let her go. Well Linsey looks through my phone, and says why does it show on your phone that you talked to your EX gf for 20 minutes, and stupid me says, ummm she called, and I put the phone in my pocket and I guess she didn’t hang up…..well that didn’t fly with her, she pretended she accepted that lie, but it has been brought up multiple times throughout our relationship. I am so stupid!!!

 

Ok so we have a relationship, that is mostly good, we say please and thank you to each other, we do things for each other, and her and I both live at our parents houses due to respect for her parents and grandparents, they are religion folks, that don’t believe in cohabitation prior to marriage.

 

some more time passes, and we finally decide to get married, I ask her to marry me 9/2/2008 (3 years after I originally asked her out) and then 8/23/2009 we get hitched, we have a great wedding, everyone loved the setup, the music, and the food, then we go on our honey moon, and come back to our house that I bought about a month prior to getting married. Things are great, I have a good job, I feel good, we are going to settle down, make our house a home, enjoy ourselves for a couple years, then down the road have kids, and the whole shebang.

 

Well things are great for a while, but about 6-7 months into our marriage I for some reason get curious about my ex, so, since Linsey and I both have a facebook account, I can't just ask her to be my friend, and her page is private so I have to be her friend to view her pictures, I knew I couldn't talk to her on the phone, and I didn't want to, I simply had a curiousity of how she was doing, and my curiousity was going to be fulfilled by me YET AGAIN, being sneaky, which never, NEVER works for me (you would think I would no better by now) so I make a fake profile, under a fake name, I find a picture of some decent looking guy and use it as my profile picture, and ask my ex gf to be my friend. She accepts and I look at her profile, my curiousity is fulfilled, as simple as that. Well I end up falling asleep at the computer, and I just get up and go to the bedroom, Linsey wakes me up in the morning, saying what is this fake profile, I already knew that she knew. I explained to her the best I could why I did what I did, but at this point she had had about enough of this girl rearing her ugly head throughout our relationship. She acted like she understood, and after a few days it wasn't brought up for a while.

 

Then there was one other time, I owed my ex gf's grandparents some money, they loaned me $1000 dollars to help me get started with a furniture sales job this was about 6 years ago or so....well I get a call from my ex gf, that both of her grandparents are sick, and that they could use the money, and that they would accept $200 as a final payment instead of the $300 I still owed them. So I got the money, and I went over to their place, her grandpa was outside, and I always liked him anyway, I hadn't seen him for a looooooong time, so I started to talk to him, we talked for probably an hour and a half, and every 10 minutes or so my ex gf would pop her head out waiting for me to be done talking so she could talk to me, well after a while, I waited, but kept talking until she popped her head out one last time, and as soon as she went back in I left quickly. I told Linsey about this situation, and even though I didn't talk to my ex, and even though she understood that her sick grandparents needed the money, i still think, that even associating with family of hers, and being near her was too much for her, she was slowly getting more and more upset, but just bottling it all up inside.

 

1/2010 we got 2 Rottweiler puppies, one 10 lbs. and one 12 lbs. cute as can be, she always had rotties growing up, and wanted a couple rotties more than anything in the world. well, there was a lot of growing pains with these dogs, they peed and pooped all over, the kitchen floor, and the living room carpet. They also started to chew on EVERYTHING, the laminate flooring in the kitchen is peeled up throughout half the kitchen, the chair legs at the table, the table itself, the cabinets, and rugs, and the list goes on and on, well due to them tearing up our house, I got upset with them, I loved the house more than the dogs, and I would yell at them, and occasionally spank them, I was not a dog person. Well one day Linsey took both puppies to the vet, and the girl one Sookie, cowered in the corner, and looked very afraid, the person at the veterinary clinic Linsey said looked a lot like me, this embarassed, and upset her alot.

 

Despite what I have said in this letter, Linsey and I have had many good moments, we have a healthy sexual relationship, we care for each other, we have shared dreams, and have planned to travel to many places, and we share just about all resposibilities. I thought we could make it through anything.

 

Well a week before Christmas Linsey, and I were talking, I noticed, she was starting to stay out more, and that something was missing when we were together, we would still be intimate at least once a week, but it took a lot more effort than it used to. So I started asking some questions and she blew up, and let everything out that she had bottled up. She told me she hasn't been able to say I love you to me and mean it for the last 9 months, she told me she has been unhappy for 9 months. So 6 months into our marriage, she started to feel unhappy? I didn't know what to say. Anyway, she was so relieved to let that out that she was ready to leave right then and there, she was getting ready to walk downstairs and leave, and I asked her to hold on a second, and said, hey, lets at least stay together through Christmas, we have a lot of family things going on, please just stay here through Christmas. So she did, 12/27/2010 she moved out, she took just the necessary stuff, a bed, a dresser, clothes, and some other things, then later she came back for movies, TV, DVD Player, and some other things.

 

she wanted to move out to be on her own for a while, to have time to decide what she wants to do with the rest of her life. Is it too late to get her back, do you have any suggestions. I have done a few things wrong, but is there anything I can do to make up for the few wrongs that I have made, is there any way for me to fix this, I love her so much, I don't want to live my life without her.

 

She has said before that she feels like she got married too young, and that she wishes she would have met me down the road after getting to experience life a little more.

 

thank you,

Guy

Edited January 13, 2011 by garetjax2002
errors

[GorillaTheater]

Your amazingly good with dates (the calender type) and pretty lousy with judgment. I hope that you've had enough fallout from some pretty lousy decisions to change the way you handle situations, and make those changes stick for good.

 

Essentially, your wife has emotionally detached and checked out of the marriage. You may or may not be ready to hear this at this point, but there's a pretty good chance she's having an affair. If so, that's NOT your fault, that's 100% on her. If she was done with the marriage, the grown-up thing to do would be to get a divorce and then start dating.

 

Affair or not, your best bet is not to pursue her. Don't bring up the relationship. Act like everything's fine and you're going to be okay (which you will be, whatever happens). No woman is attracted to a lost puppy dog or doormat. Be the cool confident guy who attracted her in the first place. Be a little mysterious. Let her be curious about you and what you may be up to.

 

Relationships, including marriages, can be a little perverse and counter-intuitive at times, particularly when it comes to the "attraction" business. Remember when your ex wanted you back (temporarily) because she found out you were dating your now-wife? Not uncommon, and a perfect example of what I'm talking about.